Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by BayRat
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@Riffus Maximus Congratulations for being the second accepted character sheet!
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Komager
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Komager Back from the Dead

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Here's my submission, one brutal-ass demon's champion.


Hidden 7 yrs ago 7 yrs ago Post by TheWendil
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TheWendil The Wendil-Sama™ / ಠ_ಠ

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@TheWindel
My first issue with this sheet as you are really vague with her overall character. If you want to keep some information out of public eye, that's fine, and I certainly don't mind the mystery behind what she is and all because thats actually pretty interesting.


Vagueness is intentional as I'm not going to bother explaining a possible eldritch horror.

While this ability is interesting, the biggest issue I have with this is what it does. While you do describe it acts as an agent of disease and pestilence you also say it has a wide variety of results on the intended victim. In addition for it to having an incredible range, this is concerning because as a gm I'm not sure how powerful it is; nor on who would be effective or uneffected by it. SINCE it is based on disease, I recommend that it only applies to living, organic characters (This excludes undead, and various supernatural entities) and that perhaps you can list what exactly this disease can do to its victims.


As it is a field of disease, it should be self-evident that it only effects the living. Furthermore, the variety of diseases aspect is an excuse to be creative with it, though the effects will most likely range from making the victims vomit to just making them overall sick. As for how powerful it is, the vagueness seen throughout my CS acts as the limit; if I don't say it's higher than a city level, than it's not higher than city level. As I do say, she can poison cities easily, you can assume the range is limited to city level.

The alchemy and Colgarity abilities are fine. However I'd like more description on her summon; both its physical description and size, and what its exact powers are. Depending upon how powerful it is may require drawbacks such as damage sacrifice, limited time for summon, etc.


It's physical description can be seen from its image and its powers are merely enhancements to the already poisonous abilities mentioned. As the CS does say it is the Empress' greatest invention, this much can be inferred. Considering this is also her trump card basically, it can also be inferred this summon takes much energy for her to use as a whole and is only a last resort.

As far as weaknesses go, while the first is interesting since she can't be far without her owner; I'd like to see an additional drawback to her form. She seems to be based in some sort of alchemy, at least in her physical body anyway. Some weaknesses could include, for instance, that direct contact with water could make her fall apart or if she's stitched together like some kind of frankenstein monster she needs to be careful over physical exertion as to not tear herself apart. Since you were vague with what she is, its hard for me give any weaknesses aside from guessing what she is and offering suggestions. If the former ideas wouldn't work, I implore you to add some more physical limitations of your own.


As the Empress is pretty much useless in actual battle, you're gonna have to give me a better weakness to consider since that's already a very big cripple in this kind of setting. I'm not going to give her a weakness that makes no sense for the sake of making her intentionally weak; however if it makes sense and in context, it will be applied. I suggest perhaps something else that requires her to be in the presence of her servant, of which we can discuss in detail with @KoL
Hidden 7 yrs ago 7 yrs ago Post by KoL
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KoL Knight of Lorelei

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Ok, so here's Hohenheim:

Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Dead Cruiser
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Dead Cruiser Dishonour Before Death / Better You Than Me

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@KoL I can't seem to escape this perverted old man.

In any case, I'll start on my character tonight. Planning on a vampire. The first vampire.
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by KoL
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@Dead Cruiser

I find this cast disappointingly lacking in the matter of libido and personality. Of course, I had to fix it.

I mean, one thing is writing that your character is this or that. Another is making them feel that they are this or that from their mere description. Hohenheim isn't even evil in her eyes, she's a woman of science that follows no one's rules of morality.

She may be evil from an objective standpoint, but she's humanly evil, not a caricature of rage and bloodshed. This is a whole different game since (discounting the supernatural powers) Hohenheim is the type of person that could be living in your neighborhood and you wouldn't ever know about... until it's too late.
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Dead Cruiser
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Dead Cruiser Dishonour Before Death / Better You Than Me

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@KoL More commenting on the use of Cagliostro, who is quite decidedly not a woman at all.
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by KoL
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@KoL More commenting on the use of Cagliostro, who is quite decidedly not a woman at all.


