Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by NightinGem
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NightinGem amateur journalist, professional pokememer

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@Feyblue Agree with this. I'll help, if I can, if anything I'm very good at adjusting abilities so they fit roleplay/canon/etc rules or don't overlap, something I totally don't have way too much personal experience with, nope.
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by byteoflogic
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@byteoflogic Huh. Well, not to be rude, which I know I'm going to probably end up being anyway, so I pre-emptively apologize, but a slight change of focus might actually not be so bad. Her whole "reinforces body with dangerous amounts of magical energy to perform increased physical feats at the price of possibly sustaining damage" is already really similar to Aegis' abilities, especially since they both have boots as a focus.

If you switched out her focus to "magic guns" then you could still have a similar fighting style just by doing things differently. Namely, pull a Ruby Rose and send yourself flying all over the place with the recoil of firing magically-empowered guns, while also pulling functionally infinite firearms out of nowhere to keep going. Plus, a Magical Girl's transformation and armaments are based on the user's personality, so there's really no rule that says that your aesthetic has to be all cute and girly. They could easily look like normal firearms.


I share your fear, so... please understand I'm not trying to be combative.

I can see the connect drawn between Effortless Bound and Push, but I never intended boots as a focus. In fact, they were more of an afterthought for an aesthetic justification. And... the way that she handles right now is faaar more limited than Aegis or Ruby. I quite like the limitation and I can remove the boots if you feel they're too close.

I'm sorry everyone...

Ugh, this is such a mess.

Maybe I should just scrap her :/
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by NightinGem
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@byteoflogic No no no no, you spent so much time and effort on her, we can adjust her to the point where she works, it's okay. Please don't beat yourself up, everything will be fine.
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by NightinGem
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Sigh. I hope everyone can just work this out, it feels like there is a compromise to this situation that would be attainable once we all cool down. Like, reckless filling of parts of the body with magical energy does indeed fit Akiko's character, and is distinct from gravity manipulation. Maybe Akiko needs to be changed slightly, but I don't think she needs to have her entire ability sacrificed? I hope this sounds clear and makes sense.
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Feyblue
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No, no, I'm not demanding that you change things. I'm just saying that there's an overlap and so that if you wanted to switch to magic guns, you could use that to do the same thing but in a completely different way through recoil-boosting. But, if you don't like that idea, I'm certainly not ordering you to scrap everything anyway. Do what you want. I just wanted to offer an alternative possibility that might make magical guns make more sense for her so that she could keep the gunslinger motif, which seemed like the most important part.
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Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by NightinGem
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@Feyblue She was tailored in such a way that each bit of her powers was supposed to correspond with her personality, which is why Byte is so hesitant to change things. It's less the gunslinger motif as it is the abilities combined. I'm sorry things got this heated, but it seems communication has opened up enough that misunderstandings are being resolved? ^^;
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Feyblue
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I get that. I shouldn't have butted in without taking the whole focus into account. Again, I'm really sorry.

...I'll just shut up now. >_>
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by NightinGem
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@Feyblue Nah, I think this is just a case of people not knowing/communicating enough and there being conflict as a result. If anything, talking it out further will help, though probably in PM rather than on the thread.
Hidden 7 yrs ago 7 yrs ago Post by byteoflogic
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Yea, everything has been worked out (for the better). Sorry everyone, for the disturbance.

And please don't shut up, @Feyblue. I value your input!
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Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Feyblue
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...Ok. 0w0
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by NightinGem
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Everything worked out, I'm so happy!
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Crimmy
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Crimmy Oi brat, what're ye using that noggin for?

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Funeral tomorrow. Don't expect any posts then.
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by VitaVitaAR
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VitaVitaAR King of Knights

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I think I can get a post up today, though at the moment I slept in way too late so I'm having trouble figuring out who I can reply to where. ^^;
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Raineh Daze
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Raineh Daze

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Notice me. ;~;
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by NightinGem
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@Crimmy Do what you have to do, and and take care of yourself.
Hidden 7 yrs ago 7 yrs ago Post by BurningDaisies
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BurningDaisies The Hardcore Flower

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Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by BurningDaisies
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@VitaVitaAR
There we go. Finally got something thrown together.

