Hidden 3 yrs ago 3 yrs ago Post by webboysurf
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Could really use some feedback on this. This is my first go around of the character. Might have to trim and refine some of this back.

EDIT: Updated age, personality traits, and skills to better reflect the character concept.


Hidden 3 yrs ago Post by Izurich
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Will just drop a small warning here, but I've come down with a pretty nasty... something, over the past day. Might be flu, might be COVID. So while I'm probably gonna have lots of free time to look over people's sheets, I'll also likely not be too super active because I just feel kinda bleh right now. Doesn't seem too serious, and I'm keeping an eye on it, so don't worry just yet -- just figured I'd let y'all know what's going on.


Damn, the damned ‘rona? Get well soon, Fey!
Hidden 3 yrs ago Post by VitaVitaAR
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@Feyblue: Really sorry to hear that! I hope it clears up soon, or at least doesn't get too bad!

On a lighter note I also wanted to say I think I have settled on an idea.

Super pretty, serious, justice-oriented "boy", she was raised to pretend to be a boy because her father wanted his heir to continue his legacy of fighting for justice/honorable service. Said father is also extremely bishonen, so it's easy to pass off his daughter as an exceptionally pretty son.

Considering ice magic as well, if that's already taken I'm sorry I didn't notice. D:
Hidden 3 yrs ago 3 yrs ago Post by Feyblue
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@IzurichNah, test finally finished and it came up negative. Looks like even my immune system is a friggin' hipster -- I must have somehow caught the flu, in this day and age.

@VitaVitaARAlso, seems like that's a nice parallel with Izu, what with one hating their assigned gender role, and the other getting forced out of it. Seems solid. Plus we've got a lot of very justice-oriented folks here -- at least three, four if you count Julian. Hey, I said "justice" not "honor," okay?
Hidden 3 yrs ago Post by ERode
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Magical overlap is fine. It'll always exist, after all, when one character has all the elements. Also curious, Fey. How do people discover their affinities? Is it like, a blood test or something?
Hidden 3 yrs ago Post by Feyblue
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@ERodeProbably something of the sort that's revealed through a ritual or an oracle of some sort around the time they're like 10 or so. Likely, children below at least that age can't use magic very well, and their affinities may be shifting and unstable. Plus, y'know, using magic is taxing so it could damage their health if they pushed it too early.

Basically, think of it like one of those handwaves in crummy isekai where you go touch a magic ball and it tells you what your level is/what cheat power you have/whatever. Gives a list of elemental affinities that you're compatible with, and then it's up to you to cultivate those through practice, or you lose them.

@webboysurfAlso, I really like Nathaniel! Uncertain parentage and noble gossip, plus the whole upstanding honorable prodigy trope is a fun one. I will say, I think this means we may have three Aura users now (taking into account another character that's been discussed with me over PMs) which is a little more than I was expecting? But I can make a plot point out of it so I think it should work. Plus they've all got different elements so there isn't much overlap.
Hidden 3 yrs ago Post by ERode
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The real question is how many prodigies we're gonna have at this rate kekeke.
Hidden 3 yrs ago Post by Izurich
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@Feyblue Aaaaah, that’s a relief then, no ‘rona, nice.

when one character has all the elements.


Objection!

You should be glad that I don’t make Liese have Light and Darkness too for the ultimate Powerplay.
Hidden 3 yrs ago Post by VitaVitaAR
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@Feyblue: I was imagining her not outwardly minding her situation, but then sometimes she just wonders like "what is it like to wear a dress like that".

Basically, deep down she does wish she could at least sometimes be more outwardly feminine.

She will still become terribly embarrassed if she actually does somehow end up in a dress, though.

I was thinking pairing ice magic and a thin-bladed sword for her, since I always think that's a cool pairing when it comes to magic knights.
Hidden 3 yrs ago 3 yrs ago Post by Feyblue
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@IzurichLmao. Would have to somehow be tied to both Fendel AND the Grayle royal family for that, methinks. Which would be... a hell of a crack ship, honestly.

Though, technically speaking the Curse of Fendel gives you like... pseudo-darkness powers? Mark appears on your body, starts warping it in weird ways based on your thoughts or your environment, and gives you a weak Darkness Aura in addition to effectively random mutations. Unfortunately it also controls your mind and drives you very quickly insane, brainwashing you into a loyal servant/cultist awaiting the coming of your master, and the only cure is either purification via light or death.

...Which is actually pretty bad, now that I think about it, since we have no light users! :thonk:

EDIT: Oh boy, Vita. If she and Julian uncover each other's secrets, they're gonna have a lot to bond over. Julian's sorta in the same boat, though in her case it's more because she's used to it and had to change and, y'know, chest binding is pretty uncomfortable and all that, rather than a repressed desire for something she never got to have.
Hidden 3 yrs ago Post by ERode
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It's fine, Fey. Just gotta kill em before they kill you.
Hidden 3 yrs ago 3 yrs ago Post by Izurich
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...Which is actually pretty bad, now that I think about it, since we have no light users! :thonk:


Eeeeey, c’mon, we all know it’s Prince Rossweine. He’s the only one directly related to the King!

If anyone screams “Spoilers!”, I will refer to you to an ophthalmologist for being so blindly oblivious. :P
Hidden 3 yrs ago Post by Rin
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Having trouble trying to figure out how to work my initial character idea and not have it come off as redundant so might try and figure out something else but we'll see how that goes.

