I tried the internet relationship thing, and it would've worked out, I think, if the person I was in the relationship with wasn't so....well, there were issues there that had nothing to do with the fact that it was online. It was more her own inner demons, not being able to let people in, to let them close. Sadly, though....we were the best of friends, and now we're not even talking anymore, she decided to end the effing friendship too.

I'm not jaded enough to say online relationships can't work, because the problems we had weren't entirely due to it BEING online. I will say not everyone can handle the distance though, and there should be some real possibility of getting together in person at some point. I mean, if you don't intend to ever be together IRL, why are you in the relationship at all? I had actually planned on moving out of state, because I truly wanted to be with her, and she said she wanted to be with me. I think, barring our personal problems, if two people are willing for that to happen, and put up with the distance long enough to actually MAKE it happen, yeah the relationships can work.

I will say that I *am* jaded enough to question getting involved with people you have a really super close friendship with. Your *best* friends. Because quite honestly, our failed attempt at a romantic relationship wasn't worth the friendship we had. I still don't get why she decided we couldn't even be friends--and when someone you are that close to not only rejects you but throws away a FRIENDSHIP too, it hurts. It cuts and scars deep. So, I'd have to say think twice before getting into a relationship with someone you have that kind of a bond....it may not be worth the risk....then you end up sitting up at 3 in the morning, missing said person and having flashback-memories of your good times together.

Turtlicious said
So I was talking to a friend online via Skype, (I'm taking a short break from the Spam Skype Chat,) and the conversation landed on internet relationships. And what is needed to maintain friendships and have like internet girlfriends. So I wrote / cleaned up a bit, what I said about it, and was wondering your Spammy opinion.

Personally, I think you have to have the personality to support an internet relationship, I don't believe everyone can pull it off.

I don't think someone who is outgoing and extroverted could support an internet relationship. they'd never feel a connection, and it'd be like trying to sculpt clay while wearing thick leather gloves, but if the only "relationship" you know is the inter-personal connections from sharing thoughts, and feelings then an E-Spouse would work out, because it's the maximum of what you know. Especially in our modern "plugged-in" world, they make sex toys that change based on how you fuck them via the internet, Hell you could have internet sex with people

There's a higher expectation for communication, because you won't see each other, what would be acceptable in an off-line relationship (maybe calling 2x a week and that's it,) wouldn't be enough in an internet relationship

It can also be a lot closer emotionally, you kind of run out of things to talk about so you build bonds. Shared stories / jokes, reminiscing about the past, just constant levels of information sharing because there's nothing else to do so you get to know that person very deeply.

There's an implicit level of trust once you start dating in an internet relationship

That neither of you will lie, because that seed of doubt and mistrust is so much more damaging.

Thoughts?

I agree with some, but not all of what you said. I'm a very extroverted person but I found an internet relationship very satisfying, especially emotionally. Of course I wanted to be close to her but the desire for that wasn't greater than the joy I got from the emotional bond and the constant contact. The same wasn't true for her and now she's in a relationship with someone at her college, which makes her a lot happier. It is different for everyone, yes, and some people don't have the personality for it, but I don't think extroverted vs introverted has much to do with it.

I don't have much to add atop what most people have said, other than to say that I think there has to be some viable way for the to of you to meet physically sometimes, and to eventually end up together in the 'real world'. I've had a couple of online relationships and the lack of feasibility of actually ending up together was a huge problem among many in the first, and is the only reason I'm not still happily in the second. I'm 17, about to go to uni, have no feasible way of emigrating (unless I happen to get into American unis, which is still unlikely)... unfortunately, that brings a sense of hopelessness to both you and your partner, and it's toxic.

I acknowledge the possibility of online relationships, but don't think I personally could base a serious relationship off of chatroom nonsense and camsex, unless my partner was just a ridiculously amazing person who far exceeded my high standards.

I've had some married friends who met online, and I'm honestly not sure what the recipe for success is from observing them as well as the ones that failed.

I guess a sense of realism, because online relationships can tend to get melodramatic and prone to like...fantasies or w/e. So there needs to be a real tangible course of action for meeting up irl and cementing it. Otherwise, it's just a placeholder until one partner finds someone irl or gets tired of the situation.

LDRs/IRs can only be upheld by certain personalities, in agreement with the OP.

I.E., PF will never uphold a successful LDR/IRs due to obvious personality traits. However, someone such as BlueRose or Elendra can.

Turtlicious said I don't think someone who is outgoing and extroverted could support an internet relationship

I'd agree with this, because I've always thought internet relationships were bullshit. I mean, everyone else can do whatever the fuck they want, but there's no way I can feel anything in a relationship where the other person is for all intents and purposes completely intangible to me.

It's always sounded interesting but it wouldn't be for me.

Kill Bones said
I'd agree with this, because I've always thought internet relationships were bullshit. I mean, everyone else can do whatever the fuck they want, but there's no way I can feel anything in a relationship where the other person is for all intents and purposes completely intangible to me.

