[OOC] St. Fortuna's Academy for the Higher Arts

[Invader Len]

THE RESULTS ARE IN!

Our Monster Design contest is over, and it's time to declare the winners! The winning five monsters get to be made canon and added to the bestiary, and the top two monster makers get to make an additional character! _{Note: These characters are still subjected to reviews, and must be accepted and partnered before stuck in the IC.}

We got a lot of good monsters, and exactly five! So they will all be added to the Beastiary! And now, without further ado, our winning monsters!

Rankings:
1st place: @Raijinslayer's Shadow Dragon
2nd place: @TheHangedMan's Corpse Snail
3rd place: @Discontent's Eremite
4th place: @Redmarshmellow's Trickster
5th place: @Sorrelmyst's Chikoddee

In addition, our participants get a bonus prize! 5 extra points to spend as you please! Thank you all for your wonderful monsters, they'll be added to the Bestiary soon! And don't forget your points!

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[Invader Len]

@liferusher

Mui Hira review

First off, let me start with a question.

What. The. Fuck.

Did you even read our rules? We have it very clear in our rules that abuse, imprisonment, and torture are NOT ALLOWED. Your character has child abuse, emotional abuse, beatings, neglect, domestic abuse, and assault! How could you think ANY of this would be allowed under our rules?! In addition to this, the reason for the abuse is COMPLETELY IMPLAUSIBLE. They hate her because she’s a familiar. Did you forget to read the story too? Mages and Familiars are seen as EQUALS. There is no “lowly familiar”. So not only is your character’s backstory grossly inappropriate and rule breaking, it is just. plain. stupid.

Oh, and lets not forget that after being viciously assaulted by her father, there is ZERO trauma to show for it in her backstory or personality! In fact, let’s cut to her personality right now. She hates when people point out her height? She’s exactly 3 inches below average for a 16 year old girl, and given that she’s apparently asian-coded, is of a perfectly reasonable height for her age! That hatred makes no sense! It also seems like you’re trying to make a tsundere character, but there’s hardly enough personality here for any character! Four sentences, two of which are redundant, and also have no reference to any trauma or abuse she has suffered.

What’s up next? Oh yeah, how about the fact that your character committed criminal assault? This has been said many times before, but if you have a criminal record, you do not get to go to St. Fortuna’s. There is no way Mui would ever be accepted at the academy for violently snapping and committing a criminal act, even if it was followed with abuse. She would be immediately rejected, especially since this case is apparently of a high enough profile to warrant a LAWSUIT. And apparently the emotional abuse and neglect have been going on her ENTIRE LIFE, but no one cares enough to stop it? Not even the savior uncle? Just wow.

After this traumatic event and lawsuit, your character miraculously has 0 emotional trauma, and just goes on with her life like nothing fucking happened. Then she takes the money she got from suing her parents (FYI, that is NOT how criminal court cases work) to attend the most prestigious school in the country. Just cause. Just to “train her ability a bit better”. No career plans, no ambitions, and just whipping out $30,000 a year to go to an incredibly intensive boarding school, just like that. I’ve seen Disney Channel movies with more coherency than this. Her sister never gets mentioned again, her parents magically disappear after getting only a year in jail (which is NOT how jail time works, beating your own children is NOT a misdemeanor), and her uncle disappears after helping her with a lawsuit. The family members are all just plot devices. The parents are there to provide suitable angst, the sister is there to make the character feel worse, despite no record of them interacting much at all, and the uncle is there to play superman and save the day. It’s like a soap opera with cardboard cutouts. A cliche sad story with no emotional depth except how awful things are for your character.

Also, you’re missing a very important part of your CS. Where is your quiz?! You MUST attach a quiz to your CS, otherwise this means nothing to us.

Finally, you don’t have a password. So you didn’t read our rules at all. That explains everything.

I’m not even going to dignify this CS with a solution. It goes against so many of our rules, personality is too short and redundant, and you don’t even have a quiz. Scrap it and start over again. We’ll give you another chance, but I want a complete CS this time, and I want you to read our rules. If you can’t be bothered to do that, then this simply isn’t the RP for you.

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@Invader Len well thanks for calmly explaining what was wrong...

[Hammerman]

@pkken
Maybe you should end your post with Marth informing Lilac about the change. Just so I don't have to godmode him to tell her or else my next post would be pretty short. Just have Marth knock on the sliding door a few minutes after he heard the shower being turned off. Don't think Lilac would check with his side without any reason.

[Invader Len]

@Invader Len well thanks for calmly explaining what was wrong...

