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Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Dealdric
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@Deos Morran

Thanks for the info, that helps, if I found a good reason, could I keep him the way he is physically? Like half machine and whatnot? If not, well okay.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Dealdric
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And I can't help but egg the bird...
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Deos Morran
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@Dealdric You can have somebody who is part man and part machine those do exist in Anselmo, it's just gone to be much less elegant and proficient and more rugged and ragged. So he could have cybernetic arms, but they are kinda hodge-podge and may have some added use like each arm having a single tool such as a torch or drill, but it's far from ideal and is most likely clunky and somewhat of a pain for him.
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Okay, thanks
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@Deos Morran

Personel File: #32-5

Name: Cornilious

Age: 45

Gender: male

Role: mechanic and engineer

Equipment: His body is various powertools for building and maintance. He does keep a machine gun on his back in case he is attacked by the demons. He has medium armor that he made hiself
Appearance: *ERROR* FILE CORRUPT
GEO_STATIC #33.4-5
Despite his freakish appearance, he is still human. His body was deformed so he had his limbs replaced and powertools added, supported by supported legs. He weres a helmet most of the time to hide his disfigurement. He has a jaw still, for more social interaction. His left hand is just power tools, while his right is an actual hand, but robotic. He wears a black waistcoat and cowl on top of his armor to hide his appearance, but it is sleeveless like his armor. His mask's eyes are red and light producing, and the right one flickers a little bit.

Background: An abomination by most standards. However, he doesn't remember most of his old life. He was stabbed and cut apart one night on his way home from work then cut apart. He was recovered by his company and he was chosen for an experiment. He was to be a cyborg, or in the scientists words, a Tech-Husk. He and many others, all not under any anistetic, limbs removed from their bodies and made anew. The only thing left with out some sort of implant is his brain. Once the demons started storming out of The Other, he tried to hide himself away, afraid of what his mind didn't understand. He built machines and mantained himself, often replacing or adding whole limbs. Now, he simply keeps the city alive and breathing by maintaining it's walls and machines. He helps the guards and warriors any way he can.

Other: He hates people who think him lower for being partly machine, and his implants hurt to were he is tring to find someone who can rid him of his pain receptors.

Wish: See one of his past freinds still alive, loose sense of pain.

Trauma: Before the experiment, He was stabbed with an energy blade, and cut apart. He now is afraid to see anything related to an energy blade. He tremors and his machine body starts producing liquid rust out of his hands. It's very wierd
Hidden 8 yrs ago 8 yrs ago Post by 13org
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Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Deos Morran
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@13org One thing I'm gonna say Org... You don't need to put your survival kit in your gear. All members of the team will be given a sort of "Standard" Survival Pack. The Equipment is more for like personal touch stuff like special weapons, mementos, special gear, etc. I mean feel free to keep it, just you don't need to use up on equipment slot for something that will be standard issue.
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Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by MechonRaptor
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@Deos Morran

Hey Deos! Things have been clearing up on my end, so I thought I'd look at your RP and I had a question: What role would someone like a medic be in? I just want to be certain I get it right.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Deos Morran
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@MechonRaptor That depends actually... If you are a military medic then you'd fall under the Anselmo Rangers. If you are a scholarly and more versed Medic then you'd fall under the Anselmo Educational Society and Center of Advancement as a Field Doctor. SO either one of those depending on what you want to be exactly.
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@Deos Morran
I was thinking of a military medic, so Anselmo Rangers it is. Thanks bud!
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Mega Birb
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@Dealdric
Okay, so there are quite a few issues to be had here, so I'm gonna start listing things. Don't wanna come off as rude, though this will clearly explain what's wrong and how it's wrong.

1. The grammar seriously needs to be cleaned up. Like, SERIOUSLY needs to be cleaned up, I can't emphasize this enough.

2. The role needs to be shortened to just Mechanic. While engineers exist, you've described Cornilius as someone that repairs, not creates.

3. This is how Cornelius is typically spelled. If that was deliberate, disregard this.

4. You've described his body as an amalgamation of power tools and some armor in a coat. Lore-wise, a Cyborg would be a bit clunky, but nowhere near what's been described. Something like what's in this hider.

5. Okay I physically can't say this any other way. The background is way too choppy and is, quite frankly, cringey. A lot of elaboration on his past is needed to justify why he's a brain in a machine, why he was cut apart twice on the streets, what went wrong to leave him in constant pain. Was he a victim of a random crime? Was it because he had made some enemies earlier in life?

6. What's caused him to hate those that think less of him? Is it a violent hatred, or is a passive and repressed thing?

7. What chemical reason is there for him to rust when scared?

All in all, there's a lot of room for improvement and the character could work in another setting, though this level of augmentation with technology from the 20th Century is damn-near impossible. I'd recommend either putting him on the back burner or completely rehashing the idea.

