Game: "Useless" superpowers

[IntPenDespSword]

Now basement dwellers finally have the gains they always wanted, and are totally not made fun of at school anymore.

The ability to have anyone believe any truth you say.

[Crimson Raven]

Now basement dwellers finally have the gains they always wanted, and are totally not made fun of at school anymore.

The ability to have anyone believe any truth you say.

@IntPenDespSword

Become a lawyer and help settle disputes. Truth is subjective, anything you believe is true for you, ergo, when you say what you believe is true, people believe you.

With a moment of concentration, you can make people feel like someone is tapping their left shoulder.

[IntPenDespSword]

You are a very specialized assassin, taking people doing an activity requiring precision and focus, using something dangerous. A performer juggling chainsaws, for example.

At any point, you can activate a glide, that lets you slide on air at running speed, parallel to the general surface of the Earth you were standing on when using it. You can deactivate it at will, but it cannot be reactivated in midair.

[NotFish]

You become the world's best mail courier.

You can turn invisible, but only when not under direct observation.

[ArenaSnow]

Set off a distraction stinkbomb, run past the cameras as everyone's looking away and pull off the most ridiculous heist in history.

The ability to create pineapple excrement.

[stardust]

I'd say you'd be right up there with those people who think their shit doesn't stink.

Shapeshifting powers, but, like in Terminator, only something of equal mass.

[Lady Selune]

Turn into a liquid and infiltrate a top-secret facility, change your appearance at will to rob anything, slip out of any holding facility... How is this a bad thing?

The abiility to throw spray paint, spiderman-style, out of your hands. Any colour, and exactly like if you were spraying it from a can.

[ArenaSnow]

A little practice and time later, and I retire early after being the world's undisputed best painter.

The ability to die.

[Majoraa]

Just simply, die. It doesnt get more complicated than that.

The ability to say the letters m, b, and p without closing your mouth.

[Lady Selune]

World's best ventriloquist.

Make meat rot at an increased rate. Only meat, and you have to know where the meat is to do so. Don't have to see it.

[ArenaSnow]

Genocide.

The power to make Nutella flow like butter, no matter the state it was in before.

[Lady Selune]

Make a real-life chocolate river.

Have the ability to cause all chickens in a 10 meter radius around you panic and lay eggs. Takes a week to recharge.

[Kalleth]

Make KILLER gains with down-on-their-luck chicken farmers.

You manifest the ability to cause random outbursts of horrible, terribly off-key singing and dancing. All the lyrics are hopelessly offensive.

[ArenaSnow]

Become the love of the really, really shitty bars.

The ability to ping Mahz when you blink. That is, a ping shows up in his notification box, but there's no actual message. Just pings.

[Kalleth]

Obtain absolute power by threatening to spam-ping Mahz until he does what I want.

You can now instantly cause a streaker to run through whatever room you happen to be in, however, the catch is that this streaker will always stop in the middle of the room, look around, and then give a naked hug to whomever first makes eye-contact with him.

[IntPenDespSword]

First of all, where do these strikers come from? Considering no limit was specified, I'll assume these strikers are generated from nothing, and thus go ahead and force them in a camp where they can run on treadmills for energy or something. If, however, the strikers are assembled from the finite supply already present in the world, well, it's a nice way to round them up quickly.

The power to make clouds take forms vaguely resembling random objects in your bedroom.

[Lady Selune]

Put some bottles under them, and make them pour in. Boom. Unlimited water. Whatcha gonna do.

The ability to quote, word for word, the entire Evil Dead series.

[Enarr]

You threaten to replicate the plot of the movie in order to blackmail others into doing your bidding. If their superstitions don't persuade them to follow you, you transform the Evil Dead into a series of radio plays for the British Broadcasting Company while taking the payment allocated for each of the production's actors for yourself, given that you both know the words and can use perfect inflection.

Then, you take a loan from the mob to advertise the radio play before earning enough royalties to repay them. When the time comes to make sequels to the radio play, you include subliminal messages that encourage loyalty and support of the mob who sponsored you, for which they will reward you handsomely. And you will have acquired a lofty position of favor within the mob who will gladly act as your personal hit squad with a small, but considerable, fraction of their newly acquired vitality.

The ability to fold paper more than seven times with your hands.

[Kalleth]

The only way you could conceivably do this is a) Having god-like fingers and thumbs or b) folding in the fabric of time and space.

Assuming a) is true, you can become a Master Stimulator/Craftsman/Musician. Based on those, the world is your oyster my friend. Go make it a better place.

Assuming b) is true, you can use your space and time folding powers to become a superhero who can travel at faster than light speeds, banish villains to the Negative Zone, or hell, even just take really long and satisfying naps. You're Superhero Jesus. Or Doctor Manhattan. Take your pick.

Assuming a) AND b) are true, I consent to give my soul to you, all-powerful being, and find you truly worthy of worship. Take me into your divine service, that I might learn some of your sacred secrets and apply them to my own lowly state of existence.

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You obtain the ability to come up with actually good ideas for this stupid thread. Unlike me. XD

[ArenaSnow]

I conceive the ability to make toenails grow at a hugely accelerated rate.

Well. That was easy.