Name: Yanagita “Kirin” Shunji; Kirin; Qilin.

Species: Human.

Sex: Male.

Age: Thirty-three.

Profile: Engineer (only tech powers, 2 weapons).

Appearance: Yanagita stood 6’ 2” and weighted around one hundred fifty pounds with a muscular frame. He was always told that he looked and sounded like his father according to relatives. He always maintained a healthy body and often worked out despite his prosthetic leg. The prosthetic leg won't be noticeable whenever he is wearing his armor around, but it becomes very oblivious in casual wear. Beside the leg, there wasn't anything "fake" about him.

Besides wearing his armor, you might spot him wearing a professional outfit or the standard Initiative outfit provided to everyone. And he tends to cut his hair short since he spent time with the Alliance (Artist: Lee Yong).

Background: Yanagita Shunji was born a year after the discovery on Mars to Nakagome & Yamaha. They both were scientists who were trying to extract any remaining technologies from the ruins. That was why Yanagita was born on Lowell City. Once the Alliance had no more use for the scientists, they moved back to Japan and began working for them more often. Yamaha became a recruiter for the Alliance's science department to care for her only child while Nakagome directly worked for the Alliance. Nakagome was one of the scientists that studied the Charon Relay when it was discovered to reactive it. However, Yanagita barely remembered his childhood expected on the day that the First Contact happened.

Nakagome had been working with the Alliance to active any deactivated relays that they found. However, they met resistance when reactivating Relay 314. The aliens, which were the turians, opened fire on the fleet and destroyed all but one starship. Unfortunately, Nakagome wasn't on the lone starship and perished. Yanagita and Yamaha did not hear about the attack until the lone ship returned and learned of Nakagome's fate. Heartbroken and angry, she developed a hatred for aliens, especially turians and wanted the Alliance to keep fighting them after Shanxi fell. While, Yanagita was heartbroken over his father's sudden death, but he never truly understood what happened until he was older.

Yanagita struggled without his father during his time in middle and high school while his mother found comfort with Terra Firma, an anti-alien political party. Yamaha soon became a key speaker for the party and attended rallies to spread Terra Firma's message. She often got into arguments about alien influences on humanity with protesters; however, that didn't bother Yanagita until he got into high school. In high school, students quickly learned about his mother and assumed he had the same beliefs. Thus, he had to deal with bullying and mocking from everyone. It wasn't until his last year in high school that he wanted to prove everyone wrong.

In order to do that, he had to confront his own mother while she was giving her usual speech on the ninth anniversary of the First Contract War. Yamaha was stunned and embarrassed that her own son would proclaim his support of aliens and say it on the anniversary of Nakagome's death. As if it wasn't enough, a picture of Yanagita kissing a turian went viral days after the speech. It was such a big scandal that Terra Firma denounced Yamaha and discredited her as a member. She never forgave Yanagita for dishonoring the family name and ruining her only source of happiness. When he turned eighteen and finished school, she kicked him out and told him to never visit.

With nowhere to go, Yanagita went to an Alliance recruiter to join. He got basic training before being placed in a division apart of the Alliance Engineering Corp. His division was responsible for maintaining defenses of colonies located in the Skyllian Verge against pirates and slavers. Whenever he was on military leave, he attended college in Elysium to get a degree in electrical engineering. Thankfully, Yanagita wasn't on Elysium when it came under attack during the Skyllian Blitz. The attack made him angry towards the pirates and wanted to fight back. And when he heard of the upcoming battle on Torfan, he requested transform to the 103rd Marine Division. The chain of command approved the transform and Yanagita left for Torfan.

The Battle of Torfan was a bloodbath for the Alliance while a massacre for the pirates on the moon. Hundreds of Alliance soldiers were killed during the push towards the base. And thousands got injured, including Yanagita, who had shrapnel in his legs due to an explosion. It was his first serious injury that he got during his time in the Alliance. He never regretted the decision to join the Marine Division but it was a wake up call. Once he got his degree, he decided to leave the Alliance and move into the Citadel. However, civilian life was difficult for Yanagita to get back. The Citadel was too peaceful for a military man, like Yanagita, to spend his remaining life. And he didn't have many friends in the Citadel until he met Sertius Quintis. Quintis was a C-Sec officer that met with Yanagita during his break.

Both Quintis and Yanagita were military men at a point in their life and went to the Citadel to retire; but, Quintis joined C-Sec to keep himself busy. After some convincing, Yanagita applied to the C-Sec's Network Division. It wasn't as fun as being part of the Patrol Division, but he knew that his skill would be best suited to deal with E-Crimes. For three years, he did his job for the Network Division to the best of his abilities without question. His superiors were impressed with Yanagita and gave him pay raises. And Quintis became a great friend to Yanagita. Life was comfortable enough for Yanagita until the Citadel was under attack.

