Faelyn Ta'vir [+]

Badass art choice friend, that image definitely already paints an idea in my mind of who this character is!

"The weak of this world perish so that the strong might have a better foundation on which to forge their fate."

That’s a powerful quote, along with the picture I’m already getting a feel for Faelyn. It’s very foreboding and dramatic and my immediate thought was that it reminds me of a great villain of Final Fantasy -- Sephiroth, with the image as well. I love it! These small details always come together for people who view your sheet and you know it.

Age: 220 years old, naught more than a young adult in the eyes of other Ta'vir.
Gender: Male.
Race: Elven. Ta'viri specifically.

Appearance: Standing at around an average-for an elf anyway-height of six feet tall, with pale skin, icy blue eyes, almost withered looking snow white hair, the usual pointy ears, delicate features, a muscular physique, and a face that seems to be stuck in a perpetual scowl, Faelyn cuts quite the imposing figure on his own.

All of these descriptors are fantastic, and feel true to the character - but just cutting back and then padding out one or two will really elevate your writing to the next level, and add that layer of polish that you’re looking for. When writing an appearance section, I like to take a ‘thing’ and add an action to it;

“Standing at an average height of six feet tall, Faelyn cuts an imposing figure. From his height, he stares down upon those beneath him through his cold and arresting gaze, his blue eyes almost as pale as his skin”

Doing this adds a few things - it adds a character quirk that aligns with his personality, and it builds on his presence. It then becomes so much more powerful. He doesn’t just have icy blue eyes - he has a terrifying stare. I love the description of his withered hair, by the way.

When clad in his full suit of fur lined plate armor, however, his appearance shifts into something outright draconian as he goes from looking like naught more than a grim wraith, to a herald of death itself. As for the armor itself, it is all etched silvers and dark greys, with a crimson black cloak woven into the upper back portion of the suit and a high collar designed to keep the wearers neck at least somewhat protected.

”grim wraith, to a herald of death itself.”

Okay so this is a gorgeous description and I love it - it suggests how quickly he can turn from x to y, which again aligns to his chaotic evil nature and just the term ‘herald of death’ is villainous enough alone. Fantastic stuff!

*Ooooh, a quick and exciting thought -- what if his name is Faelyn the Herald? He could also have a very ominous nickname that he is known by -- a reputation, if you like.

Favored Alignment Major and Minor Focuses: Chaotic Evil. This does not mean he is a psychopath however. He is more than capable of using logic and reason, and will not needlessly backstab those to whom he is aligned unless it becomes imperative to do so.

Favored Class Archetype Major and Minor Focuses: Frontline Combatant/Divine Spellcaster.

Equipment

• A full suit of steel plate with fur lining.
• One cured leather travel pack containing some medicinal tinctures, whetstones, food, a sealed water skin, and supplies for camping such as a bedroll.
• A steel longsword kept in a sheath wrapped around his waist.
• An assortment of first aid supplies, stowed in a hardened leather case also strapped to his waist, such as sutures, bandages, thread, needles, and the like in case of injury. One cannot be strong with a failing body after all.

Signature Techniques

Xor'laths Fury: Calling upon the power of the demon within him, Faelyn channels its dark presence into his gauntlets, overlaying them with claws of burning shadow he can use to rip his foes limb from limb. He can only keep these in existence for a short time, however, as they lose integrity with each strike.

Xor'laths Bulwark: Drawing upon the dark powers of Xor'lath once more, he summons forth its essence through sheer force of will and converts it into an umbral dome that radiates outwards one foot in diameter, and blocks incoming projectiles. The shield can be worn down over time, and Faelyn cannot move whilst projecting it, as it requires concentration to maintain. This also means he cannot be distracted while using it either, as one break could cause it to drop.

Wrath of The Ta'viri: Digging deep, Faelyn taps into his inner rage and ambition to win, using his blade to pummel foes with a barrage of uncoordinated strikes. While powerful, this technique is far from accurate and leaves him wide open to counterattack.

Stance Shift: Faelyn readies himself to shift into one of three stances. Aggressive, defensive, or adaptive. The first, aggressive, is self explanatory. The second, defensive, is also easy to comprehend, though he uses his sword to deflect attacks rather than a shield. And the last, adaptive, is more of a 'wait and see' approach where he prepares to shift into either aggressive or defensive depending on the circumstance.

Battle Focus: Faelyn, having spent years surviving in the harsh hellscape that is his homeland, has figured out how to tap into a long forgotten technique once used by his peoples ancient warrior priest caste. By looking within and finding a mental void of sorts, they could effectively detach themselves from their physical forms, becoming apathetic towards their own bodies. This, while a great boon to combat, was extremely damaging towards their overall longevity as it would make it all too easy for them to be taken unawares by their foes, since they could no longer feel the bite of stone, iron, or steel on their skin.

What I appreciate in your skillset here, is the variation and also that you’ve written a weakness to each one. This makes him feel a lot more real and that he’s also vulnerable -- not some all powerful being. I like that his powers and skills are so heavily tied into his emotions as well, that can lead to some really fantastic writing and moments throughout the roleplay.

History: Born in the frozen expanse of Ayqar in the far north, Faelyn learned from an early age that to be weak was to accept death. So he took this lesson to heart and applied it in everything he did, although not in a way anyone from his hometown of Caelora had expected. First, he sought entry into the local guard regiment. It was far from easy, there were many times when the most lax of their conditioning exercises almost killed the young Faelyn, but he managed to make it in. From there he served for at least one century, gradually working his way up the ranks to captain. While most would have thought him content with this position, anyone with a sharp enough eye would have recognized this achievement as nothing more than the first steps of an even grander plan. One that would take him far beyond the confines of his small mountain village. Taking command of his new contingent of men, along with some of the better equipment he now had access to as a regiment captain, he set out to face his greatest challenge yet.

He ventured forth into the wastes to slay the demon Xor'lath.

That was a lot of backstory in one paragraph - it felt almost like you were following a formula to get him from a to b. It feels like his childhood is important, so perhaps expanding on it would give more insight into his psyche. That said, the line on its own about his quest is fantastic. It’s punchy, it immediately grabs my interest, and that’s when it starts to feel like this is his story.

