[IC] Controlled Chaos

[Stern Algorithm]

Zhou Yu woke up from a fainting spell. He was in bed, being tended to by a field medic. His arrow wound had reopened due to his unbridled rage. Rage that had been rekindled by Zhuge Liang. In an attempt recapture territory that originally belonged to the Kingdom of Wu but was captured by Shu, Zhou Yu had offered to help Shu attack a mutual enemy, and would while on the march, establish themselves in the stolen territory, reclaiming it. Unfortunately, Zhuge Liang was cunning and saw through the ruse, trapping Zhou Yu's advancing army and forcing a retreat. Zhou was about to send out orders to his generals to have them prepare for battle when a messenger arrived with a letter from Zhuge Liang himself. In it, the enemy strategist warned that if Zhou Yu were to engage in such a lengthy conflict, their mutual enemy to the north, Prime Minister Cao Cao would surely take advantage of the situation. Feeling a sense of hopelessness and defeat, having been thwarted at every turn by this young upstart, Zhuge Liang, Zhou Yu could feel his death approaching and decided to pen one last letter to his lord, Sun Quan. His advisors gathered around, concerned for his failing health. All he could do was apologize for his failures, but even then, he was not allowed to finish for he swooned again as rage, frustration and sorrow overtook him. The next few days were a fevered nightmare for him, while the only intelligible things he could say in his waking moments were, "Oh Heavens! If you created Zhou Yu, then why did you also create Zhuge Liang?"

At the age of 35, this promising young general died from frustration.

[Stekkmen]

Bruno the Undead Axeman stood in the middle of a dark, moist, stone corridor, like he always did. He guarded a blue orb that was mounted on the wall, his only light source that cast an eerie teal light over him. His "breath" was hollow and jagged, the only sound in the utterly silent hallway.

He clutched his rusted axe in one hand, his eyes staring into the darkness in front of him. What was Bruno thinking about, you might ask?

Nothing.
Nothing but his axe. He simply stood there, waiting for an event to occur.

And finally, in longer than Bruno could remember (which wasn't very long), a dim torch light appeared around an unseen corner. Following the torch light was a healthy looking young man wielding a short sword. The man turned the corner, noticed Bruno, and halted.

"Hello?"

Bruno said nothing, but now his eyes were locked on the traveler. The man cautiously approached, sword in his right, torch in his left.

"What are you doing?"

When the torch light touched that of the blue orb, Bruno then decided that it would perhaps be worth it to axe this adventurer. With a horrid grunt, Bruno hefted his axe and violently lurched forward, wildy slamming his axe into a stone wall. The stone chipped, the traveler shrieked and backpedaled away from Bruno. The axeman continued his rampage, crashing his axe from one side of the hallway to the other as the man walked backwards, feebly holding out his sword to protect himself.

Eventually, Bruno's axe caught the man's sword, and almost disarmed him. It was at that the traveler turned and ran, still clutching his sword 'n torch. Bruno hesitated, and figured that yes, he would chase the traveler for a brief time. The undead axeman took his long, spindly steps. The traveler took his rapid, well formed feet farther and farther away from Bruno. Eventually, they came to a door, the man attempted to close the door behind him, but Bruno shouldered into the door and spilled onto his face into the room. The man found another door in the room, attempted to open it, but it was locked. He cursed and turned, but Bruno was already up to his feet.

There was an ancient wooden table between the traveler and Bruno. When the man dashed left, Bruno lurched right, and man retreated. This happened several times. Eventually, they just stood there, staring.

"Hello." The man said. Bruno did not understand what the man was trying to accomplish, but to a normal human that would have been seen as "gallows humor."

A brief moment later, the man threw his sword and made a mad dash to the door behind Bruno. The pommel the sword struck Bruno in the chest, but the rotten warrior paid no mind to it. Bruno quite literally dived forward, extended his axe outwards as far as he could. The old weapon caught the man on the knee and sent him stumbling. The man fell into the door that he was trying to escape from, and in a tragic twist of fate, his own body closed his only exit.

