Game: "Useless" superpowers

[Lady Selune]

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Colonel Glass.
Rank A supervillian (helped that he had a healing-factor to match).

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Start a distillery for vodka. Overthrow local warlord in Eastern Europe. Watch Top Gear. Play Minecraft. Get Pig.

Ability to make people forget their nightmares.

@Foster

HEY! A SPINNARETTE FAN!

[SleepingSilence]

Bend the rules a little bit and you could be a good villain for the final destination series. Those fools wouldn't ever see it coming. Literally.

Power: The ability to make other adults behave like idiots and spout childish tirades over nothing. (I already have this power.)

[Vilageidiotx]

You become a political pundit and get your own show on cable news, making money and influencing voters.

The ability to read backwards in any language you know just as easily as you read it forwards.

[TwelveOf8]

You become a world class cryptographer. You go on to solve some of the worlds most perplexing mysteries.

Super Power: To make anyone on Earth laugh utilising referential and meme based humour. Only works once per person.

[shylarah]

@Foster Be a therapist. AND HELLO THERE! *glomps*

@SleepingSilence WAIT YOU'RE HERE TOO?! AND @Lady Selune?! *flailing*

...that does sound pretty useless, @TwelveOf8.

Hm. The ability to change the color of your eyes. ...originally I thought about changing a different thing's color, but I decided...eh, better keep it away from the toilet.

[Doug]

Give villains mild migraines by making them look into your rainbow eyes.

The ability to read your own mind.

[Foster]

Edit for Doug: the uncommon super-ability to think.

Super Power: To make anyone on Earth laugh utilising referential and meme based humour. Only works once per person.

@TwelveOf8

To be fair, this is p. much my super-power, and Shynet can confirm.

@Foster Be a therapist. AND HELLO THERE! *glomps*

Hm. The ability to change the color of your eyes. ...originally I thought about changing a different thing's color, but I decided...eh, better keep it away from the toilet.

@shylarah

Rooster teeth had that for "Million Dollars, but" except it glowed, stupidly-brightly... Awesome for hosting NSFW rave-parties...

Add wigs, and now 10th best spy ever.

Ability: To change hairstyle to match whatever you're thinking, BUuuuuuut, there is no 'hold' or 'pause', meaning easy-come, easy-go and a bunch of bad hair days.

Alternately, a sentient shadow that only you can see, oh, and it talks... but again only you can hear it.

[shylarah]

@Foster Million dollars but? OH YOU MEAN...no. No. That's not what I meant. I meant their PEE you derp. Jeez, I'm not /that/ filthy minded without at least a little provocation.

I should point out that color contacts are a thing, so really changing eye colors isn't that useful. ^.~

Your power works multiple times per person, you goof.

I like my new nickname. <3 ^.^ I like getting nicknames in general.

[stardust]

If I understand this right, you can now cure children of their fears.

My power? If I said Orgazmo, would that be over the top? It's certainly kinda stupid.

[Keyguyperson]

I distract my enemy with orgasms before killing them.

You can kill anyone, anywhere, as long as their name is Billy-Bob III.

[Lucian]

I would socially engineer a situation in which all of the evil people of the world thought it was cool as fuck to change their name to Billy-Bob III.

You can manipulate the mind (such as it is) and body of any insect, but only one at a time.

[Duthguy]

Use it on a queen killer bee and let her land on people I want dead, the rest of the swarm will attack to protect the queen.

The ability to fly but only when inside a fully operational airplane

[ClocktowerEchos]

You easily take out terrorists by fly-tackling them and apprehending them.

The ability to shit bricks as in all your shit is just brick-shaped, nothing else.

[stardust]

I'd build the ultimate brick shit-house, within which people could take regular shits.

The ability to never lose screws.

[mdk]

I'd build the ultimate brick shit-house, within which people could take regular shits.

The ability to never lose screws.

@stardust

You know those dye packs they put in bank money? Eff that. Put a tiny screw in there. I'll find the culprits eventually.

The ability to make water evaporate by staring at it long enough. Rate of evaporation is normal.

[DepressedSoviet]

Become the world's best assassin by evaporating the water inside people's bodies.

The ability to be the world's most average Hitman player.

[Kalleth]

@DepressedSoviet Find scum and villainy who also happen to enjoy playing Hitman. Challenge them to a Hitman duel. Then employ a Kafka trap wherein the outcome of the game, no matter how convoluted, results in a test of reaction time. This nightmarish lottery arrangement which would probably never work, will, against all odds, result in your success in overcoming the scum and villainy through pure force of the mean.

Your power is the ability to make people's hair stand on end. At will, godlike in range, but that's it. You make their hair stand on end.

[stardust]

It would certainly add expression to someone who is otherwise deadpan all the time.

The ability to heal any wound, be it physical, mental, emotional.

[IntPenDespSword]

Uhm. Congrats, you're a great, actual healer and therapist. People try to deny your power as some fallacy, but your sample size is just growing by the day.

A supernatural talent in climbing. You can climb anything. Any other biological needs still apply.

[stardust]

It would certainly alleviate having to stand in a packed elevator!

How about the ability to gain muscle mass and become all fit and strong by shitposting in online forums.