Or that's what he told everyone else anyway. In reality his plan was to find the demon, who had been tormenting the area for the last six hundred years by this point, and let it possess him. The plan was that he would offer it his physical form, as such creatures were driven by an insatiable urge to walk about in mortal flesh, and then capture its will in a mental vise as strong as iron so that he could use its powers to his own ends. So, with this insane plan secretly festering in the back of his mind, the newly minted commander and co set out, beginning a month long trek into the frozen tundra. Several died during this march, from starvation as the rations ran conspicuously low, or hypothermia as many of the supplies with which they set up camp were lost along the way. After a few more weeks, and several deaths later, the considerably smaller group finally arrived at the cave the demon was rumored to haunt, though for what reason or purpose no one knew.

I’m interested in how he learned about demon possession. I think that when we write a character sheet, we get lost in the play by play of events when we could focus more on character and story elements. I am picturing Faelyn hunched over late at night, getting lost in the pages of forbidden tomes as his hunger and urge to be possessed grows stronger. I care more about that, than his unnamed soldiers who died to get there with him. His internal journey is more interesting to me, anyway.

Venturing inside, the group was quickly overcome by the overwhelming scent of burnt something, and darkness that was deeper than the ever present shroud of steel gray clouds that blanketed the land, hiding the suns glorious face from view for most-if not all-year round. Pushing past it, the remnants of Faelyn’s squad moved forward, as he had not come this far only to be deterred by mere smoke and shadow. Plunging in deeper, Faelyns men made a great deal of progress before being stopped, a wall of pure solid darkness blocking their way. Searching, but ultimately unable to find a way around the obstruction, they started to turn back when the barrier came to life. Surging toward them, it pierced their armored forms with seething umbral spires, before rushing up at Faelyn, who was unfazed by the whole ordeal.

Everything was going according to plan, after all.

I am always a fan of one line bangers like this. And the paragraph above it has such a great description of the cave and the atmosphere. This line; he had not come this far only to be deterred by mere smoke and shadow” suggests his arrogance and confidence and great desire for this demon -- which again, I want to know how he obtained that. It’s a great little insight into his psyche and his personality.

As the wave approached, slamming into the tunnels walls as it writhed forward like some kind of seething beast, Faelyn held his arms out wide in a gesture of welcome to the foul evil as he prepared himself for the mental war that was about to ensue. It felt like an eternity before the mass hit him, but when it did, it felt as though he had been enveloped in a raging inferno. As though he had been cast down into the depths of the abyss itself. More terrifying than this, however, was the ominous presence he now felt lingering in his mind. The presence of Xor'lath. What happened next is hard to describe, and even harder for Faelyn himself to remember so great was the struggle, but it ended with him as the victor. Xor'lath had been defeated, his consciousness buried deep within Faelyns own mind, and his powers claimed. Striding forth from the cavernous depths, the inside still smelling strongly of sulfur and burnt stone, Faelyn emerged a new man. Setting out into the frozen wastes once again, Faelyn made his way back to Caelora.

Alone.

But this hardly mattered to him of course. He had gotten what he'd set out to find. No matter the reaction those he called kin had upon his arrival, it would not make his successes thus far any less sweet. When he finally made it back, he found the reactions of those who called the place home mixed. Some whispered he had led those men out there on purpose, perhaps to silence them for witnessing some secret act they were not meant to see, while others maintained his innocence, writing off the whole thing as a series of unfortunate events that had regrettably claimed the lives of several good men. One thing was unanimously recognized by the inhabitants of Caelora, however.

Faelyn had changed. Where once he was determined, dedicated to surviving no matter the cost, now he had become more lax. Overconfident. As though there was nothing in the world that could touch him. A foolish notion to be sure, one almost as moronic as the individuals that had thought it up. Faelyn was well aware of just how many things in this world could kill him, especially if he wasn't careful. No, he wasn't confident, he was acting. Executing yet another part of his intricate plan. For you see, as he had made his way back towards the village he ran into a party of exiles. Elves considered Ta'viri no longer, and thus elves who were no longer worthy of holding the name. Why they had been cast out he didn't bother to learn. Instead he made contact with their leader, and gave him an offer. In exchange for vengeance and spoils, he would help them destroy the village from whence he hailed, showing them the most efficient way of infiltrating its watch and slaughtering its people once night fell. His reasoning, while mercilessly paranoid and brutal, did make some modicum of sense however. If one were an insanely selfish madman that is.

You see Faelyn felt as though he should have no ties to his former life. Not only because those he had called friends and family would no doubt suspect his hand in deciding the fates of the lost guards, but also because he knew future enemies had a weak point to attack in the form of his parents and siblings. Something that he simply could not allow. So once he had secured the exiled leaders agreement, he had the entire warband follow him back to the town, where they then set up camp just behind one of the surrounding ridges. The perfect spot for an ambush as it allowed them easy access to the village below.

And so he committed the ultimate betrayal.

I think that you’ve got some really great writing in here. Some lines that I liked;

Faelyn held his arms out wide in a gesture of welcome to the foul evil as he prepared himself for the mental war that was about to ensue - it says a lot about his personality. I love the image of him holding his arms out.

Striding forth from the cavernous depths, the inside still smelling strongly of sulfur and burnt stone, Faelyn emerged a new man. Setting out into the frozen wastes once again, Faelyn made his way back to Caelora.

Alone.

You’ve got the punchy lines down really well and this is very powerful - especially the description of Faelyn striding forth. It really displays his arrogance.

Once he had settled back in, he waited till midnight, and gave the signal for the exiled warband to attack. And so they did. Riding down, torches ablaze and weapons drawn, they charged down into the village in droves, slaughtering everyone they came across. Putting homes and other structures to the flame, and causing havoc in general. The local guard tried to fight back of course, but during one of his speeches Faelyn had held a vigil of sorts for the fallen, in which he had given his men a certain type of ceremonial bread that was laced with a potent-yet delayed-toxin that would induce seizures in the muscles approximately one hour after ingestion. This, combined with the suddenness of the assault itself, made any defense they could have mounted useless, and the guards quickly found themselves overrun and killed. When all was said and done, Faelyn and the exiles were the only ones left standing in the razed remnants of Caelora. Their business concluded, each party went their separate ways. The exiles back into the frozen wastes, and Faelyn to the south. To the great cities. Places he hoped would offer shelter from the wrath of the Ta'viri elders, for a time anyway.

A lot happens in this paragraph - I’d suggest cutting out some points and emphasising others for a stronger image of what happened. I can see that you know this character very well, and you know his story very well and not only that, you’re passionate about telling it. Sometimes less is more - and editing down on actual events and replacing with more emotional insight can be more powerful and telling.