The man yelled and cursed and attempted the awkward maneuver of standing up and pulling open a door that you are pressed against. It didn't go well. His brief delay gave Bruno enough time to stand and swipe his axe at the man. The sharp end hit the man in the side, and the traveler twisted and face Bruno.

And so there they were, Bruno standing menacingly over a young adventurer who was unfortunately trapped both in this mysterious dungeon, and this mysterious room. The man closed his eyes and scrunched up his face. So did the obvious, raised up his axe....

and then something very peculiar happened.

A miracle for the young adventurer, and an inconvenience for the Undead Axeman.

[ProPro]

Prologue: Service Stinks, No Tip for You

Zhou Yu and Bruno the Undead Axeman suddenly found themselves in a most peculiar of locations. They were no longer dead (well, Zhou wasn't anyway, Bruno was still undead) and could not for the life of them recognize their surroundings. A relaxing music played throughout the room, creating an atmosphere of... Wait, what sort of atmosphere was this, anyway? Neither could recognize it, but each felt they knew the answer, for this was some sort of eatery. A restaurant. Zhou and Bruno sat across from one another at a table which was decorated beautifully with a white table cloth, a small vase of flowers, vibrantly colored silver wear cloths, and all directly beneath a gorgeous gold colored chandelier with diamonds all over. The sounds of the other patrons conversing and eating filled the dining hall, only something was strange. There were no other patrons. So where was the sound coming from? Most peculiar.

Even stranger still was how no matter how much they wished or tried, neither of these fine dining foreigners could stand to leave their chair. It wasn't like they were physically prevented from doing so, but more like every time they mustered the will to attempt it, something would change their mind or they'd get distracted in some way. Whatever train of thought they would be having, it was interrupted at that moment.

"Your entrees, sirs," spoke a man, the only other living being within eyesight, as he placed two trays before them, their contents hidden beneath the aluminum tops. He stood about five foot ten inches, was of fair complexion, had a chiseled jaw from stone, a tiny pencil-thin mustache, and wore a black suit of the finest material. Oh, and he also had an enormous afro. This afro was the stuff of legend, large enough that a child could fit comfortably within, and not even sit down or scrunch up. Truly the most marvelous afro in existence. "The head chef personally spent four hours preparing it specifically for you, our most honored guests. I do so hope it is to your liking. Bon apetite."

The waiter pulled back the lids of the trays, revealing to the duo a meal of only the smallest proportions. In fact, the entire meal could fit on a single fork, and still have enough room left to take another bite from a larger, more nutritious meal. Before the two could address this grave issue (or where they were and just what the hell was going on in general, for that matter) the waiter was already gone. Zhou Yu and Bruno the Undead Axeman were left alone at their table, with their food, in this amazing yet bizarre and confusing French restaurant.

[Stern Algorithm]

Zhou blinked a few times, wondering if this was heaven. Looking to his side, he saw Bruno and concluded that he was in hell. He looked at himself: he was ten years younger. The decoration in this...place was foreign to him, as was the man with the large hair that stood in front of the table. The man spoke, and though Zhou Yu could understand him, he had the uncanny feeling that he wasn't speaking Chinese. When it was revealed, the size of the meal did not offend Zhou Yu, he was, after all, used to delicacies that were served in small portions, and though foreign, Zhou Yu could assume that this place shared similar concepts when it came to luxury foods. "Thank you," Zhou Yu said, offering what courtesy he could despite his confusion. Turning to his partner at his table, Zhou Yu greeted Bruno, "Please eat slowly," he said; a customary Chinese courtesy one often said before eating. He then took the fork (a rather barbaric utensil compared to the chopsticks he was used to), and partook of the delicacy that he had been served, and did his utmost to appreciate and savor the subtleties of flavor and spice that such a delicacy would undoubtedly be prepared with.

[Stekkmen]

Bruno stared absent mindedly at the well dressed person in front of him. The large-haired man seemed to be no cause of concern for the ghoulish axeman. The man in front of him said something that Bruno didn't quite understand.

Bruno finally looked down at the tiny morsel of food in front of him. It would have been the first freshly prepared meal Bruno had seen in at least a century. For some odd reason, this place began to awaken a decency that had long forgot itself in his mind. And so, Bruno the Undead Axeman attempted to daintily lift up the fork and place the delicacy into his rotten mouth.

