... Heh. There were quite a few places where you forgot to include a capital letter where one should have been, and some place(s) I noticed where there should have been a question-mark but there was a dot. Eh, I’m pretty sure you should be highly aware of how much this deprives the quality of an otherwise excellently spelled story, so I’ll leave that at that. Also, using words instead of numbers looks much nicer when reading it.

We don’t learn a lot about your character here, do we? Not much to connect to. We only have a single individual running and eventually dying. Well, the only job was to write a death scene, so that’s fine, I suppose. It was a labour for yourself, not necessarily one for others to read, I think? Heh.

I could argue that the ‘heroicness’ of throwing himself into a horde and detonating himself kind of decreases the ‘unpleasantness’ score we were supposed to get, even though he didn’t actually save anyone and didn’t actually desire to die. Eh, I’d probably be kind and give you a pass anyways, for it wasn’t really a happy death, after all. Of course, I’m not the judge. Haha.

Heh. That was probably a little bit more that was in mind for this labour. You set up a little bit about the character, enough for us to know a bit to relate to him, and perhaps feel something for his eventual demise. Of course, since we already knew he’d die, this is a death scene, after all. … And he achieved nothing, and didn’t get either a dramatic end nor find out what happened after his death. If anything, I could argue that the amount of text after he had already been stabbed was a little bit long and felt a little odd because of it. But eh, that could just be me, personally. I’ll have to congratulate you on a labour well done. That’s about it.

… Well done. When I think of death-scenes, it usually follows my favorite kinds of characters, that are distinctly unnatural characters that are fighting for the good of the world, and it wouldn’t be odd to see any of those die by their day-to-day activities. Here you have a completely normal guy, and normally the feeling of sadness over a character’s death would be blunted due to knowing a character would die. Yet, you USED this feeling, included multiple places where it would be perfectly explainable that he’d die in an accident, taking the time to explain the different dangers in drawn-out fashions that made us see the possible outcomes before us, and then hit it in the chest with a fast and powerful finisher to prove us all wrong. The way you wrote after was also a highlight, it made me feel for the character’s friends and family, and made me feel it was a true tragedy. Well done. Very well done. Oh, well.

… Ah. Well… I’ll have to say. The first read-through is the most important one, and after this first read-through… I am thoroughly confused. In addition, I am not entirely sure all that backstory was even necessary, because we got really little time to try to connect to the main character anyways. I can’t help but think this is somewhat of an incomplete death scene. See, a death to me includes three parts. First all the thoughts and feelings before it happens, then the fraction of a moment when it happens and what goes through one’s mind then, and then lastly the events and feelings from sustaining the damage until actual death. You’re only including the last part in the actual writing that matters. It makes things feel incomplete to me. … Still. Well written, you’re showing off some sincere literacy skills, and I have no doubt the novel you’ve written is an exciting one. I wish you good luck with that. Haha.

Well. That was… vague. I had sincerely no idea what was going on. Maybe that was for the better, there’d been so much to explain, otherwise. I know not for what any of them died, or why, or by who. Everything regarding that is a mystery. … Well, suppose that’s one way to do it. I can’t say for sure if I had preferred it any other way, but eh. It is a mass of bitterness either way. But, well, that’s what this entire labour was fated to be, anyway. So what can I say? Interesting usage of complete vagueness to still deliver the intended emotion. Well written. Oh, well.

… Yupp. It is infinitely clear what has happened here. I’m left with few words to say. It was a death scene, as described by the labour to do. It was written with quality, and it did exactly what it was supposed to do with no discernable errors which I can locate. If anything, would that really be the haphazard way they’d execute such a significant person? Well, suppose it drives the point home that he was a nobody to them. Yupp, well done.

Ha. Alright, then. I understand the idea. It is one stupid way to die, ain’t it? Yeah. Well. Somehow, it felt like it happened too fast. It feels like we should have had a little bit more time to get used to Alex in her regular world, her expectations and the like, but she just up and left and then bang. That is the impression I get, anyways, and you’re obviously free to disagree. Other than that, everything in your writing looks quite alright. The purple is a little bit hard to read against that background, but. Nicely done.

