What's Bothering You?

[Enarr]

Just for some background, I'm a teenage Mexican boy who lives in America, is fifteen years old, highly analytical and sarcastic, technically a genius, allegedly rebellious, apparently suave, something of a 'hipster', and an introvert.

What's bothering me is assorted girl troubles. On the one hand, I met a girl who is absolutely extraordinary. She is smart, gorgeous, fun, shares a similar background, musical taste, and social position with me. Plus, in an odd twist of fate, she and I share a name. But, I found out that she had a boyfriend after we'd been talking/flirting for two days straight 'til bed. And on top of that, she may be dying. So... there's that.

And, another girl I know is smart and pretty, though she is in no way a consolation for the aforementioned girl, I do actually like her. Her friends have been trying to set me up with her for the majority of the school year and, because I'm kinda shy about genuine affection, I've never taken a chance and asked her out. After basically being cornered in class on Friday, I was pressured to 'make a move'. Apparently someone thought I already had because I heard a rumor that had went around that we had just become a couple, when ironically I was planning on asking her in the very class period I'd heard the rumor. So I held off on actually asking her for the weekend. But now I'm unsure of what my next move should be.

[Enarr]

Swarley said
Well right now I guess the thing that's bothering me is my own envy of talented people. There's so many things out there (Specifically artistic endeavors) that I know for a fact I'm not able to do, however I really want to do them. Blech, I don't even know what I'm saying.

I feel your pain, man/woman. I have a hard time dealing with my own failures in self expression. But I try to avoid comparing myself to others in favor of a more self-guided route where I act as the judge, teacher, and student. Because, in a round about sort of way, everything we do in life pleases ourselves. So why not be upfront about it? That's a personal philosophy of mine.

[Jannah]

Swarley said
Well right now I guess the thing that's bothering me is my own envy of talented people. There's so many things out there (Specifically artistic endeavors) that I know for a fact I'm not able to do, however I really want to do them. Blech, I don't even know what I'm saying.

I know the feeling, and to top it off I have no marketable skills. I literally have nothing to make a living off of.

[Gwazi Magnum]

Nightrunner said
Just for some background, I'm a teenage Mexican boy who lives in America, is fifteen years old, highly analytical and sarcastic, technically a genius, allegedly rebellious, apparently suave, something of a 'hipster', and an introvert.What's bothering me is assorted girl troubles. On the one hand, I met a girl who is absolutely extraordinary. She is smart, gorgeous, fun, shares a similar background, musical taste, and social position with me. Plus, in an odd twist of fate, she and I share a name. But, I found out that she had a boyfriend after we'd been talking/flirting for two days straight 'til bed. And on top of that, she may be dying. So... there's that.And, another girl I know is smart and pretty, though she is in no way a consolation for the aforementioned girl, I do actually like her. Her friends have been trying to set me up with her for the majority of the school year and, because I'm kinda shy about genuine affection, I've never taken a chance and asked her out. After basically being cornered in class on Friday, I was pressured to 'make a move'. Apparently someone thought I already had because I heard a rumor that had went around that we had just become a couple, when ironically I was planning on asking her in the very class period I'd heard the rumor. So I held off on actually asking her for the weekend. But now I'm unsure of what my next move should be.

I could respond with the typical "Follow your heart", but I know from experience just going on your emotions alone get's you stuck in terrible situations and causes people to make mistakes far too often.

So instead I'll say "Do what you feel is right, where both your head and heart agree".
If you do something you're not happy with doing, it's going to haunt you, eat away at you and you won't be happy.
If you do something you know is entirely illogical, you're going to get in a terrible mess for not thinking thing's through clearly.

You might need to take some time to truly reflect and think about what to do.
That's fine, take your time. If the person really care's for you they'll be willing to wait.

In the end though, any choice/decision that's not your own decision is one you're going to regret doing.
So the best you can do is to think it through and evaluate the situation well enough to come to the best decision both logically and emotionally you can make for yourself.