Yanagita volunteered his assistance to the Patrol Division given his time in the Alliance. His superiors accepted the request and sent him to temporary join Quintis' unit. Both Yanagita and Quintis were tasked with escorting citizens to one of many safety zones established by C-Sec. The situation was getting better with the arrival of the Alliance fleet and the destruction of the key starship. Until pieces of it began to crash down on the station. One of the pieces from the massive starship crash landed onto the safety zone that Yanagita and Quintis were in. They were trapped under rubble for hours until C-Sec finally got them out and transported to a local hospital. Yanagita' left leg had to be amputated due to it being seriously inflected, while Quintis lost both of his legs. However, both men got free prosthetics because of their actions during the attack.

About a year after the battle, Yanagita learned about the Andromeda Initiative while reading chat logs of a weapons dealer. He found out that the Initiative was planning on leaving for an entirely new galaxy. It sounded more exciting than working at a desk and he missed his time in the Alliance. Then he told Quintis about the Initiative, who was doubtful about the whole thing. He didn't believe that the technology was possible to travel to another galaxy. However, Yanagita applied anywhere despite Quintis' warnings. His Alliance background and engineering skills. Then, he tried to convince Quintis to also apply for the Initiative. The turian couldn't stand leaving behind Yanagita and applied.

Next thing they knew, both men were accepted onto the Initiative and quit their jobs at C-Sec. Quintis got to say goodbye to his family in Palaven while Yanagita went to Earth, hoping to see his mother one last time. Sadly, Yamaha didn't want anything to do with her son; instead, he wrote a letter as a way of moving forward with his new life in a new galaxy. Both friends went on board the Nexus to begin their six hundred rest. Once they were awakened, everything that they had hoped for came crashing down. Then, Quintis was banished for his role in the Nexus Uprising while Yanagita was considering following in his friend's footsteps. That was before the Ark Hyperion arrived and quickly joined the APEX program.

Even known his close friend isn't with him, Yanagita knew that he needed to move forward.

Personality: Being in the military has made Yanagita into a mature and strict person. He's the one person that would be honest about any given situation and then provide a plan to deal with it. And with being a military person comes at a cost. Whenever he is in the heat of battle, he gets excited and all of his worried temporary disappear. Even if he isn't in the front lines. Once he is back in the Nexus or anywhere civilized, that excitement is gone and replaced with fear and anxiousness because he can't predict the future. It won't drive him insane, but it does bug him. He would spent time on his omni-tool or sketch to distract his mind.

Drawing was Yanagita's hidden hobbies and produced some decent artworks. He tried to keep it a secret because of a bad experience while in the Alliance. The only people that knew about it were his mother, some squadmates in the Alliance, and Quintis. When he was accepted onto the Initiative, he planned on being more open with his hobby. With the chaos from the Scourge and the Nexus Uprising, he hasn't have the time to draw something without being interrupted to help fix a new problem.

Reason for being awoken from Cryo (Specific jobs, skills, and Initiative Application): The Initiative required engineers to fix problems caused by the Scourge. Yanagita was one of the engineers awaken because of his engineering skills that were highlighted by his time in the Alliance and his electrical engineering degree.

Equipment: Naginata Sniper Rifle VIII, Hurricane Shotgun IV, Nexus omni-tool VII, and Light Freedom armor VI (in the color and with the golden markings from the picture).

Powers: Tactical scan, Sabotage, Flamethrower, Invasion, and Energy Drain.

Name: [Bragus] Kargad
Species: Krogan
Sex: Male (quad for DAYS)
Age: 680 (babby krogie)
Profile: Adept: Only biotic powers, 2 weapons.
DOB: 1505 CE
Homeworld: Tuchanka

Appearance: Standing at 7’2”, and weighing somewhere in the area of 400 pounds (of pure scaly beefcake), Kargad is a monstrously built thing, with an admirably large hump between his shoulders and a leathery hide the shade of Macassar wood. Said hide culminates in a head-crest not dissimilar to a horny toad’s, and towards the very front, above his left eye, a distinct crack runs towards the centre ‘horn’, and then splits off about it before fading into the carapace. Despite his imposing build, he boasts green eyes, soft as a Krogan’s can be, a ridge of stony outcroppings from the chin in the likeness of a small beard, and lines about the corner of his mouth, ghosts of smiles and raucous laughter.



