[IC] House Of Villains: A Slice Of Life About Comically Self-Aware Villains

[DraconiWarlord]

Leo D'Vince

The first question! Leo thought. A true/false, perhaps? Dogs seems to be correct.
"Well, I think that dogs are correct! But I am a robot person, why would you ask me if I was canine or feline when you can see I am a floating brain in a glass dome?"
"Also, why does your hair look like what they dress witches in before they burn them at the stake? It looks like a cowpie."
@Zanavy

[Sleeth]

Grok

In his newly torn and stained suit he'd borrowed, Grok is shown what the number seven looks like as he's sat down at his respective table. He sits up straight in his chair, almost dignified on this cheap plastic throne. "Grok is not the number seven, Grok is Grok! Great conqueror, strongest of the Sharg, Pusher of Carts, Bagger of Groceries!" He declares proudly and very loudly. The little sheet that had questions on it as Greg had told him about was swept to the side.

"Grok only has one question! How many cattle are you prepared to surrender for the chance to be Grok's mate? Grok will also accept chickens for the laying of eggs!" He adds generously, truly a man of mercy. His hands rest on the table, outstretched as he looks her over, unaffected by so called womanly charms!
________

Jane and...?

"Who are you calling a puppet?" The high pitched voice comes. The sound is clearly from Jane, but her lips are hardly moving, and her hardened eyes continue trying to stare a hole through Jonathan.

After the small outburst, Jane herself speaks in her blunt manner. "My sister Janet. I'd appreciate it if you didn't call her a puppet, she's transitioning toa real girl right now." She... demands?

The puppet nods vigorously, 'standing' up to look much more fierce with those cold, glass eyes. "How could you assume my species the first time we meet? I know I'm a little woodier than other girls, but I won't be held back! Also, that was your question."

The puppet looks down at the paper for a few seconds, as if reading the questions. She then slowly turns her head and looks at her controller. "Ahem, I can't read without you."

"My apologies." Jane says, finally breaking the death stare to look down at the paper, which the puppet reads from.

"What is your ideal first date?" Janet says aloud, before looking back up.

[Zanavy]

Jill Henderson

For a moment, Jill felt a bit of pity for this poor, overly literal-minded robot. She opened her mouth to explain what a 'dog person' means in this context. Then her mouth hung open wider in SHOCK at the brash level of insult in his next comment. Who said something like that on a first date?!

Jill gritted her teeth and her hand flew to her purse of its own accord. She felt around for another spell component. Just as her bony fingers found a small jewel, her wits caught up to her emotions. Jill let out a strained sigh between her teeth and slowly pulled her hand away. The roommates had just spent a lot of Grok's money on this event, and they barely had time to do anything with it yet. If Jill started a fight and got the whole group kicked out right away, she would have a hard time living it down.

The not-a-lich made her best attempt at a smugly composed expression as she turned back to the robot. Some clear fury remained in her posture, though.

"I know not which era you may be speaking of," Jill began in a voice like a rushing river glossed over by smooth ice. "I am unaware of any custom of adorning witches in 'cow pies.' As a matter of fact, if witches were not burned in their typical attire, they would often be dressed in white as a cruelly ironic gesture of purity. Like that time when they tried to burn me."

Jill took a large swig of her rum. Too large, in fact, as trickle of it spilled down her exposed neck vertebrae. Fortunately, her navy dress soaked it up, so she wouldn't have to contend with an awkward accident on the floor. Jill spat the rest of it into her glass and looked at the robot with narrowed... brow bones.

"Now, if you earnestly desire the slightest chance of success here, I would advise you stick to the script... 'Leo.' Or at least think of questions which are not dripping with insult."

Jill tapped Leo's dating questionnaire and then held her skull in her hand.

"By the Nine Hells, no wonder this man is still single..."

@DraconiWarlord

---

Sondra

Sondra's lush lips froze in a blank expression. W...wow. She was accustomed to men getting straight to the point, but this was new. After a few seconds of surprise, the blonde put a warm smile on her face.

"You're not from around here, are you?" Sondra replied, a tantalizing hint of laughter adorning her smooth voice. "People don't tend to trade livestock for marriage these days. You say you're from... Sharg? Tell me more about what it's like there."