Oh, that I know. Just read Hohenheim's backstory. It was very well inspired by that and something also that's very easy to tell.
Hidden 7 yrs ago 7 yrs ago Post by Thecrash20
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@dragonmancer Done with the corrections made. Edited a few things and Added something to his abilities as well.


@Komager Since we're both Demons, but of different gods. Would you like to have some relationship with each other starting off. I was thinking either something competitive or down right hating each other due to Enzoyo thinking himself to be Greater than all Demons that still follow their original Godly entity.
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Komager
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Komager Back from the Dead

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@Thecrash20 it would make sense for there to be some sort of rivalry here definitely. Since Enzoyo feels himself superior, he's likely to feel more contempt for the Wildhorn than outirght hatred, whereas my character is more likely to hate yours due to his devotion to his master. Of course, as that devotion fades, he could even end up asking Enzoyo to help him dispose of his master. There's a lot of room for character development.
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Hidden 7 yrs ago 7 yrs ago Post by Thecrash20
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@Komager

@Thecrash20 it would make sense for there to be some sort of rivalry here definitely. Since Enzoyo feels himself superior, he's likely to feel more contempt for the Wildhorn than outirght hatred, whereas my character is more likely to hate yours due to his devotion to his master. Of course, as that devotion fades, he could even end up asking Enzoyo to help him dispose of his master. There's a lot of room for character development.


I like it! Well go with that. Although contempt is the proper word, it sometimes leads to thinking he could have some sort of pity, but that is not the case at all.
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@Komager

<Snipped quote by Komager>

I like it! Well go with that. Although contempt is the proper word, it sometimes leads to thinking he could have some sort of pity, but that is not the case at all.


Of course, a demon never does anything for free, so while my character may be naïve enough to think Enzoyo is helping him because he wants to destroy Ghadur as well, there will almost undoubtedly be some sort of bargaining involved in which the Wildhorn is manipulated for Enzoyo's gain. These are all things we can flesh out later as the story develops.
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Hidden 7 yrs ago 7 yrs ago Post by BayRat
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@Komager@Thecrash20

Both demons are officially accepted, glad to have you guys aboard.




<Snipped quote by dragonmancer>

Vagueness is intentional as I'm not going to bother explaining a possible eldritch horror.

<Snipped quote by dragonmancer>

As it is a field of disease, it should be self-evident that it only effects the living. Furthermore, the variety of diseases aspect is an excuse to be creative with it, though the effects will most likely range from making the victims vomit to just making them overall sick. As for how powerful it is, the vagueness seen throughout my CS acts as the limit; if I don't say it's higher than a city level, than it's not higher than city level. As I do say, she can poison cities easily, you can assume the range is limited to city level.

<Snipped quote by dragonmancer>

It's physical description can be seen from its image and its powers are merely enhancements to the already poisonous abilities mentioned. As the CS does say it is the Empress' greatest invention, this much can be inferred. Considering this is also her trump card basically, it can also be inferred this summon takes much energy for her to use as a whole and is only a last resort.

<Snipped quote by dragonmancer>

As the Empress is pretty much useless in actual battle, you're gonna have to give me a better weakness to consider since that's already a very big cripple in this kind of setting. I'm not going to give her a weakness that makes no sense for the sake of making her intentionally weak; however if it makes sense and in context, it will be applied. I suggest perhaps something else that requires her to be in the presence of her servant, of which we can discuss in detail with @KoL


-I'm not going to force players to not play vague characters, as I've said before its an interesting tool to play around with. However as you've noticed I'm very picky with powers and abilities in terms of what players can and can't do. Eldritch horrors are a neat concept too if played right.

-I'd like to clarify that city level is the MAXIMUM cap in terms of power. I certainly appreciate players being creative with their powers, but as the gm I have the final say in such matters as I am, once again, very picky with balancing. A city level disease cloud is fine, so long as the sickness induced on it isn't immediately fatal. Your description on it passes.

-I prefer having things written out when it comes to physical appearance. More importantly, the picture (while giving the image of a generally large creature) doesn't give me the exact proportions. As I've said before I need an illustration on its exact power. Even if its just a beef nugget, I'd like to see its limits on its strength; how much can it lift and etc. This is especially important since you describe it as her strongest move.