Unfortunately for him, Faelyn would find himself unable to complete that journey. About two days into it he saw the lands around him warp and twist, as though one of the gods was having a bit of fun throwing their power around, before settling into a stable state once more. But when they did, he was not on the road heading south, but in another place entirely.

A dark, foreboding, land...

The land of Barovia.

Miscellaneous: The hostile northern conditions Ayqar, the land in which the Ta'viri live, has forced them to become an extremely tight-knit and communal society, something most clearly reflected in the way they name themselves and their offspring. Rather than giving them a familial surname that is passed down from generation to generation, changing slightly with each coupling, Ta'viri children are named after the clan itself. So an elf from their tribe by the name of Nuovis, would have the surname Ta'vir regardless of bloodline. This obviously causes a great deal of confusion amongst those not knowledgeable of their customs, and has led to them becoming the butt of many a joke, especially when two individuals of similar naming are involved.

Although they often fall to violence or exposure more often than old age, Ta'viri are capable of living upwards of a thousand years at least.

During combat, as he becomes more and more exhausted, Faelyn will find it harder to keep Xor'lath under control. This is the main reason he prefers to end fights sooner rather than later, and why he cannot wield the demons powers for longer periods of time.

Although the acts he has committed would see him labelled an exile and stripped of the right to call himself Ta'vir by the elders of the clan, Faelyn still chooses to use the surname. In his mind he did nothing wrong save for tying up a potential loose end-or that's what he's convinced himself of anyway-so why should the name be taken? It was not his fault, after all, that his family and friends had been too weak and trusting to take the prerogative and check into his story. To make sure the man they saw return was still the same one they saw leave.

Ah. Perhaps my point earlier about a nickname has been explained here. I do still think that a name that he was given after he was exiled would be very weighty, actually. A name he refuses to use but follows around in his shadow regardless - a constant reminder of his past deeds.

In the misc section, I like to write quirks and hobbies etc. They really just add touches of flavour to the character. What kind of food does he have a preference for? Does he have pets? Has he kept the same horse for a long time? What habits of others annoy him? What bad habits does he have? Does he bite his nails etc It might be quite a funny and humanising touch to make him deliberately terrible at telling jokes or maybe he gets very shy if he finds someone attractive. Things like that really add layers and can be something to circle back to when interacting with other characters especially.

I thank you for both the kind words and feedback. To be honest, I had thought of a possible nickname, but got caught up in possible elvish variants to the point where nothing really materialized, hence the bit on the Ta'viri and their naming conventions. Although I will say "The Herald" is rather fitting. Not only for the reasons you stated, but also because he is technically a vessel to a demon and thus a herald of sorts for its power.

Now, to clarify some things.

In regards to things like how he found the demon, while I had it planned out as him hearing rumors of its trail of destruction and following that, I think I'm probably going to change that to make it more plausible and less... convenient.

As for not revealing some things in his sheet, while I know you would like to see more in the CS, I personally find leaving things like favourite foods and such unknown works better, in my case anyway, as it lets me think it out more in advance and then reveal it through interactions as the roleplay progresses.

Also, I do agree that some parts of the history section can be trimmed down quite a bit. That's always been a problem for me though. I usually stray into writing more than is strictly necessary, or bloat passages with tons of details, most of which don't technically matter in the long run.

Finally, as for his motivations, I have them as a very twisted form of nietzschean philosophy. Living in a frozen waste, he slowly had the worldview embedded in him that being strong is better than being weak, as being weak would essentially invite death. While this wasn't always the case, and there are many Ta'viri who are not strong by his definition, he still sees the world this way because he's sort of stuck in that close minded state. One similar to a tyrants, where they can't or don't realize they're wrong until it's far too late. Of course, for the sake of character development, I will have him question his rigid stance on strength vs weakness, as well as what he considers strength and what he considers weakness, but that will be done in the RP itself.

<Snipped quote by ZAVAZggg>

Regarding your writing a long backstory; it's actually one of the things that I liked the most about your sheet because it showed me immediately how passionate and into the character you are. While I've critiqued it, yes, your level of detail shows that you have this character really thought through. I can guess that you've played out his story in your mind many times and I love that. As a GM, I tend to push my players to scale back but that is simply my own preference and nothing more than that.

I can see from this sheet that you really care about this character, and that's half the battle when roleplaying, in my opinion. So many times I've thought of a concept for a character and I create the sheet and it just lacks that... Zest and without the zest the character has no longevity, and I grow bored of playing them. Your sheet is crammed with zest and I love to see it. :)

Stranded [+]

Turbulence.

It's something you almost always get on a flight. Wind. Storms. High altitudes. The thought of crashing any moment.

Your anxiety levels are higher than your current altitude. While you're used to making business trips back and forth across the globe, it still doesn't mean you didn't have to take sleeping medication before boarding your flight. It still doesn't change the fact that while you and your coworker exchange smiles* from across the aisle*, that one of the engines just went out. The oxygen masks deploy, the pilot's voice coming over the intercom. It's not just your anxiety anymore.

Thoughts of your loved ones rush through your head. Why didn't you use those vacation days? Why didn't you press snooze on your alarm just one more time this morning?

The plane nose dives as the people around you scream, pray, and hug their children. The flight attendant insists that you must all remain calm as she buckles herself in.

Everything goes black.

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Kaitlyn Liào [+]

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"My family is one built on pride and strength, I am not any different."

[ 20 | 5'4 | Chinese & Taiwanese | She/Her | 172lb ]

[Inquisitiveness]

APPEARANCE

"People jump to too many conclusions based just off of how they look."

Katie has a rather distinct appearance. While she laments the fact that she didn't get her mother's looks or any of that she seemingly has embraced a different kind of self-love. First off, Katie is Asian with roots coming from the great country of China. She has white skin with heavy golden overtones and facial features very consistent with her people. Her facial features are round and pudgy due to her heavyweight for her size. Kaitlyn due to not inheriting her brother's metabolism is quite heavy in terms of weight. She has a gut, tons of stretch marks, and fat in her facial area. However, this weight has enhanced what little sex appeal she has because she wasn't going to get any from her flat-chested and assed mother. She, at the very least, has 44F cup size and her behind sticks out in jeans. Even if she's not a super big fan of tight clothing. Speaking of which, Katie is a fan of dresses and skirts and will most likely be seen wearing that. In contrast with her twin brother, her primary color is blue. The vibe that Katie gives off is different from the rest of her family. She presents a calm and reserved aura that reflects in her behavior, her voice is usually low and she like drawing any more attention to herself than necessary. Katie's sigil, a symbol of a wave, rests on the middle of the right side of her neck for the world to see.