Three seconds later, the plate was on the floor. Curses!
Bruno had essentially scooped up the plate, and with the lifting of his fork flipped the plate over and sent it onto the fine carpet. Bruno groaned angrily and flailed his arms around at his complete lack of control. This wouldn't have happened if he had just had his axe. Where was his axe, anyway? He though of getting up to look for it, but the strange atmosphere of this place convinced the single minded brute that it would appear if he simply waited. What ended up happening was that he continued to look in what could be translated as disappointment at the ruined "meal."

It wouldn't be out of Bruno's character if he simply went under the table to eat the entree as is. He was a dungeon dwelling undead minion: he wasn't a picky eater. But no, he was confined to his chair with some strange spell. (Although Bruno did not recognize it to be a spell.) So he simply sat, arms hanging at his side, staring at the carpeted floor below.

[ProPro]

No sooner had Bruno given up on thrashing in the general direction of his plate had three waiters appeared, each looking completely identical to the same man that had served them before. One surely had to be the same man, but the other two were significantly shorter, like pygmy people. The two short ones immediately began working on cleaning up the mess, one with an oversized industrial vacuum, the other fruitlessly trying to pick up little specks with a pair of chopsticks.

"..." the larger one attempted to speak to Bruno, but all sound was muffled by the giant motorized vacuum cleaner.

"..." he tried to speak again, looking somewhat annoyed at his tinier counterparts.

"..." the man stamped his left foot once and signaled for the smaller, vacuum-toting waiter to cut it out. The smaller one sheepishly hit the switch off, gave an uneasy smile, and ran off. The other was still attempting to pick up (now non-existent) crumbs using chopsticks.

"My sincerest apologies sir, I was not made aware that you were disabled and would require assistance. Please, allow me." The waiter snapped his finger, and suddenly another plate of the same meal appeared before Bruno. "Here comes the choo-choo!" With another snap, the tiny morsel now sat atop a miniature train engine, which in turn sat atop railroad tracks, which sloped upward from the plate, directly into Bruno's mouth. The train chugged along, forcing its way into the undead axeman's mouth, whereupon it continued down into his undead stomach. The railroad tracks then vanished without a trace.

"Your check, my good sirs. No rush, whenever you are ready." The waiter left behind a slip of paper, folded within a leather holder. Once inspected, it would read that Zhou and Bruno now owed $10,683.97, converted to whatever currency they were used to, of course. The waiter himself was already gone, though his smaller-but-otherwise-identical counterpart remained, still picking at the carpet.

[Stekkmen]

Bruno still wasn't finding any of this particularly strange or confusing, it was a non-factor for him. How did he get here? Who are these people? Why did a miniature train on a miniature railroad carry a miniature meal into his mouth? (miniature) He cared not for these answers. He accepted the meal (if only by default) and continued to sit, placid and docile. He had no axe. There was nothing to be done.

He completely ignored the check. A complete non-issue for Bruno the Undead Axeman. He stared dully in the vague general direction of the man sitting in front of him.

[Stern Algorithm]

Zhou Yu started as Bruno thrashed and tossed his meal to the floor in a sorry attempt to dine. Zhou Yu was then even more befuddled by the other waiters, having never seen a vacuum cleaner before. He was certain there was witchcraft involved when the waiter fed Bruno by summoning an intricate wheeled machine to deliver the newly made meal directly into Bruno's mouth.

"What is going on here?" Zhou asked slamming both hands on the table, losing his patience. "Am I in Heaven? Hell? I vaguely remember dying and my companion here has clearly been dead for a while." Spontaneously he picks up the check and scoffs. "While in life I could have afforded such an exorbitant amount, no single dish is worth this!" He tosses it with much disrespect onto the table. "As the chief military commander of the Kingdom of Wu, I demand an explanation!"

