Hidden 7 yrs ago 7 yrs ago Post by CyanideSweetie
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@Jinxer heyo, heads up my new phone crapped out on me :T
ill post now cause im on my friends laptop but it may mot be super frequent the next few days.

edit: sorry , my post is so awful legit falling asleep
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Jinxer
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So I should probably explain what's going on now, huh?

@AnnieTimeNow@Aquanthe@HecateProxy@KimmiNinja@Utrax@CyanideSweetie@wolverbells@SheriffLlama

Essentially you will now get to create your character's tutor/trainer who will oversee the individual aspects of your character's care. They will monitor their health and stats, be a confidante and moderate any medication based on test results. Later on they will be instrumental in helping your characters understand and shape their powers as they grow in strength.

First it's just a blood test followed by a drink and a snack to regain blood sugar levels before some exercise under careful scrutiny to get baseline levels of abilities for everyone in the facility.
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Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by ghastlyInc
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Fan theory: Who ever assigned personal trainers was apparently also trying to play match maker. Two days into having powers and someone's already trying to breed an ubermensch.
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Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by CyanideSweetie
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Im having phone issues again -.- I switched to my old old phone and its working much better. But ive got to get an SD card before I can download discord
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Jinxer
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I'm re-opening this to new apps due to an inactivity. I'll only be looking for one, perhaps two players and it'll be based on character sheet quality, not first come first served.

Please make sure you read some of the IC to get a feel for the RP so that your sheet corresponds appropriately - if the mood of it is doesn't match I will ignore it.
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Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by ProxyInc
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Ooooh, how exciting!
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by ghastlyInc
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Heyo ho. Well, I do have a CS already in the OOC and am Willing to change things up depending on how GM and CO feel. Can repost it if that is helpful
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Carlyle
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@ghastlyInc

First, allow me to apologize for not reviewing the sheet sooner. Jinxer and I both have been trying to keep our respective RPs afloat on top of our IRL issues, therefore we haven't had any time to review your sheet.

While I can't say anything for Jinxer, I have taken a few moments to glance over what you have made, and I have noticed a few issues which are stated below:

1)


Eli welcomed the illness when it arrived, despite the coldness that drove through him like a spike. Dooms day had been perpetually neigh for as long as he could remember, and the strange creatures drapped in white that filled his fogged vision could only be messengers of god as they hoisted him from his death bed. At last, Freedom, in one form or another, was the only thing nigh.


To begin, I believe you are misunderstanding how the illness began. It doesn't start out as if your character is experiencing a terminal illness. Rather, it is more of a cold or the flu, with more nausea and vomiting - your typical average sickness.

Additionally, in this RP, they wouldn't be wearing scrubs (white gowns and such), instead bio hazard suits. They would also have taken Eli to the facility with his own consent.

2)


Eli has the ability to control and manifest ice and seems to suffer no ill effects from extreme cold. Currently, he seems to be limited to objects with a volume not exceeding 30 cubic centimeters (volume of a standard ice cube). It is unknown if he manifest ice through moister in the air or if the act of creating the ice is entirely a function of his abilities or if it is some combination of the two there in.

Current projections suggest that, once fully developed, he could fully solidify 2,500 cubic meters (volume of an Olympic swimming pool) of water within 10 seconds and could potentially manipulate (at any given point) half that volume.


Secondly, Eli's power is too similar to another character in the RP, being Arthur. While one deals with ice and the other deals with water, they are more or less the same thing as water is just melted ice and ice is frozen water. As such, I can not accept this power.

3)


Due to pending psychiatric evaluations, Eli O'dell is NOT recommended to be transferred to gen pop residence halls. Subject is highly susceptible to emotional manipulation and lacks the understanding of social norms not to be a potential danger to both himself and others. When, if necessary, that he does interact with gen pop, it is highly recommend a senior faculty member be present to supervise.


I have a problem with one piece of this section. According to the sheet, Eli lacks the understanding of social norms, which has the potential to make him a danger to everyone. However, looking back into his history, Eli was once a part of a large community, where he would have to, most likely, interact with others. By interacting, wouldn't Eli have learned the social norms that he is apparently missing?

