Game: "Useless" superpowers

[Lucidnonsense]

Huzzah! You have superpowers! unfortunately at first glance the power you got is dissapointing but being the clever people you are I'm sure that you can find a method of using them for good or evil. Heres how it works.

Poster one:
The person below me gains [Insert useless sounding power here]

Person two:
[describes how this power could be used to perform crime, kill people, fight crime, help society, take over the world etc etc]

This is supposed to be a fairly serious discussion.

Anyway I will start:

Neon-Bending: You can telekinetically manipulate the element neon avatar style, you cannot create neon.

[ClocktowerEchos]

Have you seen Infamous 2's Neon powers?

Power: The Ability to Breath really really well, just being super good at breathing

[DepressedSoviet]

Climb the highest altitudes available, without an oxygen tank. Set world records for highest skydiving altitude. You get the idea.

You can telekinetically manipulate and move objects, but only those whose total weight combined equals 1 pound or less.

[Lucidnonsense]

Climb the highest altitudes available, without an oxygen tank. Set world records for highest skydiving altitude. You get the idea.

You can telekinetically manipulate and move objects, but only those whose total weight combined equals 1 pound or less.

@DepressedSoviet

You can become an assassin, telekinetically manipulate peoples organs, telekinetically accelerate toothbrushes to hypersonic (or even relativistic!) speed. can probably do this without a trace. 2easy.

Plankton Communication.

[DepressedSoviet]

telekinetically manipulate peoples organs

@Lucidnonsense

The average human lung weighs about 2.5 pounds, the liver 3.2, the large intestine 4 pounds, the small intestine 3.5 pounds, and the brain 3 pounds. Now, a kidney weighs about a half pound, the heart is also a half pound, the pancreas is about 0.2 pounds, so you COULD manipulate those organs, but most other human organs of interest would be unable to be manipulated, so you'd be limited to how you could kill someone in that manner, and you'd have to perfectly emulate more natural organ failure, to successfully work as an assassin using this technique.

As for plankton communication: Become a supervillain by using the plankton to control the world's seafood production, commanding them to only breed at your order, thus controlling the population of all life in the ocean, and thus controlling a large aspect of global food supply, as well as other sea-based industries.

My next power: You can fly, but only in the four cardinal directions relative to your position(North, South, East, West), and to do so you have to accumulate special "flying points" which are scattered throughout the earth, with one point equalling 1 meter of flying distance.

[BrobyDDark]

Use the experience to get really good at the flying segments in Spyro the Dragon.

You can shitpost on the Spam Forum.

[Keyguyperson]

Slowly change the political ideologies of all those on the Spam Forum through memes, and convince them to follow you in an uprising.

You have the power to speak the language of one specific Dolphin pod off the coast of Brazil.

[BrobyDDark]

Seduce the dolphins and use them as liaisons to other dolphins, then use the entire dolphin population to take over the planet.

You have the power to do everything as opposite of what you intended.

[aza]

Imagine if you will there is a force (Dao) the Dao is all things and no things.
The teachings of the Dao are thus, the Dao is a river, you cannot change the river. You can merely glide from point to point of the river.
Have no intentions and be happy of your now.

My power: When you drink water, an equal amount of water is given to the nearest most not hydrated living organism.

[Lady Selune]

Suddenly you can waltz into a water-deprived country, drink a liter of water, and help people whilst filling yourself up too.

The ability to stop mirrors from reflecting anything.

[BrobyDDark]

Imagine if you will there is a force (Dao) the Dao is all things and no things.
The teachings of the Dao are thus, the Dao is a river, you cannot change the river. You can merely glide from point to point of the river.
Have no intentions and be happy of your now.

My power: When you drink water, an equal amount of water is given to the nearest most not hydrated living organism.

@Azarthes

your intent is to have no intentions, so you have intentions, therefore you're stuck in an endless circle.

[ClocktowerEchos]

Suddenly you can waltz into a water-deprived country, drink a liter of water, and help people whilst filling yourself up too.

The ability to stop mirrors from reflecting anything.

@Lady Selune

You now produce black hole mirrors which suck in light. And everything else.

Power: You are blink really damn well.

[Foster]

Blinking contest champion, able to hold off the weeping angels for another time.

Ability: Ability to juggle anything purple. Nothing that isn't.

[TwelveOf8]

You become the greatest showman on Earth as you juggle purple Volkswagen Beetles. You can use this power to start a non-profit circus. You can then donate the earnings to charity.

Super Power: The ability to name and identify all possible shades of grey, even in the dark. This doesn't mean you have night vision though. In the darkness you can sense the grey shades.

[Lady Selune]

You know how much stuff is grey? Guns, knives... You could totally become a crime fighter.

You have the ability to control glass.

[BrobyDDark]

That's not useless. That's a very good superpower. Someone tries to mug you? Control the glass in the windows to shatter into lieces and gut the mugger. Good guy tries to stop you? Break a bottle and send it into their throat. Wanna look cool at the bar? Control the glass to slide smoothly over to the lady in the nice dress. Controlling glass is a very useful superpower.

The power to be a very unpopular Minecraft youtuber.

[Lady Selune]

Annoy people into killing themselves.

Able to induce massive laziness in anyone with about five minutes of concentration.

[BingTheWing]

That's really a form of psychological paralysis... pretty damn useful if you ask me.

The ability to take back your own virginity

[Lady Selune]

That's really a form of psychological paralysis... pretty damn useful if you ask me.

The ability to take back your own virginity

@BingTheWing

Yeah.

Potato seeds spontaneously are planted around you, as long as they could grow.

[Foster]

You have the ability to control glass.

@Lady Selune

Colonel Glass.
Rank A supervillian (helped that he had a healing-factor to match).

Potato seeds spontaneously are planted around you, as long as they could grow.

@Lady Selune

Start a distillery for vodka. Overthrow local warlord in Eastern Europe. Watch Top Gear. Play Minecraft. Get Pig.

Ability to make people forget their nightmares.