If you can't feel a connection with someone without physical contact, if you can't develop a closeness to them, then I'd question whether or not any relationship would work for you. When you love someone, it's about far more than the physical contact, there's the emotional closeness you felt to them. And like I said before, if you aren't even working towards meeting and getting together in person, then why be in the relationship to start? I really connected with the girl I mentioned...we had so damn much in common, she was my damn rock, she was the effing world to me. She meant a hell of a lot to me, it didn't matter that we'd never physically touched...it didn't matter that I'd never been able to give her a hug, because I had planned on getting to her in person. Meaning there'd be time for that--it just had to be delayed! I think it's more than possible to develop a strong emotional connection with someone online, you just have to meet the right person.

And let me tell you something else. When a friendship that strong dies, it hurts just as bad as it would in person. It's not bullshit Kill Bones, when someone develops feelings for another online, be it romantic or just really close friendship (or both), those feelings are very, very real.

Ariamella said
And I'm honestly curious- because I've never considered it before- but how is the seed of doubt and mistrust more damaging to an online relationship versus an offline relationship?

You can't check in on a LDR like you can with one that's a lot closer. You can't do things to confirm where they've been, who've they've seen, if they're going where they say they're going. This isn't to say that you should stalk your significant other, or make them tell you where they're going every time they sign off Skype, but those seeds of doubt can't be removed like an offline relationship. When you notice your LDR partner getting more and more distant, not logging on when they usually do, being more vague than they used to be... There will be doubt and mistrust. Think of how shady the internet can be. People have mentioned catfishing as one example. If someone is cheating, there's no way to know unless one party lets it slip, or decides to come clean.

I know LDRs can work. I've seen them work.

I've also seen them damage people beyond immediate repair.

Essentially, LDRs are pretty much like offline relationships in most ways.

I will echo everyone who says LDRs require more communication, though. You never get to see the person that you really like spending time with go about their daily activities. You want to get to know them. You want to feel close to them. Sometimes sitting in mutual, comfortable silence can be incredibly soothing. Those who are unwilling to communicate in a LDR typically doesn't do well in a LDR.

Then again, this is all just my experience, so feel free to disregard, dispute, and disagree with everything I just said.

Every time internet relationships are brought up, I want to shove my face into a meat grinder.

Smiral said
Every time internet relationships are brought up, I want to shove my face into a meat grinder.

Nice euphemism. I should start using it.

They can work.

Usually don't.

The distance must be a transitional stage.

There must be an active, achievable plan to eventually be together in person.

Nothing compares to seeing your significant other walk into the room, to being able to kiss their cheek and feel their warmth.

I will, however, say that internet relationships can often result in a deeper mental/emotional bond than in-person relationships can. When all you truly have is words, every word becomes meaningful.

That's all.

Well, basically everything to be said has been said...but I'm gonna go ahead and state my opinions anyways.

I'm 18, and I've been in a long-distance relationship (2000+ kilometres) since June last summer. This is the only relationship I've ever been in, but I love it so much. I met my boyfriend online when I was fourteen. We had a crazy amount of stuff in common, and became pretty close friends over the next few months. Then we exchanged Christmas gifts. And birthday gifts. And basically friend-zoned each other for about three years before he asked me to be his girlfriend.

It's definitely something that can work, as people have said, depending upon the couple. We're both very easy-going people. So things that might annoy or frustrate the other person in an online relationship, they don't affect us quite as much. We're both incredibly accepting of each others differences, and on the few things we don't see eye to eye on, we agree to disagree. Someone also mentioned how a level of honesty was required in order to maintain trust....he once told another girl she was 'cute', after she had first complimented him, at some event where he was working. He proceeded to tell me about it the exact same day, just to be sure that I knew. I did the same thing when another guy flirted incessantly with me on the bus during the 16 hour drive home from a track competition. We're about as honest as it gets. XD

And yes, there definitely has to be that feasibility to meet up in real life. A friend of mine had an amazing relationship going with a guy a year older than her, until he graduated and went to school in the city. It was only an hour and a half away. But at the time, she didn't know if she would end up in the same city as him or not. There was too much uncertainty, and they mutually agreed to end it.

So there's my thoughts on the topic. :)

For interest's sake, I'm meeting my boyfriend this summer. He's coming up to Canada for my graduation.

I'm 17 years old and have maintained a steady LDR with a boy since October 2012. I text him constantly. I'll Skype as often as I can. I'm an odd combo of extrovert and introvert, so texting is probably the easiest way to get to it. For me, it is communication. I'll tell my boyfriend that there is a boy somewhere, he knows of my guy friends. He's told me about girls flirting with him, and him turning them down. I'll do late night Skype with him when I'm tired as hell and get derpy, and it gets really funny. I'll watch movies and he'll watch my reactions (I did this with The Pianist... Good god). We care about each other's well being, and like Seba said, sometimes sitting quietly knowing he's there while we do our own things is soothing.

The trick for me is Skype. Catfish will refuse to Skype. I've seen my boyfriend on Skype repeatedly. Someone mentioned cybersex and chatroom nonsense? I told him at the very beginning I will not send him nudes ever. If he asks, I'll dump him faster than he can blink. I recently reminded him of this and he said "After all this time? Good." I won't ask him for nudes either. It's good to leave things up to the imagination and keep thugs a bit interesting.

