[IC] Amnesia [Suki & Summer]

[Rogue Sloth]

While he waited for Iris to gather her thoughts to answer his question, Caspian finished off the rest of his breakfast and set the empty plate back down on the coffee table. It turned out to be a good thing that he’d eaten before she spoke again too, because the reply she gave was enough to make him lose his appetite completely.

He turned to face her on the sofa, listening patiently to all she had to say. He did know that she’d suffered from nightmares before, since he’d learned about it when they had been stuck outside the capital. What he hadn’t known was the frequency with which she was afflicted by the bad dreams. A frown creased his forehead when she admitted that she hadn’t been sleeping very well at the Kinders’ house because of the nightmares. At the time, there hadn’t been an alternative place for her to go, but he was still a little discouraged to find out that the one solution they’d found, hiding her with Miles, hadn’t worked out as well as he’d hoped it would.

A part of him wanted to assure her that his friend wouldn’t have cared if she had a nightmare around him, but it was in the past now, so there was no point in saying anything about it. Instead, he remained quiet and just nodded along as she kept talking.

She went on to tell him about her experience with Matthew, one of the interrogators that had been hired by the crown to question prisoners, and Cas clenched his jaw. It was frustrating enough to know that because of his father, she had been subjected to literal torture, but it sounded like Matthew had been crueler with her than he’d needed to be. Using Regis’s death to provoke her was low. The man was her father, and even though their relationship hadn’t been the healthiest, it was sick to use him against her like that. If he had been in the same position, he would have been horrified to find out that his father had died from the lips of a man who was trying to break his will and get him to confess to crimes he hadn’t committed.

Even worse, it seemed like Matthew had done more than just tell her the news that Regis had been executed. As Iris told him about the photograph she’d been shown of her own father’s mutilated corpse, the prince felt sick to his stomach. It was disgusting and sadistic and completely inhumane. It was no wonder that she couldn’t sleep at night after that. He couldn’t even imagine what it had been like to look at a picture of someone he cared about, bled out on the ground after they had been killed by the firing squad. And then on top of that, she’d been exposed to Aproveset. It was almost too much to take in.

For a moment, he didn’t say anything, stunned speechless by everything she had just opened up to him about. After a moment of silence, he leaned forward to wrap his arms around her in a tight embrace, pressing a hand to the back of her head as he pulled her into his shoulder. “I had no idea… I’m so sorry, Iris. You never should have had to go through any of that.” There had never been a time in his life that he’d wished he could turn back time more than he did in that instance. Unfortunately, that was impossible, but maybe there was still something that could be done in retribution. If he went back to his father, he could try his damnedest to get Matthew terminated immediately for abuse of power. The interrogator didn’t deserve his position if he was going to treat people that terribly.

For another moment, he fell quiet again and simply held her. As he gathered his own thoughts, he pressed a kiss to her cheek. “I know you try to handle everything on your own because you’ve had to take care of yourself for most of your life, but please don’t ever try to hide something like that from me again,” he whispered, pulling back just enough to meet her gaze sincerely. “Iris, you mean so much to me that I can’t even put it into words. If something happened to you, I don’t know what I would do… so please, even if you feel like it’s not a big deal or that you’ll be imposing on me somehow by asking for help… just do it. Talk to me. Tell someone else to talk to me if you can’t do it yourself. You don’t have to do anything alone anymore, because I want to be there for you. But if you don’t let me in, I can’t do that.”

Idly, he brushed a loose strand of her long hair behind her ear. “If Jacob hadn’t told me anything about what happened to you, you would probably be dead right now… Please, if you ever need anything, big or small, can you promise me you won’t try to hide it from me next time?”

[sukikyoufu]

Opening up to him about what had happened was strange, she couldn’t quite tell if a part of her was relieved or that she was just thankful he hadn’t turned away from her. Instead he began to comfort her and the tight embrace in that moment was just what she needed as she finally learned how to open up to him a little. Closing her eyes as she enjoyed the warmth envelope her giving her a feeling of security as her hands moved to grip at his clothing needing to have the feeling of squeezing something beneath her fingers as she tried not to cry. Though she knew it was perfectly okay to cry in front of him, he did not care if she was upset as he wanted to help her and she knew that, but it was still hard to open up at times.

“It’s… not your fault. Don’t apologise, please.” Iris whispered as she buried her head into his shoulder, not wanting to face him just yet as she still battled with her own emotions already knowing that she didn’t want him to see her so upset. Though it was hardly an option now she had opened up. Sighing softly as she exhaled a breath feeling slightly better than she had about this for a while. Knowing that she could open up like this was a nice break, she would be able to talk to someone about everything at least and she hoped he wouldn’t judge her for it although deep down she knew he wouldn’t. Cas only wanted to help her, and she had to get used to that, though it still haunted her the picture of her father’s death and she doubted that was an overnight fix.

Glancing over at him as he pulled back to meet her gaze, she could feel the tears well up in the corner of her eyes, not daring to speak just yet she nodded in agreement. Hiding something like this from him had been hard, though he had seen right through her and pushed her to open up. “I shouldn’t have kept it a secret for so long, but there wasn’t really a moment to talk about it. No moment felt right.” Mumbling out her reasons as she glanced down feeling a sense of shame for not talking to him sooner, he was right how could he help if she wasn’t honest with him?

“If we are talking about honesty… I” Hesitating for a moment before she shook her head and moved to take his hand with hers, “I did wish for that. For death. That… drug was unlike anything I have ever encountered.” Squeezing his hand gently before she looked back at him nodding, “I will try though. I promise to be honest with you about my feelings, but in return I ask for patience. It will be hard for me.” It felt strange making that promise, she knew she didn’t have to ask for patience but she had to warn him in some sense because it would take a few tries of her own mumbling and stuttering getting out her words of how she felt.

“Let me try to eat something.” Not trying to divert the subject, but more move it along because she knew dwelling on it would not help anyone. “Maybe… if it’s okay with you I could rest a little leaning on you? I know that I’ve always slept better around you.” Offering a small smile as she reached for the dome of her food somewhat motivated to try it at least as she had said she would try to eat something and it would be best to enjoy it whilst they could. That and resting appealed to her because she felt drained already going through an emotional experience with him like they had, opening up to one another.

[Rogue Sloth]

As Iris clutched at his clothes, Caspian just held onto her more tightly, offering what little comfort he could to ease her pain. It felt unfair that she had gone through so much when she’d done nothing to deserve it. She had lost her memories because her father had coerced her into coming to the capital to carry out a job that she wasn’t cruel enough to do; she had been manipulated again by her ex-boyfriend and suffered alongside him when they had been on the run from the rebellion; and even after all that, she had been tormented by the soldiers at the penitentiary when all she had tried to do was save his life. She was one of the kindest, most selfless people he’d ever met, and it wrenched his heart to know that all she got in return was more anguish.

When she told him that there hadn’t been a good moment to talk about everything she had gone through, he nodded solemnly, brushing a loose lock of her blonde hair behind her ear. “I know,” he sighed. “I hate how little time we’ve had together since we got back… but you did try to tell Jacob to hide this from me, and that’s what I don’t want you to do anymore. I want to be here for you, Iris, but I can only do that if you let me.” He loved her so much, it hurt, and even though it was almost physically painful to hear about everything she’d endured, he felt certain that it was better than never finding out. They had to be a cohesive team. If they weren’t, they would just unravel under their individual trials.

And he only felt more sure of his conclusion when she went on to tell him that she’d wished she was dead when she’d been subjected to the most horrific method of torture the Aspirian military had developed to date. He bit his lip, fighting back the sadness and anger that welled up inside of him. “I know…” he whispered, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “That drug is only supposed to be used on high-level prisoners of war. They shouldn’t have used it on you, and I’m so sorry no one stopped them from making you experience it.” Now that he was aware of what had happened, he planned to have his say about the gross misuse of power. If he had his way, Matthew would be fired within the week.

He was relieved that Iris was willing to try to open up to him more though. He hoped she never had to go anything as difficult as she had within the last month or so, but even if she only had minor troubles, he wanted to be there for her every step of the way. He was also glad that she was willing to try to eat something. “Go ahead,” he said in response to both her announcement that she was going to have her breakfast and her request to lean on him while she ate.

Rearranging on the sofa so they could both be more comfortable, Cas wrapped one arm around Iris’s shoulders and let his eyes wander around the hotel room while she tried to eat. After about a minute, his gaze rested on his cell phone, which he’d left on airplane mode on a table the night before. He shifted his weight slightly. Until now, he’d been uncertain about how he should move forward after he’d left home, but after everything Iris had told him, he felt like he should go back. Although he didn’t want to admit it, he was the only one in the kingdom who had the authority to rectify some of the corruption and cruelty that had infected the monarchy. His father would never do it, and he didn’t know of anyone else who would even try. He didn’t like the weight of the responsibility, but it was the role he’d been born into. He had to step up and own it.