@liferusher

I would watch that attitude, I am the GM of the RP you’re applying to. If you can’t respect me, my rules, or my critiques, then you quite simply aren’t mature enough for this RP. My critiques are not personal attacks, they are corrections of character. And frankly, this character needs to be thrown out and completely rewritten.

I don’t appreciate disrespect, and it sends me a big red flag. Because if you can’t respect me, then you won’t respect my story, my rules, or my players. If you can’t handle your tragic past Mary Sue being thrown into the trash compacter, then perhaps low casual is a more appropriate fit.

I’ll have you kicked from the Discord until you submit a new CS and have it accepted, and I’d advise you to watch your salt. And read our rules, while you’re at it.

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@Invader Len I do accept them, I threw away the whole cs after you said that so I don't see why I wouldn't respect them. I just found it a tad rude that a cs you worked X hours on gets trashed in 2 minutes. I indeed didn't read the rules because I thought school rules were the rules for some reason, I dont know what was going on yesterday either because of dizziness and sickness and found making a cs for a new rp to be filling my bed boredom. anyway I apologize for that.

Anyway enough rambling, im making a new cs from scratch read the rules and know this isn't as a simple rp as every other one.

[pkken]

@HammermanI was just going to send Marth over after you post but alright

[pkken]

@HammermanAlright I changed it, hopefully your okay with it

[TheHangedMan]

Posted here as per Lens instructions~

Alice Amanda Anette Anderson

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Image or Description:
Light brown hair and blue eyes on a heart-shaped face with a baby-ish look; she doesn't quite look like a child, but she doesn't look like much of a teenager either. She stands at 5'3'', and while her body is hardly fragile due to her exercising, she's naturally slim and blessed with a curvaceous form more fitting in an older woman, and though she most likely won't voice the fact herself, she's really rather pretty.

---

Age:
16

Gender:
Female

Orientation:
Bisexual

Mage or Familiar:
Familiar

Ability:

Partner:

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Personality

---

Cheery, energetic and over all an enthusiastic lass; that's how she usually is, and were that all, she would be a happy-go-lucky, but very much normal girl. However, she is also intensely competitive and determined, and does not easily admit defeat, especially when it comes to something she is passionate about. When she's serious about something, her entire demeanor seems to shift, becoming more disciplined and focused; she's also more choleric, and is gets irritated when she's not being taken seriously. She becomes more intense and passionate, often overwhelming the unprepared.

Otherwise, she's relaxed and likes to have fun. She's rather frugal when it comes to living expenses, however, from time to time she splurges her savings on something luxurious. She enjoys the feeling of being able to spend money (or alternatively, having money to spend) and is equally happy with recieving presents, regardless of price. Perhaps she's a bit too materialistic, in this sense, however, she simply likes having things, especially things that are all her own and not hand-me-downs.

She's a hard-worker when it comes to her passions, and that also translates into other things; a good example would be her grades - while she's no honors student, her grades are above average due to the fact that if she does not maintain a standard average for her grades, she won't be able to continue studying under the Primaddona. So long as it aligns with her passion, even in indirect ways, then she won't mind pushing through with it.

Alice is a confident girl, not prone to being shy or unsure - if she doesn't know something, she'll ask about it and isn't ashamed to not know something or being unable to do certain things; in her head that just means that she either doesn't have to do it, or she can learn how to do it. Her confidence is evident in the way she moves and interacts with people - rarely does her voice go below a certain volume, and she always speaks with this self-assured tone.

She takes pride in her skills and dislikes anyone who disagrees with her on that - it's not wrong if it's true, and Alice is both talented and skilled enough in her field of expertise that she certainly deserves to be proud. She knows not to let it get to her head though - a musical can't be done by one person, no matter how talented she is, she's aware that she's not perfect, nor does she need to be. She's perfectly willing to let others fulfill their parts.

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Biography

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The youngest child out of five, as well as the only daughter, Alice didn't have much to go on as a child. Her parents were both mages from Colbar; her mother was a radio host, while her father was a truck driver; their meager salaries plus the lack of stability of her fathers job meant that there was very little money to go around for them. They had enough for a house, and three meals a day, even if they were somewhat meager portions. Luxuries such as a television or a car were gifts or donations from relatives. It was enough to get by, but it did little to keep her content; while she wasn't exactly unhappy, she was restless. For her, it was never quite enough to merely 'get by'.

Even at a young age, she was a passionate singer. Her passion stemmed from a show she used to watch. It was a weekly singing competition, a small time one where contestants would try to out-sing the current champion. She was four years old when she first watched this program, and she couldn't get enough of it afterwards. She would practice singing by imitating the weeks current champion - it didn't matter what kind of song it was, or how bad she sounded, she just really, really liked singing. The fact that whenever she did, it would make her family smile and cheer was just made the whole experience more rewarding.

