1 Guest viewing this page
Hidden 1 yr ago Post by Blizz
Raw
Avatar of Blizz

Blizz Grand Chancellor Supreme of the Wizard Council

Member Seen 0-24 hrs ago

I see you Nal
Hidden 1 yr ago Post by baraquiel
Raw
Avatar of baraquiel

baraquiel Angel of Moe *:・゚✧

Member Seen 2 days ago

Hello hello! Are you guys still accepting?
Hidden 1 yr ago Post by Mintz
Raw
GM
Avatar of Mintz

Mintz

Member Seen 1 day ago

Yep! Though you might need to be quick about making a character if you're planning to jump right in, given that the story will soon be moving forward, and thus make it more awkward for a newcomer to get in. Regardless though, you're more than welcome to join. :)
1x Thank Thank
Hidden 1 yr ago Post by baraquiel
Raw
Avatar of baraquiel

baraquiel Angel of Moe *:・゚✧

Member Seen 2 days ago

Heya! Let me know if there's anything I need to edit on this. I'll edit on the Relationship sheet later. Hope you like him! ^u^


Hidden 1 yr ago Post by Mintz
Raw
GM
Avatar of Mintz

Mintz

Member Seen 1 day ago

Heya! Let me know if there's anything I need to edit on this. I'll edit on the Relationship sheet later. Hope you like him! ^u^



Okay, a lot to tackle on this one; I'll start with the biggest general stickler and work my way down. His psionic spellcasting abilities are way too strong. The kid has mental manipulation on levels that would make most characters in the Marvel Universe blush. Hell, even the Sorcerer Supreme himself needs the Eye of Agamotto to pull those sorts of feats, completely warping and subjugating minds. So, simply put, this side of his power would need to be either extraordinarily toned down, or removed altogether.

Now, the other thing. This backstory really makes Agatha look rather vile, and even moreso, downright stupid. But one thing at a time; firstly, from what I could glean online, Agatha isn't the one who founded Salem. She merely settled in it (though she did eventually found New Salem, but we'll get to that). Secondly, that 'defeat' against Wanda you're talking about? Well, she wasn't just defeated, but Agatha had been full-blown killed in that conflict, which I believe throws a wrench in the current timeline of things you're setting up...Still, for now, that's a more minor point compared to what comes next.

Third is how you've painted Harkness'...Relationships, putting it nicely. That is not the kind of woman Agatha Harkness ever was. More often than not, she kept to herself, more focused on honing her abilities and protecting the delicate balance of the magical world, and when not doing that, working to safeguard her coven. Even if she did have an inclination for all these flings, she'd likely be too busy with everything she keeps up with. But....Let's assume for a benefit of the doubt she did have all these children. The reasoning offered is convoluted at best. Sure, she could be hoping for that 1-in-a-million that inherits some insane magical gift from her, but more often than not it wouldn't be the case, because magic is primarily something that must be learned and taught. If she were really desiring some kind of prodigy child, she'd make one; she's about the best teacher a would-be sorcerer could ask for, right next to Strange himself. But again, semantics. I'll move forward...

This next bit ties into the whole 'don't understand why she'd bother with all this' issue, but we'll push beyond that for now. The fact that Agatha is apparently practicing dark magic on innocent civilians to warp their minds is EXTREMELY off for her. Not just because it's needlessly cruel, but because she (perhaps more than anyone) is aware of how dangerous dark magic can be, and would be averse to using it at all, much less for experimentation. Not to mention, of course, that if she's been doing this to many people, it just leaves a trail of evidence that will eventually attach back to her and cause a whole cavalcade of issues that she sure as Hell would not want to deal with. So, another point towards 'why the Hell did she even do this'.

But again, we'll push past this and get to the next glaring issue. Caspian is born, but she...Somehow can't tell that he's gifted in magic? How? She is, next to the Sorcerer Supreme and others of his skill, the greatest spellcaster to live, and she can't tell this child has the gift? That just seems completely unbelievable. Which brings me to a point that would certainly shift the entire dynamic of this history, but (in my opinion, at least) for the better; if she did recognize his gift (which she certainly would have), she would've likely just taken the boy back to New Salem, whether to raise for herself or have others in the mystical community look after them. She would have nothing to gain and plenty to lose by letting a child like Caspian be raised among people who don't possess, and more importantly, would fear his gift. As became evident later in this bio.