These are the most glaring issues that pop directly outwards to what I have read, although this is just my point of view. If you want, you can go ahead and fix these issues, but I would still wait until Jinxer has a chance to look over your sheet and see if he has any problems with Eli.
Hidden 7 yrs ago 7 yrs ago Post by ghastlyInc
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@Aquanthe
Thanks for the feed back, its much appreciated! And no worries about the lateness of the review, acceptance was closed then and it was more thrown together for the fun of it.
To address what you brought up
1) I was playing up the illness angle more as a play on him coming from an isolationist community with strong stigmas towards modern society, medication included. So I was modeling its severity (for him atleast) to pre-modern influenza (which was more deadly than it is today). I might have over estimated the scope of illness you two were aiming for.
And I was attempting to suggest hazmat suits, though Eli at that point would have been too dazed by his illness to recognize them as such.
No problems with changing this. History as a whole might need some rework to begin with (see point 3).

2) Was going for an elemental based power to create fodder for Eli to wax poetic on. In the original case, he was likely to compare his abilities to Cocytus, the frozen lake in the ninth circle of hell outlined in Dante's inferno. Additionally, I found it an interesting as a personality comparison for Arthur, who is more free spirited and flexible(by comparison) to the more conservative Eli.

I've got no problems what so ever in changing it. Christian mythology is such that a lot of things can be modified to be parallels to elemental powers. Just explaining the thought process there.

3) The isolation angle was more about why he currently not in the story. Was attempting to suggest that his communities isolation (and social customs as a result of being a religious commune) might lead to conflict with other residents either due to misunderstandings or out right opposition to their own beliefs. I think did that part poorly. While he does have an understanding of social norms, in this rendition they would be somewhat warped by this theology.

And to be honest, I'm not 100% about the cult angle either. Its a very abnormal upbringing for what this setting would suggest. I did mull around the idea of his being outright amish, but that comes with the problems of either insulting amish traditions (not that many are likely to call me out on that) or beliefs, which is something I'd like to avoid as a matter of politeness.
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Ornatur
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Hey,there :D So I just wanted to ask before I went ahead and made a CS, is this still open to new people? I saw that at least one person that had wanted to join previously, but he/she got old that it was full for now and he/she would be informed if that changed. Guessing that he/she had priority? Or ? Again, just wanting to ask before I sink hours into something :P
Hidden 7 yrs ago 7 yrs ago Post by ProxyInc
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@Ornatur We're accepting one to two more people. There is no first come first serve. Just create a cs following the guidelines set by jinx a few posts above and it'll be up for consideration.
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Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Carlyle
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@Ornatur It is not priority-based, rather it is quality-based. We are also looking for possibly up to two people, so you're welcome to make a character sheet.
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Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Ornatur
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@HecateProxy@Aquanthe

Thanks to the both of you. I will see what I can smack together :)
Hidden 7 yrs ago 7 yrs ago Post by Ornatur
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Hidden 7 yrs ago 7 yrs ago Post by ghastlyInc
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Alright. Did a second pass on Eli since I had some time. Hopefully I addressed the issues from the previous attempt. Let me know if there are any concerns or edits that you would like to see.
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@Ornatur@ghastlyInc I'll review both of them soon, but it might have to wait until later tomorrow. However, Jinxer should be on a few hours, so he can take a look at them earlier than me.
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Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Jinxer
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@Ornatur

Looks great, really got a feel for your character there. I'm accepting your character.

@ghastlyInc

Much better. I still feel that the occult background is a bit heavy though. I don't want it to go as it'll make for an interesting character but it still feels like it's almost the sum total of his existence until now, with a little of hos struggle against it coming through.

A slightly niggly thing on my part in terms of formatting: if you could space between paragraphs it would make it a little easier on the eyes/to read/follow.

Very nearly there. Maybe add a bit about his personality just so we can get a bit of a feel for him but otherwise I'd say we're good.
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Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by ghastlyInc
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Right. I'll make the edits tonight after I get back from work. (late shift so it might be a while).
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Jinxer
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@ghastlyInc

No worries, I'm still at work myself so no rush at all.
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by ghastlyInc
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Alright. Edits done. That should give him a few other things outside of Big J to talk about. (plus, now someone can try and teach the poor boy how to drive stick. Good luck.)
But yeah, let me know if that's satisfactory. If not, I'd love to hear some other ideas!
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