First of all, that is some very fancy sheeting you’ve done, I love it and that shade of blue is just beautiful and contrasts so nicely with the red in the picture. It’s a super appealing and interesting aesthetic already that has my attention.

The description here - While she laments the fact that she didn't get her mother's looks says so much about her beyond a surface level. It tells me that Katie views her mother as being very beautiful, that she doesn’t look like her mother, and that there’s a psychological feeling behind that. In a single sentence you’ve laid down a thread that just speaks to her character and I appreciate that level of detail so very much.

You then further bring up the mother - that Katie is very confident in her own way, highlighting the differences that you alluded to in a way that actually is almost derogatory to her mother so I wonder from this what their relationship is like. I haven’t read anything else of the sheet so I’ll keep this thought here. My theory is that Katie’s mother has been very hard and overbearing, perhaps mean about her daughter’s appearance. We’ll see!

PSYCHOLOGY

"I keep my circle small, it's easier for all of us."

MAIN GOAL ⫻ Katie's main goal has been getting a degree for Marine Biology and explore the deepest parts of the ocean. She's close to getting her master's degree so she'd be the most expert in the subject that she can be. However, her goal as of late has been getting over her nasty break up with her ex-girlfriend.

I like this - a long term goal, and something short term and clearly very personal that offers room for some great character development. I wonder what this nasty break up was, too.

PHILOSOPHY ⫻ Kaitlyn's goal has always been about keeping to herself. She thinks the world would be a better place if fewer people focused on what other people are doing and focused more on themselves. That said, she's a girl that's all about self-improvement and becoming the best person she can be.

I think that keeping to herself is less of a goal and the philosophy, no?

SECRETS ⫻ Kaitlyn's main secret is the fact that she's bisexual and the fact that she spent the last two years in a same-sex relationship. She knows her mother would renounce her if she found out, and keeps any mention of it strictly off social media. Katie is also a very secretive person in general that makes what she does, where she came from, and where she is, private as possible.

SEXUALITY ⫻ Katie is bisexual but keeps it relatively private as she doesn't want that information getting out. She accepts it fully but she thinks it's something she best keeps to herself.

FEARS ⫻ Katie fears her mother finding out about her sexuality and her secret relationship. Mainly because she hates disappointing her mother and she wouldn't approve of such a relationship.

Ahh yes, so there *is* a thing with the mother, that was an excellent way to hint at that. Kudos!

REPUTATION ⫻ Because of her nature, Kaitlyn is relatively unknown throughout Araminta. If most people see her they probably wouldn't have a clue who she is. She likes it that way.

QUIRKS ⫻ Sometimes Katie has the habit of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time.

I might expand on this, and add in more quirks - I think I offered the feedback of mannerisms on another sheet I critiqued here. Does she bite her nails? What foods does she like? Does she have pet peeves? What would Katie’s roommate be annoyed by about Katie, for example. All of these things just add a little seasoning to the pot.

FLAWS ⫻ Katie is fearful, reserved, and is afraid of all the raw emotions she keeps repressed inside of herself for the sake of everyone around her.

BACKSTORY

"Do not bring up Amelia."

To make a long story short: Kaitlyn's mother, Meifeng Zhao, and his aunt, Lijuan, moved to America from China because of her mother's (Lihua Zhao) dissatisfaction with China. They moved to a Californian metropolis known as Los Angeles, where they had a variety of different adventures. Meifeng grew up into a strong confident woman who went into college for a master's degree in criminal justice where she met her future sweetheart Daniel Liao. After a few years of romancing each other, they got married, and Meifeng became pregnant with twins. Justin and Kaitlyn Liao, two siblings that would pave the way for the bloodline's future.

Some interesting bits in here. That the family cares about their bloodline. My feedback here though, is unless you’re really going to delve into the mother’s story -- there’s not really a need to include those parts; this is Katie’s history, afterall.

There was a stark difference between the two. The two were a pair of wild and rambunctious people that caused headaches for their mother, father, and all other blood relatives in the vicinity. However, Kaitlyn was the more wild and passionate of the two, far more emotional than her hotblooded brother. But, other than that Katie's early life didn't have much of a note, Meifeng was at home raising them while his father was making the money for them to live comfortably. This built up a deep innate connection between the twins and their mother, who imparted many of her ideas and philosophy upon the twins - though she was unhappy with staying home by herself. Their grandmother, Lihua, stepped in and offered to take some of the workloads off Meifeng so she could pursue a career in the CIA. Their dual-earner family is what earned them a lot of money, and in turn, helped them live comfortably in Los Angeles.

However, Katie was close to her grandmother who taught her, in time, that she as a woman needed to be calmer and more reserved. That she needed the discipline that her brother lacked - but she told her that her mother was the same way. Eventually, she taught the girl how to control her emotions, wisdom, but how to be fierce when she needs to, and everything she would need to succeed in life. At the cost of making her like an old lady. This meant that Kaitlyn fulfilled the role of calming her more hotblooded brother.

What exactly did Katie learn? This is what I’m more interested in, over their mothers career as a CIA agent. Was there a specific event in Katie’s childhood that made her grandmother step in and take over with mentoring her? I feel like much of this background is stating facts about Katie’s upbringing, but not explaining them too much so far.

In time, Kaitlyn pursued her own goals. The girl loved the ocean more than anything and she wanted to explore it, learn the animals that are in the ocean, and make breakthroughs as a scientist. Which lead to Kaitlyn taking up Marine Biology and going to the illustrious University of Araminta, where her twin-brother got sent to live with their grandmother in Farmer Hill and eventually go to a school local to the town. Being away from her family caused a huge shift in her life as she tried to get her master's degree. Kaitlyn realized something inside of her, the fact that she was more sexual than she let on. This didn't mean that she slept around, she realized that she was more attracted to people than she thought. And in time, she soon realized that it wasn't just boys she liked.

What was it that made her enjoy the ocean? There’s a lot of symbolism to unpack with that -- because think of the ocean. On the surface you can see it as a very calm element, but poke deeper and there’s so much there. The ocean can be tumultuous, dangerous, unknown, endless depths of dark water etc. Is it simply the wildlife or is there a bigger call?