-She has gun arms and the ability to summon a monster, that alone can be used effectively in combat; nevermind her disease cloud utility and her alchemy. Even if she isn't much of a fighter, she without a doubt holds a lot of power. If you look at some of our already accepted sheets you'll see a lot of characters, even at different power tiers, have a variety of strengths and weaknesses with only one exceptional character that has a single weakness. That being said, its hard for me to assign recommended weaknesses because again, you're being vague about it.
Since she is not a good fighter I recommend giving her physical limitations that actually gives her problems when in direct confrontation. This will enforce the strategic/back line role where she can use her cloud or summon from a safe distance, with her hand cannons being used as a last resort close quarters weapons if need be.



@KoL
After seeing these two characters I have to say I have a bit of a personal bias against them because a lot of their flavor screams more of FMA anime inspired rather then mythology or fantasy games. This is fine, I don't want to limit where people get their inspiration from, but with the current cast we have now that kind of theme feels very out of place.

This sheet handles a bit of the vagueness better since it gives me a good idea of what she is, or at least what she generally is physically, and has more descript powers.

Before I get into the exact powers, I'd like to discuss the philosopher stone first. THIS is more fitting as an artifact, something Lancelot would give him, and would be far much better if it were that case instead of her already having the stone. This gives the alchemist more incentive for joining Lancelot, as well as how I'd like to balance her alchemic ability. I'll get into that down below, but for now consider the Philosopher stone as the main fuel source for her more advanced variations of alchemy. Additionally, the stone will have charges giving her limits on how much of that advanced alchemy she can use. The stone can only be recharged by absorbing souls, a task that may require assistance from another cast member such as our deathless cleric or one of our demons.

Transmutation is fine, however advanced transmutations will require using the philosopher stone.
Bending matter like in the anime or changing its composition will be considered a basic alchemic property, however changing that matter into another form of matter altogether (i.E. Stone into Gold, water into fire, etc.) will require the use of the stone.

Golem creation is fine, however the philosopher stone can be used to give the golem a soul that the stone absorbed; this can buff the golem and make it more permanent, but runs the risk of getting a rogue personality.

Alkaheist is a bit..problematic. Not just as a weapon, but a universal solvent has a lot of versatility. I will allow its use, but she can only create a gallon of the substance by draining her entire stone's worth of souls.

Ars Magna is fine so long as it is limited to the philosopher stone and can quickly drain its energy source.

And now into weaknesses.
Once again, you only give her one 'weakness' yet she has an incredible regeneration ability alongside a disease/poison immunity, and thats not even touching on her prowess with alchemy.
The soul bond idea is fine, but I'd like to see ADDITIONAL weaknesses that works against them, especially upon building on the case that they are not built for fighters (Despite having great power and utility.)

I'll leave all that up to you two, and you may resubmit your characters once you've gotten that underway for a second review.
Hidden 7 yrs ago 7 yrs ago Post by TheWendil
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-I'd like to clarify that city level is the MAXIMUM cap in terms of power. I certainly appreciate players being creative with their powers, but as the gm I have the final say in such matters as I am, once again, very picky with balancing. A city level disease cloud is fine, so long as the sickness induced on it isn't immediately fatal. Your description on it passes.


As I said before, the utmost limit of any of her attacks are City Level.

-I prefer having things written out when it comes to physical appearance. More importantly, the picture (while giving the image of a generally large creature) doesn't give me the exact proportions. As I've said before I need an illustration on its exact power. Even if its just a beef nugget, I'd like to see its limits on its strength; how much can it lift and etc. This is especially important since you describe it as her strongest move.


As I said before, it is merely an enhancement of her overall abilities; given the max state of power is city level, you can assume the summon is city level powerwise. As for size, I don't see too much of a need for exact proportions written out so long as it's the size of a normal dragon. But if it will appease this need of yours I suppose I could add in some measurements.

