Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Mixtape Ghost N
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@Atroposer There's a question I have about Marabel's power. What if someone else harms her, what would happen?

@Suku I kind of think her power needs a bit more explanation, because as it stands, it's a little too vague for me. Especially when you gotta factor in things like how long it takes to have an affect, what volume, and how long she can keep it going.

"They have to hear her!" isn't that big of a weakness to me tbh since it's like... no shit. lol
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Atroposer
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@Surtr Thank you for reading her over. It's down in her weaknesses, which I now realize is poorly organized. "Not to mention, should she harm herself without intent to transfer or become wounded by another, the wound will not heal until pushed off onto another person." So, essentially it'll just be a regular wound.
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Suku
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@SurtrThan do you got any suggestions?
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Mixtape Ghost N
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@SurtrThan do you got any suggestions?


Well, if we were to apply the power realistically... her throat/vocal chords/whatever would get sore after singing for awhile (unless she does it a lot, but even then there's a limit). Probably hurt for a few days if she doesn't give it a rest.
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Rune_Alchemist
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@Duoya

Alright, that sounds reasonable to me Duoya~
Still wouldn't go around flashing that gun for any reason, though.

Once Sutr and Savo approve, you're good in my books.

@Atroposer

Hmm...personally I can't find anything too wrong. I think Savo may have had a question of some sort, but I'm not entirely sure. For now, you get a pass from me.
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Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Savo
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@Duoya

That answers my questions for the most part. This character looks good to me; your final hurdle will be Surtr. Have fun!

@Atroposer

While I do have my problems with her, it's something I can't put my finger on. The app is pretty jarring to me for this reason.

Her backstory seems fine, yet I just can't shake off the feeling that something is off. And for your powers, it's the same thing. I'm cool with them, yet I'm not cool with them. It's pretty friggin' peculiar. I'm going to sit on this just a little longer and ponder for now.
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Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Atroposer
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@Savo No worries! Let me know when you figure it out. I have a feeling I may need to add more weakness, but I wasn't entirely certain. It could be that I wrote her as a discomforting character?
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Suku
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@SurtrThere edited the cs
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Mixtape Ghost N
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@Duoya I like the idea of a magic smartphone (I played with the idea in other RPs). He's good in my book.
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Tominas
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@Savo@Surtr@Rune_Alchemist

So I know the powers are a little bit out there on this one, and we sorta have a no-holds barred thing going on. Would Carbon manipulation be a bit too specific? Specifically with chemical bonds. I'm thinking a sort of "Well, I'm holding this bag of rice, so I'm going to combine the glucose in here with oxygen in the air to form CO and hold my breath because now I'm standing in a cloud of poison." Only one of his weaknesses is that he's really, really bad at chemistry. The guy just doesn't get it. Another is that he still has to breathe like everyone else. Also bullets. Bullets will be a very important weakness.

Actual power limits, he would have to be in contact with whatever he was converting, and would require all component elements to be free and immediately beside/inside of whatever he was trying to transform. Additionally, he would have to know what was chemically required for that transformation. In other words, his power would be much better if he actually knew what he was doing. I WAS thinking that he could supply a limited amount of carbon a day from his own body, just to have some available. Regardless, does this seem like it will be too specific/not match the vibe we're going for? If so, I'll come up with something else, and I have a few ideas already.
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Pirouette
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Made the changes, hope I'm not too presumptuous.
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Captain Marvel
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Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Rice Porridge
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I'm in China and have as much access to the internet as a walnut so it might take me a while to get a sheet up
sorry
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Suku
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I am going to have to step down sorry for the trouble this causes personal reasons and a few problems in the rp I run has occured and as such wont be able to devote enough time to this.
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Thecrash20
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@Thecrash20

<Snipped quote by Savo>

I hate being the bearer of bad news, but the RP is currently full at the moment, for those who expressed interest in the Int. Check. We'll keep you on a list in case we need someone else for the RP, but at the moment we're full and can't accept the character.