Opinions and criticisms welcome~
Hidden 7 yrs ago 7 yrs ago Post by NightinGem
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Okay, so I, uh...please do not think I'm trying to be an ass, but I frequent a writerchat with many English majors and a few professional authors and may have run this character past them...here are my criticisms and suggestions, as supplemented by them.

Your character is sort of overpowered, in the sense that she has little limitation, few character flaws, none of which really balance her abilities, and that her abilities are obscenely multipurpose and effective. Having them only last for a few seconds is not a suitable limitation when they link seamlessly. She's crazily skilled at about everything and bores easily; that about sums up her character. Saying she's jack of all trades, master of none does not excuse this. If humblebrags are your character's only flaws, you should probably rethink the character.

I'm not saying I hate her, but she seems rather one-dimensional, as does her fairy. You have a good writing style, but I'm just not really seeing much that's going to be fun to roleplay with? A combination of overly adaptive and effective powers and a bland personality is just...not fun. Also, her powers seem to be very reminiscent of Darwin from X-Men First Class, though that's not really an issue.
Hidden 7 yrs ago 7 yrs ago Post by NightinGem
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She's not an unsalvageable character, she just has very very few character flaws, most of which are humblebrags, and is rather OP in terms of ability. I'm sorry for overexplaining and probably seeming like a pretentious asshole. (Actually, maybe I'm not? Like I'm sorry if I seemed like an asshole but overexplaining can be good for criticism). Points still stand, though. This is not a character who is conductive to a balanced roleplay, and a character who is unfortunately an archetype of what is known as the Mary Sue, or as the writerchat deemed it in TVTropes form, Power as the Plot Demands It Manic Pixie God Mode Sue.
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Eventua
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Eventua

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Name: Kenshin Tanaka
Age: 23
Gender: Male
Appearance:


A tall, thin man of narrow jaw and short dark hair. He dresses in smart, modest clothing that's primarily blue, brown or beige. He is entirely unremarkable, and vanishes into a crowd with almost superhuman ease.

Personality: Calm, kind and focused. Normally a very polite, reserved and cautious person, Kenshin's personality becomes much bolder in dangerous situations - his keen mind is ever vigilant and observant of the smallest details, picking apart the world around him an array of perception that most can't seem to decipher.
Skills:
--- Eyes of Modest Truth: Seeing the world through mortal eyes and a mortal form that none-the-less focuses on the unusual and prenatural, Kenshin is able to quickly pick up on and discover things that most would fail to notice. With great cunning his eyes dart about as if possessed, the fragments coming together into an elaborate picture.
--- Silver Tongue: While not generally dishonest, Kenshin knows a thing or too about holding people's attention - even if it means the occasional spark of nonsense or redacting the less favourable aspects of a situation.
--- Moderate Income: Through living in a cheap, low-quality apartment and having a relatively steady part-time job on the side, Kenshin has resources that most high schoolers could only dream of.

Weapon(s):
--- A Nice Hat: Pictured alongside him, it's really very nice. It's also just the right size to obscure his face without making it seem obvious, if that's something he needs to do.
Brief History:

Growing up in a small and uneventful family, the son of a couple who ran a corner shop in their cozy seaside town, Kenshin rarely aspired to greatness. He had many natural talents, and the world seemed good. While he had few friends, he and his sister would tell each other everything, and they often stood up for each other - he'd help her with homework, she'd help him to overcome his shyness and make friends. When it came to bullies, they always had each other's backs...

And then one day a fairy came to town, and the bond grew distant.

She left for greener pastures, metaphorically speaking. No longer happy with her small town life, small town friends, small town dreams...

Small town brother.

...

[TO BE EDITED]

----

Cat Name: Kurumi
Cat Appearance:

Cat Personality: Kurumi has a lovable personality when she's not murdering smaller animals and bringing them to Kenshin as gifts. She loves nothing more than eating tuna, snuggling by the fire, and sneering at her pet human or interfering in his work at the worst possible times.
Handily, though, she's got an even better eye for the strange and unusual than Kenshin does...

----

Theme Song:
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