Personality: Friends, family, guns and gore. Kargad is passionate, about everything. He wants blood, and glory – to feel the heat of battle beneath the plates of his armour. But he also wants synergy, friendship, and to carve the Milky Way’s notch into Andromeda with his bare hands. So far as Kargad is concerned, anything worth doing is worth doing with every fibre of your being. Drink until you’re unmanageable, fight until you’re dead, and love until you make the Salarians feel stupid. Violence and love are both equally as valuable to him, an oddity: if you give him a concussion, there’s a weighty chance he’ll bring you flowers.

Incidentally, Kargad has fallen hard into the hylozoic Asari faith, and he will mention it. A lot.
Like, incessantly. Crisis of confidence? All is one. Guilty kill? Part of the oneness now, brother. Finding the All is One philosophy changed Kargad's life. Although he remains a bloodthirsty brute, he sees his allies (not just other Bragus) as his sworn brothers, and his enemies as begging to be reunited with the great consciousness.

Reason for being awoken from Cryo: Two-fold. Kargad was originally woken up from cryo sleep to fight off the mutineers, alongside many other krogan, and following that stuck around even after his comrades were spurned for their efforts, using his biotics and raw strength to try and help build a station worth his daughters’ investments. Whilst he feels, on some level, that he's betrayed his kind by remaining on the Nexus, he also feels his daughters- blue skin and tendrils aside- are as much a pair of Krogans as any other, and blood of his blood. And, ultimately, they're all expressions of the same cosmic thought - someday, he and every other Krogan will be one again.

Equipment:
Kargad carries a mechanised Krogan Hammer on a magnetic grip left to the hump of his armour – made up of a coppery-looking alloy. Although still huge, it was designed for a slightly more petite krogan than he, so it always looks a little silly when he’s wielding it. Unless you’re on the other end, of course. Chained to the hilt of this hammer is an unfolding purple charm, shaped to resemble the silhouette of an Asari head – upon opening, it reveals a picture of Kargad and Revixtia, arm-wrestling in Chora’s Den to celebrate an anniversary. Kargad seems to be legitimately struggling. Written in small, polite handwriting, it reads "Together in Eternity."

On the other end of his hump, an M-96 Mattock assault rifle, plated with an earthier brown. On the side, in childish scrawl, ”Korbal” is written alongside ”Kargad’s krantt – pain killers, delivered fast and free.” The other side of the weapon boasts a smiley-face, drawn with about the same level of skill.

Based on Heavy Onyx designs, Kargad’s armour is a charcoal-grey, heavy plated suit, with a houndstooth-weave reminiscent texturing across the steel. Beneath that, he wears a cross-hatch patterned padding. Designed to look as though the armour is held together by a series of belts (although in truth these are just designs carved into the steel), Kargad’s outfit is intended to be at least somewhat reminiscent of an Asari Commando’s gear.

Powers:
[Biotics]
Charge - Krogan smash!
Pull - Get over here, so Krogan can smash you!
Throw - Krogan smash you against that thing over there!
Shockwave - Krogan smash ALL OF YOU.
Nova - SMAAASH

Appearance:

You wouldn’t suspect an incredibly powerful biotic adept to be hidden under Kaitlin’s petite stature, and you certainly wouldn’t expect the kind of volcanic like rage burning within her heart underneath such a demure outward attitude. But as is the cliche, looks are often deceiving. To look into her sapphire blue eyes you would sense a general distrust of everyone, and everything. Though you would also gather a feeling of desperation; as though she were truly trying to fight her natural instincts, and trust in others. When outside of her armor, she opts for mostly white colors, and of a simple yet professional attire.

Background:
Kaitlin is the accidental result of her red-sand addicted mother, and the method in which her mother payed for her habitual drug abuse; prostitution. Born in the latter-half of 2161 in the crime ridden slums of Deseado City, Kaitlin’s early life was one of poverty and neglect. Her mother was convinced of the idea that she could both raise her daughter, and continue her self-destructive lifestyle at the same time. Of course this was an impossible fantasy, and Kaitlin was often the subject of neglect, and even abuse at the hands of her mother’s clientele and suppliers. Worse still, Kaitlin would never discover her father, only that it was one of the many gentleman callers her mother kept.

It wasn’t until just after her eighth birthday that fate would change for Kaitlin, at least in a somewhat positive way.

Her mother had owed many people money, and at least a few of those who’d lent her the credits for her addiction weren’t interested in being paid back the way she normally would have. So when Kaitlin’s mother again failed to pay back one of her creditors on time, she was murdered and put on display for the other poverty stricken people in Deseado City to see. No justice was ever brought to those that had killed her, instead she’d simply wound up nothing more than a statistic.
Kaitlin was orphaned not long after her mother’s murder, and unfortunately for her it wasn’t a particularly good orphanage. She would have surely followed down her mother’s path, were it not for the one trait that helped her stand out from the others at her orphanage.

