The kitten’s face was towards the ground, so she didn’t see her owner’s immediate reaction. But she certainly heard a serious exclamation from her lady, and it … it didn’t sound to happy. Soon enough, her mistress excused them from the bar, dragging her little kitten outside and on the way home. A few times, Maoin was tempted to say something - but she could feel the silence from her mistress, and followed suit.
Eventually the pair of them re-entered their dorm, Maoin seeing the servant’s uniform still over the edge of the laundry basket. It was a reminder of how things were supposed to be … had she really forgotten her place so quickly?
As her hand was released she shook it off, stretching the fingers instinctively. Should she start this conversation? Should her owner? There was so many ways this could go wrong, and the girl suddenly felt very, very small.
Her lady had seemed mad earlier, hadn’t she? The kitten lowered herself down to her knees, partially as a sign of submission but also because she was starting to have difficulty standing straight.
”I …”“That wasn’t the alcohol talking, was it?” Gwynn said with a sigh. She turned on her heel, turning to face Maoin with a serious expression. She wasn't sure how to even start, but she couldn't stay silent here. In truth, she was conflicted. She definitely liked the kitten and had gotten a little more...fond of her over the course of their stay here. She definitely got jealous when others started getting friendly with her, and she definitely didn't mind spending time with her when she wasn't nagging her every action about what she wanted and her lifestyle.
But love?
Gwynn was conflicted. She didn't think love was the right words to describe her own feelings.
"...Honestly, I have no idea what to even say or where to begin."The kitten looked down towards the ground at first, hands between her knees as she waited for whatever was going to happen. A slight shake ran through her body until Maoin forced herself to remain still, eventually managing to get a reply across.
"... I'm ... I'm sorry, mistress." A pause for a few seconds went by for the cat before she finished what she had to say.
"That ... that wasn't the drinks speaking. It was me."It had been very tempting to lie and simply blame it on the beverages, but even a drunk person's actions had a hint of truth to them, didn't they?
Gwynn let out a breath she had been holding. Part of her had been hoping that it had been the drinks, but no. Nothing had ever been that easy, had it? She walked over to the bed, sitting on it while folding her arms and crossing her legs, trying to think of what to say here. She couldn't really...say anything, could she? What exactly could she say to try and make this easy? She liked Maoin certainly, but...being brutally honest about her feelings might be bad, wouldn't they? But then, lying would be worse for the both of them, and giving an indirect answer and stringing Maoin along would just be such a scum move, she might punch herself for the thought even crossing her mind.
"...Sorry, I don't." Gwynn sighed, shaking her head.
"Don't get me wrong, Moain, I do like you. As a friend, though you're annoying when you nag me about everything and try to get me to be something I'm not, but...love? I mean, I guess I do get a little jealous when you get pet by others or try and go be with them despite me telling you to go do exactly that." Gwynn frowned, unable to directly look at the kitten. She felt terrible about this, but...there wasn't much else she could do that wouldn't hurt the both of them, or just be something completely mean.
"But love? Maoin, I don't...don't think I could."The kitten looked further downwards, still kneeling where she had been. To be fair … that’s what she had expected as they walked home. Her eyes began to water, and then the tears began to fall.
”I know …” A few sniffles ran through her nose, Maoin having a hard time holding them in.
”... I … I just wanted you to have a good time tonight. You know … the two of us … having drinks together … like you said.”The girl had a hard time holding her emotions in, and at this point wiped her face off with her arm, only for her face to look horrible anyways.
”Mistress … I wanted to prove to you … that it doesn’t have to be all nagging … or ladylike things I know you hate … that I could be the fun familiar you always wanted.” The cat’s ears dropped down.
”I guess I was wrong … I’m sorry.”This was not going to get any easier. Gwynn got off the bed, walking over to where the kitten had been kneeling and taking a seat next to her. She placed an arm around her, pulling her into a tight hug. Maybe not exactly the...best course of action but she couldn't stand to see Maoin cry.
"Yeah, you're terrible at that stuff." Gwynn said with a light chuckle.
"And I'm terrible at being ladylike because until a year ago my parents wanted me to be the heir so they taught me swordsmanship and stuff guys normally do when they wanted to marry me off for some stupid reason." Gwynn fell silent again, unsure how to continued.
"I did have fun though! It was a nice place, really not like the fancy places you usually make me go too. Would have been more fun if someone had the guts to ask me to dance, but eh." Gwynn chuckled, giving the kitten a small pat on the head before getting a bit more serious.
"You know...it's not good to try and be something you're not. You're not...good with the sorts of things I find fun. I don't think that's ever going to change Maoin. I don't like the things you find fun, and I certainly will never be what you want a 'lady' to be." Gwynn shook her head.