[ProPro]

While the main waiter had since already vanished, Zhou's outburst did not go unnoticed, for there was still the smaller waiter, still fruitlessly picking at non-existent crumbs and dirt specks with the chop sticks. He jumped out of his skin (literally! he stood before them now with his muscles and blood vessels showing, the skin and nice suit now lying on the floor like a discarded sack!) in shock and fear. Well, maybe not fear per say, but a mocking pretend fear, like someone was merely imitating the emotion in a condescending manner. Regardless, the tiny waiter (wait, he still had an afro despite not having any skin left?) picked up his discarded outer organ and dashed off, out of sight.

No sooner had the tiny, skinless waiter vanished did the two hear a voice seemingly materialize from nowhere. "I see your point, sir. You are most certainly correct, there is a mistake on the check. Please allow me to fix this error for you." The main, larger waiter had spoken, but from where had he come? It was as though he were not there, and suddenly he was. The man picked up the check, then suddenly he was wearing a visor over his head and was running a spool of paper through an accountant's calculator. He typed across some numbers, yanked the lever that moved the paper on to the next line, then continued to do the same, all the while he spoke at a rapid pace.

"In addition to the meal price, we've got to take into consideration the charge for entertainment, atmosphere, running the oven, supply and demand, electric, property rental, smoke alarms, service fee, wages for my staff, wages for the staff of my other establishment, wages for my sword and gun, wages for cleanup, purchase of the vacuum cleaner, running water, gratuity fee, appetizers, smell-itizers, decor, cleanup of the mess Bruno here made, aaaaaaaand of course there's the feeding service for our disabled guest. All in all your bill proper comes out to $9,465,362.01. Plus tax." He casually tossed aside the calculator and placed the new bill atop the table for Zhou and Bruno to look over. As the mechanical device crashed through the window (which instantly repaired itself) the two could have sword they heard the sound of a cat screeching in pain. "Remember to tip 15%" the odd waiter added, with a wink.

[LePouvantail]

Benny trudged into her storage unit, got inside, and locked it. Today had been a good day. While plastic or resin skeletons long since replaced real ones, now and again, she got paid to just hang there and be educational.

It helped to know people in this town, and more importantly, other monsters with connections. Work was slower in January, when there weren't really any plays or haunted houses or crime shows needing bone props. So she let herself hang for an easy $100 through the monster agency while a bunch of kids learned the bone song.

She may or may not have swayed to the tune behind the teacher's back, to the laughter of the class. Or held still when the teacher turned to see what was so funny. Or got more daring with bolder moves like waving to the kids, doing kicks in her dance, and pretending to sing along.

The kids could assume their confused teacher was a very good actor, though she sneaked in one last wave as the agency wheeled her out.

Benny felt around for the lamp she kept to the side. Being dead and with no use for a kitchen or plumbing, the storage unit worked perfectly well for her, and was so much cheaper than renting! This particular location was owned by a gremlin who fixed some of the units up with electricity.

The room lit up to reveal her clothing rack over to the left, completely taking up that wall with all her costumes, clothes, and shoes lined up underneath, her chaise lounge to the right, as far as she could get it from the werewolf’s unit, her chests and boxes of knick-knacks along the back wall, her vanity by the costumes, and her bookshelf in the far right corner.

Benny stretched a bit, several of her bones pleasantly cracking, then trudged over to the costume rack to pull on a lime green robe and matching slippers. A useless gesture to be certain, but who else was here to give a damn? She tied the robe around her spine, giving her a waist that would make Jessica Rabbit jealous, then walked over to the chaise lounge to relax. She hit the play button on the CD player beside it, then settled back on the lounge, arms behind her skull, one slippered foot crossed over the other as No Doubt filled the air.

She only had a few moments of peace when a terrible din suddenly shook her unit and everything in it. Benny bolted up suddenly, then looked over to the costume wall, where most of the noise originated. Annoyed, she got up and crossed the room to bang on the wall.

“Hey!” she shouted. “Settle down in there!”

She was met with more banging, followed by growls and snarling. Benny stared at the wall for a moment, before she reached up and skull-palmed.

“Damn it. I forgot it was a full moon tonight.”

Benny went back by the lounge, then knelt in front of it to get to a box underneath. She rifled through her CDs until she found Chopin, and switched out the discs. Only seconds after piano music filled the unit did the racket in the adjoining one die down. Benny settled back on her chaise lounge, now pulling a matching lime green mask out of the robe pocket to cover her eye sockets.