She found that when she sang, it made everything better; when she was sad, she sang, when she was happy, she sang - if her parents or siblings fought, she'd sing! Sometimes, after school, she would go to the library or use the school computers to watch videos of different singers and artists, and instructional videos to help improve her own singing. The more she sang, the more evident it was that she was talented with a capital T; unfortunately, there wasn't much they could yet do with her talent. Her parents, while they adored her and wished to nurture her passion, had little time to research how to best do so, and neither did they have the funds to get her lessons.

When she was eight years old, her two eldest brothers, seventeen and nineteen years old, respectively, dropped out of school so as to help provide for the family. One got a job similar to there father, driving trucks for a fishing company, while the other began working as a fisherman. From then on, Alice had little time to spend with them - at least in comparison to before - a fact that somewhat saddened her; while she was closer with her third eldest brother, those two had spent a lot of time playing her when she was younger. It was around this time that one of her teachers took note of her talent.

It should be mentioned that Alice would sing anywhere, especially if asked. While it was known that she was a good singer with a natural talent, little had come of it, until that moment. Her teacher was someone who recognized her talent, and the possibilities that came with it, and offered to help nurture it. It began with her being invited to participate in a school competition; it was just a small thing, a minor competition for the school's foundation festival.

The experience of standing on a stage, performing in front of a large audience, and the cheers that came with a good performance, awoke something within her. It was as though there was an electric current running through her body - she won the competition handily, outperforming even students that were older than her.

Once she tasted that experience, she was eager to experience it again. This was where her passion had led her; her family caught wind of it immediately, and though her parents were reluctant initially, her siblings - especially her two elder brothers - convinced them to let her go with it. They agreed, so long as she kept her grades above a certain average.

Local school completions weren't enough for her. Her teacher decided to get the school to sponsor her in inter-school competitions, where she also did extremely well, often winning first or second place. As her talent grew, so did the magnitude of the activities she participated it. And as the magnitude increased, so too did her passion and love for her art.

By the time she was thirteen, she had captured the attention of professional singers and record companies around Prydain; she began competing internationally, and was sponsored by her school, and while she didn't win first as often as before, she never came back home without a medal around her neck. She was featured in the news several times, at this point. After her latest victory - wherein she bagged 1st place in a competition with over a hundred different competing schools - she was approached by none other than Primadonna Primia Di Donna, one of the foremost talents in the musical arts in Prydain. The woman offered her not only her tutelage, but also a chance to perform at a higher level.

It was an offer Alice quickly accepted, and one her parents could hardly refuse. Since she accepted the offer, she no longer participated in singing competitions; in turn, however, she widened her repertoire - she learned not only to sing, but to act, and dance; she became involved in theater, in the wider world of the performing arts. At fourteen, she was given a major role in a musical production that spanned all of Prydain; her reviews were stellar, and her face and name was front and center in the entertainment industry - the money she made from her endeavors earned enough money to support the family, comparable to what her brothers earned; their life-style, while not necessarily rich (yet), was a far-cry from how they had lived before.

Still, even with all this, the pure unbridled joy she experienced from singing would always be what called to her the most. Her enrollment into Saint Fortuna's came with her acceptance of Primia Di Donna's tutelage, who sponsors her stay there. Since last year, she hasn't participated in any large productions, however, offers are beginning to pile up. She's refrained from accepting them in order to give focus to her studies for a moment, but she's close to accepting one.

Really though, as long as she gets to sing, she'd be content.

---

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Likes & Dislikes:
+ "My most absolutely favorite thing in the world is singing!"
+ "Which is followed closely by dancing!"
+ "Which is on par with acting!"
+ "I like making other people smile."
+ "I also like my name a lot. It's just so . . . alliterative!"
+ "Good food goes a long way in making me smile!"
+ "And I also, really, really like the feeling you get when you're on stage . . . it's hard to explain."

- "A sore throat! Can't sing a note with it!"
- "Bad grades. Just because I'm talented doesn't mean I have to be stupid!"
- "Angry people."
- "Cockroaches. Br-rr-r . . ."
- "Hmm, it sounds kinda mean, but I really dislike people who sing out of tune . . ."
- "Unfair criticism. Their's critiquing, and then there's just being plain mean."
- "This is also kinda mean, but I think people who don't take performing seriously should never be on stage ever."

