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4 mos ago
Current i hear dies irae bells ringing in my ossicles every time i claw from the dirt and peer wistfully through the rpg tomb doors thinking, "one last job..." another bony finger of the monkey's paw curls up
3 yrs ago
i can't believe it's already christmas today
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4 yrs ago
*skeletal hand emerges from an unmarked grave* the drive thru forgot my side order
2 likes
4 yrs ago
Imagine having an opinion on rpg dot com
4 yrs ago
Let’s play a game where you try to sext me and I call the police
1 like

Bio

Maybe the real plot was the friends we made along the way. [Last Updated: February 1, 2025]


I'm too old for this shit and I have learned not to share too much of my personal life on the internet. I earned a 4-year English degree, work as an English and writing tutor at a local college, a communications copywriter for a non-profit, and I'm a development editor at an academic publishing company. That means I word good.

I like literature and poetry. I first started writing as a hobby with online roleplay at the start of 2010, and I've slowly drifted away from it in recent years. I enjoy most genres, but if I had to pick a couple of favorites, they would be sci-fi and high fantasy—heavy emphasis on the high fantasy. Some of my favorite moments have come from Elder Scrolls roleplays, since it appeals to the D&D nerd in me.

I have a tendency to get carried away with making my character sheets. I've always been a fan of characters overcoming their weaknesses and obstacles and I try to make that show in many of my characters. Therefore, many of the narratives I explore come from a place of vulnerability, but I try to balance the heavy themes with light whimsy. Sometimes though that door swings the other way and I lean into the whimsy while sneaking in moments of vulnerability.

I also try to research whatever it is I'm writing about so that I'm not just spitting into the wind. Unless that's what my character is doing, in which case I try to make sure that's made clear in my writing. Sometimes that gets in the way, like in the case of blacksmith character I wanted to make but felt compelled to study up on blacksmithing first (don't fall into that trap, no one really gives a shit).

It’s kind of hard to define my style, as I’m influenced by all sorts of literary movements and schools of criticism; dark romanticism, modernism, post-modernism, Marxism, feminism, post-structuralism—I have a lot of isms in my pocket. Nathaniel Hawthorne is one of my favorite dark romantic authors, Dickinson is one of my favorite naturalist poets, Judith Ortiz Cofer, Langston Hughes, and Robert Frost—they’ve all in some ways informed my writing, as well as many others. I even tend to look to some of my fellow guild mates for inspiration or analyze what I like about their writing and see what I can do to improve my own through their example.




Prime Rib Boneheads
@Dragonbud
@Luminous Beings
@Maxx
[@Shin Ghost Note]
@JunkMail
Calcium Supplements
@megatrash
@ML
Rest in peace, @Polymorpheus
@SepticGentleman
@Byrd Man
@Skai
@Heat
@Chuuya
@Enarr
@Tiger


These Tickle My Funny Bone
You can find me in:

Currently in no roleplays.

Most Recent Posts

Isai Sutor-Armaseptus
@spicykvnt@MacabreFox

What was once a gentle moment with Isai's handling of his assistant, quickly gave way to one of smug satisfaction. The amusement he felt by Deia’s sudden demands and… my, is that begging? A tongue that can turn locks indeed! Why, if she made such a show with her magic, then why not burst through the cell and slay every guard on the way out? Aside from the obvious answer of the complications that’d arise thereof… could she? It begged the question of her ability, though he wasn’t one to test her patience on a woman who seemed to have nothing to lose – especially since that patience already seemed tested and found wanting.

Then she turned to the rest of the cell and tried to stoke the rebellious spirits of the others. The same ones who she might have once endeared herself towards, only to scoff at the opportunity and tease their mettle and make mockery of? While he appreciated her getting the cathay-raht off his back, there was such a present lack of rhetorical cohesion that he could barely stifle a chuckle! He leaned into Verena’s ear to whisper, “A note from the history books: appear weak when you are strong and appear strong when you are weak.”

Truly, there were many here who appeared strong.