Hidden 8 yrs ago 8 yrs ago Post by Deos Morran
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@Mega Birb Minus that twisted and fucked up face yeah that's mostly what the cybernetic parts are in this world... If you need more examples...


In fact in the list I gave that's kind of the tier system of what can be provided versus being found and integrated... The first two are able to be made and given in Anselmo but the third and fourth are more Old World tech preserved or restored which would make them incredibly valuable and an actual benefit versus a sort of "even trade" by exchanging utility for mobility.
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thanks, and I've never been one for fast typing so thats why my grammer sucks ass.
Hidden 8 yrs ago 8 yrs ago Post by Dealdric
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@Deos Morran@Mega Birb

Personel File: #32-5

Name: Cornilious

Age: 45

Gender: male

Role: mechanic

Equipment: His body is various powertools for building and maintance. He does keep a machine gun on his back incase he is attacked by the demons. He has medium armor that he made himself
Appearance: *ERROR* FILE CORRUPT
GEO_STATIC #33.4-5
Despite his freakish appearance, he is still human. His body was deformed so his limbs were replaced and powertools added, and his legs supported(his legs were highly damaged from the attack). He wheres a helmet most of the time to hide his flesh's disfigurement. He has a jaw on the helmet, for more social interaction. His left hand is just power tools, while his right is an actual hand, but robotic. He wears a black waistcoat and cowl on top of his armor to hide his appearance, but it is sleeveless like his armor. His Helmet's "eyes" are red and light producing, and the right one flickers a little bit. His armors color is a faded black and red. Most of his replaced parts are kinda faded and damaged, and kinda odd a points. In other words, kinda clunky. How ever, some old world tech was integrated into it. His left arm isn't as mobile, but is stronger and more resilant. His right is faster and mobile, but it takes more energy to use.

Background: An abomination by most standards. However, he doesn't remember most of his old life except he had a good job, but alot of enemies. He was cut apart one night on his way home from work. He was recovered by his company and he was chosen for an experiment. He was to be a cyborg, or in the scientist's words, a Tech-Husk. He and many others, all not under any anistetic, limbs removed from their bodies and made a-new. The only things left without some-sort of implant is his brain and liver. Once the demons started storming out of The Other, he tried to hide himself away, afraid of what his mind didn't understand. He mantained himself, often replacing or adding whole limbs. Now, he simply keeps the city alive and breathing by maintaining it's walls and machines. He helps the guards and warriors any way he can.

Other: He hates people who think him lower for being partly machine because they treat him like a broken machine, and his implants hurt because of how badly made they were to where he is tring to find someone who can rid him of his pain receptors.

Wish: See one of his past freinds still alive, loose sense of pain.

Trauma: Before the experiment, He was stabbed with an energy blade, and cut apart. He now is afraid to see anything related to an energy blade. He tremors and his machine body starts producing liquid rust out of his hands. It's very wierd, and he claims it's because the coolant for his arms leaks when he starts shaking.

Now is he better? And as in the last time, his body isn't all machine, just his legs and arms while everything else needed implants.
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@13org One thing I'm gonna say Org... You don't need to put your survival kit in your gear. All members of the team will be given a sort of "Standard" Survival Pack. The Equipment is more for like personal touch stuff like special weapons, mementos, special gear, etc. I mean feel free to keep it, just you don't need to use up on equipment slot for something that will be standard issue.


That's definitely a new way to spell my name

People usually call me 13, Borg or 13org hahaha

PS: already completed my backstory.

Trivia: in fact, 90% of the people call me Borg, but the nickname "13org" was taken off the game "Kingdom Hearts", the Organization XIII
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by Mega Birb
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@13org
Isis is good on my end, though I will say the middle paragraph of the backstory sounds a little cheesey. Maybe it's because I'm tired, wait for Deos' word.
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@Mega Birb

About all the Duvari breeding and training thing or about her family's motto and beliefs?
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@13org
The "You must choose it and it must choose you" bit. It's not a complaint, just sounds a bit cheesey to me.
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@Mega Birb

Have you seen James Cameron's Avatar?

Do you know the ritual that the Na'vi have to tame the Ikram? Its basically the same thing.

Duvari are herbivores and are used as mounts. Its expected that the "tamed" duvari have completely lost their natural instincts. But the ones that the Nasri breed, are practically wild ones. They will attack you if they feel threatened.

PS: the Duvari are inspired by Thanators, from the same movie.
Hidden 8 yrs ago Post by ViolentViolet
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I love just randomly sending GM's a million questions xD
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