@Cyndyr

My guess is that you blocked it to protect yourself. It's better if you can put it behind you and keep looking forwards. That takes a lot of time to get through emotionally. It sounds like you are doing really well now and I am glad to hear that. You will deal with residual effects of it your entire life. So I think it is good to get it and whatever else comes up off of your chest.

@Cyndyr

My guess is that you blocked it to protect yourself. It's better if you can put it behind you and keep looking forwards. That takes a lot of time to get through emotionally. It sounds like you are doing really well now and I am glad to hear that. You will deal with residual effects of it your entire life. So I think it is good to get it and whatever else comes up off of your chest.

That's likely the case, yes. I have recently been trying to piece together memories of my childhood as my first ten years of life appear to be a void aside from what people have told me. I have found a few memories, but they weren't pleasant ones. That being said, I am considering writing about my life if only to come to terms with what has happened.

@Cyndyr

You might want to be careful about that. You might find it was worse than you thought. Handling that type of thing can be a lot harder than you think. I would hate to see you suffer more.

@Cyndyr

You might want to be careful about that. You might find it was worse than you thought. Handling that type of thing can be a lot harder than you think. I would hate to see you suffer more.

It can't be much worse than what I already know. Parents probably never loved me, family betrayed me, supposed best friend paid her cousin a dollar to drown me in a lake when I was seven, been a scapegoat for a band of whiny suicidal teens for as long as I can remember, was targeted by my parent's lovely alcoholic of a roommate until I was kicked out for not doing her dishes, yadda, yadda, etc. I truly appreciate your concern, but I think that's a story that should be told just as James McBride shared the story of his mother and Tim O'Brien of his lost war buddies. There are a lot of extraordinary people that I've met in my life who deserve acknowledgment for even being part of my life.

@Cyndyr

If you are that sure then I am certain you can handle it. It sounds like you are a very strong person and that as bad as things have been you have had some good people around you as well. I hope that continues.

@Cyndyr

If you are that sure then I am certain you can handle it. It sounds like you are a very strong person and that as bad as things have been you have had some good people around you as well. I hope that continues.

Thank you kindly. I appreciate it.

Hardest thing I ever did was learn to walk again.

When I was thirteen My mother and I were driving down the main road in our old hometown when one of the car tires blew out. My mum lost control of a car and swerved into oncoming traffic and we hit a van coming the other way head on. I was sitting in the passenger seat and it was the front passenger corner of the car the hit the van.

Both of my legs ended up crushed in the accident, beyond the ability for reconstructive surgery. So instead I ended up having to have both legs amputated below the knee.

I spent a little over a year in rehabilitation learning to walk again on prosthetics and I came very close to giving up a few times. I'd get to the point were I'd think it'd just be easier to spend the rest of my life in a wheelchair rather than bother with the prosthetics and each time my doctor would push and push until I was ready to continue.

Today I walk as well on my prosthetics as I did on my own natural born legs.

@CrypticCupcake

That is an incredible feat! I'm so proud of you for not giving up. That it happened at such a terribly difficult age already and you persevered just goes to show what a strong person you are.

@Wick

That's very kind of you to say, but if I'm honest I don't think I would have persevered if my doctor and family hadn't been there to keep pushing me. I suppose the moral of my story is less about never giving up and more about never giving up on people who need you.

@CrypticCupcake

Sometimes you are pushed and sometimes you have to push someone else. The important thing is to believe in yourself and others and to not give up no matter how bad the situation is. *hugs* You are amazing.

Leaving a toxic RP group that had plagued me with harassment for months. I had been with them for years, and for that reason a piece of me kept feeling a tug to return to them while the insults and slurs continued to happen. As I said in the Let's Gush thread, I'm incredibly thankful to those that supported me and helped me sever all connections that I had with said group.

amputation!

And here I thought I was the only one on the guild. Welcome, fellow cyborg!

Hardest thing I've ever done, eh?

Well, I don't think this applies since it wasn't something I sought to do on my own initiative, but I think the large majority of cases are just like that: They happen and you have to deal with it.

I took the responsibility of my entire household's bills at the age of eighteen years old(I'm twenty now). I have an absent father that disappeared with another woman, a very hardworking mother that had to give up her job to take care of my grandmother, who due to a particular health problem, couldn't walk nor do anything on her own. At the time, I worked 4 hours as an 'apprentice' in a company in my town and I was like, completely lost of what I'd do. My money was all spent on going out and having fun since my mother did have a fine job previously and could sustain the whole house on her own without difficult, however, this changed entirely when she had to call quits and focus on her mother.

Luckily, I was effectively hired by the same company and now I work full time, have a decent paycheck and I had to pretty much become the pillar of my family's stuff. I bring food on the table, pay 'em bills and carry on, saving what little rest I have for my own stuff. It's not something extraordinary, but it makes me feel quite proud of at least managing to return all my mother did for me, in a way or another.

@Project

That's really an amazing thing you did and are doing for your mom. Keep up the good work. I'm positive she appreciates your sacrifices for the family.

I've had a lot of problems in my life,but I think the hardest thing that I've ever done is forgive myself for all of the bad things I've done,and constantly fighting with myself to not give in to my problems. I've caused a lot of harm throughout my teenage years to myself and others; the inability to control my emotions,procrastination towards everything that lead to me barely passing highschool this year,and other things that you could label under the term 'stalking'. It lead me to a brief period where I felt that I was a monster who shouldn't exist.

Honestly,it took a lot of courage to look my problems in the eye, to address them and acknowledge and forgive myself for what I did. I'm always told that we're human,and that we make mistakes. It's those mistakes that I've made that propel me forward to my true goal to help others that are in the same situation I am.