“Excuse me for a second…” he said, patting Iris on the shoulder and getting up from the couch to get the device he’d left abandoned. Once he had it in his hand, he sat back down next to her again and took a slow breath. As soon as he unlocked the signal, it would be traceable. He’d have to act fast to get ahold of Jacob to explain himself before the royal security team tracked him down at the Sunset Veil. So, bracing himself to make a quick call, he turned off the airplane mode and opened the contact for the head of the security team. However, before he could touch the icon to call him, the phone practically had a seizure as it was assaulted with a barrage of missed messages.

Cas blinked, taken aback. He’d known that he was going to have some texts and calls because people would be searching for him after he disappeared, but he hadn’t expected to find so many. Curious, he tapped on the thread from Jacob, which had the most missed messages out of all of them… and immediately paled as he read the content he uncovered:

12:17AM
Caspian, it’s late and your father wants you to come home. Please return to the palace or I’ll have to send some of my men to get you.

12:42AM
Where are you? Call me back.

1:05AM
Your safety is a matter of national security. I don’t know what you’re doing, but I can’t do my job until you return my calls. Call me ASAP.

1:58AM
Caspian, come back to the palace *now*. Your father just had a stroke and is currently being transported to the hospital for emergency treatment. He doesn’t look good.

3:33AM
I hate to say this over text, but since you’re still not picking up your phone, I’m afraid I have no choice. The doctors were unable to save your father and he passed away at 3:24 tonight. I’m so sorry.

4:48AM
Your Highness, please come back to the palace. Aspiria needs a leader, and you’re the only man who can fill the vacancy. You’re our king now.

For a moment, the world felt like it had stopped spinning. Cas stared at the text thread blankly. His father was dead. He was the next king. It was almost too much to handle, and he pressed a hand to his head, suddenly dizzy. So many emotions swirled inside of him that he couldn’t even begin to sort them out. Shock, pain, sadness, fear, regret. Above all, though, he couldn’t believe that all of this had happened on the night he’d run away from home. He’d tried to make a statement to his father, but instead, he’d abandoned him in his final hour of need. The realization stung like a knife that had been buried and twisted inside his heart. This was possibly the worst thing he’d ever done, and he didn’t even have time to process it.

“Iris…” he rasped, and then cleared his throat to try to get his voice under control. “I-I’m sorry… I have to leave. Right now.” He tore his eyes away from the screen of his phone to meet her gaze dazedly. “My… my dad died. I have to go back to the palace… I’m so sorry.”

[sukikyoufu]

Iris was way out of her comfort zone right now having opened up to him like she had, the fact she had admitted to her what seemed quite an inner dark thought to him left her feeling quite vulnerable. No one should need to know that kind of stuff and a part of her for a moment regretted admitting such a thing, but then came the support from him. The understanding of why she had wished for it, Cas knew what the drug could do clearly and it was only meant for high-level prisoners of war and as much as he may not have thought she was one of those. Technically she could understand how she fell into that classing, after all her father had led the rebellion in hopes to bring down the monarchy. Whether his plan had failed or not, it was still something very public and the fact she was his daughter she was still guilty by association, that and she had committed her own crimes and nothing could take away that fact.

As much as she didn’t want to dwell on her thoughts, she couldn’t help but think on them even as she reached for her plate of food. Knowing that it was in the past and she should move on wasn’t that easy and she knew she should do so as it was in her best interest too, but escaping the horrors was another story as they had left a lasting impression burned into her very being. Through it all she still had him, Cas had always been there for her and she knew how supportive he was so hiding how she felt just felt silly. Making the promise to be open would be hard, but she was sure she could do it. What else would she have to hide from him now? They had been through a lot considering they hadn’t been together for long.

“I’m sorry, for trying to hide it.” Mumbling slightly as she pulled off the lid of her dish to at least attempt to eat, she knew it would be in her best interest too. The food itself smelled delicious and she knew it would be good so picking up her cutlery and letting Cas get comfortable she leaned on him as she tackled her food. Taking a few small bites at first, pleasantly surprised by the flavours she felt herself relax more feeling like part of the weight had been lifted from her chest after their talk. Maybe things will get better? A brief positive thought crossed her mind as she set her plate back on the table half eaten, she was full, but she had tried to stomach something at least.

Settling back on Cas after he had left briefly to grab something, she closed her eyes just enjoying the moment of peace together. It was wonderful being able to spend this time like this, hidden away without anyone disturbing them though she thought she heard a barrage of vibrates which she could assume was his phone. Opening her eyes, she couldn’t help but look over wondering what was going on, but the minute she saw his face drop it immediately made her tense up. Something was very wrong, and she could feel it, the shift in energy and the change of mood was more than enough to tell her she was right.

“Cas?” Speaking softly as she watched his gaze fall onto his phone, zoned out completely as he read something that she couldn’t see. There was no response at first, but the over whelming feeling of concern for him did not leave as she watched him press a hand to his head clearly registering something. “What’s wrong?” Already she could feel her heart racing, where they about to make a run for it? Had something else happened? It was hard to read his emotions as she reached forward touching his hand gently with her own.

“Leave!?” Whispering out his words as she was taken back what he had said, he had to leave not her, not as in they would together. Just he had to leave. Mind racing as she wondered what had happened, she felt her heart drop at his next sentence. His father had died. That was news she wasn’t expecting to hear, of course they all knew the King was unwell, but she kind of assumed he would always be there trying to break them apart. “Oh Cas… no. Of course. I understand.” Finding her own voice waver at the news, not that she was entirely upset the King had died more for the fact she was upset for him.

“I’m so sorry that happened.” Concern filled her eyes as she placed her hand against his cheek holding it there for support, just showing him that she would be there for no matter what.

[Rogue Sloth]

Caspian felt terrible about abandoning Iris right after she had finally opened up to him about her trauma, but in that moment, getting back home was the most urgent matter. He couldn’t justify staying at the hotel with her any longer when he’d just found out that his father had passed away. There was too much to do. There was always a nation-wide funeral service whenever a member of the royal family died, so he would have to be there for that. He’d probably even have to make a speech. And then after that, there would be a coronation. His coronation. His throat felt tight at the thought. He didn’t want to go through with it yet.

For one thing, he didn’t feel like he was ready to be the king of Aspiria, and the pressure of knowing that the fate of an entire country was about to be handed over to him was nothing short of terrifying. For another, he was still reeling from the news that he’d lost his father. He felt like he didn’t even have time to properly grasp the gravity of what that meant. There wasn’t enough time to really sit down and think about the fact that his father was gone, and that he would never see him again. It felt unfair that such a bomb had been dropped on him so suddenly, without any warning, and now he was expected to go back and take over in his place.

There wasn’t even time to wallow about that either, and he stood up from the couch, reluctantly removing himself from Iris’s touch. “I’ll be back as soon as I can… and I’ll call the hotel to make sure they keep charging this room to my card while I’m gone, so you can keep staying here,” he said as he moved quickly to locate his shoes. Finding them by the door, he fumbled to put them on, his hands shaking with the rush of shock and adrenaline that still pumped through his veins. The task was more difficult than it should have been, but he managed to get it done and then stepped back over to Iris, wrapping his arms around her in a tight embrace. He had some idea of what was going to happen from here, since he knew Aspiria’s protocol for the transition of one monarch to the next, but the timeline was still hazy enough that he couldn’t predict when he would see her again.

“I hate leaving you here like this…” he whispered, burying his head against her neck. “I love you so much, Iris. I swear, I’ll come back as soon as I can get away.” He wished he had some way to contact her in between though. He had to keep his cell phone with him to contact Jacob, and she didn’t have a phone of her own—Or did she?

Struck with an idea, Cas pulled back from her once more and jogged over to the suite’s phone, scouring the table until he found a pad of sticky notes and a pen. Luckily, the Sunset Veil was like many other hotels in that it provided everything a guest needed to take down notes and memos. He scribbled down his own phone number on the top of the pad and peeled it off, pressing it down on the table next to the phone, and turned back to Iris, “I won’t be able to call you, but if you need anything, you can call me… Nights are probably best, any time after ten. I shouldn’t have anything going on by then even if my days are busy.”

With a line of communication established, he approached her one last time to meet her lips in a parting kiss, wrapping his arms around her back. “Stay safe, okay?” he breathed, meeting her gaze sincerely when he pulled away again.