Amidst an uncomfortable moment of silence (or at least a moment of no one addressing the raving woman in the room), all it took was so much as a single pair of eyes to fall on him — whether accidental or otherwise, as there were many different people stuffed into the same cell and he wasn’t picky for attention — to interpret as his permission to intervene. He felt his experience made him neatly qualified, whether he considered himself a real esquire, true magistrate of the law, or not, his certainty of the law was itself, he felt, sufficient to champion its cause. He certainly knew enough to bend them to his will, if nothing else.

With a deep breath, Isai began his attempt to assuaging Deia’s nerves, “Because, dear madam, the crimes alleged to be committed are for either drunk and disorderly, vagrancy, or misdemeanor assault. As enumerated within the Emperor’s decree in the Imperial legal charters, such crimes are only punishable by fine up to forty septims or by… nine and a half, round up to ten, hours of penance by incarceration. A night in holding to cool tempers once stoked aflame! No one will be rotting tonight.”

As he looked around at the other prisoners, he did not doubt that some threw more than a single punch aimed at more than a single person, and as such their sentences would be longer. Still, he hoped his words would bring some sense of calm to the anxieties already present and those that may be further stoked by the vulture woman’s words. He peered through the cell door at the guards beyond, forcing some larger man, still drunk, to lift his arm and subject the poor bard to the smell of his underarm.

“I don’t oft dispense with legal consult free of charge – oh gods, sir, get help –” he continued, retching for a moment at the smell of his cellmate’s pits, “but I’d advise thee against jailbreak. I entreat instead: relax! It’s hardly worth the hundred septim fine for breaking through the cell, nor the additional thousand for each guard thou slayest en exeunt… ah, but alas, I fret that fines and incarceration will be the least of thine worries if re-captured — once the magicka reserves deplete.”

There was a pause amidst Isai’s gesticulating and grandstanding only for there to be a moment – a human moment when his eyes met hers with an earnest plea, even though he felt called to look away when the animal in her stared back – when he said in simple words, “There are greater battles ahead, love. Rest up.”
Isai Sutor-Armaseptus
@MacabreFox & @spicykvnt

Truly, the bombardment of what had come was unexpected. The vulture woman, Deia – “A pretty name,” Isai remarked – seemed to place more importance on demonstration of power as magicka cracked and sparked in her hands. Wherever she came from, might made right. Still didn’t exemplify the use of her tongue in undoing the lock, though. Then the cathay-raht, in his grandiose posture, indeed postured as he pushed his way through the cell like he could part the sea all but confirming the rumors he always heard about prison, that the biggest did indeed seem to run the cell block. He thought might made right too. This “Kiffar’s” size was such a thing of awe that his own words were overshadowed by him, as he had treaded the borders of Anequina, the Rim, and Reaper’s March and but never dared to cross that border given Elsweyr’s conflict with County Leyawiin, and he had no interest in being abducted by a cartel or the Renrijra Krin. During that time, he saw many khajiit, but never came across a cathay-raht in person. If anything, his zoo-like novelty outweighed anything he had to say, as his mastery of language was better likened to one of Skyrim’s giants than any of the well-read alfiqs he had the privilege of meeting. Indeed, at that size, Isai supposed it was hard not to measure the value of something by its susceptibility to being stepped on or eaten.

Deia, however, seemed keen to interject and saw him just as meal-worthy and dissected him with hungry eyes as much she did for himself, calling his bluff and rising to the open challenge Kiffar had made. One's might measured against another's, and the rightness that would prevail. The way she engaged in banter made her feel more popsy than crone, were it not for her demeanor. Then came the bosmer, and not just any bosmer it seemed, but one from the Deep Green, untamed unlike the wood elves found here in the Heartland. It was obvious to him by the measure of her sharpened teeth, antlered head, scarred and painted, the braids in her wild hair, the animal-derived attire — the whole nine yards. Nothing was missing from the caricature of her people. She had a delightfully savage and wild manicness in her face, as much a predator as the cathay-raht, but she followed him in his shadow like a remora that stuck itself to the belly of a shark. Even so, he wondered if she cowered under his shade, or if the khajiit was but the tall grass for the snake to hide in.

Even a young man from across the cell block, barely a child, seemed attracted to whatever was occurring here with his address to… either Deia or the bosmer, he wasn’t entirely sure, since he seemed he returned to his conversation and story-telling right after. Either way, he delivered some toilet humor that thankfully wasn’t in reference to whatever that initial charlatan said that spurred much of this on. Sure, there was a dirty taste in his mouth, but it didn't taste anything like... well, he didn't really want to continue that assessment in case he was wrong. In any case, the arena event was a world wonder in the right that it attracted so many from around the Empire! And here they all were, crammed in these quarters.