@Sleeth

[Eviledd1984]

Henry Biafra

Henry while speaking to the woman across from him, he was trying to impress her by mentioning that he saved his past girlfriend from a cult and a dark god. However that did not seem to impress her, and in fact, made her look at him like he was a crazy person. He soon heard the bell ringing indicating that he would need to talk to another woman. Nervously he checked how he looked through his pocket watch, he always had low self-esteem ever since the first time he died. Being undead did not help with his chances of getting into a relationship.

The next woman that came to his table was a tall woman, who looked like she had not eaten in a long time. He studied her before she had gotten to the table, she looked like someone who listened to The Cure 24/hrs a day. “Hello, my name is Henry.” He said trying to sound friendly, even smiling in a way that made him look more creepy. She had introduced herself as Delores, she started talking about an incident of her trying to connect with her dead cat. This is something that caught his interest, leaning on his arm and asking her if she was able to contact the dead. She had communicated with some spirits, mostly family members, pets, or dead celebrities. He became more comfortable and relaxed talking to Delores, the two talking about their shared love of guns, the occult, and The Backstreet Boys.

[Dark Cloud]

Jonathan B. Jangles

^@Sleeth

---

---

"My ideal date?" Jonathan said leaning back from the weird lady and her puppet, he badly wanted to say not this but he didn't as it would have been rude "Well I don't really know...It's been awhile so it is hard to answer that." he lied.

[Sleeth]

Grok

Any notion that her mention of livestock trading being outdated quickly went over Grok's head, or perhaps it was too much effort to question. "The Sharg is not a place, the Sharg are the blood brood of Grok. The Sharg are strongest warriors! Grok is strongest Sharg!" He wails on at inappropriate volume. A quiet voice can be heard at the next table up explaining how they work with special needs people like their companion.

"Kings are made in duels of death, and great plain-feuds! Grok has tried to advance to assistant manager first, but the Eugene dares not accept my duel." He adds with a tinge of frustration. "None of the Earth blood have honor and accept challenges. Grok has no slaves!"
__________________

Jane Dunham and Co

"Can't even flatter a lady by painting a romantic picture?" The puppet squeaks up with annoyance, having it's arm pointed up vaguely in his direction. It's then dropped down, and Jane takes a moment to articulate it's fingers to point before it's position is restored.

Jane then speaks up in her monotonous way. "At least he's honest about it. The last guy turned out to be reading off song lyrics from a napkin."

The puppet turns it's head to its controller slowly. "That's it!" The arm is dropped, and the puppet looks to Jonathan again. "Tell me, do you like pina colodas, and getting caught in the rain?"

[Dark Cloud]

Jonathan B. Jangles

^@Sleeth

---

---

Actually Jonathan wouldn't mind either options and liked the question as it seemed humorous, and despite the initial awkwardness he decided it wouldn't ve gentlemanly to avoid more questions "Both sound like fun options but you forgot making love at midnight." he added looking between the puppeteer and her puppet with an eyebrow raised.

[Zanavy]

Sondra

Sondra made her best attempt to mask any outward signs of just how taken aback she was by this oaf. The dark sunglasses helped, but they couldn't obscure her subtly clenching jaw. She found her gaze wandering away from the boisterous man in front of her. The blonde couldn't help but notice how many undead and otherwise unsavory figures just happened to gather at this particular event. Sondra closed her eyes, took a slow breath, and turned back to Grok with a coy smile. Perhaps all this could be worth it in the end.

"So you say you're an honorable man," Sondra crooned. "That's a rare jewel to come by in this world. But talk is cheap, sweetie. What would you do to prove this 'honor?' What do you do to treat a lady on a first date?"

@Sleeth

[Liku kun]

(I wanna join. Here’s my bio)
(Liku-hero-not really good at being a hero-hero name cherry bomb-male-not really agent villains- stupid-does not ever say his real name EVER-a villain could capture him if they wanted to with zero effort)
( acton is *liku does something*)
(Talking is hi I’m cherry bomb)
(Out of rp is (btw liku is a red magical boy))