2 Guests viewing this page
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by FrozenEcstasy
Raw
Avatar of FrozenEcstasy

FrozenEcstasy The Wayfaring Killjoy

Member Seen 4 yrs ago

@FrozenEcstasy I more or less like where you're going with this, but overall the character feels unfocused. There's just a lot going on thematically. He's a war robot, but also a medical robot, from a planet that is a high tech center, but also a dead world, but also undergoing a vicious civil war. He's a rogue android, but also insatiably curious, but also violent by nature. Kind of understand what I'm getting at? He would benefit from having his concept refined, in my opinion.


1) War Robot, the light medical function is due to the fact he's fighting alongside humans and cyborgs, it's not uncommon for soldiers to carry medical supplies, that's the entire logic.
2) The World is supposed to be dead, sure, but it's not because it's a high tech center, or I should say "was" since they're in a war now. I mean yeah I'd understand if I said there were barely people on it and it still was, but no, it's being artificially sustained because of it's populace and its status as a high tech center. None of these things are necessarily mutually exclusive.
3) He is war android fashioned from the leftovers of a research bot that retains some of its memories, his personality is going to be influenced by both these factors. It's obvious he's more concerned with research, and left the war to due so. However he did leave a war he was made for to follow frivolous intentions which brands him as a deserter... again none of these things are mutually exclusive.

I understand if you're looking for a simpler concept here, but the character is from a world split down the middle and it's not too far a stretch to say its also shown in his personality and his creation. Most of my character concepts involve a dichotomy and the character is a product of that. I can still change him, but I feel like he's well put together. If I need to refine the wording to make that more clear I can do that as well.

Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Dead Cruiser
Raw
GM
Avatar of Dead Cruiser

Dead Cruiser Dishonour Before Death / Better You Than Me

Member Seen 16 days ago

@vFear Looks very good, accepted for sure.

@FrozenEcstasy I understand your intentions, but trying to represent a dichotomy with a single character is a tall order, especially if all aspects of them are present at once. When I talk about refining a concept, vFear's character completely delivers on that idea. Nearly every aspect of Eleven builds on a singular theme, resulting in a very strong character thematically. It's much better to have one theme that works great than multiple that are underwhelming, which is about my appraisal of Omega thus far.

I think some revisions should be in order, not in least to differentiate Omega from Eleven. Perhaps rather than a war android, Omega is an artificial life form, of a race of similar beings? Reproducing, self-sufficient, sapient automatons. This could be the entirety of their race, and perhaps even their planet is artificial, which is how they managed to outlive their sun. This brings up other thoughts; perhaps their civil war is over the last remaining energy resources on the planet, rather than being purely ideological. Omega's motivations could be greatly simplified at this point, making him simply a refugee from the civil war rather than some kind of escapee.

These are merely suggestions of course; it's a direction you can take the character that would be unique, interesting, and better focused.
1x Like Like
Hidden 8 yrs ago 8 yrs ago Post by FrozenEcstasy
Raw
Avatar of FrozenEcstasy

FrozenEcstasy The Wayfaring Killjoy

Member Seen 4 yrs ago

@vFear Looks very good, accepted for sure.

@FrozenEcstasy I understand your intentions, but trying to represent a dichotomy with a single character is a tall order, especially if all aspects of them are present at once. When I talk about refining a concept, vFear's character completely delivers on that idea. Nearly every aspect of Eleven builds on a singular theme, resulting in a very strong character thematically. It's much better to have one theme that works great than multiple that are underwhelming, which is about my appraisal of Omega thus far.

I think some revisions should be in order, not in least to differentiate Omega from Eleven. Perhaps rather than a war android, Omega is an artificial life form, of a race of similar beings? Reproducing, self-sufficient, sapient automatons. This could be the entirety of their race, and perhaps even their planet is artificial, which is how they managed to outlive their sun. This brings up other thoughts; perhaps their civil war is over the last remaining energy resources on the planet, rather than being purely ideological. Omega's motivations could be greatly simplified at this point, making him simply a refugee from the civil war rather than some kind of escapee.

These are merely suggestions of course; it's a direction you can take the character that would be unique, interesting, and better focused.


o.o; I kinda had the war robot idea first in the IC. If there needs to be a difference I'd point out that Omega is a magic robot and Eleven is purely martial, along with completely different backgrounds, and the fact Omega contains a soul.

I'll go and simplify him I guess, not to sound difficult or anything it's just I have more fun with complicated characters yo.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by jasonwolf
Raw
Avatar of jasonwolf

jasonwolf Hunter, Trainer, Ranger, Master

Member Seen 2 yrs ago

Is there still room in this? I had an idea for a character who looks like some sort of ships mascot or pet, but is actually a fully intelligent crew member.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Dead Cruiser
Raw
GM
Avatar of Dead Cruiser

Dead Cruiser Dishonour Before Death / Better You Than Me

Member Seen 16 days ago

@FrozenEcstasy Be that as it may, vFear was the first to provide a "war robot" character that met my standards. While we're discussing revisions, I would prefer that Omega's status as a navigator/researcher was a more impactful part of his background. As it stands, his only claim to the positions are "he was refitted from a research android" and "he's curious."