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[ Points: ] 10

Proficiency	Intelligence	. Athletics .
0	5	5

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Misc.:
Has a portrait made out of her dozens of medals stuck together which she likes to display.
Sings practically everywhere, and sometimes spontaneously bursts into song - she likes to blame the Primadonna for this habit, but the truth is she's always been doing it.
Her grades are above average.
She doesn't really care all that much about developing her ability, which might be a problem for whoever is her partner as a mage.

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Quiz Answers~!

^{1. What is your character's greatest regret?}
". . . it was the one time insulted my older brothers for not finishing school and for not making as much money as I did. They didn't deserve it and I was an utter, repulsive, arrogant, whiny, and terrible person. They gave up so much for me and I just spat on their faces like that . . ."

^{2. Your character is home alone after watching a horror movie and they hear a strange sound. What do they do?}
". . . I like horror movies though . . . Er, so, I'd probably prepare a baseball bat or something, just in case. Might be a robber, you know?"

^{3. Two of your characters’ friends are fighting over something trivial, and they want them to stop. How do they go about this?}
"Come on guys, really? How about we settle this over ice cream?"

^{4. While your character is on their way to class, they realize they forgot something crucial. They’re already on the verge of running late. What do they do?}
"RUN LIKE HECK AND GET IT BACK!"

^{5. If your character had the opportunity to turn into any animal, what would that animal be?}
"A songbird! I can fly, and sing!"

^{6. If your character’s house were on fire, and they only had time to save one thing from their room, what would it be?}
"Er, if I'm not too busy screaming for help at the time, I'd grab my music-sheets! There's just too much there that I can't bear to part with."

^{7. What season does your character like best and why?}
"Spring! It's the best time to break into a song, and have an outdoor concert!"

^{8. Vacation! You character gets to spend a week anywhere! Where is it and what do they do?}
"At home, with my family. Where they go, I go! Of course, if I could choose a vacation spot, then I'd take my family to a beach side hotel!"

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Password:
Banana split sundae!

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better?@Invader Len

Mui Rei

Gender
Female

Age
15

Height
5,3ft

Orientation
Bisexual

Mage or Familiar
Familiar

Ability

Partner

Personality

Mui is seen by others as an aggressive young girl with a frustratingly short fuse and a temper to match the inevitable volatile explosion that occurs. Quick to snap or lash out at others, even if she does not always mean to, her loud mouth and stubborn tendencies has made it difficult for her to develop any meaningful social skills. Coupled with her irritation when events do not go according to her plan this can often lead to bad escalations of otherwise mundane moments.

But that doesn't mean she is not a nice girl!

Mui has been described as a kind and sweet souled girl by the few friends she has ever had and opened up to, devoting herself to helping them whenever and however she can. It is often claimed that Mui would 'go to hell and back!' for her family and all the close friends she has. The problem is that she finds it difficult to find the words to properly express her emotions and is quick to simply state the first thing that comes to mind. But an easily irritated mind is not often quick with kind words.

Mui is never afraid to speak out her mind when she does get mad or irritated by something, she often speaks in prideful tone and does get quite cynical when she does have something to say about a thing or two.

After seemingly long days of feeling sad or alone she would often vent herself off a little by hitting some balls with a metal baseball bat from the baseball club by herself or with a good friend of her. It would relieve the stress a little and make her head empty for a few hours. Other methods like hugging her pet bunny would help a huge bunch too. The soft fur and the nice smell would take her off guard letting her think about something else instead.

Biography

The family Rei, owners of a small company in violets and hydrangeas. It all started off with the father of the family, Gary. He had just graduated from school and starting his own small company with a few friends of him. Two of them were quite experienced in plants and their needs whereas the other friend was more experienced in marketing.

They had bought a small greenhouse the size of four football fields together where they put self planted plants in, they maintained and caressed them then sold them off to bigger companies who put them on the market for stores to buy in.

It was clear that he had done the right thing, after a few years of having done business with quite big clients it clearly had exploded. He had clients all over the world needing to meet to handle business, as well as more personnel to handle the workload. During a work trip in one of the most famous cities he met a woman, Sarah. After a wild and fun night they spend more time together and got closer and closer, eventually she left her old job to be with him in his country and were to be married. She got to be one of the higher positions and took a lot of stress from Gary his head. Though the company went through a period of rapid growth and prosperity, even those sorts of bubbles eventually fade, and as such the young couple decided it would be best to settle down and live out their youth as affluent business owners. From the stretches of the world they traveled until a certain night led to another and Sarah had conceived a child. They named her Mui, and she became the sun in their skies.