Still, there seemed to be quite a few people out for his head already — quite a feat, considering that he hadn’t even slept with anyone yet. Or talked to most of them. Isai deflated a bit.

Then came a trembling. His own? Heavens, no, surely he’s been through worse. He looked down to see Verena at his side, apparently interposing herself between him and the crowd. He barely even noticed that for the solid minute he spent looking around, watching everyone in his fascination and preoccupation with his own emotional self-inventory, that he barely noticed the homeostasis he felt — that he wasn’t being shoved around by the masses of people anymore.

“I keep my faith in you, Isai.” She said, “You have seen us through the most unusual quarries. Perhaps when we leave this place, I would make us both some eidar cap.”

Isai paused for just a moment, as if to process what she was saying. Her eyes spoke of a pain not heard in her words. He felt something melt away, though he couldn’t name what in that moment, as he could only think of giving her a pearly, reassuring grin.

“Quarries? Ah, quandaries? Well, no worries my dear. Truly. I’ve always attempted adherence to one principle, which is never to trust how one feels about life after nine in the evening. Look at them — look at usall locked together, but were these cages permanent, they’d have not keys. I propose that our differences be seen in how hardship is endured and continue our belief in the carrot before the stick… agreed? Besides…”

Isai looked over his shoulder toward Deia and the little bosmer woman.

“...Twas not the first time I was threatened with devourment and, gods willing, it shan’t be the last.”
Isai
@spicykvnt

A woman, perhaps once beautiful and graceful in dress and tongue, now defiled and in dire straits in her need for a bath and a tailor, descended upon the gentleman and his assistant like a vulture. And like a vulture, she had a hungry glint in her eye and dressed in dark, almost greasy plumage, with nails like talons. Her mouth, with each utterance, was like a beak pecking and prodding, as if testing for still and ripened flesh so as to pull his liver out from his side. Her language was like a sordid distortion and corruption of the courtly cant communicated in higher class circles. Her face, in isolation, a vintage ceramic stained by patina in need of polish or like a wine on the cusp of vinegar, and so then her dress may perhaps not be like a vulture’s at all, but like aedra fallen from grace. Part of him saw the wild of wyresses in her, but nay, it was something darker… not even in the daedric sense, but the dark of nature: like starving wolves in the dead of night, plagued by infection, thorns, and venom. Well, Isai resolved to prove that he was no carrion! If this fallen angel saw fit to test her mettle in descending upon him, he hoped she’d find no easy meal. However, lest she see him a threat, he wanted to allow her to believe her illusions still stood.

Isai looked over at her, his eyes darting between the youth-hag and Verena. He didn’t face her, but rather addressed her from the side, and quickly, before Verena had a chance to respond. “Hm? Esquire of Cheydinhal actually, my lady, though I appreciate your estimation of my station. Isai Tegulatoris Sutris-Armaseptus da Leyawiin, Esquire. Alas, the gods permit me only to be but of the landed gentry before the peerage, and my tongue to turn naught but opinion, pleasure, and tied cherry stems.”

Ending his introduction so matter-of-factly, he bowed as much as the physical space would allow him to and extended his hand with as much distance and with as much respect for her space as he could. He added, “Though speaking of pleasure, it is mine to make your acquaintance, dear lady…?”

His words lingered in the air as she awaited her name. He couldn’t lie to himself, he was kind of scared of her. But he thought he put up a good enough front, and if nothing else he knew how to make people good about themselves in his presence, like everyone else around them is momentarily forgotten. That aside, she seemed enough of a caricature — more a character to him than a real person — that made her interesting enough to serve as a literary subject in one of his manuscripts. So, getting the full scoop of what she was about might be worth losing a finger over as long as one of the restorationists in here felt like mending another one.
In collaboration with @MacabreFox
Isai & Verena


Among the hustle and bustle, and the squirming and tussle, of women and man packed together arse-to-muscle, extended a single, slender hand from amidst the mass and at the mercy of jostle. In its palm, a sachet of tea, extended beneath the drip, drip of water fed by the cit-y from the stonework above. The water doth run, and the steeping just begun, though its temperature, a pity.