This is my entry. I apologize if it is too long and you got bored reading it. If you found it interesting, then… I’m happy you did. I’m personally not even sure if this is good or not, so I put myself at your mercy when it comes to that. This takes place in a roleplaying world where the players were mostly in the school mentioned at multiple times in the entry… yeah. I distanced myself from that and had my character on the way somewhere else, and... yeah.

I’m kind of worried I might not have made her death unpleasant enough. I mean, she’s practically smiling as she’s dying in the end there, during her own little delusion. Eh, up to the judges, I suppose. Haha.

It feels kind of like the amount of text in this entry is somewhat irregular. Some parts have more text than others. I do not know if this was due to a choice on your part or if you were running out of time or something, but it went from being rather beautifully charming and well-described in the family situation to, uh, a rather unimpressive death-scene. It simply didn’t hold up the emotions the same way, and as such didn’t leave much of an impact. If I may say so… it felt like the beginning was a beautiful world where everything was alive and moving naturally, and then we continued to a rather stale, grey and scripted death scene. It wasn’t just that scene, it was a bit before that felt like a row of one-liners that didn’t transmit the emotions well, didn’t give a clear image. It just happened without me feeling anything about it, because the writing there failed to inspire these emotions in me. Well, it is still well written, but that’s what I feel. And that’s about that.

@PlatinumSkink

Thank you for taking the time to read it and bother with a review. I see what you are saying and after thinking about it and letting the thought stew, I'm gonna say I agree, and I guess that's partly what I'm here for, to get others to look at my work and say; "That bit there could be done better." so, well, yeah. Thanks. :)

Also while I'm here and thinking about it, thanks for your review on Raggle Taggle Gypsy for RPGC 1. :)

@CaughtInTheRiddle

Thank you for choosing mine and taking the time. I will apologize for grammar mistakes, I'm still learning and a bit rushed, although that should probably never be used as an excuse, it is my reason. I completely missed that I had changed from past to present tense, I normally wright first-person, present-tense, when not role-playing, and was juggling working on something else, my guess? I switched from the other one, typed a bit, and switched back, never seeing the tense change.
As for her death itself, I could probably have done better, but I certainly intended her to get hit by a car, the challenge I believe was:

Write a death scene for your character. Make it unpleasant. No dying peacefully on their death bed, unless that happens to be a particularly bad way for them to go. All deaths are final. Ensure they do not return, and ensure they are not made a martyr of except perhaps against their will.

And I really did have to think for a while, after figuring out my favored character, as to how I would kill her.
I had considered having her simply swamped under by MP's and die in Hack, with her body just collapsing dead in the real world, although I do not know what happens if they die in Hack, but every time it just came back to being hit by a car.
Technically it was unpleasant, and sure as hell wasn't peacefully on her death bed. And who would make a martyr out of some random kid that became road-kill? It also never said anything about the death having to be dramatic, or amazing, just that we had to kill them. So I killed her, (And she hates me for it) and I killed her in a way I felt suited this.
I guess that what I am trying to say here is that, yes; I agree it was rushed and messy, but no; I would have still killed her off by being hit by a car.

So I'm sorry if Killing Alex was less than enjoyable to you.
I will now stop attempting to make excuses for my poor and rushed work and buckle down and accept it.
I will keep your review in mind when writing, but won't let it put me off, although I doubt that that was your intention. :)
I am Not asking to be reconsidered for winning, I can accept that I didn't, I don't even completely know why I am even writing this, but mostly I guess it is to prove a point that I don't even remember, and I guess to thank you for the review, and to acknowledge the points you made, even if I have to do it in my long-winded, rambling way.

Thank you for your time, and sorry if this is long.

(Also sorry if I sound rude, I can be a bit prickly when taking criticism, but am attempting to get better.)