[sukikyoufu]

I can’t believe it, his father dead. What will happen now… what does it mean for us? Unable to stop the thought from happening as she watched him leave the couch away from her touch, eyes following as he fumbled to put on his shoes as her own heart continued to race still shocked over the news. The urge to help him played at her heartstrings because she wanted nothing more than to support him through this, but it also felt like another sign that they probably shouldn’t be together because everything kept pointing that way. Had he not run away with her and hauled up in this hotel he could have been at home, he could have been there to say goodbye or even prevent it. What if running away had been the push that killed him off, but now Caspian was just like her orphaned with no parents anymore.

With emotions running high Iris knew she had to keep positive for him, no matter the doom or gloom and the horrid feelings that were buried away inside of her she couldn’t focus on that right now. Not when Caspian could do with someone to support him and she knew his friends would do the same, but as she thought on it, she knew everything was about to change. Caspian was going to become King, there was no room for her in this life and she could feel it. “You don’t have to do that; you’ve supported me so much Cas. I can never repay it.” The idea of staying here without him felt strange, she didn’t want him to worry about her when everything else was going on right now. Plus, this room had to be expensive, surely it was a drain on his finances.

Watching him move back she wrapped her own arms around him tightly already unsure on when she would see him again, if she would see him again for that matter because there were far more important things he would have to deal with than worry about her. “Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine honestly. It’s you I’m worried about. Will you be okay? I wish there was something I could do to help.”

Letting her arms drop as he jogged over to hotel phone jotting something down which she assumed was his number. Smiling slightly at the idea of being able to call him, at least she would be able to talk to him if she couldn’t see him for a bit. “This will be the second time you’ve wrote your number down for me. I must be some lucky girl eh?” Trying to make the situation a little lighter, knowing that it probably wouldn’t help in the slightest. “I promise I’ll call, after ten as you say. I’ll only be a phone call away.”

Biting her lip, she knew she wished she could do more than to support him, but with a warrant for her arrest and the sudden death of the previous monarch there was nothing else they could do. At least she knew that he would be surrounded by his good friends and that guard Jacob who seemed more than capable at keeping Caspian safe. Unable to process her thoughts as she met him for the kiss, holding him tightly she felt like his was already slipping away from her. Feeling him pull away she was unable to stop herself as she grabbed him one last time pulling him back in for another tight embrace, holding back the emotions she felt. “You’re the one that needs to stay safe. Promise me you will look after yourself Cas. Promise me you will try to eat, try to rest because I can’t be there to remind you and don’t think I won’t ask when I call.” Looking up at him as she leaned in for another kiss, pressing her lips against his tightly as she tried to make sense of everything.

“No matter where I am, know that I am still with you supporting you okay?” Placing her hand over his heart as she looked up at him smiling, “I love you.” Pulling back as she finally let him go, she knew he needed to get home and she shouldn’t stall it any longer.

[Rogue Sloth]

“You owe me nothing, got it?” Cas met Iris’s gaze solemnly. “You’ve already paid me back in full by just being here for me… more than anyone else in my life.” Really, he felt like she didn’t need to pay him back at all, but there wasn’t time to debate about it now. That was a conversation he could save for the next time they had a moment to sit down properly and discuss the fact that because they cared about each other, there was no reason to always keep score. He was there for her because he loved her and wanted to lift her up, and he knew she felt the same way about him. He didn’t understand why she felt the need to keep tallying up points and worrying about who was doing more for who, but he wanted her to understand that to him, none of that mattered.

“I’ll be okay,” he added to assure her. Although he wasn’t sure what was going to happen from here, and he was pretty sure he was still numb from the shock of finding out his father was dead, he had to keep moving forward. There was no other option. Jacob was right; Aspiria needed a king, and he was the only man eligible for the job. As ill-equipped as he felt, he was the only one with the training, the education, the resources, the connections and everything else he would need to take over as the next monarch. And knowing that Iris would call him after ten helped too. If there was one thing he was certain about, it was that hearing her voice at the end of what was bound to be one of the most stressful days of his life would be the best way to decompress before he went to sleep.

When she pulled him into another embrace, he wrapped her in his arms just as tightly. A part of him was tempted to forget about everything he’d just learned and stay at the hotel with her, but he knew he couldn’t do that to all the people who were waiting for him back home. “I will… You don’t have to worry about that,” he told her when they parted from one more kiss. Even if he chose not to take care of himself, he had an entire mansion full of wait staff and security guards who would make sure he didn’t let himself go. Not to mention the fact that the hired health specialists that once took care of his father would now be assigned to him. There were too many people invested in his wellbeing for him to even think about skipping a meal without facing a series of checkups from doctors who would be worried that he was ill.

At her reassurance, he nodded, a half-smile on his lips. “Thank you,” he said softly, placing his hand on top of hers and giving it a grateful squeeze. “I love you too, Iris.” Touching one last kiss to her forehead, he reluctantly stepped away from her and turned for the door, heading out into the hall that would take him to the elevator. On the way, he noticed a few housekeepers and guests walking to and from different rooms, most of whom gawked in surprise as he passed by. However, he didn’t care about hiding anymore. His father was gone, so there was no reason to duck his head or turn his face away. Instead, he was focused on pulling up Jacob’s number on his phone and calling the guard. The dial tone rang for no more than two seconds before he heard the other man pick up.

Prince Caspian, forgive my bluntness but where in the hell have you been? Jacob asked sharply.

“It doesn’t matter. I’m on my way back right now,” Cas sidestepped the question. “My phone was off until this morning. I just got your messages… Is it true?” He swallowed. “What you said about my dad?”

There was a pause on Jacob’s end before the guard replied, It is. The funeral is scheduled to happen this evening at nineteen hundred. The news that His Majesty passed away last night was released no more than an hour ago, and there are already reporters swarming the palace hoping for a word from you. We’ve managed to hold them off by telling them that you want privacy to mourn alone, but be prepared for crowded roads when you come back.

“Thanks for the heads up,” Cas exhaled, glancing away from another staring man in the hallway as he waited for the elevator to pick him up on the top floor. “I’ll be there in about half an hour.”

I’ll send someone to meet you at the gate, Jacob promised, then paused again before adding: It’s good to hear your voice again, Your Highness. I’m glad you’re safe.

“Me too,” Cas agreed in a low tone as he stepped into the lift. Ending the call, he slid his phone back into his pocket and leaned back against the elevator’s wall, letting his eyes drift up to the ceiling. “Well, dad… looks like we’ll finally find out if I’m strong enough to handle being king,” he murmured, swiping his key and pressing the button to go down to the garage below the hotel. It was going to be a long week.

[sukikyoufu]

Watching as the door shut behind him, she felt her heart sink as she suddenly felt alone in the fancy hotel room. Part of her worried sick for Cas and how she couldn’t be there to support him and another part of her worried about being left to her own thoughts when she just barely admitted the truth not moments ago on how she was truly feeling. Touching her hand to the door that he left through she lowered her head sighing a frown adorning her features as her fingers dragged down against the wood before dropping to her side. Letting her head drop against the door with a small thud she felt her eyes tear up and she tried to blink them away not wanting to let her emotions spill right now “Oh Cas, I’m so sorry.”

In all honesty she couldn’t quite believe it, his father was dead, and it all seemed so surreal that he was about to inherit the entire country and countless people would be depending on him to lead. Something that she knew he had been hesitant about when she had spent all this time together with him and listened to him about his troubles. Selfishly she also wondered where she would fit in with everything, was she now destined to live in this hotel room and call after ten every night? Be some sort of booty call for him because as much as she knew his feelings for her, and she knew her own for him, she felt like there would be no future for them not with him due to becoming king.

Maybe I should just sneak back to the district, he would soon forget about me. I should let him go. I would never be good enough for him, I was fooling myself. Turning her back on the door she leaned against it before sliding down into a seated position placing her head in her hands as a million and one thoughts swarmed around her head. Though I don’t know how I’d get back there, if I risk leaving here, I’d end up in prison. I don’t even know where I’d be going. Now’s not the right time, I should stay here and support Cas where I can, he just lost his father. Sighing again she looked up from her seated position on the floor to the gorgeous lavish room before her, willing herself she pushed up from the floor and wandered about the room.

Folding her arms, she dragged her feet towards the phone touching the piece of paper with his number scribbled on, “After ten… that seems so long away.” Rubbing her arm as she reached for the phone touching it, “I must look like such a fool, waiting at the phone to call him. He’s not been gone long and here I am desperate to call already.” Tapping her fingers against the phone before she walked away from it determined to get through today without any problems, she could take care of herself and she would show Cas she would be okay and that she was more than enough to support him through this. “I hope he will be alright… at least his friends can be there for him.” Throwing herself on the sofa she picked up the remote just putting on any random channel to mindlessly watch in the background, maybe she could even get some sleep whilst waiting for him.

