Well, I was thinking more tips, there's no need to spend that much energy on it as I'm looking to make something fun and only really decent rather than truly viable and representative as the peak of my work in a literary and artistic sense.
But you know me, I'm always up for hardcore (literary critiquing).
Well, I was thinking more tips, there's no need to spend that much energy on it as I'm looking to make something fun and only really decent rather than truly viable and representative as the peak of my work in a literary and artistic sense.
But you know me, I'm always up for hardcore (literary critiquing).
lol I wouldn't actually hardcore critique someone, no worries. <3
Gimme a bit of time and I'll PM you my impressions on your writing.
Right, I'll start preparing my tearducts for the sob inducing, soul destroying criticism sure to follow. Though in fairness, I try and be a little conscious of how terrible I am.
Right, I'll start preparing my tearducts for the sob inducing, soul destroying criticism sure to follow. Though in fairness, I try and be a little conscious of how terrible I am.
I can't be that bad if people have credited me with helping them improve.
Oh yeah, I've opted out of signing up for Rayner, I recently reread the 52 run of Grifter and started feeling the character way more than Rayner.
If you know all of the cons, you will never be a sucker.
| Identity | Cole Cash “Cold Cash”
Alias; Isaac Darwin.
Soon to be: The Grifter
| Origin & Backstory | Cole's father was a con-man, his mother died when Cole was a infant, leaving his father to care for him and his one year older brother – Max. Thusly, Cole was home schooled and always on the move, his father moving them from one city to another at least twice a year, preventing the boy from ever putting down roots. Cole took after his father, getting a faked high school diploma when he was 18. When their father died, he and his brother go separate paths. Cole turns to a life of less civilized crime.
As a bank robber, he has a strict moral code – Never shoot someone. Even going so far as to beating up one of his own men when they wanted to fire at the cops in their last score. Cole got arrested, but on behest of the United States Government, he's given a second chance. Thanks to his particular skill-set, he's allowed to enter the training program to become a C.I.A operative. He turns out to be a superb marksman and a good soldier. He was assigned to join the well established special forces team known as 'The Losers', where he spent two years, till the mission that sent the team to their demise.
The Losers were tricked into a assassination plot spearheaded by their handler, M. The group faked their own deaths and declared war on the Central Intelligence Agency, spending the late 90's and early 00's as under the radar criminals and low-key terrorists – all to get their revenge against their former handler.
In 2003, the group came to the conclusion of their 5 year old quest, they found their handler, his identity and they disassembled the corrupt network he had build inside of the Agency. Their handler was Max, Cole's older brother. Cole put a bullet in him before disappearing from the world again.
Living since then under the alias of Isaac Darwin away from the world of the military as a simple con-man and businessman, he's made a pleasant living for himself in a big office decorating the Manhattan Skyline.
But yet again, his life could not grow dull and complacent, as he was abducted out of his office by invaders from outer space.
| Attributes | Martial Training: Cole is a former soldier and a excellent marksman, his skills with a gun and in martial arts makes him one of the most dangerous soldiers on the planet. He's a well trained commando soldier and able to even without a weapon devise plans to turn the tide of a battle in his favor.
Indomitable will: His psyche is made out of titanium, no torture or telepathy has been able to break his resolve.
Telepathy And Telekinesis; Cole is gifted super powers by the alien race known as Deamonites, who prepares his body as a host body to take over the planet. Their abilities gives him mutant-esque psionic powers, allowing him advanced telepathy and telekinetic abilities. Their uses will become more aparent – and more powerful as time goes by.
Con-Man: Cole is a master of deception, he's charismatic and devilishly intelligent, despite seeming like just another G.I. While his skill with a gun and the edge his powers give him are helpful, it's his skills as a con-artist that helps him out of trouble the most often.
| Character Notes | Will be filled out as characters and locations are introduced around him.
| Character Goals | I have two goals with Grifter; to bring attention and interesting interactions to one of my favorite DC characters, as I feel like he needs it considering how under appreciated he is in the DC universe. But I also wanna make a character that can mesh well with the fact that all of the comic book universes exists inside of Maimum, such as him being part of the Losers.
I'll be starting off with him being on the Deamonite Ships, escaping and finding out about his powers while struggling to control his psionic powers.
The alien abduction seems utterly random, perhaps as a contrived way to throw Cash into one of the few galactic scenarios going on in the RP. I understand that the Daemonites are part of his New 52 history so they aren’t exactly left field. But even if you intended to elaborate on the Daemonites in the RP it would be nice what their intentions are and why they selected Cole in the first place. The biography feels really rushed.