Kaitlin, was a biotic.

Her powers had began to manifest within her, and it didn’t take long for her to garner the attention of wealthy Mars Entrepreneur, Jonathan Raethe. Raethe had come to Mars some fifteen years earlier as part of the prospecting surge the planet had seen in the wake of the Prothean discovery in 2148. He’d established one of the very first Element Zero mining operations in Deseado City, and had profited immensely because of it. Fascinated with the effects eezo had on humans, and the biotic abilities it granted them; to Raeth, Kaitlin was the kind of daughter that could truly intrigue him.

At first the adoption had seemed like a miracle to the young Kaitlin, but as time went on in her new home with her new family, she soon discovered that she was far from a welcome part of it all. Maria Raethe, her adopted mother held nothing but scorn for Kaitlin, as she’d objected to her husband’s adoption of her in the first place. Jonathan and Maria had after all already raised five children, and adding a sixth at their advanced age seemed like an obvious mistake to her. She was an outcast in her new home, scorned by her new mother, outright hated by her adopted brothers and sisters, and seen as nothing more than a pet project for her new father.

By the time she was eleven, she’d been sent off to a newly established Private School for Biotic humans on Neptune’s Moon, Triton. At the Alpha Academy, as it was called, Kaitlin’s biotic skills and abilities were honed and strengthened under the relentless lash of a Turian instructor by the name of Tazyrnnus. Disgusted by humans, but not blind to the number of credits the parents of her students were willing to pay, Tazyrnnus ran an unfairly brutal school. In addition to their regular schooling, the students at Alpha Academy were expected to maintain an almost militaristic training regimen. This all aided them as their biotic abilities intensified, but it hampered their natural development as adults. Many of the students at Alpha Academy developed social disorders, and under the cruel lash of their instructor, they themselves grew cruel.

Unfortunately for Kaitlin, she was often the subject of the cruelty of her fellows. Only one other student seemed to genuinely care for her, Jason, a boy two years older than she was. Jason had also been an orphan, his parents killed in an accident some time earlier; he’d been sent to Alpha Academy by his wealthy Uncle. The loss of his parents was an early theme that connected him with Kaitlin, and the two of them became the closest of friends. Ostracized for this by the other students, Jason didn’t seem to care.

However, that changed sometime after Kaitlin had turned fourteen. Jason now sixteen had grown interested in some of the other, older girls at the school, and as he showed interest in them, his interest in her seemed to dwindle. Disheartened and worried that she’d lose her only friend, Kaitlin was desperate to keep Jason to herself, and she tried to appeal to him by acting more like they were. But when she did, Jason outright rejected her in front of everyone. Incensed by this, Kaitlin flew into a fit of rage like she never had before, and she reached out with her biotics to Jason, and threw him through a wall. Her attack had been so vicious, and so violently brutal that she’d broken nearly every bone in Jason’s body, killing him instantly.

Though it was deemed a tragic accident, her violent outburst was something that couldn’t be tolerated at Alpha Academy, and she was expelled. Kaitlin left the memory of the only friend she’d ever had, on that cold frozen moon as she was sent back to the family that never wanted her. While most people were outright fearful of the immense power Kaitlin possessed, her adoptive over was simply impressed, and he hired her a new private tutor to continue her biotic abilities and skills.
Her new tutor, Jaseena, an Asari Matriarch that had long since retired from her days as a commando. Although Jaseena also brought a tough hand to Kaitlin in her training, there was a softer edge to it at times, and this allowed her to control and contain the powerful young biotic during her continued formative years. Kaitlin grew to respect and even like Jaseena, in her she’d found a role model and mentor. In fact, the respect was mutual as Jaseena also grew to admire her young protege. So much so, that when Kaitlin came of age, Jaseena helped her escape the clutches of her adoptive father, who had continued to view her as a prized trophy.

It was with Jaseena’s help that Kaitlin was able to escape her father’s compound on Mars, though it wasn’t done without violence. Teamed together, Kaitlin and Jaseena’s biotic powers made light work of the security teams that Kaitlin’s adopted father had employed. Impressed by the way Kaitlin had handled herself in a live combat scenario, Jaseena offered to take Kaitlin with her to the Citadel to start a new life as part of a private security firm, and over the course of five years the two of them provided protection for a multitude of clients.

Sometime later, through some back channels, Jaseena learned of the Andromeda Initiative, and she convinced Kaitlin to apply to the program with her. Kaitlin was apprehensive at first, but when Jaseena pressured her, she went through with it. It didn’t take long for her application process to be completed, and her status as accepted; Jaseena had expressed the same result to Kaitlin, though in reality she had been denied due to her advanced age. Wishing a better life for her protege in a new Galaxy, Jaseena lied to Kaitlin, telling her that she’d meet her in Andromeda when the time came.