Rubbing her eyes as she watched the television, she felt herself shiver, a rush of cold coursing through her as she frowned. Reaching up she grabbed a blanket that was hanging over the side of the cough and wrapped it around herself to keep warm, “I am fine. I will be fine. I have to be fine to keep supporting Cas.” Whispering to herself as if speaking the words would convince herself that she was fine, it was something she used to do and it often worked so she hoped this time would be the same.

[Rogue Sloth]

For a long time, Caspian had known that he would have to bury his father while he was still young, but to actually start taking steps toward that end was the most difficult task he’d been given in a long time. After his phone call with Jacob, he raced back home as quickly as he could, fighting past the reporters at the gate until one of the security guards spotted his car and escorted him inside. Being back was a surreal experience after everything that had happened too. The mansion felt empty in spite of the lavish décor, and when he traipsed up the stairs to his room, it seemed like all the guards and servants he passed were watching him with bated breaths and unspoken questions hanging from their lips. He hadn’t told any of them where he had gone the night before, so it was only natural for everyone to be curious, but he still disliked all the eyes on his back. He wanted nothing more than to be alone to process what was going on. Unfortunately, he wasn’t going to get the chance until everything was over, it appeared.

Just minutes after he closed the door behind him, there was a knock on the panel followed by the sound of Jacob’s voice. Cas gave him permission to enter, and the head of security stepped inside. “Your Highness,” he greeted him with a curt bow. “I’m here to give you your itinerary and offer my assistance with your speech… for the funeral.”

At the word ‘funeral,’ Cas’s stomach knotted, and he sat up on his bed. “Alright, just give it to me,” he sighed, running a hand over his hair. The sooner everything was over and done with, the better. If going through the motions would hasten that process, then he would gladly be Aspiria’s puppet for the day.

Jacob pursed his lips. After the phone call they’d exchanged earlier, he’d looked up the prince’s location and pinned him down at the Sunset Veil near the edge of the city. He didn’t know exactly what Caspian had been doing there, but the resort had been close enough to border to make him uneasy. If Atlas’s son had been planning to abdicate his title, he could still be flighty, and their country was in no position to handle the loss of a second ruler at that moment. He cleared his throat, “Before we get into the details, I’d like to ask you… How are you doing?”

Cas blinked, caught off guard by the question. Jacob had always been kinder to him than most of the other guards, but he hadn’t expected the older man to ask about his wellbeing. “Honestly? I don’t know,” he shook his head. “I mean, I just had a fight with my dad last night and then found out this morning that he died and I’m supposed to take over as king. How am I supposed to be doing?”

Jacob hovered in the doorway for a moment before quietly closing it behind him and walking over to sit down next to the prince. “You aren’t ‘supposed’ to feel anything,” he replied. “Loss is difficult, and everyone experiences it differently. I may not have lost a member of my own family yet, but I did serve in the military for years. During that time, I saw many of my brothers fall in combat. I wish I’d had time to properly honor their memory and grieve for them, but we’re in the middle of a civil war. I had to bury them and move on every time.” He patted the younger man on the shoulder. “I don’t have any words to make this easier, but I can tell you one thing… All of that confusion and sadness and even anger you’re feeling? Use it. Let it drive you forward and fuel your sense of purpose until you’re able to breathe again. Even though it’s hard, Aspiria needs you, Prince Caspian. You lost your father, but they lost their king. Show them that they still have someone they can turn to for guidance in this uncertain time.”

Cas chewed on the inside of his lip. Jacob had a point. Whether he liked it or not, he was obligated to become the next monarch. He still had a lot of thoughts and emotions to sort through, but maybe he could try using them to bolster him through to the end of his coronation. Take all the pressure and let it force him to be productive. Of course, it didn’t sound easy, and he doubted it would be, but the only other option was holing away and making the entirety of the kingdom wait on him to finish mourning before they had a new king. He couldn’t do that when everyone needed him right now.

“Thanks,” he exhaled. “I think I’ll try that.”

“I’m glad to hear it, Your Highness,” Jacob smiled. “And when you finally have a moment to yourself, I’ll bring you a flask… with whiskey this time. Not water.”

Cas laughed softly, “Whiskey sounds incredible right now.” With another shake of his head, he looked up to meet the other man’s gaze. “So, what’s my itinerary for today?”

Jacob nodded, relieved that the prince didn’t seem keen on bolting anytime soon. Taking his phone from his pocket, he pulled up a text file to share, “I’ve got a schedule for you to go over first. It would be most efficient if you arrive at the square at seventeen hundred…”

[sukikyoufu]

Although Iris had thought that the mindless television shows would take her mind off of things she was wrong, the mind numbing TV programs did nothing but fill the silence of the hotel room and even sleep wasn’t going to be an option because trying to shut off her mind was not happening. All she could think about was Cas and how he would be doing, what he would be doing and the fact she couldn’t support him from here. It may have seemed selfish, but she wished she could just be with him, spending time with him made her forget her problems and troubles so she could easily just push her thoughts and feelings aside.

Sighing to herself as she moved her heaving feeling body from the couch, she headed to the kitchen to get herself a glass of water knowing how time was going to drag for her. Time would certainly go by quickly for Cas with everyone he now had to deal with, from arranging his funeral to now taking over a country. Iris couldn’t imagine what it was like, she knew what it was like to lose a family member especially one they were fighting with. Though she had betrayed her own, her father had probably died thinking she didn’t love him which wasn’t true. Although she didn’t agree with his choices or actions, she still cared for him, he was her father after all and had tried to raise her. Seeing her hand tremble as she reached for the glass, she shook her head before running the water to fill up the glass trying not to grimace as her thoughts continued on playing at her emotions. Taking a sip of her drink of water she knew she couldn’t just mull around that wasn’t going to help anything, moving back to the sofa she lanced at the television frowning as a news prompt appeared.

BREAKING NEWS. IT HAS BEEN REPORTED THAT THE KING HAS DIED. IT IS NOT BEING TREATED AS SUSPICOUS AND REPORTS ARE ASSUMING IT WAS DUE TO HIS AILING HEALTH.

Why would they even think it would be suspicious? I see the social media still thinks that the poorer districts are just terrorists. Rolling her eyes even at the thought of it being suspicious, of course she wouldn’t deny that people would try to assassinate the King or his line. That’s what I was supposed to do not too long ago. Bitterly reminding herself of that fact as she continued to watch the news report detailing about the Kings death and that there had been no sightings of the Prince. My fault. If I hadn’t been here, he would have been with his father in his last moments. Maybe he would have got to say goodbye.

Placing the glass down on the table she folded her arms watching the news prattle on, but she narrowed her eyes as she could see live footage from the palace. A bunch of reporters outside waiting for a news story no doubt and she sighed, “I need to stop thinking about the what ifs. It doesn’t matter now.” Turning her back on the news report before she stopped hearing the last snippet.

IT HAS BEEN ANNOUNCED THE FUNERAL WILL TAKE PLACE TONIGHT, LIVE COVERAGE OF THE EVENT WILL HAPPEN AND A SPEECH FROM THE PRINCE HAS BEEN CONFIRMED. TUNE IN LATER TO WATCH.

“Oh Cas, I don’t suppose you can mourn in private; your life is so public to everyone.” Iris sighed shaking her head, but she sat down on the sofa leaving the channel on so she could watch him on the TV. Rooting for him in the hotel and she hoped he knew she was going to be there to support him in spirit. Settling on the sofa she leaned her head back closing her eyes as she just listened to the reporters continue on as she began to fall in and out of a light slumber just waiting for the moment Cas would appear on TV.

[Rogue Sloth]

Although Cas had all day to prepare for the funeral, time seemed to fly by as he and Jacob worked on his speech. The guard stayed with him for the entire morning and afternoon, playing the role of tactful critic whenever the prince asked him for his opinion on the wording of certain sentences and rapt listener when he finished the script and spent an hour rehearsing it in the privacy of his bedroom. His presence was reassuring to Cas, and it reminded him that he wasn’t quite so alone now that he’d returned to the palace (it was hard to think of his home as anything else now that he was about to take on the title of king). Jacob couldn’t do much to share his responsibilities, but he was still glad to have the head of security by his side. Over the years, the older man had become something of a mentor and friend to him, and he had a lot of respect for his opinions.

Once the speech was done, Caspian spent the rest of the afternoon getting ready to make his public appearance before the rest of Aspiria. He showered and planned to take care of the rest on his own, but his father’s PR specialist—or his PR specialist now—had other ideas. She arranged for a beautician to cut his hair and shave his face, insisting that he should just sit back and relax while a professional took care of the work for him. It wasn’t the first time he’d been subjected to that kind of treatment, so he acquiesced and allowed the stylist and his partners to make him camera-ready. They handled his unruly locks and selected a suit from his closet that they’d deemed appropriate for the occasion: a black, modern fit outfit with a notched lapel. To go with it, there was a tie in the same color and a burgundy long-sleeved button-down.

