Bullying. Advice

[Kurai Assassin]

So I'm going through quite a bit of bullying lately and i really dont know how to deal with it. Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with it.

[Songster Gecko]

What kind of bullying? Physical, verbal, etc, etc?

[Kurai Assassin]

both

[Rica]

From who? What's your relationship with the person/people who are bullying you?

[Songster Gecko]

Well, if it was purely verbal, I would've suggested that you just ignore them. They probably just want to get a rise out of you, so the more irate and annoyed you get, the more glee they'll feel. But if it's getting physical, then I suggest you seek help from someone in a position of authority. Fighting back on your own might actually make things worse.

[Twisted8]

From personal experience-

Keep a diary of all incidents, including times, places, people involved and descriptions- the more detail the better
Tell the bully to stop
If there is no response tell them that if they continue you will have to report them (tell a trusted adult, can be a teacher, a parent, or if older a PCSO or Police Officer)
If it still continues, then tell a trusted adult who (hopefully) will reprimand the bully
Avoid going places alone
Avoid any contact with the bully, face to face or online/texting
Keep telling people you trust around you about it/ reporting it to the relevant authorities
In dire circumstances, consider booking yourself a few defence classes so if the worst comes to it you can at least know how to physically defend yourself without implementing yourself in a criminal offence... (E.G learn basic self defence, blocking techniques etc and not use force that is excessive and potentially get you in trouble)

And most of all, don't keep any feelings bottled up, this can cause so many emotional problems to yourself that will not end well. Even if you post on here, keep a diary or talk to someone you trust. Don't keep your feelings to yourself.

I really hope some of this can help!

Big hugs xxx

[Kurai Assassin]

Thanks guys

[Wraithblade6]

I really need more detail to give you any kind of useful advice.

[SleepingSilence]

Hmm...I went through a ridiculous amount of bullying, both as well. Though it's almost funny how ironic a lot of it was...

- 5th grade, A rumor over the only one person that disliked me in the entire school, actually was quite popular in grade school. I 'called them a name.' With literally everyone believing it and got sick of it. (and the teachers and principal hated my brother so much they automatically hated me even more. They also liked making up things to get me in trouble.) So it was a straw the broke my back and I moved schools. (error of judgement.)

- 5th grade, second school. On a sports team, a kid going to my school said, he'd make sure everyone hated me. And sure enough. Another rumor. Gay. Literally whole class hated me.

- 6-8 grade. Still gay rumor. But now the whole school was in on it. I apparently had sex with teachers and all the students people didn't like. It got so hilarious "poor victims/bullied kids" would bully me to become higher up on the chart? And people IN MY rumors, would call me gay...unintentionally making fun of themselves. Girls acted like kindergartens and basically pretended I had 'cooties'. And boys would just beat me up OR touch me inappropriately to TOTALLY prove I'm the gay one, something like Eric Cartman from south park.

-9-11 grade Moved to a predominantly black and ghetto high school. They laughed at my shoes and being white...You can already see why I liked the ghetto school more.

-10-11 grade Second school its was a small animal care/pet grooming school. A rumor, (yes again.) Believed by the entire school (again.) It was basically "Everyone that goes to a school in this city is stupid." Problem...they already all knew I was ALSO in a school in this city...so to believe this rumor I'd have to be calling myself stupid. Making an unintentional joke of how stupid they really were...but thankfully this only lasted a week of people mistreating me for no reason. :P

Online forum, Banned. It was because apparently I hated gays, and will NEVER understand their plight. Yep, never...no sir. (it was a joke I made between friends, after they insulted me. I did the same...and friends of the mod running the forum.)

2ND online forum. Banned. Asking someone to please stop harassing me and my friends. Banned for threat and being mean. (guess who was friends with the mod? :D) Also I gathered a little hate mob of people that knew nothing about me, and starting treating me like shit. I've learned forums love their bandwagon hate...>.>

And that's not all of it, as others have said relationships/sibling stuff is a whole different beast. But I think you get the idea of my kind of laughable line of bullying.

---

So why did I say all of that? Welp. There's my advice. Simply talking about what's going on, was basically the only remedy I and my friends had. Sometimes hearing other people's stories can help, from knowing you're not alone and there's usually someone going through the same problems. Best you can do, is have a dark sense of humor and turn all your troubles into something you can laugh at with friends. Just know one day, it will end or at least you'll grow older and care FAR less what idiots have to say. :P

Other things I learned from personal experience. Adults will never help. School is built to punish the bullied individual. Ignoring the problem makes it worse, a lot worse. (If you're not a pacifist like me when I was kid/teen. Kick the living shit of them. Worked for my brother, and most people that try it.)