"I'm sorry Maoin, I really am, but..."The kitten nodded, leaning into her owner as a firm arm was wrapped around her, tears continuing to fall from her face.
”It’s … it’s alright. I guess we are a bad match for each other anyways! Stupid me, falling in love with my mistress who just finds me annoying. I don’t know how I could have dreamed of it working out!” It was a bit of an exaggeration, but it was largely true. Her mistress did find her a huge annoyance, and she couldn’t even be convinced to have a good time.
Maoin forced a large smile onto her face, but the shakes running periodically through her body and her watering eyes made it obviously fake. The kitten forced herself to push those arms off from being around her.
”I’m fine mistress! Really! You don’t need to worry about your silly pet!”It was hard to avoid saying bitter words, so she instead put up a falsely happy front. Perhaps it was obvious, but what else was she going to do. Leave? Find comfort in the very woman that had crushed her hopes? No - it was better to do what she always did - put up with it.
”Laundry! Your green dress is dirty, and I need to clean it, don’t I?” The kitten looked towards the laundry basket, seeing the largely clean dress within.
Gwynn frowned, trying to interject but she couldn't find a way to interrupt the kitten. Annoying, certainly, but...she wasn't annoying the the bad sense of the word, if that was a thing. She didn't mind Maoins company at all, and even when she was nagging Gwynn knew the kitten was just worried about her. Instead, she fell silent, eyes turning to the ground. It wouldn't be good for Maoin to stay like this, would it? And she doubted anything she said to the kitten could cheer her up either.
Idiot.
She was an idiot as always. Gywnn stood silently, shaking her head. As Moain tried to brush the issue off though, Gwynn couldn't help but to feel her own heart break a little. She shouldn't be here. Give Maoin a bit of time to herself. She needed some time to herself too, really.
"You're not silly, Maoin, and you're not bad to have around."With that, Gwynn left the room quietly.
...she wondered if there was a good, quiet bar somewhere around here.
The kitten watched her owner leave, tempted to try and stop her. It was late. She could get hurt. Then again, anything she did at this point would probably be misinterpreted. In her hesitation, she did nothing.
Her mistress could say whatever comforting words she wanted to. But the truth remained that she simply wasn’t worthy of being anything to her. The kitten looked around the kitchen, searching for a well sized knife …
… she stopped as soon as the knife started to slice skin. She screamed in pain, dropping the dagger as some blood started to gush from the wound running down her arm. For the most part, it was shallow.
Before the kitten could do anything else, there was the sound of shoes heavily hitting on the floor of the hallway outside. Barely seconds later, the door to the dorm slammed opened as Gwynn rushed into the room.
"Maoin?! What-!?" Upon seeing both the knife on the ground and the wound on Maoin's arm, it wasn't difficult to imagine what had happened. Did...was Maoin
that...obsessed or something? Goddamn it, she really was an idiot. She should have ended this relationship ages ago as soon as they had gotten out of Ireland like she first thought. It would have been better for the both of them. Maoin could have found some noble lady or something that liked being pampered, and she could have...avoided all of this.
But that was a thought for later. She wasn't going to let Maoin even
think about going through with this. She was her friend, despite what just happened and damn it if she was going to let anything happen to the kitten!
Gwynn rushed to Maoin's side, swiftly kicking the knife that had fallen on the ground away.
"Maoin! What did you even try to do!?" The concern in Gwynn's voice was obvious. How did...how did one even handle this situation?
"Y-you...you...how could you even try something like that?" Thankfully the wound look shallow, but she couldn't let Maoin even try to do something like that again.
The kitten’s head suddenly started feeling light. It wasn’t a deep wound, but it needed to be bandaged.
”Sorry … mistress … I …” There wasn’t an excuse for this. She had just caused her mistress huge problems, and she started crying all over again.
Shit shit. That was bad. The wound wasn't deep but it was going to bleed a lot, and no way in hell was she leaving Maoin on her own after that. First thing first, Moain needed to sit in case she passed out or something. Falling wouldn't help them. Swiftly, Gwynn pushed Maoin to the ground whether the kitten wanted to sit or not.
"Stay put." She reached over to the knife, picking it up off the floor and carrying it into the restroom with her, placing it on the counter far out of Maoins current reach. Bandages, bandages...Maoin was always absurdly prepared for things like this. It wasn't too difficult to find them after rummaging around for a few seconds. She knew all of the kittens normal hiding spots for things, as well as where she kept everything. Next she got a cloth, dipping it in some cold water to help clean the wound just a bit. Gywnn returned, and started silently setting about bandaging the wound. First, she cleaned it. All of the blood off of the arm and around it she could before proceeding to bandage it, though making sure it wasn't too tight to cut off circulation. After she was about halfway done, she looked over at Maoin.