During that time they owned a good sized house with plenty of space for the girl to play around. It wasn’t until long that she could attend her first school, due to heavy workload of her parents it was difficult to pick up their girl with the different hours of work and school. The school always ended earlier before they were finished with their work for the day so, Sarah always tried her best to pick up their girl as often as possible to give her the attention she needed but it at high seasons of workload it was simply impossible. That is why they hired a nanny named Christina to care for the girl when they were both unable too. They were happy that Mui didn't seem to have any problems with Christina seeing that she had great fun playing and talking with her. Christina didn't sleep in their house but instead lived rather close by and cycled her way over each day. It was the ideal way for all of them to fill up the hands that the needed.

Mui did still not see her dad very often, as one of the higher ups of the company he had to make deals with clients and make sure that everything ran smoothly while Sarah did most of the administration for him, he was traveling the span of the globe or in the company office to keep their assets flowing. As time went on she got kind of used to not seeing her parents a lot, she always had her nanny for her to come too, it felt like a third parent to her at this point, she spend so much time with Christina that it actually felt like she was part of the family in some way even though she wasn't. After being tucked in in the evening it was difficult to sleep for her, it wasn't as reassuring to sleep without her parents in the house so she waited the arduous task to wait for her parents to come home which mostly didn't happen untill around midnight when they were really busy. She would hear them entering through the front door and took a quick look to give them a quick goodnight kiss before they went to bed themselves as Christina left too.

Mui and Christina would cook together, clean the house or do some other task so they could play as much as possible. It was no problem for Mui to let Christina do those tasks alone but Mui didn't feel quite right about it. Mui was confused on her own feelings at the time. She thought that if she would be around Christina at the time she would open up about her own problems with friends on school and with her parents on how she didn't get to see them as much as she liked, but she was a hard ball to crack. It was only untill later when her attitude took a sudden turn that she finally opened up. Christina had a talk with her on why she was acting so weird and aggressive towards her and Mui her parents. At first she was persistent to co operate but after hearing that the weekend she had planned with her parents was canceled by workload she broke open. Just like a few plant pots in the garden that had perished by her, but she finally started talking to her nanny about what was wrong.

It had taken a few days for her to get the complete message across, a ton of tension had built up in the girl over the past few years from what had happened to her with no one to express her feelings towards. She had to vent out those feelings for a few days so she could think brightly again. At the time Christina had helped her along the way a little by telling her how to approach her parents with her problem about them and a little something about her befriending problem which she had to work on herself with a little bit of help from the ones around her. So eventually she did her bestest to try to get her parents attention off their work and talk to them but it was mostly neglected by 'yes sweetie we will talk later' or 'we'll talk at dinner' and then show up at midnight.

To no avail she kept asking her parents to make some time for her, there was obviously a moment she would snap and that was at the sudden message of Christina that they had an urgent business trip to some fancy country. It only took Mui 5 minutes for her to pack her bag and tell chris she was gonna f*cking shout at them. Christina was a bit baffled but agreed with her, they both got to the airport where they took the quickest flight with Christina her money.

It came as a clear surprise to suddenly see their daughter and nanny waiting on the hotel bed with Mui looking as mad as a bull seeing a red flag. They never expected for such vulgar words to leave her daughter's mouth but the message came across. Normally it would be the parents lecturing the child but not this time around. After a hefty and emotional talk they both apologised to the ends of earth for neglecting her all this time. It obviously wasn't enough but giving their promise a start was the best they could do right now. Christina got a free vacation for helping the family get back together again and for Mui, Mui got to be around with her parents for the rest of their business trip doing all the things that she wanted to do and after that take a week free to do some fun things while they were here anyway.

They took some more time for each other as much as they could even if it meant losses for the company, family is way importanter. After a year or two they stood before a decision, it was all rather clear for her previous schools on where to go, it didn’t matter as much as this one. They would have just chosen the closest best one that was to go to by car but now it was actually a bit more on how good the study would be. Her eyes had fallen on this one academy, it was called St. Fortuna's Academy. She had heard Christina talk about it before and she thought it would be quite a feat to have gone to this academy.

She really wanted to go and had asked her parents but they seemed a little hesitant at first by the price. It was not really a normal price for any parents to pay so they kind of wondered what was so special about it. After a few talks and searches on it they got kind of into it too. Their daughter would have a great future before her if she got good grades on this academy so they finally got the answer for her. She could have her dream school if she would come work at her dad his company when she would be finished with her school. The only thing that she had to do was leave home for a while to go into dorms. So said so done, a few months later she was in the car to her new school.