At least she didn’t have to break out her flute this time.

Literally.

[Stern Algorithm]

"This is outrageous!" Zhou Yu exclaimed, "I know some nations that have less capital than this. No self-respecting restaurant would charge for something like 'the wages of employees of your other establishment'. You clearly don't know how run a business the costs of most of the things you mentioned are to be paid for over time, spread out thinly across every check of every customer for the next several months if not years. After you've paid off all your initial cost of investment, then you start gaining a significant profit. And besides, you mentioned gratuity already and then also ask for a tip even though they're the same thing. You also mentioned appetizers but I've had nothing besides this entree. And I see no entertainment in sight either. Tell me, is this Hell, and is dealing with your ineptitude my eternal punishment?"

[Stekkmen]

Bruno sat there and listened to the man sitting in front of him's outburst. For some reason, the meaningless words got under Bruno's skill, and he wanted to agree violently with him. Bruno wanted to axe whoever was putting him through this. (Whatever this was). Bruno's not one for self-thought or self-leadership, he's been a minion his whole "life" and he has no plan of stopping.

Bruno was growing agitated now, and slammed his meaty fist onto the table and made an angry noise. "Graaagh!" He wanted his axe! He wanted...his axe! And whatever this other guy was on about! Bruno the axeman would stand for it no longer!

[ProPro]

The waiter had no choice in the face of this incredible outburst by both his guests but to... Slightly crinkle a single eyebrow. Yes, just one eyebrow. That was all. Well, that wasn't entirely all. He did choose to speak.

"Mister Yu, if this were indeed Hell, and your punishment was to sit through my 'ineptitude' as you put it, then what makes you believe I would bother giving you a straight answer? And what would the great young general have done to earn his place in Hell? Trust me, I've been there. You wouldn't want to go. As for the entertainment, well, is the ambience of this music not to your liking?" The afro man gave a twirl, and as he did so the coat tails on his suit lifted upward with the air. Once he finished spinning, the man looked entirely different! He was no longer a man, but a great big crocodile! A great big crocodile with a great big afro!

"How about you, Bruno? You strike me as the sort of man that enjoys a good joke. Something that hits your funny bone." No sooner had the crocodile finished speaking, a large stage appeared nearby and the entire restaurant looked different. In fact, it wasn't a restaurant at all! The group found themselves in the dark, brick covered walls of a comedy club! Meanwhile up on stage stood (well, reclined really) a skeleton. The skeleton wore a sleep mask as it reclined on a lounge, with multiple spotlights shining right on it. All this occurred in less than the time it took to blink.

"Ladies and gentlemen, zombies and grumpy Chinamen, presenting the queen of puns, the baroness of bones, the woman to put the humor in humorus, Benny Bones!"

[LePouvantail]

Benny had succumbed to something resembling sleep in that she at some point no longer noticed the piano music, or the occasional yip from the other storage unit that signified her werewolf neighbor for the most part settled down. Could one really sleep when they had no eyes to close or a physical brain to go into a REM cycle?

In any case, those were questions Benny long since gave up putting much thought into. What she did think about, however, was suddenly being pulled back into the waking world. Benny bolted upright then, not even registering the announcement until it mentioned her name. Even then, her mind went back to the Chopin music and her neighbor and the racket he’d been making earlier.

“What the---? Goddammit, Randy, settle down in the---!”

Benny lifted up her face mask up over her skull to a sudden bright spotlight, and would have winced had she had eyelids. She then picked out a stage, a microphone in front of her, and what she guessed to be a small audience. Only then did she briefly the recall the announcement she heard as it startled her awake. Something about “humor in humerus,” and then her name.

“Er, sorry about that,” she said, grinning. “Werewolf neighbor.”

Benny pushed herself off her chaise lounge, standing up and brushing down her robe. Was this a dream? Maybe it was a dream, but she was obviously the star of some kind of comedy show, and that was all the incentive needed to run with it.

“You can probably imagine with the full moon and the howling at night and the banging against the walls when you’re trying to sleep.”