[StarWight]

I'll say this. That first girl has a boyfriend already, so if you really do care about her, maybe it's best that you stand back, don't get in the way, and let those two be what they will be. I won't get into too much detail with my own personal life here, but I was in a similar situation...and find myself in something of a similar situation now (except the girl in question and I actually have a history together).

Bottom line being, she's seeing someone and if said someone makes her happy....maybe you should let them be happy. Would be different if it was just someone she liked but wasn't actively dating, but if they are dating...maybe just try to let it go, hard as that is to do.

[Enarr]

LoneSilverWolf said
I'll say this. That first girl has a boyfriend already, so if you really do care about her, maybe it's best that you stand back, don't get in the way, and let those two be what they will be. I won't get into too much detail with my own personal life here, but I was in a similar situation...and find myself in something of a similar situation now (except the girl in question and I actually have a history together). Bottom line being, she's seeing someone and if said someone makes her happy....maybe you should let them be happy. Would be different if it was just someone she liked but wasn't actively dating, but if they are dating...maybe just try to let it go, hard as that is to do.

You are undeniably right. And I wouldn't argue with you at all. I'd merely like to bring out a problem with that. She constantly talks to me, and it's hard to let her be. We pretty much established that I would be her next boyfriend. Her current boyfriend is a dick, but he never does anything to her. So out of respect for them, I have been holding myself back. One thing I have a problem with is that we talked for two days straight while she had a boyfriend. It makes me ask myself "Why wouldn't she do the same thing to me?" I genuinely feel like we do have a special synergy, but maybe it means more to me than it does to her.

Her boyfriend started sizing me up after school once. I may openly be a 'nerd', but I'm not a wimp. So I threw my arm over his shoulder and started strolling for a second, establishing that he would not be intimidating me at all. As opposed to simply beating the living shit out of him for sizing me up like that. So that is a tricky spot for me. The only reason I didn't beat him into submission is because she was watching. Sometimes I wish I did anyways.

I was bullied as a young child, so showing mercy against people trying to intimidate me is excruciatingly difficult. I have a tendency to tackle anyone partaking in bullying on an impulse. It's the only impulse I have that I don't bite back.

[Warrior in the Shadows]

Hmmm, my toenails. The fact that my ribs stick out a little, even though I normally look pretty muscular. Also, I lost 4 pounds, which I'm not proud of, because I'm skinny as it is. And I really wanna ask this girl I work with out for coffee, but I seriously don't know her name. Oh well, have to fix that.

[Dervish]

@Nightrunner, if you want to keep your friendship with that girl intact and have a shot at her down the road, back right off now. I know that she seems like the one or whatever, but you're 15... in the grand scheme of things you're only a few years out of puberty. Trust me, when I was that age I was in a similar boat to you, but you would not believe how much you grow and mature as a person every year when you're in your teens. Your body's figuring out it likes girls and it's new and exciting, but seriously do not push the issue.

The fact she's leading you on like that is not good for either you or her boyfriend, who as far as I'm concerned has done nothing wrong. Have you ever considered he was sizing you up because he thinks you're butting into his relationship and maybe trying to break it up? What would you do if the situation was reversed and it was him trying to get between you and her? You'd probably want to kick his ass, and fighting him is NOT going to win her over or prove anything other than you think with your fists and are quick to anger. The more you push, the more you're going to drive her away, it's that simple, and trying to break up a relationship because you fancy a girl is a dickmove.

Trust me, you have a lot of growing to do between 15 and 20, you're still young and there's going to be countless dating opportunities down the road. You and everyone you know are going to change a lot and it gets to the point where you may not recognize them by the time you graduate. So take it easy, enjoy your time in school, and don't worry so much about finding the "one". The best relationships are the ones you stumble into by chance, not force to happen.

Carry on.