The first year went by rather quick too, she was getting good grades and was enjoying the education on the school, the only real problem was her lack of friends. She felt incredibly lonely and only got to be friends with one girl in another class that she rarely saw apart from outside school. Perhaps it was finally time to get some more friends, this partnering thing in second year was coming up so she had a chance that didn’t have to do with her lack of communication skills but with actually needing to co operate. She was already getting quite hyped about it.

Likes
Bitter, sour and spicy food
Small cute animals
Pop and metal
Solitude
Looking at the stars
Buying clothes and cute things

Dislikes
Overly sweet food
Big animals
Over crowded places
Too hot or too cold places
Swimming

Points
10

Proficiency: 3
Intelligence: 2
Athletics: 5

Misc.
Mui has never learned to swim,
She got a pet bunny in her room that she got as present for her birthday from her dad at the age of 6.
She has joined the baseball club in her first year.

Theme

Password
Burrito’s

Questions

1. What is your character's greatest regret?
"Probably the time I beat a classmate in middle school, I punched the poor guy a blood nose after I thought he trashed my lunch onto the ground which was an accident off course, we talked it out but he still didn't seem all to happy at me the rest of the year."

2. Your character is home alone after watching a horror movie and they hear a strange sound. What do they do?
"Hide under the blanket and get the tv remote ready to use as weapon off course."

3. Two of your characters’ friends are fighting over something trivial, and they want them to stop. How do they go about this?
"Give them both a beating. Kidding, I'll try to get them away from each other for a little bit to talk."

4. While your character is on their way to class, they realize they forgot something crucial. They’re already on the verge of running late. What do they do?
"Take a quick run to get my stuff and likely run late hoping to still enter."

5. If your character had the opportunity to turn into any animal, what would that animal be?
"A hawk, they're awesome."

6. If your character’s house were on fire, and they only had time to save one thing from their room, what would it be?
"My pet bunny off course, I have him since the age of 6 and he is always there for me to hug when I feel lonely or sad. It would be horrible to see him burn."

7. What season does your character like best and why?
"Spring, nice flowers in bloom, trees looking pretty and not too hold nor too cold. You can wear normal clothes at least during that time."

8. Vacation! You character gets to spend a week anywhere! Where is it and what do they do?
"Hmm, I don't really have any places to go too, as long as I am with the people I love I'm fine with anything. I would eat food all day and explore."

[Invader Len]

@TheHangedMan

AAAA Review

Congratulations! Your character is accepted! Alice's ability is Echolocation! Using chirps, clicks, and taps, your character can map out their locations and detect opponents using sound, rendering the darkness useless! You have nothing to fear in pitch-black conditions, and even the invisible and cloaked can't hide from you! Currently, you can detect people in a range up to 20 ft. However, with more practice, you can expand your range and detect objects in more detail, creating a perfect mental replica of your surroundings! Totally radical!

@liferusher

Mui Rei review

Okay, let’s goes through these one by one, as we read off.

I’m rather bitter about one line in particular in the personality. “Just like any other girl, deep down she likes cute stuff and is always extremely excited when they were dressing up neatly.”

…
Do you understand you’ve just taken an entire 50% of the population and reduced them to dolls and dress up? What was going through your head when you wrote this? Apart from how offensive this is, this kind of generalizing is shallow and is a terrible reason for why your character loves dress-up or cute stuff. Scratch the any other girl part, it’s needless and honestly rather stupid.

Now onto the problems in her history!
First up: Dubai

Dubai.

Dubai???


This Dubai???

Let’s play a game. Look at a globe, and point out on it where Prydain is.

…

Can you find it? Cause I can’t.

This is a made up fantasy world with made up fantasy countries and a made up fantasy history. Why is Dubai here? It doesn’t belong in this universe, it doesn’t exist. Remove this part, it clashes with the world.

Now for the father's job. He is "owners of a small company in plants".
Plants???

These plants? Is he a florist? A botanist? An agricultural scientist? A fertilizer manufacturer? An agricultural landowner? Does he specialize in rare and exotic plants? Does he run Prydain’s Home Depot garden department? Be more specific, because right now, “a small company of plants” makes it sound like the plants are, well, working for him.

Next up, the timeline for her neglect. She cooks for herself. While staying at her aunt or grandma’s house. Are they comatose? How old is she?? Is she just getting up like little Matilda and making herself pancakes?

Don’t do this. If she’s staying with a competent adult, then that adult should be caring for her needs. She’s cooking and eating by herself and staying up late for her parents to come home. WHERE DID THE AUNT/GRANDMA GO? This isn’t consistent with previously stated facts and is really a poor way of making her “neglected”. Her parents are rich enough to hire a babysitter or nanny. Give her one or use the relatives, but either way, scrap the Baby’s First Cooking bit and give her a curfew.