Cas let them choose his clothes for him, but he’d never been fond of letting other people dress him up like a Ken doll, so he asked the beauty posse to leave his room while he put on the suit by himself. Standing in front of a full-length mirror, he was struck again that he was getting dressed up for his own father’s funeral. The knowledge brought about a strange sense of déjà vu, reminding him of the day he’d attended his mother’s funeral not so many years ago, and his throat suddenly felt tight. Both of his parents were gone now. He was only twenty-four, yet he was already on his own with neither a dad nor a mom to give him advice or help him when times got tough. Even what was left of his family were all estranged because of Atlas’s paranoid actions.

He could feel the raw emotions threatening to bubble up again, and he took a slow breath to calm himself. Even though it hurt, he had to keep in mind what Jacob had told him: Don’t shut down. Use the pain to push forward. He still had a funeral to get through, so he couldn’t lose control of himself now. Once it was over, there would be plenty of time to grieve and to forget it all in the numbing balm of alcoholic stupor.

Well, maybe not quite that much. If Iris called, he needed to be coherent enough to answer his phone, so he compromised with himself and decided that he would just get moderately drunk after the night was over. Until then, he had a speech to give and a father to bury so, making one last adjustment to his tie, he headed out of his room and joined Jacob at the private hangar, where the royal family’s hover cars were kept. In theme with the event, they took a black model, and the security guard piloted it to the square at exactly five o’ clock, shuttling the prince and two more guards who had been assigned to keep him safe until they returned to the palace.

They arrived two hours before the scheduled start of the funeral, so with plenty of time to spare, Caspian and his guards hung out behind the screen that made up the backdrop of the stage. The prince mumble practiced his speech a few more times to himself, occasionally peeking around the side of the screen to watch as people started trickling into the square and took up seats in wait for the funeral to begin. Reporters were already standing around the edges too, speaking into cameras about what was going on.

For the most part, the prelude was mundane. Black-clad high borns joined the audience, reporters narrated every detail, security guards circled the premises, and Cas prepared to speak about his recently deceased father.

Then the pallbearers arrived, carrying a white casket.

Cas happened to glance around the screen just as they brought it up the stairs to the center of the stage, and for a moment, time seemed to stop. The reality that his Atlas was inside that box struck him like a freight train, and he stared dazedly, suddenly feeling lightheaded. His father, the king, was gone, and he was about to send him off and take over the most important job in the country. There was no more buffer between himself and the crown. The weight of it all was suffocating, and his dizziness escalated to panic.

“Your Highness, you’re on in five,” Jacob announced, striding over to place a hand on the prince’s shoulder.

“I can’t,” Cas gasped, realizing belatedly that he’d been holding his breath. With a shake of his head, he pulled away from the guard and stepped back from the screen, trembling slightly as the anxiety gripped him in its full might. “I can’t do it. It’s too much… I-I need to get out of here. Take me back to the palace. Right now.” Winded, his sentences were clipped and breathy, and he paced back and forth, unable to stand still.

Jacob blinked, taken aback by the future king’s abrupt downward plunge, but after a moment, he sighed and walked over to stand nearby him. “Prince Caspian, you can do it,” he told the younger man with as much gentleness as he could manage while he glanced at the time on his watch. At this rate, the panicked prince was going to delay the funeral. “I’m sorry, but I’m not going to take you back. Not until you give that speech you wrote about His Majesty and let the people know that you’re going to be a leader they can trust.” Even as he spoke, the other guards behind the screen gawked at him in thinly veiled horror. To disobey the orders of a royal was scandalous, and they all knew that he could be rightfully imprisoned for his insubordination. Jacob remained unfazed though. His first duty was to Aspiria, and he wasn’t going to sacrifice the nation’s wellbeing just to humor the emotional outburst of their next monarch.

“But I’m not a leader they can trust,” Cas snapped. “I have no idea what the hell I’m doing. I’m not my dad!” Flustered, he ran a hand over his face, averting his gaze to avoid Jacob’s. “He was the one who knew how to lead Aspiria, not me, and he’s dead. I’m not ready for this. I need more time…” He trailed off with a grimace.

“I think you already know you don’t have more time,” Jacob said somberly. “This isn’t something you get to plan and control, Your Highness. Whether you like it or not, it’s already upon you, and the whole of the nation is counting on you to do the duty you’ve been preparing for your entire life.” He placed a hand on the prince’s shoulder again. “Remember what I told you earlier? Use the pressure to push through. You’re almost done for today. Once the funeral is over, you can return to the palace and do whatever you need to do to cope with it all.”

“That doesn’t change the fact that I’m being crowned king tomorrow,” Cas mumbled.

“Nothing will,” Jacob told him matter-of-factly. “But for what it’s worth, I believe you’re underestimating yourself. Your father was a powerful king, but he had his faults. You know that just as well as I do. If you put your mind to it, I truly think you could become one of the best kings Aspiria has ever known. You just have to start taking your first steps to get there, and that means walking out on that stage and speaking to your people.”

Cas turned back to him, surprised by the conviction in Jacob’s words. Had anyone else said that to him, he would have thought they were patronizing him, but it sounded genuine coming from the stoic guard. Jacob actually thought he would make a great ruler. He still didn’t know exactly why the older man felt that way, but the support was just enough to quell some of his panic. “Thanks,” he managed a smile and took a deep breath. “I guess it’s now or never… How late am I?”

“Only five minutes,” Jacob said after checking his watch one more time. “If you’re ready now, I’ll let the moderator know.”

“I am,” Caspian took one more breath for good measure. “Or at least, as much as I can be.”

Jacob nodded and said something into his radio, paused for a moment, then gestured to the edge of the screen. “Go ahead. Your people are waiting for you.”

Cas nodded back to him. Holding his folded speech cues in his hand, he turned toward the opening and stepped forward, striding out onto the stage before he could lose his nerves again.

[sukikyoufu]

Falling in and out of sleep for the past couple of hours hadn’t been exactly smooth for Iris, it seemed every time she was on her own or not with Cas the nightmares would descend and disturb her. Snippets and memories of her father plaguing her, but also Ethan. For some reason he had started to crop up in her nightmares and she hated to admit part of it was fear that she hadn’t seen the last of him and she knew the next time she did she was going to pay gravely for what she had done. That crazed look in his eye and the manic grin was not easy to forget, nor was the way he looked at her disgust. That and the memory of his hands around her throat was hard to forget especially when they repeated themselves in nightmares, it was like she could still feel his fingers wrapped around her windpipes choking the life out of her.

Iris wasn’t sure how long she had spent in this dazed state, in and out of dreams and nightmares on the sofa. It was very comfortable to sleep on that was certain, but anything was better than that cell she had been inside or the hospital for that matter. A place she didn’t want to see again, but then she hated the damn things regardless on whether she was well or not and the times she had been there had not been down to her own choice or free will. Rubbing her eyes as she sat up on the sofa her eyes began to adjust to the various lights flashing from the TV and the soft setting of the lights in the suite now that the sun was setting. Glancing back to the TV she could see that it looked like they were on the news and some report seemed to be going on and it looked they were all setting up for something, trying to read the text she sighed as she saw the words go across the screen.

**LIVE COVERAGE OF THE FUNERAL**

It felt surreal seeing those words, that the funeral was about to happen because for a split second she had forgotten all about it. Sitting forward on the sofa she avidly watched the news report waiting to see the funeral so she could see a glimpse of him and how he was doing, deep down she wasn’t worried as he had Jacob, he had his friends so he would have support around him that he would need and she would keep her promise by calling him the minute it struck ten. Confused for a moment she frowned as she watched the program, there was no sight of Cas and she was certain they had said he was due on now. Gnawing at the bottom of her lip as her heartbeat quickened, she couldn’t help but feel concerned, was he okay? Was he unable to do this? Thoughts raced through her head until she finally saw him step out and she let out a breath realising it was okay, she had panicked for no reason.

Finding herself smile as he began to speak, she watched him begin his speech addressing the country as now thousands relied on him to rule them. Cas would become King; he would honour the legacy to the throne, and she knew he would look to make changes well she hoped he would because who knew maybe he was going to follow exactly in his fathers footsteps. No, don’t even think like that, he wants things to change, he wants everyone to be better. Gasping as she felt the bottom of her lip split, the taste of blood hitting her tongue as she noticed she hadn’t stopped nibbling at it from the nerves.

At least he gets to say goodbye, albeit in front of all these people but he’s doing well standing there. How did he doubt himself as a leader? Iris couldn’t help but think to herself as she watched him deliver the speech realising just how far away he was, how far away their status was to one another and she couldn’t help but think at how she probably shouldn’t be in his life as she would only bring him down.

