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Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by SpiritedDream
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Lol, sounds like something someone might say to him.

'Wait - your name is Argent? I thought it was Agent, like Secret Agent Roan...'
1x Laugh Laugh
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Against This
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Hey folks, I'm going to do some editing on Leon's CS and then resubmit him. Do any of you have any recommendations on spots that need some work? I'm already planning on fleshing out his personality and streamlining his backstory a bit.
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Phantomlink959
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*snoring*
*sits bolt upright*
I'M AWAKE!

Silver; good call on the post order, i'll need to pay a bit more attention to rounds passing, but yeah. that's what collabs are for, I guess. Tamn does need some refinement, but in general is fine.

AT;Same deal for Leon, could use refinement but is fine in general.
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by SpiritedDream
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Do not Fear, Spirit is Here!

Or something like that.
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Against This
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Haven't had much time to work on my CS yet, but has anyone thrown up an interest check for this yet?
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by SpiritedDream
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I...don't know. I think Phantom said something about putting this straight into casual roleplay rather than putting it in interest check first but I'm not sure. Phantom?
Hidden 9 yrs ago 9 yrs ago Post by Phantomlink959
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Waiting until we have a definite yes/no on interest from all of the players from the previous poorly planned version do put one up, just so we have a proper headcount
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by The Fox Without
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Yello, glad to see this picking up now, I'm here if anyone needs anything
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by SilverWolfAngel
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SilverWolfAngel The closer you look / The less you see

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It might be a bit difficult keeping track of whether the new round has started or not though.

, I'll need to pay a bit more attention to rounds passing,


I was thinking about that. Came up with an idea. You know how some rps want time stamps at the top of posts? well I thought we could do something like that, but instead of time stamps do them as post stamps, so they look something like:

Round 5
Post 3

or something like that. obviously changing the numbers to correspond to which round and post we are up to. To check all you have to do is look at the post above.

Also you say Tamn needs a bit of refining? how so?
(This not being able to access Word is driving me absolute nuts, I've got notes on all my characters, along with every version of their cs previously tried until I came up with one i liked, and I can't get to themmm…………… *Sobs*)
Hidden 9 yrs ago 9 yrs ago Post by SpiritedDream
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Your round idea sounds great to me.

Ah, Phantom might be able to answer your question about refining Tamn better than I can. Though if you wanted, we can pop her into titan as she is in the old thread and run her through?
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Phantomlink959
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GM Notes and Observations(warning, there is a bit of an ongoing discussion between me and Spirit in the notes):
Spirit:We'd prefer a definitive height ie 5'10"
Spirit:Semblance name could just be Propulsion instead of reverse propulsion
Phantom:Maybe even something like Rebound
Spirit:ooh that's a nice one. But yeah, something one worded for ease of rememberance
Phantom:IE, speed, polarity, shadow, glyphs. ability is good, though. just needs a better name.
Spirit:Versatility is great too
Spirit:Like the double meaning of her name - Crimson Copper and Darker Copper
Phantom:the rare non-sexual double entendre, a dying art.
Spirit:It's brilliant to see though. Nice to see the pronunciation too.
Spirit:Fighting style isn't that efficient - more brutally effective with fast attacks. Still a fast fight, but less one hit ko and more as many attacks as possible
Phantom:low DAM high DPS
Spirit:yeah, I realised what I said and changed it
Phantom:I'm a bit wary of wolf themed characters, but pleasantly surprised by Tamn not being a walking stereotype. not relevant, just saying.
Spirit:I like her huggableness. It's more wolf pup than Alpha or Omega wolf

Spirit:Yeah, anyway, Tamn
Phantom:Right.
Phantom:Symbol doesn't really reflect her as a character.
Spirit:But it could be a family symbol - maybe if she put that?
Phantom:like a crest?
Spirit:Yeah, like the Schnee logo
Phantom:Alright, yeah, I can see that.
Spirit: What's the reverse magnetism part of her semblance? It's in her landing stratedgy
Phantom:Probably just a continuity error, happens all the time.
Spirit:Maybe she means the bounce effect, how she uses it to slow her fall...
Phantom:probably.
Spirit:Oath is cool, both Break and Keep. Though I think Breaker and Keeper are better names for the individual names than Break and Keep. Ties in with the overall name a bit better
Phantom:Yeah, sounds a bit more consisent.
Spirit:Can she use the chains when they're dual headed? I know she said it's unweildly with the longer handles, but
Phantom:Like an urgrosh?
Spirit:Uhh...google comes up with an axe
Phantom:probably thinking of a different DnD weapon, then
---end notes---

Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by SilverWolfAngel
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……………right.