Though the girl was in no rush to get into a relationship. She merely stayed focus on getting her degree and like most cliche college-aged kids she got a job at a local coffee shop not too far away from the university. Things changed when she ran into a girl named Amelia Dallon... it was a strange experience as the girl was seemingly at her coffee shop every day, then she found out that she was at the university too. Eventually, they started hanging out and became friends and eventually, Amelia dropped the question. It was strange for Kaitie, but she decided to try it out. The two went out on a few dates and had all types of fun and eventually decided to become a couple. And things were happy for the next two years.

But, all good things come to an end. It all started a few months before the start of the story when Justin called her all frantic explaining to her that her grandmother was murdered by something. This caused grief like no other in Kaitlyn as she became withdrawn from her social circle, classes, and eventually Amelia. After her grandmother's funeral, Kaitlyn took some time to herself. However, this didn't sit too well with Amelia as she felt like she was being neglected and ignored - mixed with the fact that she felt like Kaitlyn was ashamed of her. Amelia kept trying to get close to Kaitlyn while she pushed her away.

Eventually, Kaitlyn gave into Amelia and went out to a date at a nice restaurant. It was awkward as Kaitlyn felt that the magic between them was dying and ultimately chose to break it off. However, Amelia didn't take that too well and as Katie tried to walk away she grabbed her. She cried her heart out about how she loved Katie and how it couldn't end like this and it got mad creepy for Kaitlyn. Eventually, a fight broke out between the two as Kaitlyn tried to fight her ex off and in the middle of the struggle both Amelia and Kaitlyn Awakened. Amelia was pushed away from Kaitlyn with a sudden wave and couldn't get close to her. All while Kaitlyn hauled ass back to her dorm.

When we saw a mention of Katie’s break up earlier, I really expected this to be a crazy ex, something awful but this more or less actually paints Katie in a bad light, and not the other way around. This is cool actually, if intentional. It shows that she has an unreliable narrators view of what had actually happened and it sort of subverted my expectations.

This was strange as her Awakening unlocked an abstraction relating to the ocean. It felt like the ocean was at her very fingertips as she can bring it to hers. It was a beautiful experience that was unlike any other. However, Kaitlyn tried to move on with her life... but this was around the time her brother went missing and things got strange in Araminta.

SKILLS & TALENTS

"I don't have much to bring to the table, I'm sorry."

Marine Biologist ⫻ Kaitlyn is studying to be a marine biologist, and so far she is quite skilled and dedicated in her task. She is very informed about her subject and can name most marine animals right off the bat. Kaitlyn even took some swimming classes to improve.

EXTRA-NORMAL ABILITIES

"I'll show you something beautiful."

TYPE ⫻ Awakened.

ABSTRACTION ⫻ Thalassomancery, Kaitlyn can summon ocean-effects with a snap of her fingers.

ABSTRACTION DESCRIPTION ⫻ Kaitlyn's ability is rooted in her love of the ocean and the raw emotion she has inside of herself that she keeps contained for the right moments. Her abstraction is a strange mixture of ocean manipulation and water generation as she can summon ocean-effects and animals in the shape of water for short periods. This can manifest in the way of summoning a wave of water to wash enemies away, a whirlpool out of thin air, a water sprout, or water in the shape of a shark. She has a wide variety of potential as she can create animals out of the water to attack foes, and summon water out of thin air. She can simply summon a body of water, too. This gives her tons of raw offensive, defensive, and mobility options as her abstraction can be used to attack people, create barriers, and move away. Kaitlyn can also merely summon water and manipulate it to her heart's content. This also comes with a sub-ability of being able to stand on this ocean water which allows her to move around, and even a levitation ability that lets her float a few feet off the ground when she cuts loose.

AURA SENSING ⫻ Kaitlyn's aura sensing allows her to see the auras of what is soaked or submerged in water up to ten meters away. She can tell which is what by the intensity of its aura as soaked objects have a less intense aura while what is submerged down.

LIMITS ⫻ Kaitlyn is also inhibited by the Extra-Normal's innate resistance to each others abstractions. Her attacks are just less effective against them. Her summoning also only works for a short period of time as whatever she summons will disappear after a few moments. Usually, it'll disappear after it does the desired effect but some of her summonses will last for only a minute at most. Kaitlyn's ability is also relatively short-ranged being able to summon water within fifteen meters of herself. Of course, Kaitlyn can only summon one effect at a time and once she summons it, she cannot stop it before it disappears on its own.

WEAKNESSES ⫻ Kaitlyn's abstraction comes with two weaknesses. First summoning water cools her body down, and the bigger the summon the more her body will cool down. Small effects won't have any noticeable effects but the more dramatic summons will cause one hell of a chill. If she cuts loose she'll come out of the engagement with hypothermia or may even freeze herself to death. The abstraction also causes an uncomfortable feeling of cold water on her body that gets worse the more she uses it. Along with loss of breath as if she was drowning in the water as if she's being submerged. Kaitlyn's abstraction also dehydrates her body as if she just consumed food rich in sodium, so she has to constantly hydrate to keep using her abstraction because it'll completely cut off if she does.

OTHER

"."

When we saw a mention of Katie’s break up earlier, I really expected this to be a crazy ex, something awful but this more or less actually paints Katie in a bad light, and not the other way around. This is cool actually, if intentional. It shows that she has an unreliable narrators view of what had actually happened and it sort of subverted my expectations.

Cinder Sagestone [+]

Name: Cinder Sagestone

Gender: Male

Appearance Age: 21

Race: Half-Elf

Rank/Occupation: Adventurer/Battlemage

Height: 6'0”

Weight: 200 lbs

Hair Color: Black

Eye Color: Brown

Marital Status: Single

Astrological Sign: Virgo

My first note is that while I personally don’t tend to over format my sheets, just using the bold tags on a sheet gives it enough of an organisational touch that makes it easier on the eye, and quicker to pick out the relevant information. You’ll see that I’ve also moved some things around in this version. Try to list the core information at the top - and almost list in order of importance. As a GM, when I look at a character sheet, at a glance before I get to reading, I like to know the gender, age, and race (genre specific), and perhaps their role/job/class. That’s all. Unless it’s very core to the roleplay, the rest of the information doesn’t need to be listed. Height/Weight/Eye Colour/Hair Colour can all be written in the appearance section -- and their relationship status can be hinted at in the background. Just my opinion, however! :)

General Appearance: Cinder is a fair skinned young man with an athletic slim build with a fair amount of muscle but not too stocky believing brains over braun. He has short black hair that reaches only to the edge of his neck and brown eyes that still have the passion of life and knowledge in them. His ears do have a small point in them showing his elven blood in his body. When he is resting or at an inn or town walking around he could be seen in blue enchanted magical robes with a mage hood with modified shoes and a sword on him but on his travels he wears light armor that covers him and his face that are also enchanted with various effects.