At the very least I guess I could make a light user if no-one else is doing that so far I guess.
Hidden 3 yrs ago Post by Feyblue
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@Izurich

This is true... except he also has a Water affinity? And normally, Light and Darkness are exclusive. One negates all other elements, and one swallows them all up. Though, I guess there could be some kind of mechanic for switching affinities to obtain the blessing of Light or something, since Darkness can possess you through the curse and stuff... Hmm...
Hidden 3 yrs ago 3 yrs ago Post by ERode
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Naw, his mother’s genes were just too powerful. Wiped out the Grayle Light-magic gene.

Also Rin, making a light user would just cause a redundancy of princes. There is practically no escape from overlap, unless you want to make an assassin or an archer.
Hidden 3 yrs ago Post by Jarl Coolgruuf
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And there he is, all ready to go.

Hidden 3 yrs ago Post by Zeroth
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@webboysurf
I think Nathaniel's an excellent addition! As far as any critiques go, the only thing I'd personally suggest is maybe adding a flaw or two, or pointing out the negative aspects of his established traits. You did that with his "honorable to a fault" trait, but aside from that and maybe the implication that he holds grudges (which is still pretty tame since there's no malice in it) most of his backstory is about all the positive skills and abilities that were taught to him, and there's not much mention of the things he can't do or isn't much good at. There's an element of bittersweet in the parts about him being "meant" for the battlefield as opposed to his brothers--has he ever stopped to consider what his life COULD be like if he CHOSE to do something else? Of course, that particular thing could feature more in the RP itself as he develops, rather than being openly stated.

@ERode
I mean, the opener did state that Aura was starting to appear more often, and that it seemed like a new generation of Heroes was on the cusp, right? And since we're all in the "childhood arc" right now, we could always just handwave it as "they're all super talented--for a bunch of teenagers, comparatively." Fey could always have a grown-ass knight come manhandle us all on the training yard and then reveal, "oh that guy? He's actually the weakest knight in his unit, he's just actually been fully trained and has battlefield experience whereas you are all literal kids," XD
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Hidden 3 yrs ago 3 yrs ago Post by webboysurf
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@webboysurf
I think Nathaniel's an excellent addition! As far as any critiques go, the only thing I'd personally suggest is maybe adding a flaw or two, or pointing out the negative aspects of his established traits. You did that with his "honorable to a fault" trait, but aside from that and maybe the implication that he holds grudges (which is still pretty tame since there's no malice in it) most of his backstory is about all the positive skills and abilities that were taught to him, and there's not much mention of the things he can't do or isn't much good at. There's an element of bittersweet in the parts about him being "meant" for the battlefield as opposed to his brothers--has he ever stopped to consider what his life COULD be like if he CHOSE to do something else? Of course, that particular thing could feature more in the RP itself as he develops, rather than being openly stated.


You're absolutely correct. I gutted some of the initial flaws and reworked the character yesterday, and just completely missed adding new flaws back in. Won't have a chance to update the sheet until tonight. But thank you for the input, another set of eyes really helps.

EDIT: Went in and gave each personality trait a slight flaw and twist. Had just enough time before my shift starts. Might flesh those flaws out a bit more in the CS, or wait until the RP if he's accepted to flesh out what that all means for how he acts.
Hidden 3 yrs ago Post by Feyblue
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Fey could always have a grown-ass knight come manhandle us all on the training yard and then reveal, "oh that guy? He's actually the weakest knight in his unit, he's just actually been fully trained and has battlefield experience whereas you are all literal kids," XD


A bit hamfisted, but yes, something like this. Right now, it's sort of like... these kids have all this amazing potential, but they haven't quite reached it yet. Just to give one example, most of the sheets that include Aura so far also include the caveat that they don't actually have the stamina or discipline to use it more than once or twice without burning themselves out.

It's still remarkable that they have that potential in the first place, don't get me wrong -- but they still gotta work for it.

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Hidden 3 yrs ago Post by Octo
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@IzurichLmao. Would have to somehow be tied to both Fendel AND the Grayle royal family for that, methinks. Which would be... a hell of a crack ship, honestly.

Though, technically speaking the Curse of Fendel gives you like... pseudo-darkness powers? Mark appears on your body, starts warping it in weird ways based on your thoughts or your environment, and gives you a weak Darkness Aura in addition to effectively random mutations. Unfortunately it also controls your mind and drives you very quickly insane, brainwashing you into a loyal servant/cultist awaiting the coming of your master, and the only cure is either purification via light or death.

...Which is actually pretty bad, now that I think about it, since we have no light users! :thonk:

EDIT: Oh boy, Vita. If she and Julian uncover each other's secrets, they're gonna have a lot to bond over. Julian's sorta in the same boat, though in her case it's more because she's used to it and had to change and, y'know, chest binding is pretty uncomfortable and all that, rather than a repressed desire for something she never got to have.


So, I take it that running a character with an undocumented Darkness aura would be rather difficult seeing as it comes with a super evil insanity-inducing mind control curse.

Would the concept of someone born with this power but who doesn't use it out of fear of the evil it might cause be untenable? I'm a big fan of self-loathing cowards. Too scared to use that which makes you special, and also too scared to tell anyone about it for all the trouble it might cause you and your family. I was thinking about something like that. I just wanted to check that the concept was at all acceptable before anything else.
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