Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by BayRat
Raw
GM
Avatar of BayRat

BayRat Oh No

Member Seen 1 day ago

@Sophrus

Love the goblin design, especially in how their leader is the only 'smart' goblin. I do have a couple of issues though.

First, I'd like you to list the general units of his army, as well as all weapons and vehicles standard to his forces. (Tanks, rifles, soldier ranks zeppelins, etc.) List them in the equipment section and give me a good standard description on each.

I'd also like a rough estimation of his goblin population. Additionally I'd like estimations on how many units he has total (how many zeppelins, how many soldiers, tanks, etc.) Personally I expect him to have an overall large population, but few tanks, and only several zeppelins.

As a job he will be the strategist/Admiral. He will accompany parties for war missions and provide the forces, both the Knights of Evil and his goblin army, the strategy in how they will win that fight for Lancelot. Use of his zeppelins for air transport for the Knights of Evil is something to be expected of him as well. The Goblin Warlord is not expected to fight unless he gets confronted

The abilities and weapons he has now are fine. Artifacts are usually gifts from Lancelot, but I can allow him to have this gem instead its not a big deal.

Contact me once you've done the suggestions above so I can give it a second review.

Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by BayRat
Raw
GM
Avatar of BayRat

BayRat Oh No

Member Seen 1 day ago

@Pyromaniacwolf
I'm not too interested in werewolves(I also find it a bit strange that lycans are werewolf descendants, I always imagined it was vice-versa; but semantics, its your race.), but void magic is ripe with flavor.
Overall I'm liking the feel of your lycan void sorcerer, but I do have some things to adress

Void magic is really cool, however I'd like to compensate its power with a bit more of a chaotic feel; something you've already established but I think we can emphasize that a bit more.

For starters, void call; Using this ability will physically peel and damage his body for casting it, though how much damage he takes from an individual use of this spell depends upon how strong the unstable energy. Mind warping abilities and similar effects from this spell also can backfire either to the caster himself or a random ally (However the caster may have some resistance to void magic, in comparison to someone who's never experienced the void someone who uses void magic will take less damage and a bit less likely to destroy their own minds; keep in mind this isn't an immunity however. This fits a better idea in his physical frailty as years of exposure to the void has weakened his body in scars and other injuries alongside age itself.)

Planemeld doesn't distinguish between friend and foe, summons only distinguish their summoners and everyone else in the area is just something to kill for them; meaning that they are unable to distinguish friend from foe. The same applies to the unstable energy attacks that leak from the area, however the caster himself is vulnerable to that as well.

Reanimated dead should be changed into a different title like Void Corruption or something, since this feels more like a void creature possessing a mutating a corpse rather then a typical necromancy. With that in mind, The void beast corrupts the corpse into a cross between whatever the corpse was and a void beast itself. To enforce that it can only be used on corpses, casting this on a living target will fail as the victim will natural fight off the attempt of infection. I imagine that the beasts that infect bodies are a unique void beast, and he has a limit of controlling 15 of them.

Frenzy should be a double edged sword; those that are 'buffed' and do not immediately get rid of it will suffer a constant blinding rage that may cause them to attack allies as well. they also become berserk as they lose the sensation of pain; however while they are affected by this spell their skin will blister and peel from the void exposure.
This spell only applies to mortal creatures or similar beings.

The void creature summons are fine, especially since you describe that they need sacrifices for the stronger summons.

His artifact I propose is a gift from Lancelot that happens to deal with void magic. A summon-able chain that can be casted from the hand, and lashes out and attaches itself to a victim. While someone is wrapped by this chain, they are slowly (and painfully) drained of magic energy in addition to being exposed to void magic. This also results in the typical skin peeling and mind-melting effects, both of which are both slow and painful.
Absorbed energy within the artifact can be used as a substitute for sacrificing in both rituals and summoning.

His role will be a mage. Lancelot doesn't care if his powers will backfire on allies so long as he uses his ability to destroy his enemies.

1x Thank Thank
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by BayRat
Raw
GM
Avatar of BayRat

BayRat Oh No

Member Seen 1 day ago

@Scarescrow
So I have a few problems with the sheet. For starters he feels much more like a npc that should be summoned rather then a Player Character itself. A 35 giant Ice man who constantly freezes everything around him isn't gonna fit well with the Keep the Knights are staying out. Furthermore, his madness makes him a difficult candidate to be hired. Lancelot does enjoy internal conflict between his forces, and ofcourse doesn't mind the thought of one knight killing another; but the risk of one knight destroying nearly his entire organization is a different story altogether.

There are grammar errors and typos here and there that make this sheet feel incomplete, such as "his madness and bloodlust can killed everything around him"
There is also the matter that Ice elementals are the last elementals. What happened to the rest? Not to mention elementals are a more generic race and saying that only the Ice elementals remain is a bit restrictive on elementals a as a whole. I certainly expect elementals to be rare, but not extinct. Regardless I don't see much explanation to the elemental race, especially when you give notes that ice elemental are the last elementals. I don't mind if characters and races are vague in that sense but this comes across as lazy.

The risk that if he dies he will instantly explode into a nuclear ice zone that can "kill any being" is not only broken but just another nail in the coffin that Lancelot wouldn't bring a knight that was a walking bomb.
Being able to raise an army of ice elementals is also a bit too much, the giant is already able to destroy cities and we have several characters with armies already. That particular ability just feels out of place.