--------

“OI ETHAN!”

“What!? Will you just leave me alone, I’m in the middle of planning do you know how hard it is to get past their fucking security? Those woods have been fucking closed off since everything.” Ethan growled as he slammed down his pen onto the table glaring at who dared to disturb him mid planning. Some would say he had become quite obsessed.

“No seriously, the news. You have got to see this! The King… he’s well dead.”

“Dead…” Ethan whispered as he moved towards the living room, they had managed to set up a new base of operations and even been lucky enough to get his hands on a TV. One of the perks of ordering everyone else around, frowning as he looked at the screen, he could see the headlines and they were currently filming at a funeral live. “What?” Scoffing as he folded his arms watching the spoiled brat of a Prince talk about his father, he honestly felt sickened, this was what his ex-girlfriend had chosen over him.

“This changes everything, all those plans were focused on killing the King, but now he is dead. Now it’s that childish Prince who can barely keep his emotions in check!” Letting out a laugh as he threw his hands in the air towards the TV his mind already running through various options on how he would kill this one. Ethan knew that he wanted to plan this one out perfectly, he had something against the Prince so killing him was going to be oh so special when he got the chance.

[Rogue Sloth]

Caspian could hear his heartbeat drumming in his ears as he stood before the whole of Aspiria to send his father off to whatever sort of afterlife awaited him on the other side of the funeral. It was far from the first speech he’d ever given to the people, but it was the first without any oversight or follow-up from the man inside the casket. Although the advice Jacob had given him had been good, it hadn’t completely mitigated his anxiety, and he had to take a few long breaths on his way over to the podium before he launched into the address he’d written earlier.

As he began to speak about Atlas, cementing his memory as one of the country’s most powerful leaders by reminding the audience of the laws and decrees he’d enacted during his reign, he felt oddly detached. It was as if he’d split into two separate versions of himself: one who was delivering the message to Aspiria and another who was observing the event from a distance. He was aware that his lips were moving and words were pouring forth, but at the same time, his mind had wandered away from the sentences written on the paper in front of him, preferring to listen and critique as he went along.

Maybe it was the start of his processing or maybe he just had so many stopped-up feelings that they were too overpowering to keep forcing down, but talking about his father as a heroic figure in that moment made him feel like a hypocrite. Their last conversation had been a massive fight over Atlas’s decision to have him institutionalized because the monarch couldn’t believe that his son would take someone else’s side over his. Even before that argument, they’d rarely seen eye to eye on anything. His father had withheld praise and encouragement to the point that if he ever spoke a kind word, it was dumbfounding. In his personal life, the king wasn’t someone he looked up to, so each laudatory word that he spoke over the crowd felt tainted.

The worst part was that as he continued to describe all the ways Atlas had bettered Aspiria, he felt cheated. His father had been harsh and critical on him, but when it came to their country, he’d slaved away until his dying breath to ensure that their people—or at least, the high borns—and the nation as a whole was prosperous. He’d diligently upheld relations with Aspiria’s allies, funneled money into the borders to defend the kingdom from both internal and external threats, made public appearances to assure the people that he was still a capable leader even in his ailing health, and made financial decisions on behalf of the county that had made the richest citizens even more wealthy. He’d dedicated everything to his duties as the king, and in consequence, ruined his relationship with his own family.

In spite of it all though, Cas couldn’t say that he hated his father. He knew he was too empathetic for his own good, but he also understood that ruling an entire country was demanding work, and there was a part of him that still respected Atlas for everything he’d done when he’d been wearing the crown. Because of that, he forced himself to put his own conflict with the monarch aside until the speech ended, the audience applauded, and he stepped off the stage to take up his seat at the front of the crowd while a minister took over to finish the rest of the funeral.

Afterwards, Jacob upheld his end of their deal and palmed him a flask as they headed back to the car, the cemetery and then finally to the palace. Some of the reporters and guests had tried to ask him about the funeral and offer their condolences for his loss respectively, but the guards that had come with him fended them off until he’d made it safely past the barriers at the edge of the estate. Once he was alone, he went back to his room and shrugged off his suit jacket, sitting down on his bed and fishing his phone from his pocket. It was half past nine o’ clock, so he had about thirty minutes left before he could expect any calls from Iris. It was a much-needed breather though. At the end of a busy day, he was just glad to have some time to himself, especially since his coronation was set to happen tomorrow at noon.

Taking a swig from the flask he’d borrowed from his security guard, he bent down to untie his shoes and then swung his legs up onto the mattress to lay down on his back. It was still hard for him to believe that in less than twenty-four hours, he was going to be crowned king. The ground had yet to settle over his father’s grave, and he was going to be taking over the reign of Aspiria. He shook his head at the thought, fixing his gaze absently on the ceiling as he sipped at the flask again. By now, most of the whiskey inside had disappeared. He didn’t know exactly how much he’d drank, but he could definitely feel the effect of the alcohol coursing through his bloodstream. It offered a pleasant numbness, and he closed his eyes with a slow exhale, letting his mind wander to less stressful things.

Almost reflexively, he found himself thinking about Iris, wondering how she was doing since he’d left the Sunset Veil in a rush that morning and wishing he could go back to see her. Even though the timing hadn’t been great, he didn’t regret running off to the resort with her the day before. Knowing that she was in a safe location for the time being gave him some peace of mind, and he’d also enjoyed spending the night with her for the first time. Memories of the previous night flitted through his mind, and he smiled to himself. He’d only told her to call if she needed anything, but he did hope that she would reach out even if she didn’t. When everything else in his life felt like it was moving too quickly for him to keep up, hearing her voice was always a welcomed reprieve.

[sukikyoufu]

Iris had watched the whole speech her eyes never leaving Caspian as he stood and addressed the country about the fallen King, his father. Listening to Cas only reaffirmed her belief on him being a good leader, the fact that he addressed everyone just hours after finding out with to her what seemed like confidence was astounding. There was no way she could have done anything like that, whether she had been trained or not she knew she would never have had the courage to do such a thing. Coupled with the fact not all memories had been great with her own father and she knew that Cas had experienced a bit of a rocky relationship also, but he had spoken about the triumphs his father had done. Not that she agreed with everything he had said.

It was strange to think how only last night his father had arranged for him to be sent to a mental institution because he was certain his son had something wrong with him all because Cas had stuck up for her and the life he had seen beyond the Capital. Now Atlas was dead, and she knew she would be lying when she said she was sorry for that because truthfully deep down she was glad he was dead. Sure, it had been the wish of the rebellion and she had wished it too, because the King had not once thought of the districts and not once bettered their area for the good. Not a dime had been thrown their way, so of course it was no wonder the people had rebelled and the only thing she was sorry for was the fact that Cas had lost his father as that was a blow no one could understand unless they had experienced it themselves.

Even though she had lost her own father it was still different circumstances, her father had been crazed in the end and lost his mind. There hadn’t really been a father daughter relationship between them for quite sometime and it only took until recently for her to admit that fact. It was partly her being naïve to it, that her father wasn’t obsessed with the rebellion and rising above his station. Shaking her head as the speech was over, she settled down on the sofa watching the clock, it wasn’t ten yet, but she couldn’t wait to finally call him and make sure he was okay. Iris would be lying to herself if she said she wasn’t worried about him, they had been through so much recently and she didn’t want this to be that final nail in the coffin for some sort of mental breakdown. If she were to list everything down that had happened, she wouldn’t even believe it herself.

Tapping her fingers against the edge of the sofa she mumbled to herself waiting for the time to pass, “Come on…” It felt as if time was going by so slowly now that she was clock watching, the day had passed by in an alright fashion, but this last half an hour was almost torture. Standing up from the sofa she began to pace around by the kitchen glancing from the time to the phone on the wall and then finally to his number. Would it look to eager of me to call dead on ten? No… surely not. Though maybe? Letting out an exasperated sigh as she picked up the paper in her hands that contained his number she glanced once more back at the clock feeling her heart do a little leap seeing it had finally reached ten o’clock.

Without hesitation she dialled the number into the phone feeling her heart race as she waited for the other side to pick up, hearing the rings she started to doubt herself on if it had been the right time to call. Hearing the line connect she smiled relieved that she could finally hear his voice, “Hey Cas, how are you? Is everything okay? Well… stupid questions really, you don’t need to answer that… I'm sorry.” Amidst the excitement of calling him she had completely forgotten that he probably wasn’t okay, and it was a silly question to ask him, but she was glad she could at least talk to him. Grateful that this phone was in the hotel room.

“I don’t know why you were ever worried about being a leader, you should be proud of that speech. To get up there and address everyone after what has happened lately. You did good. I watched the whole thing.” Iris knew she was already rambling, he probably didn’t need her to ramble but she had been worried about him throughout the day and the mind numbing TV programs hadn’t helped.