General Personality: Cinder is generally a practical, observant, and helpful person while also logical. He wants to be dependable to those that needs help and will be honest to those that seek his help or wisdom. He's gentle and sympathetic to those that earn it showing his caring side as well wanting to treat people equally. His patience in life is also a positive in battle because he knows things take time but he does daydream of what he wants in the future, due to his love for books he is punctual and expects that from other people and this also helps to win over people though he doesn't see that sometimes.
At times, he can be impatient with certain things and this is due to what he wants in the future while wanting to be on equal footing with everyone.

He also hides a witty side to himself and is a general good listener as he would rather solve things peacefully over fighting. He treats people equally despite their class and is a kind soul wanting to help people in need.

Bio (shortened): Cinder was born premature to a human mother and an elven father. Despite the birth he lived on and he was able to live and have a normal life despite being a late bloomer at some things. When he was 4 he discovered he learned differently than most. At the age of 7 his elven father left him and his mother to find his uncle though later in life would resent him for this choice. When he was 8 he had protected a friend and discovered then his magic lineage, his mother didn't want him to learn magic but he did so in secret with books and from his human grandmother and great-grandmother while teaching himself. As time went on his human mother went to have three more kids with two different men but being the oldest he has taken the older role model of the family as he would soon go leaving the house to find a place so they can see him after leaving wanting excitement and adventure in his life over boredom.

I know that this is a shortened bio, but there are a lot of points brought up that I would like you to expand on because it would add detail to the character, and help me understand him more. Questions that I have are; how was he a late bloomer? How was he learning differently? How did being a half-elf affect him growing up? What was the incident with the friend? This one I feel might be the most important part of his history because his discovery of his magic followed and that’s obviously a huge part of him. That story deserves to be told in the sheet :) How does Cinder feel about his siblings?

Skills: He is ambidextrous with one-handed weapons, able to enchant weapons and armor. He is a quick learner when it comes to spells, battle and even the usage of new weapons. A polite talker and at times a witty one too he is considerate of other people's views. Despite no formal training he is a gifted one-handed warrior, enchanter, magic user, talker and even a good archer (would only use it when needed). He also has hand-to-hand combat experience. He is able to remember faces of people he knows and sees.
I would scale back on some of his skills. In fact I might take out half of those, and keep only a few. It’s great and all to write a capable character, but there’s complexity and nuance in a character who does less, or specialises. He has had no formal training, and he is young (21) -- my suggestion to you would be to take some of this out, unless you can back up certain things like his archery in a backstory (i.e he hunted for necessity to eat and feed his siblings, since he took on a patriarchal role for them.)

Strengths: One handed skill with a sword, various forms of magic like elemental, summoning, protection, healing and illusion. (this is his order of using magic though it depends on the situation.) He can make potions and poisons but prefers potions to help himself and others. He can enchant weapons and armor with magic.

Again, I would scale back the magic. It’s a challenge when you have limited resources for a character and makes for much more interesting writing and scenarios, in my opinion :) Summoning in particular is such a heavy use of magic in most mediums. If you’re going to include this as a skill you need to go in depth and explain it, what he summons, the tolls it takes. One technique you could use is that he’s an elemental mage with a stronger connection with X element. For example, earth elemental magic could present as protection and shielding, water as healing, fire as offensive destruction and air as some kind of mix. Be creative with it! Don’t be afraid to really push the bar when you niche down.

Weaknesses: His fear of big dogs can make him at times not as responsive, he is also prone to the darkness and anger within him. His pacifist can make him appear not as forward to others or willing to kill in a fight.

These don’t feel too much like weaknesses so you should expand -- what does an overuse of magic do to him? If he is to have so many spells and skills, there has to be a cost for it to make him more balanced :)

Positive Traits: Loyal, logical, down-to-earth, patience, skilled worker, helpful, aware spiritually, respectful and attentive. Polite. Honorable along with peaceful, loves life

Negative Traits: repeats things sometimes when angry, prone to anger. Lazy at times while having a disinterest in boredom. Impatient at times.

Just as I mentioned before, a lot of these can be written in the personality section. A good way I do my own sheets is to start with lists like this, and then pick certain bits out to expand on and flesh out the sections :) A good technique is to write it like “Cinder is very loyal, logical, and down to earth - but when x y z happens he is prone to anger.” So, write a positive trait, and follow it with a contrasting, negative trait.

Likes: Books, reading, magic, traveling, helping, peace, a battle (due to his adrenaline kicking in when peace does not work), games, sports, cats, honor, respect, having his side looked at and heard.

Dislikes: Conflict, dishonorable people or actions, dogs, his anger, thieves.

Habits: When embarrassed he shyly looks away, at times picky when it comes to food, tends to say 'you don't understand' when his side is not being received the way he expects it to be. When he feels off-balance he will meditate somewhere quiet. And at times he has a tendency to talk to himself.

Habits could really be brought into the personality section, instead of listed somewhere else. You can also expand on them -- what, for example, would embarrass Cinder? I’m interested in that because it’s a nice touch that humanises him, and shows that he’s also got a vulnerable side that might pop up throughout the roleplay.

Goals: To be understood and accepted well by people, and to earn what everyone has like love and to live a legacy for future people to know and remember.

Sexual Orientation: Straight

Nathalie [+]

Name & Title: Nathalie Katia Thévenet, Queen of the Vampires.
Age: Looks 30.
Ethnicity: Scandinavian
Eyes: Blue
Weight: 135
Relationships: Edvard Thévenet, eternal Vikar. Progenies: Salvatore Di Vittiori & Rian Leahy
Hobby: Collecting beautiful people. That’s an interesting line.

History:

Scandinavia 500 BC at the start of the Iron Age. Katla Aakre was born. Her father was the tribe’s chieftain and her mother a high priestess, growing up she learned to be diplomatic and be intune with the gods and nature. At the age of 30, she lost her betrothed in battle and was expecting a child. On the night her betrothed died, she had a miscarriage. Inconsolable of her loss, Katla voluntarily offered herself up as a sacrifice to a demon. Legend has it that the demon was in love with her because of her beauty and promised she would have children one day. But how, is still unknown. Katla’s appearance of having white hair and blue eyes, was uncommon. In the eyes of her people, some would say that she was the equivalent to the goddess Freyja.