“Good sirs, if I may beg your pardon…” Isai said, his voice barely audible as his face was smushed betwixt one man’s shoulder and another’s pectoral. A moment passed and the shoulder rotated, granting the bard some reprieve. He took a sigh of relief, and his head craned through the cell for his compatriot, Verena Luscinia, as he felt his heart swell with pride over what seemed to be a moment of ingenuity. His voice tried to climb over the others and their griping of the inhumane conditions.

“See for yourself, my dear, and testify as witness to this newest utterance: hacking shortcuts and conveniences through life, merited by creativity and resourcefulness — a life hack one may say — so behold, if one has acquired tea in a dungeon’s depths and be lacking in water, taking control of one’s fate, one may cup water found in thine hand and surely improve its quality! See?”

Indeed, the water dripping from the ceiling pooled in his hand and soak and leeched some flavor from the tea leaves in the sachet. He noisily slurped from his hand as if to demonstrate before a man’s cry shot through the prison, “Hey-ho! Look! That guy is drinking shit water!

Isai immediately spat and sputtered and wiped his mouth on his sleeve before stammering, following the shout, “I-indeed, verily, where’s this hapless cur? I should have a laugh at the fool!”

The deflection worked to some extent and most of the crowd was looking around to see who was the culprit, apparently eager to sink their teeth into him, while Isai sank low beneath the crowd and ducking beneath arms and the like to reappear next to Verena’s side, looking a little pale-faced.

“I do sympathize for the poor, unknown chap to have fallen for such fecal folly,” he muttered to her, not making eye contact or paying acknowledgement for what had transpired. The chaos of the current situation in this prison was such that he paid little heed even to the large khajiit lifting a dungeon door from its hinges, there being so much to have eyes on. Still, he wanted to mentally record everything he saw so as to perhaps convey the events that transpire in prison in a future book… that would conveniently exempt the little, insignificant detail that he shared a cell with the miscreants.

“I did not witness there to be any excrement in the water, whatever do they mean?” Verena pondered to herself, loud enough for Isai to hear, though her attention drifted elsewhere, the finesse of the situation flying entirely over her head. She shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other, her feet aching in her leather slippers from having to stand due to the more bodies the guards crammed into the cell. She noted a few Argonians, the massive Khajiit, Bretons and Redguards, was that a Bosmer? Yes, it was. And even the surprise handful of Nords.

The heat of the bodies crammed into the cell filled her nostrils, an odour that made her wrinkle nose. Her attempt to identify the sources of the odours kept her occupied for the time being. Some smelled strongly of sweat, others of ale, there was the scent of perfume… She gagged, had someone passed flatulence? The audacity. Though… if duty calls, who was she to pass judgement? Growing hot under the collar of her cloak, Verena proceeded to unhook its simple clasp, folding the grey woolen fabric into a neat square, and held the bundle to her chest.

“So much for the greatest sporting event of the era,” Verena sighed half-heartedly, harking to Isai’s desire to record the event. Oh, how he had urged her that it would be an exciting affair, and truly it was, until the riot broke out like grease spilled over an open flame.

“Any idea on how you will portray the riot? You likened it to a bar fight, after all.” She mused, though she wasn’t certain if her companion would recall his own words given the events of his losing consciousness shortly after.

“Mmm, yes,” the thespian mused in turn, massaging away the bump on the back of his head, wincing when he pressed too hard, “I’m sure I could make some… inferences, supplement the material with auxiliary interviews of the, ah, more active participants… oh, excuse me!”

As a guard paced in front of him, his attention was quickly fetched away from his commiseratory compatriot, and his hand nearly lunged out from between the bars to wave them down.

“I beg your pardon, ser,” he pleaded, “but I am afraid there has been some confusion. See, I don’t truly belong here, as I’m sure you recall that I was in a sordid state which eluded the lucidity and wherewithal befitting of any acquiescence to the participation of a– ser?”