-She has gun arms and the ability to summon a monster, that alone can be used effectively in combat; nevermind her disease cloud utility and her alchemy. Even if she isn't much of a fighter, she without a doubt holds a lot of power. If you look at some of our already accepted sheets you'll see a lot of characters, even at different power tiers, have a variety of strengths and weaknesses with only one exceptional character that has a single weakness. That being said, its hard for me to assign recommended weaknesses because again, you're being vague about it.

Since she is not a good fighter I recommend giving her physical limitations that actually gives her problems when in direct confrontation. This will enforce the strategic/back line role where she can use her cloud or summon from a safe distance, with her hand cannons being used as a last resort close quarters weapons if need be.


Physical limitations can be seen from how she looks; as she takes the form of a small girl, so too does she have those physical hindrances. I had thought that was made clear in the Weakness portion of her CS but apparently not and so must be emphasized. Couple that with the fact that she's not going to be out on the front lines, and you have a limited character in range of combat. As I said, her summon uses up most of her strength and the firearms are only there as a base means of defending herself.

As it stands now, I'm not too sure about remaining in here given the sheer limitations imposed on what are supposed to be powerful people (All of the weaknesses for a vampire for example makes me question why bother to being one) as well as the reliance on traditional lore. Not that it's a bad thing; it's just not my thing. I've already stated my character is City Level and anything else can be inferred from explanation or reading the CS. That being said, we can probably discuss this more in depth on a PM if you'd like to avoid clattering the Interest Check.
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by TheWendil
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@dragonmancer

Actually...I think I'll be dropping this. I'm starting to realize that the reliance on traditional lore is not really my thing and trying to confine to it would take more effort than it's worth. Not that it's bad by all means, but it's just not my flavor. In any case, I hope the RP lasts long and whatnot even if it didn't work out for me. Farewell for now.
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Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by BayRat
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@TheWindel

Understandable, thanks for giving your interest!
Hidden 7 yrs ago 7 yrs ago Post by KoL
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@dragonmancer

Sincerely, let me say one thing. FMA is only an inspiration for her backstory, her powers are nearly universally based on actual alchemical practices, just changed to give the character a bit more of flavor.

Alkahest is an actual alchemical composite, thought to exist and that has absolutely the same properties I described on my CS. It's not my creation. Just research it if you don't believe me, it's the most absolute and accurate mythological thing on my CS along with the Golems.

As for the matter of Golems, no, I don't want permanent ones, never did. They are just disposable tools, there's no need to expand them beyond their purpose. Hohenheim's Grimoire is actually named for the Maharal, the famous creator of the Golem of Prague, which is only the most famous golem of all, but mythological Jew mythology based golems work just like I described.

An accomplished alchemist that's supposed to be paired with dragons and demons that can't even complete a Magnum Opus on her own is a laughable notion, to say the least, I should say. Transmuting base metals to higher forms is supposed to be a cantrip to an alchemist that can forge the Philosopher's Stone. It's not about power, it's about concept, my CS followed a lot of the proper mythology if you care to check the right sources. Alchemy is supposed to be nebulous and vague by nature, but the Magnum Opus is one of the few things that's easy to get information to. Something as turning water into fire requiring a Philosopher's stone is ridiculous, to say the least. All you need for that, even IRL is electricity and a bit of salt, something easy to obtain for characters like those. Water is already made of hydrogen and oxygen, it already makes a pretty good fire as long as you separate it and add a single spark.

However, I'm appaled that you allowed a reality breaking ability to pass this scrutiny. You clearly must not know what reversal of entropy means.

Either way, if @TheWindel is dropping, so am I. I just suggest that you look further into your mythology books before deeming something as a mere anime/game trope. Usually, they have a base in reality that you clearly are ignoring.
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by shagranoz
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@dragonmancer Sigh. Okay, I'll do a ground-up rebuild. This idea is too good for me to pass up.
Hidden 7 yrs ago 7 yrs ago Post by January
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I heard we could make slaves, so I made a gay fairy prostitute.

Awaiting approval.

Though he's paired with another character so probably will need to wait for that one, too.



Hidden 7 yrs ago 7 yrs ago Post by RedDusk
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Give it to me.
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