@jasonwolf Took me a second to realize fully what you were asking, but it sounds alright. I like the idea of the master of ordinance or the helmsman being diminutive like a kobold or something.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by FrozenEcstasy
Raw
Avatar of FrozenEcstasy

FrozenEcstasy The Wayfaring Killjoy

Member Seen 4 yrs ago

@FrozenEcstasy Be that as it may, vFear was the first to provide a "war robot" character that met my standards. While we're discussing revisions, I would prefer that Omega's status as a navigator/researcher was a more impactful part of his background. As it stands, his only claim to the positions are "he was refitted from a research android" and "he's curious."

@jasonwolf Took me a second to realize fully what you were asking, but it sounds alright. I like the idea of the master of ordinance or the helmsman being diminutive like a kobold or something.


You, unmeaning, gave me an idea that'll help.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Irisity
Raw
Avatar of Irisity

Irisity

Member Seen 6 yrs ago

@Dead Cruiser just throwin this out here, but Sulk reminds me a lot of dragon ball z for some reason
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Gwynbleidd
Raw
Avatar of Gwynbleidd

Gwynbleidd Summon The Bitches

Banned Seen 4 yrs ago

@Dead Cruiser just throwin this out here, but Sulk reminds me a lot of dragon ball z for some reason


If anyone knows what I'm talking about, I was going to say he makes me think of Anomander Rake: the space version.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Irisity
Raw
Avatar of Irisity

Irisity

Member Seen 6 yrs ago

<Snipped quote by Irisity>

If anyone knows what I'm talking about, I was going to say he makes me think of Anomander Rake: the space version.


Sulk just reminds me of Vegeta lol
1x Laugh Laugh
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Gwynbleidd
Raw
Avatar of Gwynbleidd

Gwynbleidd Summon The Bitches

Banned Seen 4 yrs ago

@Irisity KAKAROTTTTT!!!!
1x Laugh Laugh
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Nib
Raw
Avatar of Nib

Nib

Member Seen 3 mos ago

Would anyone be opposed to having an archaeologist on board, possibly one of the wizard variety?
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Dead Cruiser
Raw
GM
Avatar of Dead Cruiser

Dead Cruiser Dishonour Before Death / Better You Than Me

Member Seen 16 days ago

@Ink Blood That's roughly what @FrozenEcstasy's character amounts to, though I feel as though those aspects of his character are not emphasized enough yet. If you wanted to come to an agreement between players, that would be between you two.
Hidden 8 yrs ago 8 yrs ago Post by FrozenEcstasy
Raw
Avatar of FrozenEcstasy

FrozenEcstasy The Wayfaring Killjoy

Member Seen 4 yrs ago

@Ink Blood That's roughly what @FrozenEcstasy's character amounts to, though I feel as though those aspects of his character are not emphasized enough yet. If you wanted to come to an agreement between players, that would be between you two.


I re-worked Omega's character. Changed him from Navigator/Researcher to Researcher and Wildlife specialist. Put less focus on his homeworld and more on his original function as a research android. I kept the sense of dichotomy I aim for but put less focus on it, now rather than a dichotomy in personality it's an ironic dichotomy between him being a cybernetic life-form that thrives in natural environments. The cool thing is, the whole "android protecting/having a soft spot for nature" thing is a common trope, so I was able to build upon a more concrete, singular idea like you wanted. I hope he's a lot more up to snuff this time. If the fact he's still an android is SUPER bothersome, I could always downgrade him to a cyborg and keep the fantasy.

Also, with Navigator back open, and Omega being less focused on magic, @Ink Blood could look for a wizardy anthropologist/navigator thing. Anthropology expands on archaeology and gives a basis for interest in navigation, especially if the character is focused on discovering lost civilizations, as cartography is very important in that sense if you've ever watched Indiana Jones or similar. As long as his characters not a robot I don't see any issues. I mean the characters would serve different functions entirely.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Dead Cruiser
Raw
GM
Avatar of Dead Cruiser

Dead Cruiser Dishonour Before Death / Better You Than Me

Member Seen 16 days ago

@FrozenEcstasy So looking over the revisions thus far, I feel like you've done a good job at focusing Omega, but now that he's just a "researcher," he's left in a nebulous sort of position where he doesn't quite have a viable role on Nova Dawn. If he's simply a biologist with some light combat and magic abilities, I can't quite justify Sulk taking him onboard. This isn't the HMS Beagle after all. Regarding his status as an android, I stand by my earlier suggestion that making him a fully robotic lifeform from a robot world would be the best and most interesting solution.

