>< I'm still alive, I just... *shakes head* I haven't given up hope.

Oh my goodness... Victor is so smitten! I didn't think it would happen so quick for him, but I'm sure he'll be fighting with himself much longer.

Oh my, yes. He's a rather stubborn fellow, even when it comes to his own feelings.

This is absolutely adorable, btw. I think they'll become good friends, all the while as Kijani finds herself marveling in his sweet simplicity and lack of deception, she will be telling herself that there's no way, no way at all...

I do have plans for an action scene in the near future: bandits who hear that there's a wealthy young woman in the area, protected only by her lamed host.

Oh! That sounds interesting. *sigh* Too bad I'm not playing Kijani the way I usually play her. Which is a badass superhero/villain. She could use a sword in this, but I seriously doubt she'd know how to do anything with it in this particular universe. Maybe she'll reach across universes for a dose of courage.

I don't think she needs to reach across the universes for it. While you have not yet revealed her backstory (and please don't! I'd rather find out in story), it's clear that she had the courage to run from a bad situation and from her family, leaving behind all she's known. That is bravery in and of itself! She may not be the sword-slinger, gun-toting version of herself in the other realities, but as a writer I do not doubt that this Kijani has courage. In fact, I think she has more courage than her counterparts. You see, it's one thing to be brave when you know how to use a gun or a blade, or when you have powers or abilities beyond those of 'mortal men' (and women, obviously.) Far braver is the person without such skills or knowledge but who still stands his/her ground despite knocking knees and heart gripping terror.

....*hugs quietly* I don't know what to say. I mean... I don't know why I want to cry a bit but I do.

So... please tell me Victor brought her an apple. I have something kind of cute planned. A lowering of one of her walls, so to speak.

Heads up to my fellow RPers. I am going on a week's vacation on Monday, to return on Friday.

I am bringing my laptop, because I would feel a bit lost without it. My internet will be limited for the duration, and non-existant for Monday and Friday.

I am going to Disney World. I will attempt to check in, between rides and parades and stalking mascots.

That is all.

Hey Justric! Is everything okay on your end? Usually the long absences are my job...

^_^ Just checking in with you. My vacation went well, though I got sick right before we went, and we got rained on pretty much every day... But it was still great.

I'm glad to hear you had a great time despite the trials and tribulations! i haven't been to Disney World in decades, and I have to admit to a certain amount of envy.

Things have been... difficult the past few weeks. As with most self inflicted troubles, love and money can be found at the heart of the chaos, but I am coping. It has simply eaten more of my time and energy than I like to admit. i am slowly starting to get caught up on other matters. Thankfully so, in fact, because if there is any release to be found at times like this it is within the joy of writing! I just finished a reply for you, one where Kijani gets her apple. (Laughing) And NOW I just remember all the symbolism of apples! Perhaps now was the best time in the story for him to give her one, a foreshadowing of things to come for our troubled protagonists!

*smiles* I always enjoy your responses... They lead me in places I don't see coming. For one thing, I didn't realize Kijani would tip her hand to her situation without meaning it, when she said she'd stay a month. It didn't occur to her that there should be people missing her somewhere.

*thinking on how to write the bit with the apple* This is hopefully going to be a sweet moment for her.

And there it is! ^_^ I hope you enjoy it, I've been thinking of that moment for quite some time.

Still having a hard time with this story?

Less this story, more everything...

I hit a wall last night. Got so... burdened that I couldn't move.

Sometimes I wish I could drink, you know?

I'll try to get something together for you.

I apologize for being a crappy partner.

How are you?

Alive. Somewhat bitter. I had to tell a partner today that we seemed more or less incompatible; we started four different stories over a period of four months, none of them keeping her interest. When she asked if I wanted to try again with her for a fifth, I politely declined. Not more than half an hour later a person I've never contacted or spoken with before PM'd me and asked if I was free to RP. I find the timing of that a bit strange, but... So still feeling crappy about the first person, I politely declined and now feel very crappy indeed because I hate turning people down. I'm also beginning to suspect <REDACTED> (Maybe I'm just being cynical). And I found myself leaving two different tabletop RP discussion groups on FaceBook after daring to suggest that we focus more on the positive than the negative. Combine that with that harsh and brutal mistress called 'Real Life'?? Debts, work, family, time, my business or lack thereof??