The guard, while initially uninterested in any pleas for mercy, at least began to hear him out until the syllables started getting too long and continued on their patrol down the swollen prison. Isai sighed and hung his head down, tuning out the droning of a dunmer man spitting his vile rhetoric towards the cellmates across the prison from him.There were only so many voices he could try to focus on, one suggesting some game of cards or dice, as if the guards would’ve allowed anything to enter the cells besides the clothes on their backs… and in the case of the massive khajiit, apparently not even that.

He pondered for a moment about the logistics of their ability to lock up mages. He could always attempt to magically open the lock, though it may be a higher grade more complex than what he was able to deal with, and the consequences that would come after were as clear as a flash of steel. What about conjurers? Technically, they’re always armed. He did think for a moment about conjuring a die – it wasn’t any more complex than a dagger, but he recalled the last time he tried performing such a parlor trick and the die ended up having a mouth and an opinion: “You arrogant worm! Mark my words mortal, once I’m recorporealized I will flay you alive and wear your cock as a hat!

Needless to say, being retraumatized by a daedric household trinket will not be on today’s agenda. Isai took a moment to recompose himself, standing at his full height, and spinning on his heel to greet Verena with pearly-white smile. “Make yourself comfortable, darling! I’ve exercised my leverage and spoke with the guards, so I am sure I will have gotten us out of this predicament in no time at all.”

Verena’s gaze snapped to Isai, and at his words of assurance she breathed a sigh of relief, her shoulders sagging in response. A vibrant and warm smile spread over her lips as she beamed at him, “Oh what a relief, Isai! Truly a hero, indeed.”

Sers, ladies, other personages of the landed gentry, I may have gotten carried away.


If you're still accepting CSs, me and another would be interested. I could have a sheet put together over this weekend.


I am the another.
@Kassarock I'm giving Velyn a friend!

The Eve of Blood
ft. @Hank

Reyna made sure to watch the crowd of the meeting leave the tent before leaving Isobel to herself, with the exception of Beordan’s company. There were some who lingered, whether to talk amongst themselves or talk to Isobel directly. She would linger longer, of course, to keep an eye on them before leaving herself, her eyes like a painting on a wall that would seem to stare at you no matter where one walked. Her gaze was a penetrating menace that sought to see through the barriers of flesh to seek their intent, to manifest her anticipation as lightning coursing through her veins. It was all to keep sure Isobel remained guarded--that which she felt was her responsibility. While the woman she held in such esteem had Beordan’s more than capable company at her side, who Reyna has personally witnessed destroy all those who entered his arena with him, it only takes a moment for things to change. Only a moment for someone to die. If Beordan wasn’t prepared for that single moment, or isn’t able to react fast enough for it, then she would be. At least, that was the idea.

The night had already fallen, her assigned patrol already over and the resolution of the meeting hallmarking the eve of blood, a name that was beginning to circulate around the camp. Some of the rebels were former militia members who would be invading and ransacking their own homes, but mostly farmers. They had a connection which tied them to this struggle, whereas Reyna fought out of loyalty to a debt. She couldn’t begin to imagine what it would be like for them. Her own home is long gone, and any place she was otherwise “raised,” to be as liberal as possible with the term, she would be delighted to see crumble beneath smoke and fire. She thought about it often, and so she wasn’t quite so sure that it was delight she’d be feeling, no; it’d be anger. Anger fulfilled and appetite whetted, and when it's very memory invokes pain and rage, one can only help but think of crushing the hot coal that’s been used to poke and prod and brand you in your bare hands and the satisfaction you get from its destruction even when the burns and pain continues to linger.

Would these people feel that? Would they feel a painful satisfaction in burning down their own home, or would they seek to preserve it? How would they do that? And how would they react if what they fought to defend was taken from them? It was a dark thought perhaps, one that was birthed by the orcs and seeped into her own brain like venom, but it was a tactic that Hruldan could employ nonetheless: burning down his own city. Would that take away their reason for fighting, or simply replace it with what Reyna had? It was hard to say. Some of them seemed too weak and she herself was no philosopher, not like some of the other so-called “warriors.”