Everyone else: I'm working on reviewing CS's. Boy, we got a lot in a short amount of time. I'll try to have my thoughts and stuff up soon, promise!~


Oh I was aware, but thank you! I keep seeing RPs start with 8, drops to 4 in a week, and dies with 2 in a month, so I just threw my char in here just in case need new chars quick.
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Rune_Alchemist
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@Tominas

So...basically just molecular manipulation? Specifically, dealing with Carbon and making it? Did I read that right?

If so, I don't see why it wouldn't be good. Carbon is a pretty common element, so I think it'd perfectly be useful if used creatively.

@Captain Marvel

Alright, so...from what I can see it's basically just shape shifting. Neat-o and fine with me. Just something I can see that need to be adjusted slightly and something else to be clarified.

The first one is just going to be being a little nit-picky I feel, but if her abilities copied everything right down to the DNA level, she'd essentially just be stuck in whatever form she shifted into, because she'd lose the DNA gene that made her able to do that in the first place. I'm just going to assume that the gene would always be present and whatnot. Might want to just take that little line out of the CS about that.

Secondly - I'm going to also assume that its limited to only animals that she can absorb and turn into? If that's the case, then I personally see no problems with her myself.

If humans/other sentient beings are possible, then that's gonna be a bit of a problem.

I think Savo may have had other concerns, but I'll let him get to you whenever he stops being lazy~

@Pirouette

Well, I already gave you my go ahead so not much else to say from me.
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Savo
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@Tominas

Other than what Rune said/explained in a sense, don't have a problem with it either.

@Captain Marvel

Alright, so for the most part, I'm in the same park with Rune on this one. It seems she can take anythings life away easily as long as she has a good grasp on them and then morph into said thing. To expand on Rune's point about other humans/sentient beings, that will pose a major problem. Going again on what Rune said, if she copies everything down to the DNA level, does she overwrite her own gene, keeping herself from morphing back? And if she absorbs a human, does that mean she gets their powers? And if she does, can she morph back? If she absorbs an alien, she can gain whatever powers they have too (even though she probably won't run into many over the duration of the roleplay).

It just seems broad in what it can absorb (despite it being limited to organic things), so that might need to be toned down.

And another thing. Something didn't ring right with me in the backstory. How long have her parents been in contact with ATLAS and why were they waiting around until now just to tell her about this?
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by checkeredsoul
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I hope this is ok, tell me if i need to change anything ^^


Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Rice Porridge
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@checkeredsoul
I ent a gm, but I'll just say it sa yeh cen get ta work

Check yer personality format, since they'd be wantin' it in a list format
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Rune_Alchemist
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@checkeredsoul

Alright, after reading over it...a couple of things.

First issue is that power. I'm going to go ahead and knock this out of the way before the rest of the CS.

Power Mimcry? Yeah, That's going to be a straight up veto by itself. No power mimicry is going to be allowed, since it's sort of...would be incredibly difficult, if not impossible in this setting. Maybe through a conduit, but even then...not exactly something we'd just let anyone have since the potential for OPness is quite high.

Even if we were to accept the ability itself (which we're most likely not), you'd need much more than a single line describing it. Especially in the weakness section. Touching someone and copying their ability isn't much of a weakness. It's a lot easier to do then one might think. As for being able to hold only one...well, yeah. That's about par for the course I'd imagine.

Secondly, as Rice has said the personality format isn't right. While a single paragraph is fine, @Savo wants a list of notable traits from your character. They don't have to be one word descriptors, but try to keep them to a few words. I would suggest at least five or six, and a paragraph (only a paragraph) following it if you feel the need to explain a few things that may seem contradictory.

Example from one of my characters:
- Slow to trust
- Shy when meeting new people
- Cheerful
- Reserved
- Methodical
- Slow to act
- Intelligent
- Gluttonous
- Somewhat 'out there'
- Spontaneous
- Mischievous
- Doesn't like conflict


Lastly, I would really suggest a picture. It would at least help us, a little.

TL;DR
try and come up with a different superpower, follow the personality format, and make sure you at least describe your characters abilities more than with a single sentence. We don't expect you to be able to cover all the weaknesses in the CS, but at least do try and not be vague about what it can/can't do. A little more detail in the appearance section would help as well.
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