[Rogue Sloth]

Caspian didn’t know when he’d dozed off, but sometime after he’d laid down on his bed, the combination of the emotional exhaustion and the effects of the whiskey overtook him, and he fell asleep with his phone resting limply in his hand on the pillow next to him. He slept for a while until the pulsating sound of his phone’s buzzing drew him back to wakefulness. With a yawn and a weary stretch, he opened his eyes, taking a moment to orient himself. Not long had passed, so he was still tipsy on the liquor in his system, and it took him a few seconds to draw connections between the source of the noise and the reason why the device was going off in the first place.

When it finally struck him that he’d been waiting for Iris to call, he hissed a curse under his breath and sat up quickly, grabbing the phone in the hopes that he hadn’t missed her. Fortunately, the call went through, and he relaxed again when he heard her greet him over the line. He’d been looking forward to talking to her all day, but somehow, hearing her voice was even better than he’d built it up to be in his head. “Hey, Iris,” he said to her in return, his own voice slightly raspy after having just woken up. Clearing his throat to ease it, he smiled to himself when she asked how he was doing and then immediately backpedaled as if she thought he would be offended by her concern.

“I’m doing better now,” he replied in spite of her effort to tell him not to answer the question. “It’s good to hear your voice again… Also, one of my guards, Jacob, gave me some bourbon to drink after the funeral. Both are helping.” He chuckled to himself and laid back down on the bed with his phone still held to his ear. It was the first time he’d ever tried the ‘long distance’ thing with someone, and he could see why most people agreed that it wasn’t sustainable for a long time. Already, he missed having her beside him and wished they could do more than just chat over the phone at night. It was still better than nothing though, so he would just have to be grateful that they could talk at all and keep looking forward to a time when they could be together in person again.

Her flattery of his speech made him feel a twinge of pride. He hadn’t been sure how it had been received by his audience, since he still didn’t see himself as a charismatic leader like his father had been. Knowing that she thought he’d done well gave him some peace of mind. “Thanks,” he said, fixing his eyes on his ceiling to passively study the texture in the paint. “I’m glad you think so. You have no idea how terrifying it is to speak in front of the whole country like that… I almost didn’t go through with it, so it’s good to know I wasn’t a total train wreck.”

With a sigh, he changed the subject, curious to know how she had been since they’d parted that morning. “I’m really sorry I ditched you at the hotel, Iris… How have you been doing since I left? Have you had anything to eat since breakfast?” He paused briefly before adding: “And don’t try to lie to me. I’m getting good at spotting your tells.”

[sukikyoufu]

Finally hearing his voice at the other end of the receiver gave her a huge sense of relief, she could hear the raspy tones and for a moment she felt bad for calling and waking him but it soon passed as he began to speak to her. Happy that it was well received and for a moment she forgot about what had happened and was only somewhat saddened over the fact that there was now distance between them when all she wanted to do was hold him. “Yeah?” Listening to him speak as she leaned against the kitchen side tapping her fingers against the marble worksurface in the hotel room.

“Just don’t overdo it okay, but I’m glad. I hope it’s good bourbon at least.” Finding herself smile as she heard him chuckle, it had honestly been so pleasant hearing his voice finally after spending the day alone. It she was honest she hated being alone like she had, she hated being left to her thoughts without any way to keep her mind off of it other than watching the mindless television shows during the day which didn’t help too much. Something she wouldn’t tell him because she didn’t want to add to his every growing list of worries and concerns, already she had done enough, and she didn’t want him to think she couldn’t cope without him.

Pushing herself off of the side she headed to the living room part of the hotel and sat herself down on the sofa glad it was a cordless style phone, but it didn’t surprise her seeing as the technology was quite advanced in the wealthier areas like this. “I can’t imagine how scary it must have been, I’d never be able to speak in front of a whole country like you did and you pulled through even with everything going on. I was a little worried when you didn’t come on straight away, I though you may have bottled it and I can’t blame you, but honestly you should proud of that speech. You’ll be a great ruler.”

Kicking her feet up on the sofa she laid down as she kept on the phone looking up at the ceiling as she happily listened to him on the other end of the phone, “Don’t apologise, it’s only natural and I’m lucky I still have somewhere quite decent to sleep. It’s not the same without you of course and I do miss your company, but you have far more important things to deal with right now than worry about me.”

Iris felt her smile falter for a brief moment because she was about to lie to him, tell him she had eaten and looked after herself, but she hadn’t expected his claim to spotting her tells. “Oh Cas, you don’t need to worry about me. I’m fine.” Eating hadn’t really been on her list of things to do today, not intentionally but when she was wrapped up in other things it hadn’t really crossed her mind. The loss of appetite hadn’t helped much either, but he did not need to know that. “I can safely say that the television programs haven’t gotten any better, but somehow I’m hooked on these dodgy reality TV shows.” Chuckling herself as she skirted around the question smoothly, it wasn’t technically lying if she didn’t answer it. It was just delaying the truth.

“Do you… know when you might be able to visit? Or see me?” Trying not to sound too hopeful because she didn’t know how long it would take, or how soon he would be able to get away with everything going on. A King couldn’t exactly just disappear for the night and she knew that, but she wanted to see him one last time before she decided on what the best course of action for herself would be whether it meant returning to the districts or not.

[Rogue Sloth]

“I knew the answer to that when I started, but now I can’t tell anymore,” Caspian admitted with a soft laugh, picking up the flask on his nightstand and swirling the little that remained at the bottom. Between his nap and the effects of the liquor over the hours he’d been sipping at it, he couldn’t remember what quality of bourbon Jacob had given him. Although, it didn’t really matter. Cheap whiskey could get him drunk just as easily as an expensive brand. He might just have a slightly worse hangover in the morning if he had too much of the former.

When she commented that he would make a great ruler, he reddened slightly, both pleased and chagrined by the compliment. “Thanks. That means a lot,” he told her sincerely. In spite of his own self-doubts, he was glad to have Iris and even Jacob in his corner as he made the transition from prince to king. Their faith in him made him feel a little better about taking on a job that he was obligated by heritage to fill. Had it been up to him, he would have pawned his inheritance off to someone else a long time ago, but Atlas had made sure that it wasn’t possible for anyone but him to succeed the throne after his passing. Now that the time had come, he needed all the support he could get to take over the most demanding role in Aspiria.

He was also glad that Iris didn’t sound upset with him for ditching her at the Sunset Veil. “I miss you too,” he sighed into the receiver, setting the flask back down on his nightstand and rolling from his back to his side on his bed. It was especially difficult to be apart when he didn’t know when they would be able to be together again. there were so many things happening now that his father was gone that he didn’t have the faintest idea when he would be able to sneak away to see her at the resort. He also didn’t know what things were going to look like between them now that he was about to be king. He wondered if he could just get rid of the warrant for her arrest and come forward to say that they were dating, but there were always ripple effects when a member of royalty did anything. He’d have to talk to someone else about it before he made any final decisions about how to proceed.

The way Iris answered him made Cas roll his eyes. It was obvious that she was dodging the question because she hadn’t been taking care of herself since he’d left. He wished she would just be straightforward with him, so he wouldn’t have to worry about her hiding things on top of that. “Mhm,” he grunted when she told him about the TV shows she’d been watching. “You didn’t actually answer my question, Iris. I asked if you’d eaten today, not if you were fine. I know you skipped dinner, so I’m going to call an order up to your room, and you’d better finish the whole damn thing.”

Even as he spoke, he pulled the phone away from his ear to submit an online food request from the restaurant in the Sunset Veil’s lobby while the call continued on. He knew he couldn’t actually force her to eat, but he hoped that she would at least try to get something into her stomach if he sent it to her door. He didn’t want her to completely neglect her own needs while she was alone in the suite.

At her following inquiry though, his thumb hovered over the order screen. “I… don’t know,” he replied slowly, biting the tip of his tongue. “I want to see you again, babe. I really do. I just… have so much going on here that I can’t tell you when I’ll be able to come back.” With a heavy exhale, he ran a hand over his face. “I promise I’ll be there as soon as I can get away. I just need a little more time to let the dust settle here.”

[sukikyoufu]

“I can imagine, I’m sure it’s a welcome relief to have the bourbon though.” Iris mused as she continued talking over the phone to Cas, it felt strange this distance and as much as she tried not to think about it talking like this only had her worried for the future. Especially as they both knew she could not stay in that hotel room forever, but for now she kept quiet as talking about it would get them nowhere and would no doubt just upset them both when it wasn’t really needed. Iris knew she should just be grateful she was alive and had somewhere nice to sleep for the night, albeit it alone without him.