This is a very quick transition from being born to being 30, losing a husband and unborn child. I would perhaps expand on her upbringing -- that's an interesting parentage she has. I’m also curious about her husband, and their life together. Building up that story really adds flavour and makes the reveal of his death more emotional.

As a result of the sacrifice, the demon made an oath with her where it would possess her at the same time protect, keep her alive, never bear witness to the pain she endured, and stay with her. Now the demon had a mate that was stuck in the underworld which it desired to be released at the behest of the same ritual. However, for the demon’s mate to return to the realm of living, the right vessel had to be born. Winter of this same year, arrived at which point she lost her family to famine, sickness, and warfare. Katla tried to save them, except for one, her older brother. Seeing Tarald lying there dying in the cold winter snow was too much for her. The demon within her again witnessed her inconsolable emotions and taught her how to save him. Her and Tarald would become the first to share eternity and the gift bestowed upon them.

There is more tragedy here, I might introduce Tarald in the first paragraph and perhaps describe their relationship growing up, it doesn’t have to be long, but clues to their closeness and their bond again add depth to this history.

Together they witnessed humankind's effect on the earth. They moved around Scandinavia so as not to draw attention to who they really were. People started to question them out of fear, rumors and legends were made about them if they stayed in one place too long. For them it was better to live away from civilization.

Viking Age: 787 - 1066 AD

Years passed for Katla and Tarald as the first two original vampires. Their old Scandinavia as they remembered began to flourish into a colonizing nation filled with exploration, whalers, farmers, and raiders. Tarald was looked upon as a seer for he had the gift or foresight, and Katla was the town’s a high priestess for her healing capabilities. It was during the Viking era that her awaiting vessel would be born. Katla waited till he was thirty-five to be with her. She watched him grow and become a man, as well as become a famous warrior within their town. He was the son of an Earl. One day, he went out for a raid in the spring, after a successful voyage, he returned dying of his injuries. His family, filled with dismay, was frantic and begged for Katla to save him. With their plea, she agreed and had him brought to her home where she didn’t allow his family to witness for she was uncertain if it was going to work. In the privacy of hers and her brother’s home, she healed him using traditional methods. Days went by as she continued to care for him, never disclosing her true identity to him. His wounds were too great for her to perform the demonic ritual.

I think it’s very interesting that they’re the first vampires - and it feels very rooted in actual mythology, and you’ve built that very nicely by keeping it simple but using elements of gothic horror that we know and love. Kudos.

A year or so after she healed him, the town was growing in prosperity and becoming fortified, people once again were starting to question why the siblings haven’t aged, fear continued to grow. The siblings lived a life that didn’t draw attention to themselves as murderers. Rumors started to spread once more, a small group (first group of hunters) established themselves and went out one night to look for Katla and Tarald. Conflict broke out, the captors brought the siblings into the public eye for execution. At the moment, her Vikar appeared and defended them. At his defense the siblings were judged innocent. Once the crowd dispersed, that was the same night she finally disclosed who she was and was grateful for his aid, in return she gave him the gift of immortality.

Renaissance and Colonial Era

After waiting for such a long time for Vikar, the viking age came to end and they moved around from place to place, blending in, adjusting to the times, changing their names. The three of them witnessed the dark ages, They lived in Florence, Italy during the renaissance where she met Salvatore Di Vittirori in the mid-late 16th century. His status in society impressed her, especially with his background, making him her third progeny. She saw Salvatore as a son she never had. Time continues to pass; in 1728 at the Golden Age of piracy she was living in Calais, France for safety during Britain’s time of war. She was walking the beach at night just outside of her estate when she found a lifeless body washed ashore. He went by the name of Rian Leahy, who was a nautical medical officer in the British Navy. That fateful night she turned him at her request of him wanting him to live.

I love that she is slowly collecting this harem of men! (Beautiful people, of course) It reminds me a lot of the vampire backstory in Buffy, with Darla, Angelus, Drusilla, and Spike.

Katla’s time in the mortal realm was starting to wane, she needed to rest. War between her race, wolves, hunters/religious zealots, plague (lack of consumption supply), and regal power took a devastating toll on her. With the amount of casualties of her kin, she went into slumber for almost 120 years.

I like that you’re really counted for all of her history, she seems like a very interesting character who has lived an incredibly rich and full life so far. It’s very difficult to fit in so much information into a sheet and still keep it exciting to read - you’ve definitely managed this here. There are parts that I wish were expanded on - such as the relationship with her brother at the start, and more about her early upbringing.

In the winter of 1729, before she went into her stupor the following spring, Katla established the vampiric council. She had taught Salvatore and Rian everything they needed to know, gave them titles for they were now in her stead. She had prepared them for when she would not be around, entrusting them to protect her, Tarald and Vikar until it was time for them to return. As the vampiric Prophecy foretells:

“When legends of old return, a new prosperity shall reign.”

Nathalie paced the floor of the dim lit room, light from the fireplace danced across the halls. In the room where the two younger vampires, her Tarald and Edvard and a few others she instated as council members. “I cannot stand to see another of my kin suffer for the fear of mortals. Too much damage has been caused and we are on the brink of extinction. Each of you must go your own way. Seek safety and refuge, abide by our rules. Feed on animals or go into a slumber. King Charles reign will come to an end and our place will be reinstated. I’ve already seen what our future holds. A religious monarch will take the throne, at which point my awakening will happen. Whoever sits on the ivory throne, will regret their decision. We used to live in peace now we live in fear. We are myths and nightmares of old. It’s time my children for the world to adjust without us, for we adjusted to the world. When that time comes we will give in to our true nature as predators instead of prey.”

Victorian Era

Katla, now known as Nathalie, her story along with Tarald (Wesley Dallam) and Vikar (Edvard Devereux) would start in 1840s London. Her awakening caused by a regal power would spark her desire for her true nature, consuming blood from beautiful people that she collects and feeds on the lust of mortals.