"...why, Maoin. Why? Do you know how I'd feel if something happened to you? You're my friend, aren't you?" Gwynn's voice wavered a bit, sounding almost like she was about to start crying.
Of course, the kitten had stayed put when ordered, almost in a daze as her mistress ran off getting rid of the knife and acquiring the bandages as she worked on the arm. The cat winced slightly as the arm was cleaned and as the bandages ran around it, pressure going down the arm as they were tightened.
She had stopped for a few reasons. Firstly, her mistress was utterly incapable of taking care of herself, and needed someone to stick around to help out with that. Secondly, she realized how badly her owner would feel afterwards, and as a familiar that would be a rather terrible job. Thirdly, it had simply hurt. Despite all the pain in her chest, some natural instincts screamed at her to survive. Even if her lady hadn’t returned, Maoin was sure she wouldn’t have finished the job.
Right?
So … why had she done it in the first place? The speed as she spoke varied, with her voice cracking and tears streaking down her face uncontrollably as her body shook.
”Mistress … I panicked and was … heartbroken and you left and I worried you’d get rid of me and I thought you’d be better off without me and … you’d get a real familiar who was tough and all that’d you’d actually love and ...” It was a little silly, especially considering her conversation with Lady Sorcha. The dragon would probably beat her if she learned about this.
The kitten’s ears went flat on her head, tail landing in her lap as she looked down in shame as her arm continued to be bandaged.
”I’ve been a bad kitty.”"If I was shallow enough to want a familiar just because they were some sort of powerful creature, I'd be a pretty terrible person." Gwynn stopped herself there, finishing up the bandages. There was nothing else she could say, was there? She couldn't say she wasn't getting rid of her now. That'd be a lie at this point. She had already made up her mind that it'd be best if her and Maoin went their separate ways as soon as she walked back through that door. Gwynn remained silent as she finished, giving the kitten a soft smile.
"It's late...you should get some sleep."The kitten nodded as her arm was bandaged, observing the clean work as it wrapped around several times. A few leftover tears were wiped off by her other arm, as she ran those words through her head. She felt a little tired, but it was just after dinner and she didn’t want to sleep too badly. And besides, where was she going to sleep?
Of course her mistress wouldn’t get rid of her for being weak - she was far too good for that. If that was the case, she would have been booted out by now.
”Mistress … can we … just act like today didn’t happen? I love you and all … but it only hurts a little. And I always expected you to find someone else anyways, so it doesn’t make a big difference and … and I’ll be okay so long as I’m with you.”Maoin wasn’t exactly sure why she was saying this. It wasn’t exactly like as if her mistress would suddenly forget everything that had happened. Especially the events leading up to the arm needing bandages.
Gwynn remained silent, not sure if she could answer that with a lie. Instead, she lifted the kitten as gently as she could off of the ground, bringing her over to her bed. She placed the kitten on the bed, giving her a friendly smile.
"You just get some rest, Maoin." Gwynn said.
"I'm gonna stay up for a bit...uhm, the drinks in the usual places?" She really hadn't touched a drink in weeks, and if she started again she wasn't sure she could stop a second time, but...ugh, damn it she needed something.
The kitten frowned slightly, reading what wasn’t said. Of course, she hung onto her mistress as she was lifted into the bed, but as her owner tried to leave she'd feel a hand reach out and grab at her wrist.
”I’m … I’m not supposed to let you do that, Mistress.” Maoin suddenly burst out into tears, trying to contain herself.
”... I’ve … I’ve been bad and … I accept whatever punishment you deem necessary but …” The cat’s gripped tightened, pulling her mistress back towards the bed.
”... please … don’t leave me.”It was hard to tell what duration the kitten was talking about.
"Oh come on, I think I deserve one after this." Gwynn said with a quiet, somewhat forced sounding chuckle, turning back around and facing the kitten.
"But fine." Instead, she knelt next to the bed, reaching a hand out and petting the kitten on the head.
"Sleep Maoin. I'm not going anywhere." Gwynn reassured her. It wasn't a lie, was it? She wasn't going anywhere right now, but she still felt terrible about it.
The kitten’s tail wrapped around the petting arm as her ears twitched slightly, allowing the pettings to come in at an optimal angle. Gradually the remainders of her panic and worries and frustration disappeared as a warmth seemed to fill her, her breathing slowed and deepened, and a few minutes after she closed her eyes she fell asleep, dreaming of sweet and wonderful things.