So. Yeah. Wall. I know what you're speaking of. Sometimes there is simply so much going on at once that I end up freezing (both physically and mentally) because I don't know what to do. (Laughing) Oddly enough, back in the day my way of dealing with such things was a bottle of Jack Daniels while listening to Pink Floyd's The Wall! Ah, but those days are far behind me now. This is what sobriety and maturity brings.

Now then. You are not a crappy partner. So please stop that. Even if you were to say that you had no interest anymore and wanted to put an end to this story, I would not call you a crappy partner. Why not?

First off, you are an excellent writer. Your characters are warm and human, your prose is detailed without being overflowing with minuscule trivia, and both your grammar and vocabulary show you to be a mature and capable writer.

Second off, you are a good deal braver than you may be giving yourself credit for. I have read some of your other writings on this forum (not just yours, of course, I love reading selections from all of my partners both for inspiration and to try and flow with them better in our own stories), and I know that our storyline is something that you may not have normally engaged in. But you have tried. And succeeded, if you asked me! Because you have me engaged in your character's life, interested in her thoughts and actions, curious about her past. So sometimes it takes you time to put things together, so what? I would rather wait 2-3 weeks for a post of quality than rush a co-writer and so make him/her uncomfortable and pressured.

Thirdly, you seem like a genuinely nice person. Again, perhaps I am cynical in my old age, but that trait is... uncommon.

So if my post asking if you were having troubles came across as brusque, I apologize. I'm far more concerned about whether you are okay and if there might be anything I can do to help or make things any easier for you as a fellow writer. (Chucking in self-depreciation) Only in my current foul mood, intent was a stranger to deed. Please, don't rush anything on my account, especially if you are having difficulties in real life! I just ask that you shoot me a line now and then OOC? If nothing else, you can always vent and rant and rave to me. I'm told I'm a good listener!

*half smile* Thanks for being encouraging and understanding. Yesterday was just bad for me. I got an emotional double-whammy that left me feeling so drained that I couldn't even summon the energy to get off my bed to turn off the lights.

I don't drink, mostly because I know I would like it way too much. What I think about when I think about alcohol is not being loosened up, it's drinking until I can't hurt anymore. *rubs the back of her neck* So I keep away.

Anyway, I do feel bad about not posting. I have a vague idea of where I want to go, but... my energy lately is just gone. I've been meaning to draw something, anything, for going on two weeks, but I can't even pick up a pencil without my mind going to static. *rubs face* Writing's a bit easier, but just barely. I don't know why I can't get anything done. I'm just going through a really hard time.

Usually that doesn't bring me down so hard, but... it's several things at once that are going on, so I've just got to claw my way back to the light.

Would it help if I said I know exactly how you felt about drinking? There were points in my younger days when... Well, I won't say I was an alcoholic, but when I did drink, I drank to get drunk as quickly as possible. These days, I allow myself a beer or hard cider once every other month at best. Maybe mead if it's a special occasion. And the hard stuff is right out.

If I may... try going back to basics. Schedule some time (if possible, I know) to go for a walk by yourself. Someplace safe but where there's not too many people: park, cemetery, botanical gardens. Take your sketch pad and doodle; don't try to draw anything, just let the pencil skip over the page. Don't even look at the paper. Or pick something innocuous and draw that instead. I remember trees being my favorite subject, all dark and light and angles against the sun; an art teacher once told me that sometimes the best way to draw something was not to sketch it in lines but to draw the shadows instead. i know you generally prefer to draw characters, but perhaps a change of pace might help?

In the meantime, be assured of one thing. I may not have clawed my way back into the light either, but I'll help you climb as best as I can.

I may try that. Just... chill out tomorrow and do something different. There's a park near my house. I think taking a walk with some music may do me some good. I've got the house to myself tomorrow, so getting out of it is a plan.

I don't know if 'thank you' would be the right phrase, but... it does help that you get the alcohol thing. I just tell people I don't like the taste, when I'm out, or that I'm driving. While taste does have something to do with it, most of it is just me being afraid of... well, you know. I can't really call myself an alcoholic when I can count the amount of drinks I've had on two hands. But I know something about the pattern of thinking that goes behind the need for a drugged oblivion.

*fidgets, then hugs* It's nice to have someone to talk to about this kind of thing that actually gets it.