Kaitlin, now a member of ARK Hyperion entered her cryosleep with the illusion that her friend and mentor would join her in Andromeda, entirely unaware that she’d stayed behind. Only a message from Jaseena explaining her denied application, and her wish that Kaitlin start anew in Andromeda were awaiting her when she awoke. She’d finally learned the truth and mourned the memory of Jaseena, knowing that she’d surely have died in the nearly seven hundred years that had passed since their departure from the Milky Way Galaxy.

Personality:
Quiet. Reserved. Shy. Kaitlin’s life of neglect and abuse by others has left her socially unprepared to deal with others on a regular basis. As such, she’s often one to be left alone. Though, she has had a few successful friendships in her past; it generally takes a while for someone to get through her generally reserved expression and exterior. Lacking worst of all a sense of humor, she has trouble finding amusement in the same things that others do. Though she is actively trying to change, and adapt her responses to be more in keeping with what is expected of her.

Reason for being awoken from Cryo (Specific jobs, skills, and Initiative Application):
An extremely powerful and talented biotic, Kaitlin was awoken from her Cryosleep by a member of the Nexus security, who’d sought help in an investigation involving a biotic. A source of invaluable guidance, and even a hand in the apprehension of the biotic criminal had proven Kaitlin’s worth to the Initiative. She was assigned to an APEX Team, where her skills as a biotic adept would again prove invalubale.

Equipment:


Powers:

Throw
Lift
Warp
Barrier

Font Colour:

Anjor du Sufva - Angaran, Soldier
roleplayerguild.com/posts/4571830

[Dervish Notes] Y’know, I really had no idea what to expect from an angaran character sheet given that they don’t have the history or lore that the original species had, but I am ecstatic that you knocked this out of the park. Between having a wonderful attention to detail, a lot of fleshed out characters that were a part of Anjor’s life and really capturing the essence of what it must be like for a people who are born, live, and die in perpetual war, you just really drive home some strong themes like hope, loss, identity. It’s just damn good stuff. I honestly tried to find something to critique here but either I’m losing my touch or you are one talented SOB. Thank you for this, sincerely. I really feel like I know who Anjor is, and you’ve presented his bio and personality section in such a way that it feels like I’ve roleplayed or read stories with him before. That’s some pretty great writing!

Ahem. I mean, it was okay. I’m a professional who is incapable of emoting.

[Mortarion Notes] Like Tricks I was stoked when I saw that you applied with an Angaran character and your sheet is one of the best that have been submitted so far. I loved how you worked out Anjor’s story, and the fact that he was a member of the Voeld resistance before Evfra united the numerous resistance groups into the mure united front we see in Andromeda proper was a nice element of the sheet. Like Dervs said before me, you capture the feel of someone who has been embroiled in war ever since their birth.

[DearTrickster Notes] I’ll be the first to say, I’m so pleased someone applied with an Angaran character. I love ‘em too, I want to develop an angaran for the RP personally a pc or an npc, something of that nature. But yes! Thank you!

Another super detailed appearance section, excellent. I love his backstory, the great development of not only him but his family as well. Dervs perfectly summed it up, and I legit can’t find even the tiniest thing to change. I loved that you used Angaran words and language references and kept that consistent. Powers, personality and equipment all check out. Seriously fantastic job <3.