What I got from that is that I need to rethink her sembalance name, have another look at her fighting style (What is DAM and DPS?), keep her huggableness, rethink her symbol, and see if I can explain/rework part of her sembalance.

I like break and keep, but can debate whether I should change their names.

As for the forms she can wield it in I can, and eventually will, draw up a diagram like thing.

Did I miss anything?
Hidden 9 yrs ago 9 yrs ago Post by Phantomlink959
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DAM is damage, damage per individual hit. DPS is damage per second, based on how many times a weapon or technique can hit in 1 second. in a weapon like a sword, the DAM and DPS will be about the same and in the medium-low range, while a hammer has massive DAM but terrible DPS, and a gun has low DAM but high DPS.
Tamn seems optimized for high DAM low DPS, as she lands one or two solid hits and retreats. definitely not brutally efficient, brutlly efficient is going for one single, guaranteed killshot, even if it's messy and causes them to be injured, which requires absolutelt horrible DPS and DAM just as high s DPS is low
Hidden 9 yrs ago 9 yrs ago Post by SpiritedDream
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You about got the gist of it.

The symbol can be kept if it's a family symbol instead, but if it's a personal one it doesn't mesh with her personality that well. And a little bit more explanation on her semblance is never a bad thing.

The names are ultimately up to you for her weapons - if you prefer Break and Keep then go for it. And diagrams are always fun, but there's no need to rush.

Edit: Oh wait. If you can come up with a definitive height rather than just saying very tall, it would be great too
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by KiltmanBagz
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And so the Kiltman Come-ith. Return...ith. Whatever... I am going to see if I can quickly put together a different character than Cinis and see if she passes muster. If not, well there is always still Cinis ;D
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Phantomlink959
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Looking forward to it
Hidden 9 yrs ago 9 yrs ago Post by KiltmanBagz
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She likely still has some edges that need to be smoothed out but here she is with all of the profile filled out. Let me know what ya'll think.
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Phantomlink959
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Okay, first things first.

I like the name, but sadly we had already chosen team names and the available letters are C R and T. So one of her initials will have to change, or you'll have to give her a middle name.

A few questions about her aesthetics - how is her face wolfish? A wolfish face is generally described as a hungry look, or a fierce, savage or menacing look. Your somber and sharp features don't quite fit in with that. Also, what is her symbol? You didn't put one in the symbol location, and there is no image or description for the Bellamy Dance Academy symbol that she wears on her jackets.

Onto combat:

A paladin is a support-tank, whereas she is described as a striker-tank. A better class would be a knight, as they match that combat role.

The weapon is practical in either of its individual forms, but too small to contain all the parts for transforming between then. Either the hammer head would need to be larger, a la something like This or change the weapon entirely, perhaps something that doesn't require so much visual accuity? Also, echolocation doesn't lend itself very well to weapons that require precision. A shotgun that uses either coin shot or buckshot would probably be better as their shots spread when fired, reducing the need for precision, whilst also making enough noise that she would be able to use her echolocation effectively in battle. If you still wanted the beretta as the gun form Phantom sugggests either 9x19mm parabelum or .45acp, which are amongst the most common high caliber handgun bullets, and either the Mx4 or Cx4 Storm carbine.

Though speaking of echolocation, guns are probably the worst weapon for her. If her hearing is sensitive enough to use it as though she can see, then every time someone fired a bullet near her her ears would feel like they need to bleed. A near-constant migraine if she's lucky, eventual deafness if she's not.

I am assuming that the name of the Semblance is referring to the way it sparkles when the sun reflects off the facets of her crystal. Though a better name for it would be Crystalise or something similar. Also, please, no actual transformations of the body. Until we see that kind of thing in canon, just no. Instead, a coating of super-condensed Aura over her body that still does everything the transformation does is a far better idea. And comparing the crystal to diamond is not the best idea, as diamond can be shattered with a steel hammer if it's hit on the right angle. I would leave it at 'super-condensed Aura that looks as though it has crystalised', and not make any connections to actual gemstones.