Now, our biggest problem lies with our parents. My mom watches Catfish and told me once "You better not be doing that" and I'll say "Of course not, Mom... Yeah..." I'm waiting for him to come and physicall be here to introduce him to my parents because having a physical entity would be easier to comprehend for them. Now as for his parents, I posted once (pre-dating) on his Facebook page a birthday joke that said "sexy" (I legit can't remember what it was... But it was one of those stupid jokes) and his parents thought it was vulgar and had him delete it. They later found me as his computer wallpaper when he was at camp and somehow remembered this and flipped shit on him. Not fun. That's a roadblock, along with college, that we have to overcome. But it should get better when he comes in June.

Sounds surprisingly familiar to my case, Rose. I'm pretty sure that our parents are going to be one of our bigger roadblocks. His probably slightly more than mine. He's really religious, and my mum has this fear that he's going to try to 'convert' me. Now, religion is something we've discussed numerous times before. And it's always ended with a joke that someday we'll be walking down the street together, him wearing a cross around his neck, and me wearing a pentacle. I'm not worried about him, but I am terrified that his mother won't approve of me. She's a fantastic woman, but very protective. It'll be a slow process, making sure that I don't do anything to worry her.

Rose Hathaway said
It's good to leave things up to the imagination and keep thugs a bit interesting.

... Are thugs usually boring?

Taaj said
They can work.Usually don't.The distance must be a transitional stage. There must be an active, achievable plan to eventually be together in person.Nothing compares to seeing your significant other walk into the room, to being able to kiss their cheek and feel their warmth. I will, however, say that internet relationships can often result in a deeper mental/emotional bond than in-person relationships can. When all you truly have is words, every word becomes meaningful.That's all.

I think I will add this to my original statement, because it's very important to understand that it only works if you plan to eventually become closer physically, even if it takes years.

I'm not much a love guy, but I think it's clearly one of those topics that everyone feels they're an expert on, not to speak about the people in this thread. It's just a trend I've found on the internet.

Personally, I think that if someone really wants to try a relationship with someone out of physical reach, they should go for it. It may likely fail, but one shouldn't not engage in relationships because they think they won't last. If it fails, you've learned something. If it hasn't, then you've found something. Personally, I believe it's more likely to eventually fail than not, but everyone's lives and circumstances are different. That's why I don't believe in love gurus or that anyone is significantly more qualified to speak about it than anyone else (most of the time). Reading all of the conflicting advice and anecdotes that don't always give a definitive answer surrounding any given relationship topic, I'm more against dating advice than I am LDRs.

I've seen good ones, and I've seen bad ones. Those of you that know mine and Mike's story, good. I'm not going to rehash it for the billionth time. My opinion though on LDR's is that, yes, they can bring about a sense of deeper emotional intimacy, but sometimes with that intimacy can come tunnel vision or blindness (Case in point: I have seen a couple of my girlfriends have this. Lost them as friends when I warned them with my hunch. Sad thing was, my hunches were always right). As you all know, this can be dangerous to the person as their emotions are played like a puppet by a marionette. After a period of time, if they do not give you information of themselves that you can research for yourself, run, but again with the tunnel vision and blindness, someone might not think twice about the lack of information that they have received. With that in mind, an LDR/IR is best in the hands of someone that can think rationally and be able to question things without fear.

Whether or not an LDR/IR is usually coming from an extrovert or introvert is a moot point, as it happens to people of the opposite end of the spectrum. Some people might find it daunting to meet someone IRL or might not know how to navigate it and therefore the internet dating scene appeals to them more. Others might go, "Hey, you're interesting. Let's talk more." (or even roleplaying. ;) ) and things about the personal life and possibly emotional leaning/shoulder might develop, which in turn could turn into an LDR/IR. Some find it easier to go to dating sites when all avenues have been exhausted on their quest for love and companionship. Nothing wrong with that.

But I think at least most of us realize or recognize the danger signs of LDR/IR. If not, you can message me, my husband, or some of the other senior members here, and we can tell you or steer you on the right path on what to look out for if you are questioning your partner in your LDR/IR. Questioning is always good.

Compared to in person relationship, well, I must say, during my two months of an LDR/IR with Mike, there was this hyper-sexual flirtation and overall pure innocence in the beginning of the LDR. We never really had any problems except for the 1800 mile distance that was closed quickly and permanently. It made it easier for my family knowing that Mike lived literally 5 minutes away from my great uncle (seriously, what are the odds of that!). But in person and with as long as we've been together (with a kid most of our relationship), it can be tiring to see each other. I believe that you can get a deeper appreciation for who the person is in person. There's a whole nother feeling of wanting their arms around you or their lips on your neck and actually getting it that you can only imagine through the computer screen or on the phone. While masturbating to each other over the phone/skype can be fun and all, it still does not compare to the real thing. Going out to eat and doing something for the other in to spend quality time with each other in person far exceeds that of the phone or the internet. While the LDR/IR was fun, being able to have him in person is far better through the ups and downs. And naturally, the LDR/IR is just a stepping stone in the serious and long term relationship, whether it be the beginning, middle (when circumstances forces you to live apart) or end.