She returned to her own tent: a small, pitched thing that only had room for her bedroll, a crate, and a mess kit. She’d undo the buckles and straps of her armor and drop its pieces into the crate and slide her gladius in after it. It was positioned such that its handle was sticking up and pointed in the direction toward the bedroll for her to reach if need be, though she still kept the orichalum dagger secured in one of the tied wrappings of the toga just at her tailbone. The longer left-side of her red toga was now free to uncoil itself from her arm and hang freely in the air just above her knees, her black garments beneath just short and breathable enough to allow some airy comfort in the warm air of the night. The Cyrodiilic chill had little persuasive power over a nord, especially one raised in the Wrothgarian mountains. The pressure of her breastplate and gauntlet still weighed on her body though, its memory imprinting itself upon her skin. She let out a gentle sigh and moan as she rocked her neck and back side to side, making sounds in her back pop like when she would crack open a mudcrab’s leg.

An uproar of laughter from a nearby fire disturbed her moment of peace, replacing it with a moment of bitter and resentful growling, but when her head erupted from the tent flaps, she only saw men. Men with smiles and drinks in their hands, telling stories and jokes and whatever else, as if they had no idea what lies in wait for them tomorrow. It made her mind buzz with confusion, like a swelling of emotion that she couldn’t begin to organize or pick apart—where could she possibly begin? Why drink and dull the senses? Why stay up and tire yourself in the morning? Why make such loud ruckus, possibly letting every hunter and predator and killer nearby know where you lay your head? Why were they so comfortable doing the things she was never allowed? She didn’t have those luxuries, or rather, it is because she avoided them that she’s alive today. What did that mean for these men? What lies in wait for them tomorrow? This must be a mistake.

She’d make one last trip to Isobel’s tent.

It was during the march that she’d walk past some of those who she saw in the tent but did not know personally, or even particularly care for. Folks like Janus and Akamon, some nords and bretons like Quintus and Guifort, and one of the orcs she saw in the distance in the dry, blazing heat of their forge, all until she finally made it to the tent of Isobel Aurelia. She was hesitant to enter at first, remembering from her earliest childhood memories that it was polite to knock before entering someone’s quarters, but having not had to worry about that at all for such a while, she wasn’t quite sure if a tent technically counted. So, she opted for something simple, if still bluntly direct as is expected of her by now.

“Aurelia, I’m coming in,” she said, warning the occupant of her arrival in her distinct, underused voice. The pitched voice of a Nord girl with a similar grumbly inflection to the orcs they worked with. She pushed her shoulder past the entrance and found that only an empty tent awaited her. Not entirely empty, of course -- there were scrolls and clothes and equipment, but no Isobel. Instead, her voice came from outside the tent.

“I’m here, Reyna,” the Imperial woman said, calling out from a dark corner of the camp a little ways away from the tent, where she and the minotaur Beordan sat on a fallen tree, she on the stump and he on the trunk, in shadow and silence. “We were taking a moment to pray,” she explained, “but come. I would like to speak with you.”

“Me too.” The girl replied. She didn’t necessarily care much for or put much stock into praying, and she would’ve scoffed at anyone else who did, but she didn’t feel as if she had any particular ground to stand on in judging the woman who brought everyone together and saved her life. The woman could streak butt naked and croak like a frog for all she cared, if she thought it’d help her find her center. So Reyna paced forward, wading her feet through the cold grass as she went, until they brought her in front of Isobel and Beordan, who she addressed with a respectful nod (though more in a way that suggests “real recognizes real,” rather than any particular reverence). Like old friends. She couldn’t actually bring herself to care about the religion of the Imperial pantheon, or any faith really, but she cared about what Isobel thought and Reyna thought she was good at organizing people, so she found herself wanting to know what she ought to be looking for tomorrow morning.

“Which one is it this time?” Reyna asked irreverently. When the moment came she was given the inevitable look of confusion, she explained, “You pray to nine different people right? Which one are you praying to this time?”

The question made Isobel laugh. “Nine different gods,” she corrected the young woman. “Today it is Talos, who was Tiber Septim in life. He conquered all of Tamriel and created the Empire. He ascended to the heavens when he died and became a god. It seems only fitting to pray to him today, given that it’s his Empire that we’re trying to… protect, I suppose.”

“Repair,” Beordan grumbled.

She ignored him, a half-smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. Then Isobel looked at Reyna more intently. After she mentioned Talos, she found her muttering Talos’ name under her breath, feeling the shape of his name in her mouth, and it suddenly made her seem much more like the nord she was supposed to be. “Who did you pray to, when you were alone in your cage?”