Why did you choose to incorporate The Losers (something that isn’t in the Grifter’s relations) and not the canonical Team 7? Unlike other character sheets that incorporated non-traditional elements this doesn’t seem to be here for any cohesive reason. That’s me nitpicking however.
We’ve accepted short CS’s before but the content here seems rather lacking even for a brief backstory.
Shuri - Black Panther T'Chaka's youngest child, half sister to T’Challa
| Origin & Backstory |
Under T’Chaka’s rule as king and Black Panther, T’Challa and Shuri were raised within the confines of the Wakandan palace compounds. Wakanda is technologically superior to most developed nations and rich in natural resources, particularly the rare metal vibranium. Due to the wealth the country is kept protected an isolated from the outside world, making for its subjects to have little or no knowledge of the outside world.
Adhering to strict regimes of education and training, Shuri, although excelling in her physical abilities was always overshadowed by her older brothers achievements in his channelling to become ruler of Wakanda. Due to being raised surrounded by powerful and influential people, Shuri’s big personality came as a result of her need for approval and attention, her personality often swaying into being overconfident and brash.
A quiet resentment was cultivated over the years for her brother. His favouritism manifested in the King, T’Chaka, and Queen Romonda overlooking his propensity to spend less and less time cultivating his path to becoming the next Black Panther. Shuri in one of her frequent rages proceeded to upturn her brother’s quarters, spewing his plans to abdicate all over the room. Seeking immediate audience with her father her request was denied due to her father being occupied in praising her brother on his academic studies of the world outside of Wakanda. This resulted in Shuri Leaving the royal compounds for a period of 8 months to train in private to prove her worth as Black Panther, rendering her a powerhouse physically and increasingly irrational in her vengeful behaviour.
Shuri’s motivating force is her overwhelming sense of responsibility. Perhaps aiding her to resist villainous recruitment efforts that she encountered in the remote villages that she moved through during her solitary training.
| Attributes |
Shuri due to training from an impossibly young age has mastered great agility, marksmanship and unarmed combat. She has use of her power suit which helps enhance her stamina, stealth and super hearing. Her intellect assists her in the field however her leadership leaves much to be desired as her headstrong attitude and overconfidence in her abilities can lead to mistakes that cost lives.
| Character Notes |
Confidant and friend over their familial ties, helping with information to find her brother. Has taken up the role of Black Panther in lieu of the Kings fading health and T’Challa defecting. This mantle is passed to Shuri in desperation, almost a test for her place to have the privilege permanently.
King of Wakanda and previous Black Panther
Heir to the throne of Wakanda and half brother to Shuri. He hes rejected his responsibilities and moved to America to further his academia whilst developing weaponary systems for AIM.
A trusted advisor and guard with the royal family
N’gamo – chief supporter of M’baka B'Tumba – A Wakandan who is an old friend of T'Challa. He allied with AIM to sell Vibranium.
| Character Goals |
This story is going to be highlighting the flawed nature of our heroes. My focus is to develop Shuri’s character from one who was reluctantly handed the mantle. Desperate to prove her worth with this new found duty, restraint will be her hardest task, her temper, and her previous dealings with lawless organizations continue to skew her reality of what is expected of her with the new authority as a leader, a hero for her country.
Shuri will be working against AIM in her efforts to retrieve her brother. AIM supplying weapons for HYDRA could be a tie in for me. I won’t be stepping on anyone’s toes with current HYDRA activity already in game but I’ll give a heads up if some small interaction could work for anyone.
| Reference |
21st March
S’yan knew it was time. He had been trained in the Old Ways, he would feel sobered by the frequent whisperings of the common people as he walked by, the hushed accounts of his magic in healing. S’yan would be the one called when people were in their darkest hour, their desperate need. However the revered man knelt beside his brothers’ bedside humbled. Unable to be the source of hope that he had grown accustomed to being for people, unable to save the one person who had always protected him. He remembered words of his brother; ‘Strength comes when you are aware of your limitations’.
The king was dying. It was painful to look upon his brother, the signal of strength and power to many in this world, and yet here he was, his final days beset with pain and grief.
Days before, the Kings son had revealed to his father he was to leave Wakanda, rejecting his responsibility as heir. Detailing that he could be of greater service to a greater nation rather than wasting his talents in an isolated world his father had built. S’yan had watched as T’Challa left, his final words visibly cutting into T’Chaka’s chest. In the kings weakened state, it was too much to bear; knowing his country was now at risk to rebellion was secondary to losing his only son.