And finally - her background.

Thus far in the show, Atlas appears to have the most faunus-prejudiced culture out of the four kingdoms. So a top dance academy isn't too far fetched, but they would need to employ some human instructors for the top tier of lessons in order to get around the prejudice.

With her backstory itself. The chemical burns because of hate make sense, though it landing presicely in her eyes when she's a baby and would be laying in a pram or held by her mother seems a bit contrived. It would make more sense for one side of the face to be burnt, a la Two-Face from Batman rather than Daredevil style, and travelling down the side of her chest. Though acid strong enough to completely destroy her eyes would most likely have killed her as a baby, and seeing as she would be crying from the pain the chances of her swallowing or inhaling the acid, it would do irreversable damage to her oesophagus, which would mean she really wouldn't be up to much at all even if she did survive somehow.

The hunter scene is...just very contrived and too lucky, some would say. As an eight year old she decided to go out into a place she's been warned about as being too dangerous to go to for normal people, let alone her, to go to some lessons late at nght that even she would know wouldn't be happened because it's midnight. Somehow she didn't get hurt at all while travelling through the forest until the Hunter saved her. He got severely injured however, and couldn't just make a run for it or call in some backup, and they had to rely on his super-camouflage and her hearing to make it out alive. And then her super-paranoid parents let the hunter stay in touch with their 'fragile' daughter, even though they really should have known that such a strong person would no doubt inspire her to do dangerous stuff like him, which is even worse than the dancer career she wanted in the first place. Not to mention the brooding, which went on for long enough to sneak ot of town and through the forest, and was enough for Grimm to be attracted, at eight years old. An eight year old, unless they have some truly horrific stuff happen to them which she hadn't at the time, would throw a tantrum for a few hours, cry themself to sleep, be morose for a couple of days, and then find something else to do. And eight year old who decided to run away would get to the edge of town, see the scary forest and decide not to go in, and just stick around some stores she knows.

It...honestly doesn't mesh with her personality very well, makes her parents out to be the worst parents ever in terms of actually protecting their child, and requires her to forgo all common sense (which even children have) for the sake of meeting a hunter, and she then turns into the Dues Ex Machina for the confrontation.

A better backstory would be something similar to Weiss's known backstory - rich family, something happens to her in her childhood (about 9 or 10, which would be the blindness in Bijou's case) and she's told she can't be a dancer anymore, she hits puberty and decides to rebel against her family and runs off to a combat school before enrolling in Beacon.

In the end, though, she just needs a bit too much work to be viable right now. We suggest you hold her in reserve while you work on refining her, and use Cinis in the meantime.
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Madninja324
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I don't know if only the GM's are supposed to critique characters, but how does she have a lightfooted, dancelike fighting style while wielding a weapon four inches taller than she is, especially considering she'd be using it entirely based on her sense of hearing? And especially since it's a polearm hammer, which is heavy and bulky, and turns into a carbine, which again is not a weapon that lends itself to the kind of fighting style you say she has, and the fact that she's blind (which I like by the way) makes her fighting style and weapon choice even less logical to me at least. Her personality and body type doesn't seem to match up with it either, a lightweight, medium height girl with refined taste and a love of elegance using a brute force weapon? The two don't seem to mesh, if you insist on a polearm I'd suggest a spear of some type, if not then knives or a sword and a knife fit her personality better, perhaps a spear that turns into a sword and a gun, something accurate but not terribly powerful, and by sword I mean like a rapier or an estoc, maybe a longsword. Elegance in combat actively avoids bulling through opponents with brute force weapons, like large hammers and axes, but instead relies on precise strikes and wearing opponents down, avoiding attacks rather than blocking them, the fact that she's a bat Faunus can give you a bit more utility out of her sense of hearing, locating enemies by their movements and even their breathing once she's close enough. Yes her blindness makes the kind of precision combat I'm talking about more difficult, but certainly not impossible, sharp senses can make up for lack of eyesight to a degree.

You have numerous spelling errors, you should check on that.

if I've overstepped any boundaries I apologize, I just felt like throwing my two cents in there, feel free to ignore this whole thing
Hidden 9 yrs ago Post by Phantomlink959
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Nah, it's cool Mad.
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