I see no better place than to post this here. Good luck gentlemen, I - Lithfangel the Great, known by no other alias ever, will actively narrate your amazing battle. I'm very experienced at doing this. Feel honored.
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(UPDATED 12/29/2017)
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[
LeeRoy Post I]
Roy is a monkey I guess? He has some anime hair breeze shit go on.
Pretending paranoia somehow justifies him having Spiderman powers and just magically knowing bad shit is about to happen to him, he begins to pose with his dual wielded spears. You know, Roy's playing himself and I bet he's working two poles all the time so this seems pretty immersive.
He's got "work boots" on - careful other guy, those're gonna have metal plates in them!
It dawns on me this guy is standing out here in the winter cold freezing to death carrying two spears but has decided not to start a fire. I guess that'd be useful. Can't have that.
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[
Harbinger Post I]
Some metaphor about a shadow bitch dancing in terror or something. I dunno. It's flowery. I'm gonna skip that.
Wait...
It
all reads like this! I'm doomed! I'm no good at deciphering this kind of gibbity gock while I'm drunk! Granted I've not drank any alcohol yet but I get the feeling when this fight takes off, I'm gonna kill my liver.
Well. Uh. The lion... is a ghost. And the ghost lion is hungry. So it begins sniffing really good. What it sniffed, Roy, was so quiet that this made it a better target to hunt I guess because bullshit. The lion has like, fucking.. sonar radars that can detect footprints under snowfall I guess. I never learned this in college. I was more of an art student myself, wanted to really waste them grants.
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[
LeeRoy Post II]
"Oh man, it just conveniently dawned on me that I could be tracked if I leave footprints." Roy lied, closing out the web browser on his computer with
roleplayerguild.com in a tab on WaterFox x64 before pushing the desk into some snow quietly and resuming stroking his spears.
Dual wielding spears you see, really gave you all kinds of advantages. Like a reduced range of motion, less thrust, less power in a strike, dead spaces to defend yourself- it's really the way master martial artists like to do combat with spears. I recommend it.
VATS from Fallout was on I guess because he already knew the invisible ghost lion was somewhere nearby, so he knew if he started running, it'd float after him really fast.
We get some riveting backstory.
Roy as a boy was unhealthy. So his father, in a stroke of genius, made him swing an axe like a fucking Baki the Grappler character until he aggravated his illnesses and died. We get no insight into how this has any relevancy to the situation right now where Roy's out in Antarctica trying to kill ghosts with anime spears but I guess it was no time like the present.
Finally realizing a fire might be a good idea (all too late), Roy knew he couldn't stop to make one yet as the encounter music from old computer RPGs was on. So there had to be enemies nearby.
Roy was a psychic.
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[
Harbinger Post II]
The ghost lion I will now name Snoop Dog was inhaling tall grass, as it told itself the trail to Roy was irrelevant despite harping on it seconds ago. A lying lion. That sounds funny if you say it out loud. Nyuk nyuk nyuk!
The lion had ascertained this was unlike any animal it had encountered thus far, and therefore, it clearly needed to go fuck with it when there's likely other easier game nearby. Well worth the risk!
It began using its [
Shenanigan Eyes] to scan the environment. The second the victim moved within sight of its motion detecting nightvision, the ghost lion Snoop Dog would annihilate said target. Its tail flaps back and forth, because when you want to sneak up on something, pretending you're a house cat that just found a dead mouse and you want catnip as a reward is really the peak of nature's evolutionary path. Roy sensed this ghost by beating his sticks off, there's no way he won't magically see the tail wagging. gg no re Snoop Dog.
And that is the tale of this epic battle so far as told by the mighty Lithfangel. Who will win? And who... will survive...?