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Hidden 8 yrs ago 8 yrs ago Post by Legion02
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First try! Open for any constructive criticism!
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Hidden 8 yrs ago 6 yrs ago Post by Undine
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Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by HalfOfLancelot
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HalfOfLancelot What's worse: being heartbroke or roachbit?

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<Snipped quote by McHaggis>

WHAT WAS THAT I COULDN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF ME POSTING MY CS

it only took me 5 days to finish shhhHHHHH

now to write... another cs.........


*quietly coughs*

It's a new fad. The GM and Co-GMs post their CSes last, dontcha know? *sweats*
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Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by MiddleEarthRoze
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@Legion02

Constructive criticism coming your way!

Firstly, your backstory is a little confused at parts - I think you may have mixed up the names "Ruth" and "Betty" at some points?

Your power is cool as long as you add the following limitations - just to put in the actual section, so it's clear to everyone:

- He can only do spells as long as he fully understands the scientific method behind it; so, an understanding beyond reading a wikipedia article about it. The one you listed about splitting the water atom into usable molecules is fine - it's a simple enough process. More complicated things will mean more studying for him.
- He won't be able to do spells that don't have any real scientific theory - or, at least theory available to the public - behind it. So, stuff like Necromancy, invisibility, some forms of conjuration, etc. Things like that - if there's no scientific basis, there's no spell.
- Finding the incantations. There are spellbooks everywhere, but one has to consider whether they're genuine or not - this'll be a hit and miss he has to go through as well. However, once introduced to the world of Gods, magic, and monsters, it shouldn't be as hard, so this may not be as big a problem for you.

Pop those things in, and he's all good to pop in the character's tab. :)
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Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by MiddleEarthRoze
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Characters??? nah I’m nearly finished what a— [trips] [one really unfinished character sheet falls out of pocket] w-what a fuckign i these arent mine im just [gathering them up frantically sweating] listen i just listen fuck [two more character concepts and fcaeclaims fall out] shit fcuk listen im holding them for a friend jUSt LisTEN
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Hidden 8 yrs ago 8 yrs ago Post by Holy Soldier
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@MiddleEarthRoze
Face Claim: Lenny Kravitz
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Hidden 8 yrs ago 6 yrs ago Post by Undine
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Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by MiddleEarthRoze
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@Holy Soldier

In agreement with @Undine on this one: Your Fatal Flaw has to be something that could cause your death - Hubris, Pride, Love, Greed, stuff like that. I think Pride would work well for your character; perhaps even ambition or greed.

Your personality needs a re-check too. I'm not seeing one bad thing in that entire paragraph; now, for a guy who leaves his mother and friends behind to achieve his own dreams, and also nearly beats a guy to death, I'd expect to see some negative traits in there. Anger issues, ambition again, stuff like that. No human is perfect, so I don't expect to see a perfect personality.

Also, the first sentence of your Appearance section: Inherited his father's "belt"? Is this a typo, or am I misunderstanding a slang term?
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Holy Soldier
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@MiddleEarthRozeIt's a slang term. It's the muscled area (the notorious man V) that men in shape have at the lower portion of their waist. It's called "The Apollo's Belt."

I'll go back over the personality and fatal flaws when I return. Again, I know how you guys want every single detail about a character's personality listed, but it will change in game as he interacts with others. So even if it's not listed there now, it doesn't mean you won't see negative traits in game. But I will add some in there when I get back to appease you.

As for the fatal flaw, I can see him as being the type to risk his own life to save another if that's even allowed. It sounds cliche, but it matches his personality. Especially if it's for a girl he likes. Maybe...pride. Like how I mentioned he doesn't care how big the guy/monster/it he might have pissed off is...so possibly the whole "bite off more than he can chew" situation.
Hidden 8 yrs ago 6 yrs ago Post by Undine
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Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by MiddleEarthRoze
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@Holy Soldier

Thanks for the clarification there, was just a wee bit confused.

As for your second point - as it happens, I don't want every personality trait listed. If I did, I would have asked you to list your top six traits like The Sims. Your CS is not only your application for a character, but it gives me a sense of how you'll write them - so of course, I want a basic overview of what they are like, bad traits and good traits alike. If I see nothing but bad traits, I'll want some good ones to know that you are capable of writing in a balanced manner. The same applies for only good traits. So, yes, do be so kind as to add some in - I do need to know if you're capable of writing at the standard I am wanting, after all.