Not exactly the most PC advice I could give, but best I can do. Good luck, I know it sucks now. But you'll be fine. ^_^

[NuttsnBolts]

Can't really say much that hasn't already been bought up, but remember... you are not alone.

Thousands get bullied every day and it can make the strongest individual feel the most lonely person at times. The best thing you can do is talk about it. Talk to teachers, parents, supervisors... anyone really. You have the right to enjoy your life and no one should make you feel small.

I had my own problems in school and it ended with me snapping and sending a fellow student to the medical center because I punched his teeth through his lips. Did he deserve it, not really. Did he bully me, yes.

My one advice is never let it get to that stage. The idea of fighting back can be a darker road and while it solved my peoplems cause people stopped after that, I almost ended up with an assault charge. I only got out of that because I recorded everything with the teachers and principal. So I can't guarentee you'll have the same luck.

[Kurai Assassin]

Thanks guys. I do agree with @SleepingSilence that the teachers do literally nothing. I've been back to teachers enough times with cuts and shit and they say the same thing "they said you provoked them" last time I checked playing football with friends doesn't warrant being drop kicked.

I'm getting through it though, I finish school in 5 weeks so I don't have to see any of those people again but I do feel as though what@SleepingSilence said in telling others what happened is a smart idea.

Year 3 - Got called a poverty kid cause I lived In a rough area but went to a posh school, was constantly beat up cause they wanted to prove that kids from rough areas weren't tough.

Year 4 - Suspened for 'kicking a teacher' said teacher hated me because my mom had a go at her for not dealing with my bullies from the previous year. To clarify I ran into this teacher while we were playing football.

Year 5 - A new teacher gave me a book because he saw that I really enjoyed reading. Head teacher took the book off me and Suspened me for stealing

Year 6 - Expelled because I apparently left the lyrics to a song that contained swearing in it in a Year 1 classrooms. actually it was a censored version of a green day song but I had left it in the gym changing rooms

Year 6 new school - we moved to an even tougher area and I got jumped twice for being a 'posh twat'

Year 7 - pushed off a moving bus near my house then beaten up by someone I thought was my friend. Had to go to dentist to get braces because of this and then got the piss taking out of me for having braces.

Year 8 - Got drop kicked down the stairs and broke my arm. Security camera caught it and the kid got a 5 day suspension.

Year 9 - started doing YouTube and some kid made up that I was making 2k a week and started taking the piss with a few teachers joining in cause they thought it was an actual joke.

Year 10 - continuation of last year except people actually threatened me if I didn't hand over all this money I apparently had. Long story short I got pissed off and pushed a kid across a table and told them to stop or I wouldn't stop my self next time.

Year 11 - Constantly getting beat up and getting the piss taken out off me for being a Liverpool FC fan. Actually got told by one kid that I should have been crushed at the hillsborough disaster along with the rest of the Liverpool Scum. Actually didn't need to do anything a kid grabbed him and slammed his head into a table. I got two weeks detention for apparently starting it.

And the shit continues

[Pair of Hearts]

@Wraithblade6
OP updated.

@Kurai Assassin
This should be irrelevant but people can be uncultured dumbassed, but are you a minority enthnicity where you reside?

Also, how are your parents with other parents? Back in my bullying days, my father unwittingly humiliated a teacher who was petty enough to pick on me because she was afraid of my dad but not me since I was the easier target.

People started pushing me into roads, and one who drove illegally tried to run me over as a joke, all because of that one teacher who was such a tyrant, people feared her and joined whatever cause she was running (in this case, bullying the "orphan kid adopted by an asshole, who will grow into an asshole unless controlled young").

It became worse because all I'd do was weep in my room. Things only became better when I graduated and left the country. I hate using Facebook; the last and only post I made to direct anyone in my life on that cancerous social media was at the teacher: "Every night I go to sleep, I wonder which is worse - the reality you made into hell for me, or the nightmares you fuel and run alone for me. Keep this up; I hope you get cancer and reach 100% as the perfect specimen for a sad human existence."