Even if you were to fix the prior issues such as giving him a smaller form to transform into and being able to control his surrounding blizzard, I can't really see this concept fit in as it is.

I won't stop you from resubmitting an Ice elemental character or work on a new sheet altogether, maybe you can make an ice elemental work in the Knights of Evil. But for now I am going to have to not accept this submission.

Hidden 7 yrs ago 7 yrs ago Post by Scarescrow
Raw
Avatar of Scarescrow

Scarescrow Sociopath

Member Seen 2 yrs ago

ok. Now I have no idea what is my character should be? What position is left in the team?
Hidden 7 yrs ago 7 yrs ago Post by Sophrus
Raw
Avatar of Sophrus

Sophrus

Member Seen 3 yrs ago

OK! im done, For realz this time @dragonmancer



Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by TheDarkTemplar
Raw
Avatar of TheDarkTemplar

TheDarkTemplar Knight-Captain

Member Seen 2 yrs ago

I've been watching you all with great interest...lol jk but yeah this looks cool, I'm working on a cs
1x Like Like
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Scarescrow
Raw
Avatar of Scarescrow

Scarescrow Sociopath

Member Seen 2 yrs ago

I think I'm gonna pull out because of personal problem. Have fun
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by BayRat
Raw
GM
Avatar of BayRat

BayRat Oh No

Member Seen 1 day ago

@Sophrus

To start with the army, I'm going to reduce the number of tanks to 1,000, zeppelins to 100, and giant spiders to 50.
The bulk of the army will be fighting a large scale war with one of the imperial nations, leaving the commander with a few dozen tanks, 10 zeppelins, and a few hundred soldiers for personnel use, all located on a fortified outpost a few miles away from the Moonlake Keep.

Aside from that everything seems in order, accepted.
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Sophrus
Raw
Avatar of Sophrus

Sophrus

Member Seen 3 yrs ago

alright.
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Thecrash20
Raw
Avatar of Thecrash20

Thecrash20

Member Seen 4 yrs ago

@dragonmancer All done!
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Kangutso
Raw
Avatar of Kangutso

Kangutso The High Dracomancer

Member Seen 13 days ago

How much do you think an 8.5' golem would weigh?
Hidden 7 yrs ago 7 yrs ago Post by BayRat
Raw
GM
Avatar of BayRat

BayRat Oh No

Member Seen 1 day ago

@Kangutso

Depends on what the golem is made of, but if stone I'd say somewhere between 8 and 20 tons depending up how wide he is.
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by BayRat
Raw
GM
Avatar of BayRat

BayRat Oh No

Member Seen 1 day ago

@Thecrash20

Everything seems to be bit in order with one exception.

His absorption seems a bit too...universal being able to break down 'all matter of life.' I think we should nerf that to a powerful bio-acid that can break down most forms of biomatter with the exception of creatures highly resistant to acids, and resilient variations of bone, chitin, and similar tough material. This probably already goes without saying but I just want to clarify that his acid won't be able to break down every imaginable lifeform; especially in a fantasy setting.

ASide from that, sheet looks good! Accepted
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by GreenGoat
Raw
Avatar of GreenGoat

GreenGoat Harmless Flower Person

Member Seen 2 yrs ago

Alright, I've put away my old knight character in favour of Camilla, seeing as there wasn't any regular healers about yet. CS approved through PMs.
Hidden 7 yrs ago 7 yrs ago Post by BayRat
Raw
GM
Avatar of BayRat

BayRat Oh No

Member Seen 1 day ago

Sorry if I'm a bit slow on updates but between writing a literary essay and work, and prepping to going to New York Thursday I'm in a bit of a hassle. Once I'm in New York though I should have time to work on this more if I have internet up there.

Edit: in the meantime, if you have any questions regarding any noteworthy lore or of the rp in general, just ping me. I am still accepting characters but we have enough to get started once I get around to making the IC post.
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Thecrash20
Raw
Avatar of Thecrash20

Thecrash20

Member Seen 4 yrs ago

@Thecrash20

Everything seems to be bit in order with one exception.

His absorption seems a bit too...universal being able to break down 'all matter of life.' I think we should nerf that to a powerful bio-acid that can break down most forms of biomatter with the exception of creatures highly resistant to acids, and resilient variations of bone, chitin, and similar tough material. This probably already goes without saying but I just want to clarify that his acid won't be able to break down every imaginable lifeform; especially in a fantasy setting.

ASide from that, sheet looks good! Accepted


I pictured it exactly as you described it. Just using a catch all for the ability, but of course it has it's limits.
1x Like Like
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by RedDusk
Raw
Avatar of RedDusk

RedDusk Likes cheese and slacking

Member Seen 3 yrs ago

Ah, the anticipation.
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Kangutso
Raw
Avatar of Kangutso

Kangutso The High Dracomancer

Member Seen 13 days ago

@Kangutso

Depends on what the golem is made of, but if stone I'd say somewhere between 8 and 20 tons depending up how wide he is.


He's made of stone, and some crystal. Actually, I'll just stick his pic here to show.

Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by BayRat
Raw
GM
Avatar of BayRat

BayRat Oh No

Member Seen 1 day ago

@Kangutso

I'd say about 9 tons.
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Pyromaniacwolf
Raw
Avatar of Pyromaniacwolf

Pyromaniacwolf Edgy Character Maker

Banned Seen 4 yrs ago

@dragonmancer okay I've edited my CS to include the changes you've asked for.
↑ Top
© 2007-2024
BBCode Cheatsheet