“I prayed to my enemies.” Reyna answered simply. “I prayed that they were weaker than me so I could live. I didn’t know any gods there. Ma and Pa used to pray to gods, I think.”

The implication of the allusion to her parents was clear. She wasn’t placing much stock into gods or things she couldn’t see, and the very word, “god,” seemed to fit uncomfortably in her mouth as if it was too big and unwieldy for her to use, or like she sat tasting it and found the flavor of the word unsettling and bitter. As far as she was concerned, she was alive today only because of dumb luck and her own strength. She found her eyes wandering towards the minotaur, privately suspecting that he was the same and had no experience with or has any need for these gods—even if he was here praying with her.

“Is that why you brought people like the half-breed with us? Because they pray?” Reyna asked. The question may have sounded accusative and aggressive, but she was earnest in her curiosity. She wanted to know what Isobel saw in them that she couldn’t, those who she rated based on what she assumed was their ability to survive conflict. Guifort, the name she could not remember, looked to her as the sort who would not survive very long. He wasn’t alone though; he was among company with the other soft-skinned and untempered fodder of the rebellion. She trusted Isobel's judgement, but she also sought to understand it. That was why she was here at this hour. She leaned in and said, “They’re going to die.”

Isobel shook her head. “Everyone here has their own way of contributing. There is more to war than just fighting. Guifort prays, yes, and in his devotion to his god he finds wisdom, and he uses that wisdom to speak encouraging words that can fortify the spirit. He knows healing magic to keep the wounded among the living, and funerary rites to guide the souls of the dead to Aetherius. You only see the fight, young Reyna, but Guifort sees what happens before, and after, and tends to us then,” she explained. “Reinette is the same, in her own way.”

“Not just them.” She insisted. “Witches who heal... I think I get it, but I’ve never seen it,” she glanced toward her own scars, healing either on their own or with the help of conventional medicine and bandaging. She shook her head as if to shake the memories off of her and continued, “not just them. Even the ones who will fight. No matter how long the lazy one makes them fight the air, they’ll never learn to kill. They’re loud and they’re drinking and they’re laughing… and they don’t know. Not like they should.”

Reyna exhaled a deep breath, unaware of the weight on her shoulders she was carrying previously. She wasn’t sure if she was communicating her thoughts exactly the way she wanted to, and it frustrated her. For the longest time, she only thought of fighting and killing as a means to live, but here she saw only men and women eagerly rushing to their own deaths just so they could fight. What kind of life was that? With a tone of finality to her voice, she added with certainty, “They’ll die. Some will run. A couple might live. Why are they fighting? What’s more important than living?”

“Freedom. Justice. Peace.” Isobel watched Reyna’s face for any changes to her expression and then laughed. “You didn’t grow up in the Empire. Survival is all you’ve known for years. I don’t expect you to understand what I mean. But many people here are fighting to create a better world for their fellow citizens. They fight for a good cause, something larger than themselves, larger than their lives. Hruldan is a cruel and greedy man. As long as he rules Skingrad, the people here will never be treated fairly. All we can do is take up arms for those who believe they are too weak to fight him themselves so that they might learn their own power, because rulers should always be afraid of their own people. And now there’s an army, two-hundred strong, inspired by our example, ready to fight. Ready to die, if they have to. So that their friends and family can know freedom, justice and peace again.” Passion had crept into her voice and she realized that she had leaned forwards while talking. “Sorry,” Isobel smiled and leaned back again, away from Reyna’s personal space when she noticed her muscles tensing up. “I just get fired up when talking about it.” She glanced sidelong at Beordan, but the minotaur was studying Reyna and did not say anything.

“All this air,” she responded, looking all around her, “the space. It’s new. Quiet. Gives me time to think about… things I haven’t thought about before. I don’t know what to do with it—the space—but I’ve thought what if I didn’t have it anymore. If I went back. I fought too hard to live just to die for it, but… I do want to keep my quiet. I think I get what you’re saying, but I don’t wanna choose between life or quiet. I don’t like that choice. I wanna live and have quiet too. I’ve been killing to live so I don’t have to kill anymore... but they don’t know how to kill. They don’t know that choice—not until tomorrow.”