Reyna Baker, Human Explorer roleplayerguild.com/posts/4572653

[Dervish Notes]
-In regards to her piercings, they should be removed when she goes on missions. Other than that, I have no problem with them
-Why exactly did Reyna’s father want her to become a biotic? There isn’t really a safe way to expose a child to eezo, so he’d be hoping for her to go through something pretty awful for even a chance.
-If she was something of a troublemaker and her mother wasn’t able to keep an eye on her all the time on the business trips to the Citadel, why would she take her there every time she went? I can’t imagine how terrifying it would be for a parent to have their kid escape from a hotel room and start exploring a city-sized space station, especially since A) aliens were still pretty fresh and new for humans to get used to, ergo stranger danger x1000 and B) if someone abducted her, there’d be no way of knowing if they’d ever see her again. You might want to think of the logistics behind all of this, it sounds like wanderlust is kind of a defining trait for her, and the fact she got out on several occasions without supervision is one of those things I’d file under pointlessly negligent parenting.
-The Peacekeeper part is great and I think that’s a pretty solid concept for her character, although I do question if she’d be allowed to enlist for what’s basically a military position and be allowed to leave after a year. I imagine the shortest contract is about 3 years, it wouldn’t be like leaving a typical job.You also made it sound like there was a lot of exciting parts to the job that catered a lot to her, so how did that devolve into her standing by doors for days on end?
-Not opposed to her joining ERCS, but the sudden interest in wanting to guard dig sites seems like it would be way more boring than doing peacekeeping. I think all the concepts are fine, but her justifications for wanting to shake up her life after one year seem kind of drastic and strange; I also can’t imagine ERCS would be eager to hire someone who left their previous position after again, a really laughably short amount of time.
-The first people out of cryo were pretty much the life support specialists and the technicians who could keep the essential systems going. Exploring wasn’t really a concern until well after the Nexus was stabilized; it’s important to emphasize how devastated the station was from the Scourge. The scouting didn’t really start until supplies were running low, and they just sent shuttles to check each of the Habitat worlds that were marked for quick recon missions, determining they were all inhospitable. Someone like Reyna wouldn’t have likely been woken until they were starting to send expeditions down to Eos, so you did get that right. It’s the paragraphs preceding it that seemed like a bit of odd speculation.
-She sounds like she’s a pretty hard lone wolf; You might want to have some indication she’s capable of working in a team to some extent.
-Overall, it’s a pretty good concept and there’s lots to work with!

Nadia Blackwell, Human Biotic(?) (Adept, Vanguard??)

[DearTrickster Notes]
-First note is for the profile, I’m sure you meant Vanguard because you have biotic and combat powers listed for Nadia. Appearance section checks out.
-What is C-Sec doing on Omega?
-I noticed she has a L2 Implant and there’s no mention of her having any of the nasty side effects they became known for. Kaiden Alenko being one of the luckier biotics with only occasional migraines.
-Where did she wonder around and do odd jobs? The Citadel? Omega?
-She lost her eye and had some reasonable recovery time, you say she lost her left eye but the art you provided it’s her right eye that has the patch. Our left, her right. How did she adjust to fighting with only one eye? It was a rather serious injury she gained through a firefight, how did this affect her? Nightmares, ghost pain, any psychological remnants.
-I think you meant the Nexus and not Hyperion, the Ark Hyperion was hit by the Scourge but remains largely intact with very little damage compared to the other Arks and the Nexus, including it’s leadership like the original Pathfinder Alec Ryder and Captain Dunn were fine. You go on to mention the uprising so I know for sure you meant the Nexus.
-Her personality is contradictory, she’s open and bold but won’t initiate a conversation, she’s stoic but also a pushover at first glance? It’s very confusing.
-Her reason for being awoken from cryo is very confusing as well. Was she awoken for her skills to help secure the Nexus? What real technical skills does she have? Mechanical vehicle repair? Tinkering? Maintenance? ‘Technical skills’ are very vague, that haven’t been touched on since she was a child and eventually a teenager. Her joining APEX reason is very solid, she helped in the Uprising but her reason for being thawed in the first wave of personnel needs to be cleared up. Her weapon preference should be moved up to personality, it’s a rather random sentence under this section.
-Weapons and powers check out, save for that L2 Implant. A lot of the points I made seem like they can be fixed up in an hour or two of editing. You’ve got some solid foundation but again, some minor mistakes going on in various places.

Gazali Coetzee, Human Engineer roleplayerguild.com/posts/4573180

[Mortarion Notes]
-Only a picture? I’m sorry to be nitpicky but the ooc mentioned that there had to be a written description, and that pictures were optional.
- With that out of the way, in general, I believe this sheet is rather interesting, after all as far as I’ve seen not many people go and intertwine their character’s backstory with the history of a nation like you’ve done with Gazali and how that plays into stuff like corruption in South Africa. On the other hand this makes it feel somewhat….disconnected to the setting at large. You obviously had Gazali be sent to the Alliance’s Military but why was this done? From what is seen on the backstory you wrote, Gazali seems to have been poised to become an influential member of SARS, after all he had more than excelled at his allotted task in the little shadow war you mentioned. Did they just want to get rid of any members that took part in that extra-illegal conflict away in a discreet way? On the topic of his background as a member of the Alliance Military, it seems kinda disconnected how he joined the N7 program. You aren’t just dropped into the N7 program, rather you join the Alliance military and THEN you are invited to the program. It is also worth mentioning that it’s only when the trainees reach the rank of N6 that they are sent to conflict zones.