Song: youtube.com/watch?v=mIPm5wOoV1Y
youtube.com/watch?v=rrcD0SS022w
youtube.com/watch?v=7PBo83bPyOE

Danger, Danger Fontaine [+]

Name: Danger, Danger Fontaine
Epithet: Masked and Mustachioed Macho...Guy
Age: 32
Height: 6'4" pounds of towering manliness
Weight: 246 pounds of raw hard muscle slathered in baby oil
Race: Human
Dominant Hand: Right

Appearance-

Danger, Danger Fontaine is a thickly muscled well tanned man and is never seen without an indulgent quantity of baby oil ensuring each and ever muscle fiber glistens under the stadium lights as does his perfectly manicured mustache. His build is best described as mercilessly powerful and massively sexual.

You can do more with this. You can go further with it, I get the approach you’ve taken - to have a humurous, almost nonchalant take, but I want to see you take it further. Why is he best described as powerful and massively sexual -- that feels added on. Add in details about his eye colour, his expression, his stance, his manner - you can build a profile really well by just dropping these in so that when the reader does reach that finishing line, it feels justified. You could even write everything before that line to be completely not sexual at all for a bigger punch line. You’ve said it, now explain it. Show me.



Physical Abilities/Powers-

Hider [+]

Physical Ability-
Danger, Danger Fontaine has inarguably perfected his craft. He is truly the picture of perfection. He is the image of intensity. The epitome of excellence. The physical manifestation of manliness. And also a generous lover, if you know what I mean. His grip is unbreakable, his strikes impeccable, his aerial game im...un...it's also pretty good.

See here? This is what you put in your physical appearance section. This shit is funny, and paints more of an image than the description does. Put it in, expand on it, throw the punchline down for big KO.

Powers-
Imagined Invulnerability -
Danger, Danger Fontaine can ignore injuries that would incapacitate neigh any other man. Due to a combination of repeated traumatic concussions, pain killer use and abuse, and his massively inflated ego he can suffer great harm and continue on despite it. He is either numb to the pain due to a combination of nerve damage and pain killer use or simply able to power through it due to his own overpowering sense of self confidence. In short, while he is not actually in any way shape or form invulnerable to injury or damage he is fully capable of ignoring such damage until it becomes fundamentally physically incapacitating.

Supreme Arrogance -
Danger, Danger Fontaine's massively inflated ego and additive brain damage due to regular traumatic head injury allows him to face adversaries that are clearly exponentially more powerful than he and believe he still has a very real chance of victory.

I really like this. The reason why is because this is tragic -- you’ve set up so far this hilarious man, all powerful, all glistenin muscle, and then you’ve put in a really relatable flaw that cuts through him with an emotional element and I love it. This is the material that you use to pull the rug out from your reader at the end. Build, build, build your character to ridiculous levels and then slam this in. Golden.

Delusion -
Arguably all of Danger, Danger Fontaine's power is a result of this aspect of his mind. Despite what absurd circumstance he may find himself in and what inconceivable threat he may face, he will stalwartly believe that he is the Fan Favorite and that this is his shot at the big time. He can hear the roaring crowd. He can hear the commentators expounding over his miraculous musculature and marvelous mustache.

That’s tragic too. He’s kind of a joke, but he believes he’s the best. Use that.

Unreasoning Rage -
Danger, Danger Fontaine's patina of professional wrestling professionalism fades into oblivion if his mask is removed or his mustache is mussed up. Though he generally plays up for the adoring arena carefully watching his each and every match, when an opponent dares to remove his mask he loses his restraint entirely. As a great man once said, he loses his smile. Much of the posing and smiling fades away and he is left a raving animal, throwing out as many big moves as he can as quickly as he can, often to his eventual detriment.

Personality-
Danger...Danger Fontaine. A self obsessed obnoxiously narcissistic professional wrestler, his greatest strength is also his greatest weakness. He is loud, because it is important that the millions and millions of fans, all slavering at the bit for just a little more Danger, hear each and every syllable of each and every word. He is self aggrandizing because who knows Danger better than Danger himself? He is light hearted and often cracks terrible terrible jokes, because he is THE MAN. He is the top, the pinnacle, the apex, the peak, the asymptote, the azimuth, the hyperbole, he is the the man and the only way to be THE MAN is to beat THE MAN and the only man who can beat THE MAN is THE MAN, which is him, thus he is unbeatable. Ask anyone, they'll tell you. In the unlikely event he is one day beaten he is magnanimous in defeat because he knows, HE KNOWS, that belt is meant for one man and one man alone. THE MAN, which is him, Danger, Danger Fontaine, aka THE MAN. The Macho...Guy.

This paints a great picture, but it could be written better to have more of an impact. Split it up into paragraphs. A concept I’m feeling is to follow the positives with a negative perhaps? Almost as if this is Fontaine himself pumping himself up before a battle - and the negatives become the little voice in his ear, the voice addicted to painkillers etc etc. I love it, because you’ve used humour and this style of writing throughout which sets it apart from other sheets I’d read. I get the feeling that this sheet is from an unreliable narrator, almost like the character himself is writing this, believing in his own hype to his detriment, and to laughter and mockery of those around him. It’s very very clever, but I do think you can take that further and polish it.

Background-
Danger, Danger Fontaine dreamed through all of his childhood of becoming a professional wrestler and eventually managed to make his dream come true. Growing up in South Dakota he knew from a young age that he was destined for greatness and the greatest greatness he could envision was becoming a massive slab of tanned and oiled muscle body slamming other, lesser, tanned and oiled massive muscle slabs for the entertainment and adoration of the million and millions watching at home. Happily fueled on by the antics of his wrestling idols, action movies, and neigh every book and training program advertised in the back of comic books, he grew muscleyier and muscleyier as his dream became an inevitable future.

He worked his way up through the indies gaining a reputation as an enormous ass, but an ass who put asses in seats. Which is the best kind of ass. Taking inspiration from his idols from America and the world abroad he fashioned for himself a number of easily recognized moves and a very recognizable physique. Muscles, Muscles, Mask and Mustache. In time he made his way to the premier federation of the United States and found great success. As well as he did he faced many injuries and eventually ended up as too big of a liability to the company to remain. This was likely a wise move as his massive ego led to him suffering many injuries that would have sidelined him if he weren't just such an egomaniac. Finally one day his undeniable superiority, ceaseless impossibly hyperbolic bragging, and need to pay some bills brought him to Undisputed Pro Wrestling.

This run of words is wonderful; “gaining a reputation as an enormous ass, but an ass who put asses in seats.”

I can only emphasis on what I’ve already said, in that I love the style you’ve taken with writing this, but I want you to look at it from a serious angle and find those points where you can lay in the emotion real thicc.