To cut a long story short, ideally, most of the rest of this bio wouldn't have happened if 1: Agatha was acting more in-line with how she is supposed to be (which is not exactly pure of heart or anything of the sort, but not some wicked witch like the bio currently paints her), and 2: She recognized the gifts present in Caspian and, naturally, took the baby with her. Now, I understand this would be a dramatic shift in the storyline you're pushing here, so I'll try and offer up some amenities.

How about him just not being related to Agatha, but rather being led to believe he is? Perhaps he was just a boy with a particular gift for magic, and a more black-hearted sorcerer sought to take advantage of this through lies and manipulation. This could even culminate in Agatha still being involved in their life, where she may take the place of Stephen rescuing them from their horrid situation after learning about someone misusing her good name, and even more prudently, abusing and manipulating a promising sorcerer. That would be my recommendation, because it still keeps her around in your storyline, keeps her more in-line with her character, and still allows you to keep most of the story beats you were shooting for here.

...Alright, ranted long enough. This is what I got, because as-is, I can't accept this bio due to how it seems to completely assassinate Agatha's character in exchange for making her into a blatant villain. I'm willing to listen to any feedback though, and I want to be clear that this is not me denying you from the RP; I'd just like to see this concept tinkered with some before we set it to stone.
Hidden 1 yr ago Post by baraquiel
Raw
Avatar of baraquiel

baraquiel Angel of Moe *:・゚✧

Member Seen 2 days ago

@Mintz Hi hi! Thanks for taking the time to review my cs. To be honest, I didn't know what version of Marvel to take inspo from so I decided to base it off so I decided on the MCU variant where she's a villain because it's the most famous one, but it's clear I chose wrong. I'll be happy to edit this character to fit the theme of the RP.
1x Thank Thank
Hidden 1 yr ago Post by shylarah
Raw
Avatar of shylarah

shylarah the crazy one

Member Seen 2 hrs ago

I don't intend on bringing her in right away, but...have another character.

Hidden 1 yr ago 1 yr ago Post by baraquiel
Raw
Avatar of baraquiel

baraquiel Angel of Moe *:・゚✧

Member Seen 2 days ago

Alrighty, hopefully second time's the charm. Hope you like this one better than the last ^u^


Hidden 1 yr ago 1 yr ago Post by Mintz
Raw
GM
Avatar of Mintz

Mintz

Member Seen 1 day ago

I don't intend on bringing her in right away, but...have another character.



Okay, so...There isn't anything inherently wrong with Rhylaen, but me and Kaya both agree that she feels pretty disconnected from, like, anything relating to the Marvel-verse, which makes it stand out like a sore thumb. Just feels off to have an entire race and world and universe separate from our current one with quite literally nothing connecting them beyond these apparent wraiths that sent her here. In essence, we'd prefer something with more ties to the Marvel-verse at large.

Alrighty, hopefully second time's the charm. Hope you like this one better than the last ^u^



Likin' the look of this one! Only two complaints, one much more minor than the other; firstly, I ask that they not be too proficient with the sling ring, because, well...I want an excuse to get y'all into cool Quinjets that will inevitably crash and burn! Can't do that if we have an instant portal service around lol

The second one is more major, though. The Sleep Magic, as it is written right now, is too strong. Effectively, it says that even with its lightest version, it can incapacitate most human combatants for around 5 minutes. Now, of course, this may interact differently with certain super-powered individuals, but for the most part it's just a button that can instantly end most combat scenarios, which is not a fun thing for me to have to write around. I'm open to hearing about other options or retooling this power! If these issues can be addressed, we'll be more than happy accepting Valerian.