Not exactly a planned routine, but the first rule in entertainment was to take any stumbles and roll with them. So she picked up the microphone and kept at it, reaching up only once to adjust the face mask on her skull like a headband to keep it in place.

“It’s like, ‘Hey man, I need to wake up on the right side of the coffin tomorrow! I’ve got a very important reaping! Can you keep it down?’ But hey, I try to be neighborly. It’s not like the guy asked to be a werewolf, you know?”

As she spoke, Benny’s eyesockets better adjusted to the bright spotlight, and she started to pick out the people in the crowd. A very fine Asian man in ancient robes, a half-rotted zombie in fantasy armor -- handsome guy -- and a crocodile with an afro. Another being might say this dream took a turn for the weird. For Benny, this oddly enough felt normal when half of her friends and neighbors were monsters and/or weirdos. Just ones she didn’t know, which was the only thing she considered weird about it.

“So I go to talk to him one night. Extend the arm of friendship. He accepted it---and my leg too! Gotta say, things were kind of awkward after that.”

[Stekkmen]

Bruno was just about to try and...do something (he still wasn't sure what he was doing) when suddenly, a skeleton appeared on stage! They must be from where he came from! He had many a fond memory of decapitating adventurers along side skeletal warriors or magicians. They were faster and smarter than he was, and Bruno always wondered why he couldn't become one himself. Surely it was just a matter of time, right? But no, whatever magic kept him "alive" also disappointingly kept him from becoming an adept skeletal knight.

Either way, all of these thoughts reminded him of himself, and he was ready to fight someone.

He gave a loud, gurgly battle cry and clapped his hands together, and began whirling around his head, frantically searching for some kind of chopping device. Preferably, an axe.

[Stern Algorithm]

Zhou Yu tried to keep his composure as the waiter turned into a dangerous beast. While the waiter didn't outright deny that they were in Hell, he seemed to imply that they weren't; and although he now promised entertainment, he had conveniently ignored several of Zhou Yu's other complaints.

Zhou turned to the stage with a skeptical anticipation, trying very hard to ignore the magical scenery transition as it did not agree with his mental sensibilities. But when a walking, talking skeleton appeared and started telling jokes, Zhou Yu sat stock still and very briefly did something which was a cross between a laugh and a cough, spitting a bit of blood in the process. The confusion, resultant frustration, and insanity of the situation was taking a toll on his health. Bruno then started having a second outburst, the first of which Zhou Yu had tried ignoring, but this time, after wiping the blood from his mouth, Zhou Yu turned to Bruno, "What is it, my good fellow? Do you need something?"

[ProPro]

At the punchline of Benny's joke, the crocodile-waiter-afro man let our hysterical laughter. He laughed and laughed and chortled and smiled a great big crocodile smile, then took to the floor and rolled around guffawing and laughing. This went on for at least two full minutes before he stood up again, on two legs, and wiped a tear from his right eye. Finally he addressed his three guests. He gestured for Benny to join them down on the main floor and pulled a chair out for her, which she suddenly found herself sitting in despite not having taken any steps.

"I believe that Bruno is searching for his axe. Don't worry my good man, here you are!" The being snapped his fingers (how does a walking afro-crocodile even do that?) and Bruno suddenly found his axe, for it was in his hand! Perhaps it was there the whole time, but who could really say for sure? "Well my guests, since you are unable to pay for your meals, and Benny is unable to pay booth rent for our comedy stage-" The performer pay the venue? Now that was a load. "-I'm afraid you'll have to work it off. Please, allow me to introduce myself... For I! Am! Crocus! God of Chaos! Master of the universe!"

As Crocus spoke, fireworks went off in the night sky above them (wait, hadn't there been a ceiling there?), each one exploding in the shape of his name. In fact, the stars spelled out his name. Repeatedly. And now he stood in front of a large billboard with a holographic 3D projection of his name. And where exactly was that hard rock guitar sound coming from? Was he truly a god? It would definitely explain some of the more bizarre happenings, that was certain, but how could his word be trusted? Was this all just a dream?