Furthermore, having been considered for a posting on the Normandy is, at least for me, a no. Not to mention the whole Cerberus thing, I get Gazali is a talented Engineer and hacker/cyber warfare specialist, but remember that most people had no idea of Cerberus’s existence, and the Illusive Man went out of his way to keep its existence a secret, to the point that a high ranking Alliance admiral had to resort to the Shadow Broker to find out its existence. I get that Cerberus wanted to use Gazali as a patsy and all that stuff but, to be blunt, I don’t think the Cerberus angle works. Maybe it could be changed so that Gazali found that an organization wanted to manipulate him but he had no idea that it was Cerberus. The stuff about him almost being posted to the Normandy, again I get this was mostly due to Cerberus’s interference, but this doesn’t sits too well with me.

On the subject of the Initiative itself, why did he want to join APEX? I get that you said the guys like to explore frontiers and while that is certainly a part of what APEX does, it’s main job is to defend the Initiative from its enemies and, well, nothing in the sheet seems to indicate that Gazali would feel inclined to go out of his way to join APEX. Furthermore, you didn’t exactly specify what role he was chosen for -not to mention, did he went on Ark HYperion or on the Nexus?- in the Initiative at large. Was he part of the security team? Or did he join merely as another normal colonist?

[DearTrickster Notes] I appreciate the details you wrote about South Africa and Gazali’s eventual involvement with a shadow war between SARS and the Zuma Regime, I echo a lot of what Morty has already made a point of. We don’t get a real sense of who Gazali is as a person, we understand his dislike for corruption and that he is ok with aliens, isn’t a fan of leaving behind colonists. We really don’t see reason for him to have connections to the extremely elusive organization that in-canon has gone to great lengths to remain a secret in Mass Effect 1 and Mass Effect 2 or being a random N7 marine, when he had no real ambition to join the Alliance in the first place. What is driving Gazali? What are his motivations once you strip away his dislike of Cerberus and corruption? His inherent paranoia of Cerberus? His personality seems to revolve around that. Overall Gazali feels undercooked, relying too heavily on Cerberus being a thing for him.

Yanagita “Kirin” Shunji, Human Engineer roleplayerguild.com/posts/4573447

[Dervish’s Notes]
-I really enjoy and appreciate the logical progression in Kirin’s history where everything flows in a logical and easy to follow sort of beat where X happens because of Y, resulting in Z. He’s very grounded and I think his experiences aren’t outlandish, and Tricks was laughing because a lot of the stuff that Kirin experienced has an uncanny resemblance to what one of my character’s (Tanya’s) history is like, down to losing a father in the First Contact War, having a high mechanical aptitude, and a mother than falls in with extremists to find comfort and cope with her loss. Obviously it’s a huge coincidence and Kirin is a unique character that stands well on his own, it’s just an amusing sidenote.
-I like how big galaxy shaking events like the Skyllian Blitz and attack on the Citadel helped shape his life without him being a participant; it’s just another well reasoned bit of growth for the character that makes him feel like he’s a part of the galaxy and having reasonable motivations for changing his path up.
-I like that his best friend sided with the Exiles; it’s probably something that happened a lot where the uprising unfolded so quickly and friends were split on the issues for their own reasonable opinions; there wasn’t exactly a clear right answer. I think this will give him some great character development down the road!
-Honestly, combined with Tricks’ comments, I have nothing more to add. This is just a fantastic submission.

[DearTrickster’s Notes] I really liked reading through the backstory for Yanagita, it was straight forward cause and effect. I can’t find anything to change, or improve upon. This is a solid sheet from start to finish in his background. Excellent job. The only point I see for an update is his powers, passive powers are terribly difficult to translate into roleplay effectively. I would suggest to remove and change out Auxiliary Systems and Offensive Tech. You can roll with the four powers if you want, but energy drain may be a nice fifth power to have for him to round him out offensively and defensively.

[Bragus] Kargad - Krogan, Adept

[Dervish’s Notes]
-Bragus isn’t a canon krogan clan; I’d recommend you change that out for one that’s actually been established.
-While I can appreciate Kargad having a metaphorical rebirth after meeting Revixtia, 400 years is a loooooong period of time with zero history. Obviously he was prestigious enough to be put forward as the next shaman for the clan, but other things are like what was his Rite of Passage? Was he involved with clan warfare, the politics? Any encounters with aliens? How exactly did he become the jaded krogan who wanted nothing to do with what was expected of him? I’m not expecting a really long and comprehensive list, but I do want to find out how he got there to some extent.
-I love the fact that Kargad fell head over heels with the first woman who beat the everloving crap out of him to the point it became his life goal to find her again. This is the quality Jenno writing I’ve come to love; quirky and lovable misfits that come together oh so nicely.
-A krogan fully embracing the asari faith is such a novel idea and this reminds me of that krogan on Illium who was reciting awful poetry to win back his asari girlfriend’s heart and wanting kids with her. It’s actually kind of touching, and I really love how you turned his fixation into something of a spiritual awakening and giving a sense of wonder to him as he continues his journey with Revixtia.
-Like Tricks said, I really like that his reason for staying behind on the Nexus was purely for his daughters. He seems like he’s just a really well reasoned and compelling character and other than the giant gap in history and his clan, I really can’t think of anything that I would suggest correcting.