Also, do you understand what neglect is? Because this neglect seems fairly short lived in your character’s life, or well compensated with outpourings of love and affection. Here are some examples of neglect!
-Not feeding or clothing your children
-Not supervising your children
-Not taking care of your children’s education

So far, there are only two characters in the backstory that fit the bill. The Aunt/Grandmother hybrid that disappears after being mentioned once. Like some kind of Russian boogeyman. You need to fix this, or remove the neglect altogether, because it’s just so incoherent.

And then, this bit.
“Luckily they got a good lead from one of employees. His son used to go to this fantastic, high caliber school overseas.”
Overseas. Do you mean to tell me your character is not even in Prydain?

Nope, nuh-uh, nada. You have to be from Prydain. If you had asked beforehand, we would have allowed this, but this is world building. You’re not allowed to world build. World building is our job. Remove this part and make her from Prydain.

Then onto her likes. Jpop. As earlier addressed, this is a made up world. There is no Japan. Jpop does not exist. Remove this.

Now onto her quiz! I have high hopes for this!

“1. What is your character's greatest regret?
"Probably the time I beat a classmate in middle school, I punched the poor guy a blood nose after I thought he trashed my lunch onto the ground which was an accident off course, ugh I still feel bad."

I’m sorry, but I don’t see “Prone to outbursts of violence over misunderstandings” in your character’s personality. A guy accidentally knocks her lunch tray over, and she punches him? That doesn’t fit with anything in the personality. Fix this and make it more explicit in her personality that she is violent, or take this out entirely. And remember that a criminal record immediately gets you rejected from St. Fortuna’s.

And then question 6. Another case of the Twilight Pets.

The bunny doesn’t appear anywhere else in the character sheet. It just comes and goes as it pleases. Pets, important heirlooms, and missing family members should never be mentioned as passing in quizzes. Mention the bunny in the history or misc, but don’t just stick it here and say nothing about it. If it’s important enough to save, state why.

In sum, this character still needs work. You put too many places that don’t exist in canon in the backstory, you need to specify on what her father actually does for a living instead of saying “plants”, fix the poorly attempted neglect plot line in her backstory, and rectify the issues with the magically appearing bunny and the sudden show of violence in her personality.

Also, make her taller. I’m tired of tiny petite high school girls. It’s a trope that has gotten exhausting really quick. I don’t care how kawaii she is, put her over 5’2”. -GM Len

Hi, I'm going to go into some more of the problems with her personality.

"She is quick to snap at others and becomes irritated the moment something doesn’t fit her boat which isn’t really helping her to make any more new friends."
So this says to me that Mui is irritable, spoiled, and is generally angry a lot at other people and most likely bossy.

"Some people see past that and only see a shy lonely girl that is just not confident on how to talk normally with others."
Now, this completely contradicts all of that. Shy people don't snap at people, and if someone bothers them they'll usually back out of the situation. And if people see her snapping at others all the time and being irritable, people probably don't think she's lonely because she can't express herself, they probably think she's alone because she can't express herself in anything but a negative way around people. It's not really something they would feel sorry for her for as this line suggests.

"Due to her reluctant and shy nature, she had difficulty making any new friends."
If people's first impressions of her are "Oh, that's the spoiled girl that will fly off the handle on you" then it wouldn't be being shy or reluctant that's the problem.
"She didn’t blame others for not approaching her, though, as a snappy rich girl, she didn't feel like she was all that easily to approach"
Is she shy and reluctant or is she a snappy spoiled rich girl? She can't be both because both those personality types clash with one another.
"Friends that did get close to her found her to be quite cheerful and less gloomy than she had first let on."
Once again, people's first impressions of her seemed to be that Mui is an angry spoiled girl. She doesn't like she looked gloomy at all just mad.
"Just like any other girl, deep down she likes cute stuff and is always extremely excited when they were dressing up neatly. A smile can always be found on her face when she is at home doing her own stuff like reading or playing games. Or when she is enjoying something like shopping. It can make her a tad embarrassed though knowing that people she didn’t know saw her as antisocial."
And this part just clashes with the rest of her. Like this feels too happy go lucky if she's short tempered and spoiled. If she's shy and reluctant then the part where she's at home would fit but it seems a little outgoing if she's out someplace. Also from how you describe your character, either way, she comes off as kind of anti-social because she either ends up pushing people away or is too shy to interact.

