Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Dead Cruiser
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Dead Cruiser Dishonour Before Death / Better You Than Me

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What do I know of cultured ways, the gilt, the craft and the lie?
I, who was born in a naked land and bred in the open sky.
The subtle tongue, the sophist guile, they fail when the broadswords sing;
Rush in and die, dogs—I was a man before I was a king.








Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Snagglepuss89
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So, yeah, there's going to be a lot of world building in this, and I assume it's all right considering the freedom we were given in the interest check. Still, if anything doesn't check out we'll call it Draft 1. Or if everything is bollocks then we'll call it "Oh no, I wasn't serious about posting that, it was a joke! The real guy is totally being worked on right now!"

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Hidden 8 yrs ago 8 yrs ago Post by vietmyke
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Hey Cruiser, I hope you don't mind me reapplying with Hadar, I was really excited for the last one and was sad that it didn't take off.

Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by KabenSaal
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Cool ass concept. Still got spaces?
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Dead Cruiser
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So, yeah, there's going to be a lot of world building in this, and I assume it's all right considering the freedom we were given in the interest check. Still, if anything doesn't check out we'll call it Draft 1. Or if everything is bollocks then we'll call it "Oh no, I wasn't serious about posting that, it was a joke! The real guy is totally being worked on right now!"



Notes within.





Notes notes.



Hey Cruiser, I hope you don't mind me reapplying with Hadar, I was really excited for the last one and was sad that it didn't take off.



No problems here, Hadar is still good. Yeah, I feel like you guys got kind of gypped with the last one, so any former players are free to port their characters over from the previous iteration.

Cool ass concept. Still got spaces?


Sure. Do you have a character concept I can help with?
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Hidden 8 yrs ago 8 yrs ago Post by vietmyke
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@Snagglepuss89 Also, since your character has some stuff to do with the Sand Kingdoms, I could potentially help out/collab with you on that front, as my character is also from the Sand Kingdoms- or rather, what is left of the Sand Kingdoms. From information I got from Cruiser during the last OOC, the Sand Kingdoms don't really exist anymore, just large nomadic tribes and villages warring over dwindling stocks of resources in the region that once was Iiram/Sand Kingdoms.
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Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Snagglepuss89
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<Snipped quote by Snagglepuss89>

Notes within.


The cultural change is easy enough to make, and doesn't mess with my image of him/Steel Stream at all, so that's easy enough.

As for the other points- I was running into that issue myself. I suppose as the core his strength was with influence for the people with/under him (Inspiring soldiers, fast friendships, getting people to accept adversity) but it wasn't put forth solidly/strongly enough, or as a concept is too poor for the RP. I wanted to leave it open for him to outmatch the common man combat wise (He's always led from the front without being killed, etc.) while not being able to match a character solely specialized in being legendary in combat to offset the advantages he has with his political power/holdings.

I'll have to think on how exactly I'm going to retool him.
@Snagglepuss89 Also, since your character has some stuff to do with the Sand Kingdoms, I could potentially help out/collab with you on that front, as my character is also from the Sand Kingdoms- or rather, what is left of the Sand Kingdoms. From information I got from Cruiser during the last OOC, the Sand Kingdoms don't really exist anymore, just large nomadic tribes and villages warring over dwindling stocks of resources in the region that once was Iiram/Sand Kingdoms.


That's a little disappointing, but also not hard to work with. I'll just need to scale down bits of his bio. I'm perfectly happy to collab on that part of his history.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Dead Cruiser
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<Snipped quote by Dead Cruiser>
The cultural change is easy enough to make, and doesn't mess with my image of him/Steel Stream at all, so that's easy enough.

As for the other points- I was running into that issue myself. I suppose as the core his strength was with influence for the people with/under him (Inspiring soldiers, fast friendships, getting people to accept adversity) but it wasn't put forth solidly/strongly enough, or as a concept is too poor for the RP. I wanted to leave it open for him to outmatch the common man combat wise (He's always led from the front without being killed, etc.) while not being able to match a character solely specialized in being legendary in combat to offset the advantages he has with his political power/holdings.

I'll have to think on how exactly I'm going to retool him.


This is an issue that I've seen before. Essentially, the components of your character don't really synergize (blacksmithing, steel theme, inspiring leader, friendship wins). Not to say they contrast, but they don't really have much to do with each other. The end result isn't a bad character, just an underwhelming one.

My advice is to bring outlying elements of your character in line with other elements. Say, turning him from into an inspiring leader into some kind of smith and/or warrior, or changing Steel Stream from being legendary smiths to heroic or inspiring leaders. Just as examples.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Snagglepuss89
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<Snipped quote by Snagglepuss89>

This is an issue that I've seen before. Essentially, the components of your character don't really synergize (blacksmithing, steel theme, inspiring leader, friendship wins). Not to say they contrast, but they don't really have much to do with each other. The end result isn't a bad character, just an underwhelming one.

My advice is to bring outlying elements of your character in line with other elements. Say, turning him from into an inspiring leader into some kind of smith and/or warrior, or changing Steel Stream from being legendary smiths to heroic or inspiring leaders. Just as examples.


Good advice, even experienced writers benefit from constructive criticism. I have something in mind, and will get in touch with @vietmyke to rework the sections with the Sand Kingdoms.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by vietmyke
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Hello?
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Snagglepuss89
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Sorry, little sister has been over visiting, I'll likely be sending you a PM tomorrow.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Dead Cruiser
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@KaAnna@Carthang@Zero Hex@KOgaming@Emma@Empath@Legion02@POOHEAD189

Dunno if people missed the OOC, but here it is.
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Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by POOHEAD189
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@Dead CruiserThank you sir. I am currently moving, but will be able top get a character sheet done by monday or so. Perhaps earlier.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Carthang
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@Dead Cruiser I'm still here, working on finishing the first draft of my character. Sorry for not replying earlier, life had me a lot more distracted than usual so I have barely been online the past week. Things are calming down though, and it should't be a problem in the future.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Snagglepuss89
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@Dead CruiserAs an update: Already talked with @vietmyke, and the rewrite is going to be pretty extensive. So, might not be for a couple days but it is in the works.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Dead Cruiser
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Anybody home?
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Snagglepuss89
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For the most part, character idea is there, but the inspiration to put it on paper has been lacking. I'm not withdrawing interest, however.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Snagglepuss89
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Apologies, while I do like the setting and feel for the RP, inspiration is gone, and the longer I delay the less I'm feeling it. I do hope you have better luck in getting this off the ground than you've had so far, a lot of work went into this.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Dead Cruiser
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Considering that you seemed to be the only active participant, I'd say that Age of Dawn's last hurrah is well and truly dead.
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