Well, here goes nothing as these things are tanking my mood and it's bothering me.
So, I'm rather tired of living in constant fear of being cheated on, that's just out front of this thing. I know she'd never cheat on me but I live in fear of that. Doesn't help I know people who've cheated on the other, some multiple times. Fuck, even some family members did that and it's stuck with me. If anything I have a valid reason to have hatred to that and while it could explain this feeling, I just can't shake it.
We've talked about it before to be honest about that. I still feel that she might and the feelings only been growing stronger lately. I don't know what it is but it's just growing and growing. I don't want to be that overly jealous, always has to know kind of person as I'm not that person. It's just stuck in my head about that and as I said the feelings gotten worse lately. Doesn't help when she'll just leave for hours on end and not say anything about it. It also doesn't help that this is a long distance thing either. While that part is fine, we do love being together. I just can't shake this constant feeling of being cheated on, paranoia is a b!tch like that.
I've considered bringing it up to her again but I don't know what that will do for me in the end of things. It didn't do much before so I have my doubts that it will this time. All I know is I live in a constant paranoid state of being cheated on. I don't know what to do about it at this point, as I said we've talked about it before but it didn't help me. Knowing her and what I've heard, she wouldn't and she's said that she never would. I still just can't shake this feeling that I've got.
The other thing bothering me is just memories of me with someone whom is no longer in my life. That gets me down at times but I just happened to go on that server in that game with everything. All the stuff we'd do and had and the cheesy names on stuff for compliments. I freaking still have all of that, haven't spoken to that person in ages and to this day I don't fully understand why they left my life. I mean, I have a feeling those last few days I'd spoken to her didn't help. I was in a shit mood those days and she'd stay offline of where I'm always online, just sorta avoiding me. I honestly don't exactly know what happened to cause our friendship to end.
With all of this said, I just don't know what to do with any of this. The paranoia of being cheated on, as I said just builds and builds and builds. The thing with my ex-friend doesn't happen nearly as much, only a select few times since it had happened.