"Mui got quite responsible in handling daily tasks this way but became quite reluctant being at home alone all the time. She didn’t really know how to make any friends and would often put great strain on herself for messing up even the slightest bit of a conversation."
Also, there's no real sign of any of this in her bio. She sounds like a mature little girl who just wants to be a good daughter to her parents who never has a short temper or acts spoiled. Like, did she not go to school to become reluctant by staying at home? Because she would still be interacting with people at school. Also, that bit about her putting strain on herself for messing up a conversation sounds more like Social Anxiety then being shy. Also being left alone doesn't really make you socially reluctant or shy, maybe if she was forced into being away from being around others at school via some bullies or something but not just by being along when she got home from school. Did she not make any friends or anything growing up or interact at all?

Well, I think that's just about it-
"Probably the time I beat a classmate in middle school, I punched the poor guy a blood nose after I thought he trashed my lunch onto the ground which was an accident of course, ugh I still feel bad."
What?

"Give them both a beating. Kidding, I'll try to get them away from each other for a little bit to talk"
WHAT???
That's not how a shy and reluctant person would act at all! It fits with her short-tempered personality but if she's supposed to be this sweet kind shy girl then she would go around hitting people she thinks wronged her on purpose or joke about beating people up!

Okay, what I suggest is that you try to pick a more consistent personality. Do you want shy and reluctant or do you want a short tempered pampered princess? Or maybe pick something else if you're so inclined, it's all up to you. -GM Neno

:) -GM Error

Edit: I forgot to put this is, But Alice will be partnered with Mikayla! And Mikayla's magic is electricity! With electricity, you can send out powerful shocks, but requires a small copper ball to focus their spells. Without a familiar, your powers and wattage are rather low. But with a familiars help, you can increase your powers and unleash devastating shock! Wow!

[Discontent]

IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT

Natus is a bottom.

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@The Errorist @onenote @Invader Len

I completely changed the personality again and did the all the changes

[The Errorist]

@liferusher

Mui Rei review

So for the fathers job, I'd like to know what exactly his job is. It still isn't clear what he actually does with the flowers, which is important, especially if his company is so large that it caters to clients from all over. A little clarification there please.

Next is her home life. Why is she home alone, doing all these things by herself? If her parents own such a large and successful company, I'd assume they can afford a nanny or babysitter for their child. And why leave her with the aunt or grandmother if they were too busy to care for her besides meals? We've had issues with this before in characters, but if they have such a taxing work schedule, why don't they have some form of child care provider for her? Nannies and babysitters aren't hard to come across, some people even have a live in nanny. It just doesn't make sense to me for her to be left to her own devices if her parents have the means of providing for her.

And what exactly made her parents suddenly realize they were neglecting her? Most people don't just suddenly notice things they hadn't before, especially if this was habit for them. And I don't think that her relationship with her parents could be fixed by a few vacations and some affection. Is there no bad blood there? No bitterness? This is a child, how does she feel about her parents, especially if they did leave her alone for years.

Next, I'm confused as to why she's at St. Fortuna's in the first place. St. Fortuna's isn't just a luxurious school, it's one of the best in the entire country. Not only is it expensive, it's incredibly hard to get into it, and usually only people who really want to be there get in. Does Mui have any reason to be there other than the possibility of helping her father in his job? If she could go to any other school, why St. Fortuna's? It doesn't seem like she has any pressing reason to be here, other then she found it and thought it looked cool.

One last little thing, we don't have Christmas here. The religion is mainly based off of Wicca, with some changes to suit the universe. As such, the holidays are based off of the wheel of the year, with some holidays from other pagan religions thrown in.

Oh, and for the baseball club, student run clubs are fine, but keep in mind St. Fortuna's doesn't have any school funded sports teams, so students would have to organize it themselves, on their own time.

All in all, we just need some clarification and a few tweaks. Thank you in advance!

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@The Errorist the personality is fine this time around?

[The Errorist]

@liferusher Although a bit confusing to me personally, yes, the personality now passes. However, please go through and make the suggested edits, then we can move forward in accepting you. :)

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@The Errorist @onenote @Invader Len

Yo I feel quite good about it now, I made a ton of backstory after adding the nanny in like you said. Even got one of the points of the review list while typing out the backstory without noticing XD

[banjoanjo]

Hi, I'm interested in joining this RP.

Is it still open, and if it is, would you guys prefer a new mage or familiar character from me?

[The Errorist]

@banjoanjo Oh hey, look who it is! And yes, we're always open. We have two familiars applying at the moment, so I would suggest a mage, but you could do either.

@liferusher Alright, if you're done we can look over it again.