When the principal saw, she personally asked me why I hated school so much I skipped out on all my graduation events. I told her, and the tyrant teacher lost her job and was booted out of town because of what she did. Some of the kids still speak fondly of he because she brainwashed them with fear and Stockholm Syndrome played a hand. I don't know if a teacher who hits you, sees your bruises and snorts, "Are you dead yet? No? Too bad. Stop your sniveling, you retard." is really a 'tsundere'.

So my suggestion is to find out the root of evil first. Once you identify it, know who they rely on and tell on them. Then again, my dad risked himself and said he'll shotgun them if I came home in tears and "one bit missing".

... yeah don't take my advice too much. Just, if you wanna talk, or vent, I'm here and all. We may have different walks of life, but I'm no stranger to bullying so I can empathise.

[Kurai Assassin]

@Pair of Hearts

Nah I'm just your average white guy in the middle of Sheffield. Actually the worst place I've ever lived cause of the shit in this city. My parents are quite civil when it comes to the bullies parents

[Gwynbleidd]

Learn how to fight. If you can talk things out with a therapist, do it. Don't take pills. Work out at a gym. Run, every day or nearly every day. Find something you like and want to do in the future and dedicate your 100% to it but also don't forget a social life. Not everyone's an asshole. Notice the toxic people in your life and subtract them from your life. I don't know if this helps at all, but that's how I operate. The best revenge is success. Fuck them, do things for yourself.

[mdk]

You're surrounded by assholes. 90% of the time, this won't be a problem. 10% of the time, you're stuck with them.

But most of that time, too, you won't have any problems, because bullying takes effort too and assholes don't like to expend effort. So you're stuck with assholes, but you pay them no mind and they leave you alone. No harm, no foul.

Very very rarely, like once in a blue moon, maybe once or twice or three times in a whole year -- you've got a problem.

That's how big the problem is -- it's a few times a year at most. These are small people. They can only do small things to you. Yeah, those things suck -- but big picture, they don't mean anything.

Small pictures matter too, though. So what can you do to make it suck less? Because really that is still important, and I'm not trying to make light of it. Thing one is to be safe, so the small-picture people don't become a big-picture problem. That means fighting your way out is a monumentally bad idea, both because you might get hurt for real, and because you might wind up doing something you regret later. So screw that.

The teachers should be on your side. They should have your back. They don't. It doesn't sound like they're going to in the near future, either.

The key is to de-escalate the situation. Someone's giving you shit, your first (totally right) instinct is to give it right back. Don't do that though. Someone wants to fight, you apologize (even though you probably didn't do anything wrong), sound like you mean it, and get the hell out of that situation. Someone wants to take your money or they'll hurt you, fucking give it to them. Welcome to adulthood.

Why? Because there's only one way to stop a bully, and that's to beat the living shit out of them until they fear you like a mouse in a lion cage. That's not something you want. That's way, way more trouble than it's worth, and you're risking either you or some kid (yes, kid, they're all just kids) getting seriously hurt. Very bad things. You're not going to stop them, you're going to outlast them. And when you do, all their petty bullshit means nothing. You've got five weeks left? So fuck 'em. They're just something you had to put up with once, like a shitty christmas decoration. You're already done with them and they don't even know it yet.

TL:DR -- don't waste one single thought on them. Don't waste a single breath talking back, don't waste a single drop of sweat trying to handle things with your fists. Even though this happened to you, it has nothing to do with you anymore. That was all chapter one; you don't worry about anything but chapter two and three right now.

[ASTA]

Beat the blood and piss out of them.

That's really the only way to effectively stop a bully.

[marasays]

Most of my experience when it comes to bullying has been petty and nowhere near as intense as your experiences, so I can't imagine what you're going through. I'm genuinely angered that teachers, specifically, can be so rotten. Our jobs are not to punish, but to protect. Regardless of whether or not you believe the student is in the wrong, if someone approaches you with an issue multiple times, with physical evidence, it's our job to take action.

Perhaps we do it differently stateside, but next to the issue of bullying itself, the treatment you've received from people who are meant to promote the wellbeing of the student is total shit.

For what it's worth, I'm sorry you have ended up with the short end of the stick. But the fact that you're around, and vulnerable enough to share you experience is really admirable. I don't know what else I can add that hasn't already been mentioned, aside from maintaining that hope for the end of school and to no longer see those kids again. :(

[cpldingo]

Good luck. Do what you think is right. But don't be a victim.

I'd rather be tried by twelve than carried by six.