[Enarr]

Dervish said The fact she's leading you on like that is not good for either you or her boyfriend, who as far as I'm concerned has done nothing wrong. Have you ever considered he was sizing you up because he thinks you're butting into his relationship and maybe trying to break it up? What would you do if the situation was reversed and it was him trying to get between you and her? You'd probably want to kick his ass, and fighting him is NOT going to win her over or prove anything other than you think with your fists and are quick to anger. The more you push, the more you're going to drive her away, it's that simple, and trying to break up a relationship because you fancy a girl is a dickmove.

I'm not trying to interrupt their relationship. I actually went so far as to say that me and her should avoid talking. It's just... that didn't work. Plus, I never look for fights, and I wouldn't have hurt someone to look cool or to impress anyone, if anything it would've been legitimate self-defense because he was the instigator, he is taller, overall larger, and he was attempting to intimidate me. Plus, it also wasn't actually my fault because she approached (and continues to approach) me.

So, yeah. I'm not impulsive, generally speaking, I just had to bite back the urge to beat him so I would come out not being 'that guy who beat up her boyfriend'. The fact that she talks to me isn't my fault. If anything, instead of sizing me up, I (call me crazy!) would've tried talking to a guy coming between me and my girlfriend.

EDIT: Based upon the previously given information I do see where you formed your opinions and totally support them, even if it means that the right thing would involve me being hurt as a result.

[Gwazi Magnum]

Nightrunner said
You are undeniably right. And I wouldn't argue with you at all. I'd merely like to bring out a problem with that. She constantly talks to me, and it's hard to let her be. We pretty much established that I would be her next boyfriend. Her current boyfriend is a dick, but he never does anything to her. So out of respect for them, I have been holding myself back. One thing I have a problem with is that we talked for two days straight while she had a boyfriend. It makes me ask myself "Why wouldn't she do the same thing to me?" I genuinely feel like we do have a special synergy, but maybe it means more to me than it does to her.Her boyfriend started sizing me up after school once. I may openly be a 'nerd', but I'm not a wimp. So I threw my arm over his shoulder and started strolling for a second, establishing that he would not be intimidating me at all. As opposed to simply beating the living shit out of him for sizing me up like that. So that is a tricky spot for me. The only reason I didn't beat him into submission is because she was watching. Sometimes I wish I did anyways.I was bullied as a young child, so showing mercy against people trying to intimidate me is excruciatingly difficult. I have a tendency to tackle anyone partaking in bullying on an impulse. It's the only impulse I have that I don't bite back.

Ok. To put this bluntly, you're in a trap and your best move is to get out of there. Note I speak from having been in the exact same situation multiple times before.

First, you already have worries that if she would do this when she has a boyfriend nothing stops her from doing it when with you. That is a legit and true worry.

Secondly, if she honestly thought you were a good boyfriend preferable to her current one she would of left him for you by now.

This is not saying you are not a better boyfriend. But she doesn't value you as one and its better to not have her take advantage of you like that.

My suggestion is to pass on her and wait for someone else. This has all the same warning signs my past relationships did that ended terribly. I'm just hoping that you don't have to suffer the same way I did.

Good luck.

Also, I completely relate to wanting to beat up someone who is a total dick and tries to Intimidate others. I personally have 0 patience for such people.

Good on you for not doing it though. Violence only would of made things worse for all three of you. Its always best to avoid throwing fists if you can help it. The world needs less fighting in it, not more. Double when relationships are part of the equation.

*Edited cause my phone is a bitch and kept making me type in bad English*

[Enarr]

Magic Magnum said
Ok. To put this bluntly, you're in a trap and your best move is to get out of there. Note I speak from having been in the exact same situation multiple times before.First, you already have worries that if she would do this she she has va boyfriend nothing stops her from doing it when with you. That is a legit and true worry.Secondly, if she honestly thought you were a good boyfriend preferable to her current one she would of. left him for you by now.This is not saying you are not a better boyfriend. But she doesn't value you as one and its better to not have her take advantage if you like that.My suggestion is to pass in her and wait for someone else. This has all the same warning signs my past relationships did that all ended terribly. I'm just hoping that you don't have to suffer the same way I did.Good luck.Also, I completely relate to wanting to beat up someone who is a total dick and tries to Intimidate others. I personally have 0 patience for such people.Good on you for not doing it though. Violence only would of made things worse for all three of you. Its always best to avoid throwing fists if you can help it. The world needs less fighting in it, not more. Double when relationships are part of the equation.