[DearTrickster’s Notes] … Tuchunky backstory, please Jenno. Have mercy on my poor diaphragm.

-I like that you acknowledged his original path planned out for a bioticly gifted krogan, but what has he been doing 400 years up until this point?
-You mention various mercenary work here, was he largely self employed or did he spend time with various outfits? Was there any that particularly stood out to him, or he spent the most amount of his time working with?
-I really love this hook for him as a character, just feeling hard and having so many emotions I feel like he’ll get along with the angara that way. Fully embracing Asari belief because he was 100% for Revixtia and everything she was about.
-and another thing he didn’t completely lose himself when she died. He had his daughters who were there for him. It’s great, it’s dynamic.
-His reason for staying with the Nexus is solid, he wants to stick around to see his daughters out of Cryo and leaving with his fellow krogan would have ruined that. He’s holdin onto that hope. I would like to see some expansion on his feelings toward the Nexus and how they treated the krogan. It’s a complex issue, he has good reason to stick around but I’d like to see how he feels about it.
-Good descriptions for equipment. Personality section checks out.
-Oh my god that power section.

Kaitlin Raethe - Human, Adept

[Dervish Notes]

-Her appearance section reads a lot like a personality section, where there’s nothing really describing how she looks and more her emotional states. It’s kind of a strange read.
-Really bleak early years aside, what exactly made Raeth take an interest in Kaitlin in particular considering she couldn’t have been the only confirmed biotic child in 15 years? If she was nothing more than a project, why wouldn’t he have brought her to his compound to run tests on instead of bringing her to his home? What purpose did he have for wanting this girl for her biotics?
-Alpha Academy is literally a carbon copy of BAaT, down to the cruel turian instructors. The Alliance shut that program down after cases of abuse came to light, they would not be eager to recreate history, especially without oversight/ Alliance instructors, especially ones they didn’t thoroughly do a background check for anti-human biases. This is why Grissom Academy had a biotic program after BAaT was shut down.
-It seems somewhat dubious that Kaitlin wouldn’t have formed at least somewhat cordial bonds with a few of the other students. A lot of her life just seems like one abuse tacked onto another with no one loving her. The thing about making characters with constant tragedies is that it becomes impossible to emphasize with them and it almost becomes comical because no matter what happens, you know it’s going to end up awful.
-I doubt that even accidental manslaughter would only result in an expulsion. There would almost certainly be legal repercussions.
-It seems unlikely that an asari matriarch would be the one to take up being exclusively the private tutor of a young human biotic, and even more unlikely that she’d betray her employer for the girl by helping kill a bunch of guards because now she’s suddenly a convict and there’s a lot better ways of getting Kaitlin out of that situation; you mention how mean her father is without really justifying a series of homicides to get out of his clutches. It’s also one thing to have her show pitty on the girl, but it’s another to take her to the Citadel for a convenient security job. There’s a lot of really coincidental pitfalls this character’s falling into that are a bit too tidy. Keep in mind she doesn’t have any professional experience, and this asari matriarch saw her use her biotics violently once; this isn’t exactly a huge vote of confidence to have her be employed by a professional organization that presumably requires specialized training and experience as a prerequisite. Why wouldn’t Jaseena have worked for this firm in the first place? It would also come to light almost immediately that this asari and Kaitlin would be wanted for several counts of homicide by her father.
-Jaseena’s really just coming across as a convenient plot device to move Kaitlin from one place to another and is conveniently discarded at the end, sending Kaitlin off alone when she has her only guardian figure abandoning her to send her to Andromeda. There’s a bunch of stuff you could have done with this a bit differently, like having Jaseena come with her, or Kaitlin being forced to leave due to her father hunting after her, but he’s never mentioned again after her escape. It feels less like a person and more like a tutorial NPC.
-Given the controversial history Kaitlin has, I cannot see her being accepted into Nexus security, let alone APEX. Having a few years of security doesn’t exactly hide the fact that she was directly responsible for the deaths of several guards.
-I apologize if any of this came across as particularly harsh, it wasn’t the intention. I just want you to really understand where the bio starts to fall apart and things to consider in fixing it up for future use. I hope to see you keep at it and try to refine the character into someone that feels more believable as a person and when coming up with story beats in her history to consider what the fallout would be for her actions/ the events she encounters.