In case you're wondering, none of this is a dream." Crocus waved his palm and all the fanfare around them vanished without a trace. Well, all of it except for the hard rock guitar, for the sounds merely decreased from fortissimo to piano. "Here's the deal. We're going to have some fun for my amusement. When I feel that you have all paid off your tabs, you will be released back to your native environment. Zhou will even get a second chance to show up that jerkbag Zhuge Lang! And who knows, you may even get a little something something out of the experience for yourself. Sound good? Don't answer that, because you have no choice and I don't care." The crocodile snapped his fingers yet again, transforming into a fly. A perfectly normal, tiny fly. With an afro large enough for a normal man. He buzzed around them before landing on the table they all sat at. In the same instant, the group members noticed that some manner of device had appeared attached to their hips. For those that had belts, the device was lashed onto it. For those that didn't have belts, well, now they did. Your welcome.

The device looked remarkably like a beeper from the 1980s, but the digital readout currently stated Favor: 0 upon each. "For all the entertainment you provide me, you'll each earn Favor from me. Favor earns you favors. See what I did there? God's Favor? Favors? Eh? Eeeeeh? Shutup, it's hilarious. Anyway, between games you can use Favor to get anything you want from me, so long as you can afford it!"

[Stekkmen]

Bruno stopped his outburst and clutched his axe tightly to his chest. He understood the strange god Crocus, more so than any other person that has talked to him in a while. A small, sentient part of his brain hoped his motor and communication skills would increase now that he was spending time with talking beings.

He eyed the beeper on his belt. He would investigate, but he was too busy holding onto his axe.

He looked over at the man next to him, "Crocus" had called him Joe, or something like that. He couldn't quite tell.

Anyway, Joe seemed to show some concern for Bruno, which he appreciated, so hopefully Joe would help the skeletal warrior and Bruno...
He was still not sure of what his ultimate goal was, but whatever it was, he was going to achieve it gloriously!

In the meantime, Bruno hunched down and scanned the room for something.

[LePouvantail]

Benny gave her audience a chance to react, and if she could grin anymore, she would have. Zombie guy seemed to be enjoying himself, and gave what she assumed was upward applause, though the helicopter motions after were lost on her, Asian Prince showed something she took as amusement up until she spotted the blood, and the crocodile...well, her story and punchline must have been top notch, based on how he was literally rolling on the floor laughing.

“Thank you, thank you. I’m here all night, folks!”

Benny started to join in as the crocodile gestured, but before she could put one lime green-slippered foot in front of the other, she found herself sitting.

“Wow, what service! I’d get a drink if it wouldn't go right through me.”

The zombie man suddenly sported an axe, and weirdly enough, he seemed to settle down. When the crocodile spoke, Benny would have quirked a brow if she had one.

“Booth rent? Ha. Funny. Leave the jokes to the real comedians.”

She placed her arms behind her head, then one bony ankle crossed over the other on the table. Had she still been alive, the open robe below her belt would have left little to the imagination.

“But hey, anything can happen in a dream, so whatever.”

Then the crocodile introduced himself as the God of Chaos, and her position left her with a perfect view of the light show that followed. She even applauded when it finished. Now she could say this dream took a turn for the weird.

Except Crocus denied it was a dream. Benny wished there was a way to pinch herself, but no nerves meant no pain. Still, as she listened to his spiel, she tried to decide if she was amused or annoyed.

Yes, she decided at last, then sat up properly when Crocus became just an afro! ...No, the irritating buzzing meant he became a fly. The scale slid a little more toward “annoyed”.

A sudden weight at her pelvis got her attention. Benny glanced down to the belt -- obviously stronger and sturdier than her flimsy robe belt -- and beeper attached to it.

“The hell?”

She tapped the beeper curiously, then looked over at Crocus, before she looked over at the other two. The Asian Prince seemed the most frustrated of the three of them, and zombie brute...well, he seemed to be looking for something.

“Whatcha need, big guy?”

[Stern Algorithm]

Zhou Yu took deep breaths as he tried to come to terms with what he was seeing. Calming himself, he decided that he'd take everything in stride; after all, the Chinese pantheon had many gods, who's to say this wasn't one of them? Having regained his composure somewhat, Zhou took on a slightly smug attitude. "So we're here to entertain you? What, pray tell, can a humble strategist like myself do to humor the God of Chaos?"