Grinning to herself as the compliment was taken well, she was glad she could support him even if it was from afar, she was thankful he appreciated it none the less. It was unlikely he had much support or even compliments about the way he did things, after learning about his father and the kind of relationship he had with him she felt the need to tell him he’d done good. Knowing personally just how much of a difference it could make if someone supported him and that was something, she found herself wanting to do.

Hearing him say the words that he missed her offered both comfort and yet sadness because it was a grim reminder that right now, she couldn’t be a part of his life. Iris didn’t even know or understand everything that he would now have to do, but she did know it would mean that they would be apart again for a little while. Already she could feel the sinking feeling in her chest knowing that it could be a while until she saw him again, the cheeky smile and warm eyes that looked at her with such care. Sighing softly to herself as she looked at the empty room before her phone against her ear as she thought on how lonely this was going to be, how she should maybe just duck out of the hotel and slip back into the districts so he needn’t worry about her and could focus on leading a country.

“You can’t know I skipped dinner!” Pulled from her thoughts as she took the defence instantly only to find herself inwardly cringing because he was right. Never had she been the one to take care of herself or even worry about herself because she felt her life was insignificant compared to others. “I’m sorry… I just kind of spaced out a little here zoned in on the programs I forgot. I also… well. I didn’t want to overstep and before you start to lecture me or have a go you know what I’m like when it comes to expense.” Nibbling at the bottom of her lip once more trying to explain herself, “I know you say it’s fine. I know that, but I also know it’s not cheap here… I can’t stay here forever, and I just hate the idea that I’m leaching off of you. Which I know you say I’m not and that it’s fine… I guess I just overthink it as I feel bad sometimes knowing I can never afford something like this or even dream of repaying it back.”

Pausing for a moment she sat up on the sofa pulling her knees up to her chest, “I promise I will eat what you’ve sent up though. Thank you.” Iris wouldn’t just let the food go to waste and whatever she didn’t eat she could save for later. Finding her eyes trail down to the floor she couldn’t help the small sigh that escaped her lips when he said he didn’t know when they could see each other, a cold hard truth she didn’t want to hear. It had been wishful thinking it could be soon, but he was right, there had to be so much going on that seeing her wasn’t something he would be able to do. “I know… I’m sorry I shouldn’t have brought it up. Wishful thinking, I guess.”

Hesitating at her next words she could feel the lump in her throat, “Cas I…” Stopping herself before she really dropped herself in it she cursed at her own thoughts and completely changed direction on what she was originally going to say. “I love you okay… I’ll be here waiting for you.” Trying to keep her tone upbeat as she was honestly about to put her foot in her mouth by bringing up something that they had yet to voice between each other. If they could really have a future together and make it work with everything going on. Now wasn’t the time, not when he had just lost his father and was about to be King, she couldn’t bring up something like that as she had to support him.

[Rogue Sloth]

“You’re more obvious than you think you are,” Cas chuckled when Iris tried one last attempt to tell him that he was wrong. He knew she hadn’t eaten. If she had, it honestly would have been a shock. In all the time he’d known her, he’d had to be the one to make sure that she was taking care of herself, since she often neglected her own needs. Now that he wasn’t in the same place as her, he had a feeling he was going to be checking in with her about her eating habits every time they talked on the phone. The last thing he wanted was to come back to the resort and find out that she’d dropped a lot of unnecessary weight just because she was too focused on what was happening in his life to feed herself.

Pulling his phone away from his ear again, he finished filling out the order form for the restaurant in the Sunset Veil, selecting a simple pasta and side salad for Iris, since he knew she wasn’t fond of overly complicated dishes. At this point, he didn’t care about encouraging her to try new foods anyway. He just wanted to make sure she got something into her stomach, whether it was gourmet or not. The restaurant didn’t have very many options for the latter, but now that he knew she wasn’t going to fix herself any meals, he could order her lunches and dinners from other restaurants near the resort and have them delivered to her suite. Knowing generally what kinds of foods she fancied, he felt like he could come up with dishes that she would eat at least most of the time.

Once he’d sent the order to the restaurant, he brought his phone back to his ear to answer her. “You won’t be there forever,” he promised. “I’m going to figure something out… I really do want to be with you again, Iris. It’s just taking longer than I wanted to smooth everything over at home, and I have to get this done before I can start working on clearing the road for you to be here with me.” His coronation party aside, he still had to go through all the paperwork for his inheritance with a lawyer, establish himself with Aspiria’s allies and waive the warrant for her arrest in the capital. As much as he would have liked to wave his hand and magically finish all of it right away, the rational side of him knew it was going to take time to get everything done. He had to be smart about it too, otherwise the Aspirian people could just see him as immature and impulsive, putting a personal relationship before the whole of the kingdom. Even though he didn’t want the job in the first place, it was his now and he had to take responsibility for it.

“Don’t be sorry. You have every right to want to know when things will change, and I wish I had an answer for you,” he sighed, shaking his head to himself. “Just… please trust me for now and know that as soon as I can get you out of that hotel, I’m going to do it. This is only temporary until I can bring you here to be with me.” And once they were together again, everything would be sailing smoothly, he hoped. At the current moment, the other high borns thought she was a criminal, but they always moved on to whatever shiny new thing caught their attention next. Once they forgot about his father’s wanted posters, he was optimistic that he could finally come forward and announce that they were together publicly without causing a scandal. He just hoped that happened sooner rather than later, so he didn’t have to hide her from the rest of the country for much longer.

“I love you too,” he told her, trying not to let his own discouragement seep into his voice. When he’d been waiting for her call, he’d thought that talking to her would improve his mood, but it had only reminded him of all the obstacles that still stood in the way of them being together. Of course, he didn’t regret hearing her voice again in the slightest. The hard part was knowing that this was the best they were going to get until he could get around to bringing her to the palace, and he had no idea how long it would be before that could happen.

“I know you will,” he managed something of a smile when she told him she would be waiting for him. “Call me again tomorrow. I should be available after ten again… Have a good night, Iris, and be sure to eat the food I sent up for you. It should be there in about twenty minutes.”

[sukikyoufu]

Iris sighed to herself as Cas pointed out that she was more obvious than what she initially thought, something she knew she would have to work on especially as Cas was going through so much right now that he shouldn’t have to worry about her. Iris hated the idea of that, why add to his pile of troubles when she could feign ignorance and pretend like she was okay. If she willed it enough it would become true, it’s what her father used to do think on something so much that he truly believed it himself so if she started to believe that she was fine, then she would be fine. After all she had to be there for Cas.

Even with him saying she wouldn’t be here forever she was finding it hard to believe that herself, she was going to end up spending a lot of time in this hotel room and already she began to dread what her days would look like hidden away in this suite. Today for instance she had just wasted it all watching the TV and she didn’t want to spend every day gawping at stupid programs that didn’t take her mind off of anything. I’m being selfish, aren’t I? I should be thankful I have a roof over my head, not complaining about it all. Not whilst Cas is about to inherit a country and has far more important things to be worried about. Fiddling with the sleeves of her clothing as she listened to him on the phone she tried not to sound disheartened at the fact that this wouldn’t just be over in a day.

It didn’t stop her from her original train of thought and for a split second she had nearly voiced it down the phone which would have only made things worse. That this was too much hassle than needed, that it would just be easier if she went back to the districts and went about her life without him. Things would have been so different if she had been born into any other family, maybe it would have been different if her mother hadn’t have died and her father wasn’t obsessed with bringing down the monarchy. Life would have been simple and a part of her wished it could be, maybe it was still an option for her if she left this hotel room. If she was caught she’d be thrown back in a cell and killed as his fathers orders of her would still stand until Cas could override them. Would it be so bad? Cas would probably do so much better without me. What if I am holding him back?

Smiling to herself as he returned the I love you she wasn’t prepared for how this call had gone. At first, she had thought it would just be nice to talk to him and that they could just talk random nonsense that would make one another happy. It hadn’t been the case though, instead she was left feeling more anxious and worried than before because nothing was set in stone on what would happen now. “Of course I will, don’t party too hard without me okay? Sleep well…” It was easy to sound okay over the phone, but she was thankful he couldn’t see the look on her face as she knew it would only worry him. “Well as long as you didn’t buy me anything fancy to eat, I’m sure I will be fine.” Making a bit of a joke at the end of it, her eating habits weren’t that great in general but she would try for him.

As she said her goodbye over the phone, she ended the call only to hang her head as a sigh escaped her, the phone now held loosely in her hand as she took in the call. Iris knew it wouldn’t be forever, but she doubted she would be able to keep herself sane here being left to her own thoughts. Moving off of the sofa she moved to the kitchen to return the phone back to its stand as she walked into the room she ran her fingers across the smooth marble worktops in her suite already on edge. Nothing seemed to go right for them and she knew it had to be a sign that maybe they should quit whilst they were ahead.