And that Fatal Flaw works nicely - just try and mention somewhere in his personality that he'll do something stupid for a pretty face, kay? And maybe also his romantic interest section; from a guy who "has to kick women" out of his house after sleeping with them, it doesn't seem very likely he'd go down the martyr road for a girl who turned his head.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Holy Soldier
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@MiddleEarthRozeThat's why I said he would do it for someone he cares about and not just a pretty face. I will add some negatives in there, but to give further suggestions, you should add a "Quirks" section because when someone just puts up "Personality" on their CS template, I'm going to give a general run-down of the personality. If you want to see a specific thing, then having Quirks there requires the writer to fill out those things. Maybe not always negative but definitely silly and awkward. But Quirks mostly yield something negative socially: bad habits, mental disorders, superstitions...etc.
Hidden 8 yrs ago 6 yrs ago Post by McHaggis
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Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by HalfOfLancelot
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HalfOfLancelot What's worse: being heartbroke or roachbit?

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sooooo mental disorders are quirks now?

(side-note: apparently there's no limit on character creation numbers so I've been convinced to make a second)


^

A quirk is just a peculiar habit. It doesn't conotate negative or positive; it's literally just an idiosyncracy.

Snorting when you laugh is a quirk. Clinical depression isn't a quirk.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Holy Soldier
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@MiddleEarthRozeI added more to his personality and I fixed his fatal flaws.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Holy Soldier
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@Holy SoldierOkay, first of all, all I have ever done is make suggestions so that you guys can run your game way more smoothly. Because you just lay out a generic requirement but you’re demands are beyond picky. If your character sheet did not meet your own requirements, then you need to design it in such a way so that it does and so that you are not wasting the time of anyone who would even join this game. Because that is all you’re doing. You openly tell people to apply to your game, and then you slam them with nitpicking requirements that should have been addressed from the get-go.

I have every right to defend my concepts and maybe I shouldn’t have had to if you took the time to look over your game and plan it out in a logical manner because you shouldn’t be going through so much trouble with character creation. I haven’t been the only one to ask, “What do you want?” Because players were starting to see that just tossing a CS up wasn’t always going to work. Your CS template is quite the illusion.

You have wasted my time twice with my first CS application and then this second one. The second one has no issues whatsoever and then you wanted to make problems just to make problems because your interpretation of a Mary Sue is obviously someone who goes through abuse, smokes pot, and womanizes. I made my character as real and believable as most of those characters you already accepted at this point it was just blatant harassment and bullying because I went into PMs to clear the original problem, which was powers with you before I even made this. And then guess what, new problem. Now we don’t like the personality. I doubt that would have been the end of it because you guys got serious issues, and I hope smart people will avoid your games in the future because I certainly will. This is not going to happen again.

It really shouldn’t take 3 GMs with schedules too busy to even run this game to run one game. But you all are like a hive mind and apparently share the same koolaid-drinking psychology about how YOU think the world should be. It’s not going to get you anywhere. I’m just going to let you know now. You really should learn to be more open with ideas and also learn to organize because your game shouldn’t say one thing, and then you say something else. That’s terrible organization.

After going through so much hassle to get one damn sheet in—I was actually hoping that I would have been denied the opportunity to submit another sheet after Horus—I was hinted to the type of nitpicking, narrow-minded GMs that I was going to be working with, and that was the perfect sign to “Turn Away While You Can” because this game wasn’t going to be at all fun or worth anyone’s time. I will gladly leave this game and not look back, but if you thought that I was going to leave quietly, you got another thing coming because games like these cause problems. You make drama for yourself and then you want to go complaining about how some writer was unruly when actually it was your whole setup that brought it on and your attitude about how to go about handling the problem. So you can take your, “I need to make sure that your writing is on my level” bullshit and shove it. Like, seriously lol. Peace the fuck out.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by MiddleEarthRoze
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@Holy Soldier

Well now, that's not very mature of you. We sent you a PM for a reason, and here we are back on the OOC. As I have no interest in further pointless arguing with you, I shall say goodbye and good luck in your future writings.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Witch Cat
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Witch Cat C.A.T. Cat / Coolest of All Time

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Anyway, I'm sure this will be a great RP once it gets moving! Can't wait to have fun with y'all.
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Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by MiddleEarthRoze
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@Witch Cat

Sorry about this - myself and the Co-GMs attempted to keep it private and professional, but he had other ideas.

Anyway, you'll be pleased to know that I will be getting the first IC post up within the week. I'll let you know if I can get it done before the weekend, but if not, it may be delayed - I'll be moving into my Uni digs those days.

Also I've finished my first character, so I'm not totally behind!
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Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Leos Klien
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Leos Klien A gun to kill the past.

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Boo!

I might throw my face into this, once I read it.
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