I appreciate the advice and am extraordinarily likely to follow it. Thanks, assorted dudes and fellow gamers.

[Gwazi Magnum]

Oh god my English is horrid when I try using the Guild through my phone! -.-

Nightrunner said
I appreciate the advice and am extraordinarily likely to follow it. Thanks, assorted dudes and fellow gamers.

Anytime.

[Jannah]

Maybe I'm just over-analyzing shit, but I always feel like nobody here ever wants to talk to me. It's like I'm an outsider here. It's not the biggest concern in the world since I'm mostly here for RP anyway, but it does tend to worry me when I see other people's threads getting plenty of attention while mine are hardly touched. I'm not trying to attention whore or get sympathy, but I felt a need to rant since I've had a pretty shitty evening overall due to some off-site stuff.

[StarWight]

Jannah said
Maybe I'm just over-analyzing shit, but I always feel like nobody here ever wants to talk to me. It's like I'm an outsider here. It's not the biggest concern in the world since I'm mostly here for RP anyway, but it does tend to worry me when I see other people's threads getting plenty of attention while mine are hardly touched. I'm not trying to attention whore or get sympathy, but I felt a need to rant since I've had a pretty shitty evening overall due to some off-site stuff.

Well I'll always talk to ya Jannah! We haven't a lot lately, but I've been busy af! That said, you and I have personal contact outside of the forum--and I'm sorry I haven't used that in the last few days! I have noticed this too though, even your off topic threads don't get alot of attention. BUT, neither do mine; so I don't know if that really means much in terms of not being accepted or being an outsider, so much as just not drawing a lot of attention to yourself. I noticed the people that get a lot of attention to their threads have...well, to put it bluntly, aspects about them that are over the top--Like Natsume, or Cara who is over the top nice and a gutter goddess xD So, that might be it. Just guessing, to be honest.

[Jannah]

LoneSilverWolf said
Well I'll always talk to ya Jannah! We haven't a lot lately, but I've been busy af! That said, you and I have personal contact outside of the forum--and I'm sorry I haven't used that in the last few days! I have noticed this too though, even your off topic threads don't get alot of attention. BUT, neither do mine; so I don't know if that really means much in terms of not being accepted or being an outsider, so much as just not drawing a lot of attention to yourself. I noticed the people that get a lot of attention to their threads have...well, to put it bluntly, aspects about them that are over the top--Like Natsume, or Cara who is over the top nice and a gutter goddess xD So, that might be it. Just guessing, to be honest.

I'm never truly accepted in any circles I frequent so there's no hard feelings about that, I'm just...idk...it's hard to put into words how I feel right now.

[Gwazi Magnum]

If you mean in Off Topic there are some bigger names around that would by default get some more attention. But overall if you have an interesting and/or engaging topic then people will most likely notice.

If you mean Spam. Treat it like High School on the internet, cause it is. Issues like cliches and popularity run rampant there. I wouldn't let them replying to you or not be anything to bother worrying about.

[Jannah]

Magic Magnum said
If you mean in Off Topic there are some bigger names around that would by default get some more attention. But overall if you have an interesting and/or engaging topic then people will most likely notice.If you mean Spam. Treat it like High School on the internet, cause it is. Issues like cliches and popularity run rampant there. I wouldn't let them replying to you or not be anything to bother worrying about.

I know. I was mostly just upset last night over some off-site stuff. I couldn't help but to feel isolated though since I live with a bunch of religious nutters I have nothing in common with and I don't exactly have any friends irl. Hell, these nutters were blaming evolution and secular humanism for moral decay in western society while I'm just sitting here as somebody who has been atheist her whole life. I'm afraid to speak up against their anti-science stupidity too since I know there's a good chance they would kick me out and I don't exactly have anywhere to go.