“Everyone has to start somewhere,” Isobel said. “We can show them the way. You, me, Beordan, Ando, Akamon, Janus… there are plenty of experienced fighters here. And I’ve talked to the people. The farmers, the smiths, the tanners. They don’t feel like they’re making a choice to fight. They feel that it’s their duty to fight.” She smiled and pointed at Reyna. “Like you feel you have a duty to me. What you feel you owe to me, they feel they owe to Skingrad and its people. Their sons, their mothers, their neighbours. Do you see what I mean?”

“Not duty. Blood debt. But maybe. We’ll see what duty gets them.” Reyna found this type of… philosophical talk and playing around with words and semantics far too heady and annoying, and it gave her something of a pins and needles sensation across her skin, something that caused her to ruffle her hair with her hands and itch at her scalp as if it was her way of centering herself. A moment later her hair was looking wild again and sticking out in different directions, but there was a laser focus in her eyes, as if she finally committed herself to something, like the doubts plaguing her when she first arrived at the conversation were swatted away. Her focus realigned on Isobel with her composure returned. “You said you wanted to talk to me about something too.”

“Yes, I did,” Isobel said and shifted in her seat, uncrossing her legs and straightening them out on the forest floor, her hands ironing the creases from her tunic, with a look in her eyes that said that she wished she could do the same to all the worries and concerns that weighed on her mind and her heart. “Once Hruldan is defeated and order has been restored in Skingrad, there might be… well, a place for you there, I suppose. Robespierre will be the new Count and he will know all that you have done for him and his people. It would be the perfect opportunity to have your quiet, as you put it,” she explained and smiled. “You could have the life back that was taken from you. Not have to fight to survive. Learn how to read, how to work -- not killing, something peaceful. You told me once you still remember the farm, herding the sheep. Would you want that?”

“I…” Reyna started to speak but she stopped and she stared straight ahead like there was a ghost. Suddenly that composure she fought to reclaim was lost again. Her mind traveled to this suggested land of quiet, of stone walls and bridges wrapping around the thoroughfares of a Colovian hamlet, of the farmlands that covered its countryside. The fires that might light them. The past replayed in her eyes, and for a moment she didn’t seem present. So when her own words were caught in her throat, unsure of how to communicate the confusion and feelings of conflict in her heart, or the terror in her memory, words which threatened to choke her, she did as she always had when she felt in danger, and with no enemy to fight her feet slowly shuffled away from Isobel before fleeing away like wind back to her tent.

Beordan stopped Isobel before she could call out after the girl. “Let her go,” he rumbled. “All she has known is war. You threatened her with peace. It will take time.”

The Imperial woman lowered back onto the stump, having gotten halfway up on her feet. “I wish there was more I could do for her,” she said and chewed her bottom lip. “She fought so hard to survive and to escape and now I am leading her back into another fight? What if she dies tomorrow?”

“Her choice, not yours.”

Isobel hummed quietly and looked at her lap. Beordan sat back and exhaled in content silence, the burst of breath from his nose fogging in the cold night air. When Reyna arrived back at her tent, she was out of breath. Though the distance was not so long for her, it was only then that she realized she was holding onto it, keeping her breath from escaping her burning, rebelling lungs. It was enough even to cause a buildup of cold sweat beading up on her forehead, to which she quickly felt their chill in the cold night air and brought her some sense of comfort. Their icy touch pulled her back to reality, and soon she felt her breathing begin to slow and steady itself. Still, heat welled up in her chest again as she growled and snarled and groaned to herself, at no one in particular, before throwing herself onto her bed roll and clutching the straw pillow to her head, as if she was trying to wrap it around her and so firmly that she nearly ripped it into halves in her hands. She eventually would release a sigh, expelling all that anxious and flustered energy into the air of the tent, and allowing the heat in her chest to climb its way up to her face and cheeks, where she’d wear her embarrassment for the rest of the night until she slept. She put the orichalum dagger wrapped at her tailbone beneath her pillow and firmly in her hand, which would help to cushion that which she nearly destroyed.

Sleep, she told herself. Sleep for tomorrow. She could let it all out tomorrow.
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