...Oh, also, as a personal request from our dear Co-GM Kaya, please don't use that shade of white for his color. It's very hard to parse from the standard white of the text, so it doesn't do its main purpose of standing out from the non-verbal texts.
1x Thank Thank
Hidden 1 yr ago Post by shylarah
Raw
Avatar of shylarah

shylarah the crazy one

Member Seen 2 hrs ago

@Mintz Fair enough. I might make another character down the line, I might not. We'll see.
Hidden 1 yr ago Post by baraquiel
Raw
Avatar of baraquiel

baraquiel Angel of Moe *:・゚✧

Member Seen 2 days ago

<Snipped quote by shylarah>

Okay, so...There isn't anything inherently wrong with Rhylaen, but me and Kaya both agree that she feels pretty disconnected from, like, anything relating to the Marvel-verse, which makes it stand out like a sore thumb. Just feels off to have an entire race and world and universe separate from our current one with quite literally nothing connecting them beyond these apparent wraiths that sent her here. In essence, we'd prefer something with more ties to the Marvel-verse at large.

<Snipped quote by baraquiel>

Likin' the look of this one! Only two complaints, one much more minor than the other; firstly, I ask that they not be too proficient with the sling ring, because, well...I want an excuse to get y'all into cool Quinjets that will inevitably crash and burn! Can't do that if we have an instant portal service around lol

The second one is more major, though. The Sleep Magic, as it is written right now, is too strong. Effectively, it says that even with its lightest version, it can incapacitate most human combatants for around 5 minutes. Now, of course, this may interact differently with certain super-powered individuals, but for the most part it's just a button that can instantly end most combat scenarios, which is not a fun thing for me to have to write around. I'm open to hearing about other options or retooling this power! If these issues can be addressed, we'll be more than happy accepting Valerian.

...Oh, also, as a personal request from our dear Co-GM Kaya, please don't use that shade of white for his color. It's very hard to parse from the standard white of the text, so it doesn't do its main purpose of standing out from the non-verbal texts.


Oh the sling ring proficiency is totally doable! He's still a baby sorcerer at the moment and right now he's busy focusing how to open a portal first.

For the sleep magic, I was thinking maybe he can still make his target sleep but he'll also fall asleep too or his sleep magic would have to take a long time to conjure and fully activate so he'll be vulnerable to attacks. Still, this is just an additional thingy he has and I'm a-okay removing it from his powerset.

Also yeah, I'll go and pick out another shade of color. No biggie! XD
Hidden 12 mos ago Post by pandapolio
Raw
Avatar of pandapolio

pandapolio

Member Seen 7 mos ago

Hi, I was wondering if you guys are still open to people joining. I am thinking of making something akin to a speedster/pure melee fighter. Also my favorite Marvel hero/character is Deadpool.
Hidden 12 mos ago Post by Akayaofthemoon
Raw
coGM
Avatar of Akayaofthemoon

Akayaofthemoon

Member Seen 1 day ago

@pandapolio

Heya! Yes, we are still accepting new people at this time :3
Hidden 12 mos ago Post by pandapolio
Raw
Avatar of pandapolio

pandapolio

Member Seen 7 mos ago

@AkayaofthemoonCool, I have some questions about this character. Would it be easier to put those questions in here, or pm to the gm? Thx for the help!
Hidden 12 mos ago Post by Akayaofthemoon
Raw
coGM
Avatar of Akayaofthemoon

Akayaofthemoon

Member Seen 1 day ago

@pandapolio

Either way will work, so whatever is easier for you.
Hidden 12 mos ago 12 mos ago Post by pandapolio
Raw
Avatar of pandapolio

pandapolio

Member Seen 7 mos ago

Alright, here he is.

2x Like Like
Hidden 12 mos ago Post by Mintz
Raw
GM
Avatar of Mintz

Mintz

Member Seen 1 day ago

@baraquiel @pandapolio

Sorry for taking so long to get back to y'all (especially you bara), but here we go!

Yeah, the main issue with sleep magic is that, at least on things it properly works on, it can quite literally turn a threat off; it makes for a very annoying ability to work around. I'd be willing to let it slide if it required a notable amount of concentration and set-up to work, but overall I think it'd be best if it simply weren't a thing he did.

As for you, Panda, my biggest issue with Taron comes with his speed. Being 'just under the speed of sound' still makes him crazy fast, and even if he doesn't have much directional control when moving at these speeds, it's still more than enough to speed-blitz people, especially when you pair it up with his other superhuman features of strength and durability, effectively making him like some kind of grounded Superman. Overall, I'd prefer if he lost one or the other (strength or speed), because both together means he's insanely strong when compared to the rest of the cast.
↑ Top
1 Guest viewing this page
© 2007-2024
BBCode Cheatsheet