So here's what I'm suggesting: fully embrace the researcher role. The idea of him being adapted into a war robot just detracts from the strength of his theme as a character. Making him a navigator again would work very will with him being a researcher, as he would be committed to researching and deciphering the Aetheric Lexicon, giving him a solid role on the ship. If you wanted to keep him as a biologist, sure, but if you were going with the robot world idea and/or this suggestion, perhaps an astronomer or cartographer would be more appropriate.
Hidden 8 yrs ago 8 yrs ago Post by FrozenEcstasy
Raw
Avatar of FrozenEcstasy

FrozenEcstasy The Wayfaring Killjoy

Member Seen 4 yrs ago

@FrozenEcstasy So looking over the revisions thus far, I feel like you've done a good job at focusing Omega, but now that he's just a "researcher," he's left in a nebulous sort of position where he doesn't quite have a viable role on Nova Dawn. If he's simply a biologist with some light combat and magic abilities, I can't quite justify Sulk taking him onboard. This isn't the HMS Beagle after all. Regarding his status as an android, I stand by my earlier suggestion that making him a fully robotic lifeform from a robot world would be the best and most interesting solution.

So here's what I'm suggesting: fully embrace the researcher role. The idea of him being adapted into a war robot just detracts from the strength of his theme as a character. Making him a navigator again would work very will with him being a researcher, as he would be committed to researching and deciphering the Aetheric Lexicon, giving him a solid role on the ship. If you wanted to keep him as a biologist, sure, but if you were going with the robot world idea and/or this suggestion, perhaps an astronomer or cartographer would be more appropriate.


:|
We're in a setting where our characters will find themselves on strange worlds, some of which that aren't developed, with strange creatures that could be extremely lethal. A research robot with the ability to assimilate into the world's ecosystem, scout for threats, and develop bio weaponry... Isn't helpful? Not to mention they're pirate's, who's to say they're never going to smuggle some alien creature offworld to sell it or something? Like there's always that thing were the crew lands on a jungle planet and someone is almost eaten alive by a carnivorous plant...

Like I understand... Somewhat... But if I try and make the character any more singular in theme its going to be very forced writing and far too typical for me. I'd have to bow out cause this wouldn't be a fun experience.

I mean I even went as far as to follow a common trope in sci fi settings and he's STILL not consist? Even the whole "scientist weaponizing their research" thing is EXTREMELY common and well accepted idea. Setting wise his story is believable as well.

Edit:
Also he's a pirate, I want him to have minor combatant functions because he's a pirate. His theme isn't more farfetched than asking a parasite ridden insect to be a cook.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Dead Cruiser
Raw
GM
Avatar of Dead Cruiser

Dead Cruiser Dishonour Before Death / Better You Than Me

Member Seen 16 days ago

@FrozenEcstasy A scout would be useful, but that's really not what Omega is. I'm not sure what "assimilating" would entail, and developing bioweaponry isn't exactly a typical privateer business venture. A more generalized researcher role could probably scan worlds for potential hazards, among which weather and geology would also be relevant.

I understand wanting to play the character that you want, but the simple fact is that I don't feel like Omega has "clicks" with what I have envisioned for the cast and the story. As it stands, he's a scientist robot, who fought in a war, and then spent some time murdering people on a desert planet. A large number of important parts of his backstory could be dropped without greatly affecting the others, and that speaks to how disjointed it comes across. Particularly how he joined Nova Dawn, as Sulk isn't one to be particularly impressed by ambushing and murdering a bunch of poachers, and I can barely even understand what you wrote in the rest of that paragraph.

"Scientist weaponizing their research" is an interesting trope, but not one that you used. Omega just used his equipment/abilities to kill people, there was really no research involved.

If you look at that same insect, you'll see that he has almost no combat abilities himself. This is in line with his character theme as a goofy, mostly harmless creature that serves as the ship's cook. Were he in any other position, Res' character concept would fall apart, but given his support role, it all works together very well. A misconception you may be working under is that you character does not have to do everything; as this is a collaborative story, the more room you leave for working together with other players, the better the resulting story will be.

I don't mean to be such a pill about this, but I'm trying to get you character to where it will contribute the most to the plot and mesh best with the other characters.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Dead Cruiser
Raw
GM
Avatar of Dead Cruiser

Dead Cruiser Dishonour Before Death / Better You Than Me

Member Seen 16 days ago

Quick round of notifications from folks I've not heard from in a bit. Just checking if y'all are still interested.

@Cute Bumber@Hank@Jeyma@Polybius
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Polybius
Raw
Avatar of Polybius

Polybius Rhymer

Member Seen 28 days ago

@Dead CruiserThanks for the mention! Still lurking, focusing more on my own stuff right now.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by FrozenEcstasy
Raw
Avatar of FrozenEcstasy

FrozenEcstasy The Wayfaring Killjoy

Member Seen 4 yrs ago

Yeah I'm just gonna bow out :| It seems like you're looking for something entirely different than what the interest check was selling from my point of view.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Dead Cruiser
Raw
GM
Avatar of Dead Cruiser

Dead Cruiser Dishonour Before Death / Better You Than Me

Member Seen 16 days ago

@FrozenEcstasy Fair enough, best of luck with your future endeavors.
↑ Top
2 Guests viewing this page
© 2007-2024
BBCode Cheatsheet