@The Mage

As teenagers we all do stupid, cruel and unbelievably selfish things that others see as wrong or crazy. We all hurt people with our immaturity. Trust that if you can see your own faults and work on them then you aren't half as bad as you thought you were. It's the ones that are unable to see that are the ones to worry about. For them it will take something big happening before they see it themselves.

Forgiveness is the beginning of healing. I believe you are a good person. I can see it in your writing that you are good. Just keep working towards making your future better. If you can make amends for past hurts that will help you feel better about yourself. You have a good heart. *hugs*

The worst thing I ever went through in this life, don't even have to think about it, my worst day, my worst memory, my worst everything was definitely watching my Dad slowly die in front of me knowing that there was nothing that anyone could do. Watching life slowly slip away is a horrible experience, I wouldn't wish it on anyone to suffer, not even my most hated enemies. It was the same event that completely broke me and i became dead inside for such a long time.

@Serpah Cross

First let me say that I am terribly sorry that you had to go through that. It's terrible to see anyone die in front of you but a parent especially if you are young when it happens would have to be one of the worst. I sympathize with you immensely. The only upside is that he knew you were with him in the end and he knew he wasn't alone. Not that it helps much but it is one good thing to consider.

My husband saw his father die at twenty years old. He was the only one there. It haunts him to this day and I'm sure it will haunt you for the rest of your days as well. I dread the day when one of my parents dies. It's one of my biggest fears. I'm not sure why I fear it. I love them tremendously but it's normal for them to pass before us so why it scares me so much I don't know.

I watched the light pass out of my grandmother's eyes and it is something I will never forget. She suffered terribly beforehand but she was so happy to see me I'm glad I was there for her. I comforted her and told her it was okay to go. She was worried about her daughter who was there in the room on the couch. That one moment when she slipped away still...It devastated me for a long time. It's been seven years ago and it still wanders into my mind more often than I'd like and it still makes me cry.

I'm not sure you will ever get over it but I hope it isn't allowed to consume you. Your father would want you to be happy and have a wonderful life. You have all of my support if you need a shoulder to cry on I'm here. PM if you want/need to.

Its okay now, it was nine years ago when I was sixteen, since then I have learned to live with the pain as everyone must do when something tragic happens to them. It is true enough that the longer one lives the more pain they will inevitably have to face before their own end comes knocking however long that might be. Life for me was a series of tragic events dating back to my elementary days, I learned quickly that life can cruel from a young age, I would be a lier if said it had not warped my mind into a way of thinking that nearly caused me to lose who I was forever. I was consumed by my pain for a long time, all I could see was a world of black and white, a bleak hell that had no purpose and no reason for me, walking in the darkness, lingering on the edge of the eternal abyss wanting to jump in but hanging on even if I didn't know why. I felt nothing and I cared for nothing, I killed my own emotions completely so that I never had to suffer again. I am saying this, telling you this, for one reason. An that is simple, the reason is that I want anyone who possibly see's this that no matter how much pain you suffer, no matter how dark your road becomes and how hellish this world can be, there is always a way back, there is happiness to be found if you only give yourself the chance to find it.

There is always a reason for being and a reason for ones pain and I found mine the day I stopped someone from ending their own life even if at the time I didn't know I had done it. I realized that there a lot of people of all ages out there who are suffering the same pain but in their own ways, and I decided to use my experience of my own pain to start giving others who are lost in that same darkness the light I never had, the light had to find on my own. The very same thing that I believe this thread was created for if intentionally or just by pure coincidence. I find meaning in sharing my pain with others because I believe very much like I think you do that if just one person reads any of this and they find that sliver of strength they need to make it to the next day then it completely worth it, to know that there are others out there who have been there and found the way. But I uh think I am rambling, something I tend to do when getting into the vortex that is my brain :) but uh before I cut this and post it I had a couple other things to say.

Firstly I am sorry about your husbands tragic event, you are quite right it does haunt me as I am sure it does him. But I believe like I mentioned above that every event in this life has purpose, is pushing you towards who or what your suppose to be. What is important in the end is to always remember the times you had with them both good and bad, because it is those memories that allow them to live on now and for generations to come. Even now I feel like crying a little bit thinking about him but I know he is watching somehow, someway and that my story will go on even though his ended. His last words to me were everything is going to be okay, an if he meant those words to inspire me to become stronger or not that's what they did, took a long time but everything did turn out okay.

Being scared your parents are gonna pass I believe is normal especially when you come across others who have lost one the other or even both, it sort of opens your eye's to the reality that a day will come when they won't be there. We all fear being alone even someone like me who thrives on being a loner, and losing those people, those cornerstones of your life, it is scary because regardless of what you have or who you have you will feel alone in the world regardless. Its one thing to know its a normal part of life that your parents must eventually leave here, but its another to convince your mind that its not going to hurt. You can be prepared but when the bell tolls it hurts all the same. I'm sure I don't have to tell you this but cherish them, every moment, because the bell tolls for us all at any given time.

As it so happen my grandmother whom I and my family cared for, for almost 3 to 4 years passed away not even six months ago now. Even though we knew it was time, it was still hard to let go and thats what makes us human. That love and that caring of people, I am sorry again that you yourself had to go through that and that it still brings you pain. I truly do believe though that the spirit does carry on if there is a god or not, and that when we face our mortality that we will move to a place beyond that is beautiful. Know that I truly believe she is happy and you were there when it counted in the end and in it bring you comfort.

Thank you for your response, truly. I offer the same thing to you if ever a time comes when you need to talk or just get out of your own head for a bit.

@Wick