There wouldn’t be much time; S’yan left the royal grounds to find perhaps the only comfort he could provide for the aged king.
*
Cursing herself at the heaviness of her breathing, Shuri dropped from the rocks she’d been training on for the past three hours. She knew she could do better, she’d be repeating her practice well into the night if she hoped to impress herself. Her mother used to call out to her when she trained in the compound, imploring her to rest, every time eliciting the same reply.
“I will stop my practice only when I am called to serve”
Shuri would tell herself that memories of her life as a princess were wasted. She was born to be the Black Panther, and she would prove her worth to take that mantle. If it took every laboured breath until her last day, she will show her mark, she wanted only to become a legend amongst her people, revered, celebrated, honoured. Her father would only then be proud, by becoming everything she was certain her brother could not.
It must have been coming up on eight, maybe nine months since she had seen her father. The King had dismissed her, assuming her state of rage was yet another tantrum fixed with her competitive nature. The Queen had always reprimanded Shuri for her hotheadedness, a trait that commonly surfaced on a daily basis. Had her mother known, had her father even taken the time to listen to her, perhaps the fate of their monarchy wouldn’t be in ruin.
Shuri’s uncle would frequently send word for her and even visit her in her desolate dwellings to plead her to return to her rightful home. He’d sent a messenger detailing how her brother had left Wakanda, rejecting the responsibilities he’d been conditioned for all of his life. It was a message Shuri had been waiting to receive since the day she’d left.
*
It had been a day where the air felt heavy as you breathed it in. Stifling heat had slowed Shuri’s combat training and halted the master’s efforts. As expected this caused Shuri’s temper to surface once more. Thundering through the halls, by no design she had found her way into her brother’s room, clawing his books from shelves and toppling his writing desk in her blind fury. Shuri could feel her breath seething through gritted teeth, she was sure her brother would be at a court meeting, being venerated in front of the crowds. Whereas Shuri had never once been praised for her dedication to furthering her abilities. Thoughts which only darkened her mood. Papers cascaded over the floors as she turned to leave, had the foreign money not fluttered into view perhaps she would have paced through the halls until she found some semblance of calm, resolving to train alone for the evening. Had she not crouched to inspect the money, maybe she wouldn’t have seen the plane tickets dated to leave within the year.
Betrayed, confused, but ultimately vindicated for resenting her brother for so long, she knew she had to show the King. T’Challa was due to take up the responsibilities of the Black Panther at the years end. Surely her father would be grateful, thank her even, finally he’d start to believe she was worthy to wear the black suit, become a symbol of loyalty for her family, her country. She must see her father immediately.
*
Shuri was thankful for the noise that broke the bitter memories away from her mind. Pulling herself up and over the rocks once more she could just about make out her uncle’s vehicle trailing clouds of coppered dust behind.
I think the biggest thing I can say personally before accepting it is giving an idea (or fluffing) the backstory about the recent history of Black Panther as a title and perhaps the childhood relationship between siblings? @Lord Wraith@ErsatzEmperor?
The alien abduction seems utterly random, perhaps as a contrived way to throw Cash into one of the few galactic scenarios going on in the RP. I understand that the Daemonites are part of his New 52 history so they aren’t exactly left field. But even if you intended to elaborate on the Daemonites in the RP it would be nice what their intentions are and why they selected Cole in the first place. The biography feels really rushed.
Why did you choose to incorporate The Losers (something that isn’t in the Grifter’s relations) and not the canonical Team 7? Unlike other character sheets that incorporated non-traditional elements this doesn’t seem to be here for any cohesive reason. That’s me nitpicking however.
We’ve accepted short CS’s before but the content here seems rather lacking even for a brief backstory.
All legitimate concerns. I'll see to them.
Though; reasons I never did include Team 7 is because that's part of the Wildstar version of the character, where as I'm going for the New 52 one. In which they did leave a gigantic hole in his backstory. A hole filled by the Losers. I'll make sure to add them to the relations.
Right, I'll start preparing my tearducts for the sob inducing, soul destroying criticism sure to follow. Though in fairness, I try and be a little conscious of how terrible I am.
@Gowi I'm on it! Will have the edits done by tomorrow. My half finished Shuri concept, might stick a few drawings on when I get posting. I'll have probably changed it loads by then!
