[IC] Pariah Online: A Voyage into the Intangible Aether

[Hero]

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Kazuki wanted to leave.

He tried not to look too bored as he let everyone speak. Truthfully, he hadn't the slightest idea on what to do or where to go. Leadership was something usually thrusted onto him and he was all too glad to let Benkei and Alja ask what they needed. Though if other guilds didn't like them, then they would be in for a rough road. Half their crew was dealing with their own shit and the other half were lost. He was, to no one's surprise, probably on both sides. He previously got around needing to persuade anyone with a high charisma stat, but who knew if that ever applied anymore. He had already pissed Graves off as well as the townsfolk earlier, so he figured his stats wouldn't get him anywhere. Unfortunate, he used to like giving deadpan responses only for the game to sing his praises on how 'charismatic' he was.

He was brought of his thoughts once he saw Luci, though he didn't have any of Kazuma's guts to look at her for too long. He let the conversation take place and chose to remain silent. Honestly, he didn't have anything worth saying, anyway. Better to keep his mouth shut than utter some half-assed apology that'd probably just piss her off.

He made some noise of affirmation in response to Rael's question and didn't bother waiting as he turned around and made for the exit. No Alja to drag him back or Seele to guilt him into staying, so he was done here.

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[Mcmolly]

Location:The City of Thorinn, Aetheria

---

Seele recoiled. Graves’ words weren’t spoken particularly harshly, and really, there didn’t seem to be an ounce of aggression left in him. She thought maybe she’d even seen him smile, barely, just for a moment, before he got up and started to walk away. Nevertheless a knot wound itself up in her gut, tight like she’d been kicked in the stomach, and she just stayed knelt there, watching him walk off.

Just like during the fight, she found herself doubting. He doesn’t mean it. He wouldn’t actually hit you. We’re a team, we work together. He’ll turn around. He’ll come back.
…you don’t get it, Missy…
No. He wouldn’t.

That familiar frustration bubbled up within her, and this time she let it—just a bit, just enough to get her up on her feet and marching after him. She closed the distance speedily, stamped down any sprouts of genuine anger that might have started to blossom, and rounded up in front of him.

“You’re lying,” she snapped. Oop, still a little too aggressive. She took a sharp breath in through her nose, sighed it out quick. Now, with less heartbeat in her ears, she tried again, much more tempered. “You’re lying. No one, and I mean no one is better off on their own. If you leave now, and you stick to yourself, you’ll get hurt, or worse, and you know it.”

She frowned, searching him in glances because she knew she might not have long. There was plenty to recognize, guilt in every twitch, soaking every word like the blood of a martyr. This side of him frightened her so much more than the attack. Rage was blind, but it could be directed. Despair was directionless.
…I wish you did, though…
“You’re lying,” she repeated, shaking her head. “To me, to them, and to yourself with this…this lone wolf act. It’s not what anyone wants, it’s not what you want, I can’t believe it is. I won’t. You’re not some kind of curse, Graves. You’re not dangerous. You’re our friend. You’re my friend, and I’m not losing you.”

[Supermaxx]

Location: City Streets -- The City-State of Thorinn, Aetheria

---

It wasn't a surprise when Seele chased him down. Graves knew the woman well enough to know she wouldn't give up that easily. Usually, he found her stubborn determination admirable. Today? Today it was infuriating. She wouldn't let anything stop her: not pain, not him, not even the truth. What did surprise him, however, was the look on her face when she finally got in front of him. She was angry. Try as she might to hide it, it boiled up in her voice like a fire that wouldn't be doused. Liar.

Graves stopped in his tracks. He wouldn't be able to get by without touching her and he'd never lay his hands on any of them again. Instead he stood, jaw set, eyes wet with tears. He felt a tremble in his hands he couldn't make go away. A thump in his ears like someone was taking a jackhammer to the inside of his head. It was all too much. Andrew wanted nothing more than to find his usual little hole in the dark so he could curl up in it and forget he existed. But that hole wasn't here- it was a world away. And he was trapped on this street with no easy exit.

"I know!" He roared back, throat raw with emotion. Like trying to speak past a gag. "This has been...You all have been the best thing to happen to me in years." Graves turned away, walking a few steps to the side so he might hide his shame. "Runnin' around on my own ain't exactly paradise. Think I know better n' anyone else that I'm not good company. I thought I could make it work. Make some things right that've always been wrong."

He looked down at his hands.

"If I stay I'll just hurt somebody again. S'only a matter'a time."

[Mcmolly]

Location:The City of Thorinn, Aetheria

---

The edge had returned to his voice, the emotion was choking him, but that was a thousand times better than cold detachment. She didn’t shy away, but she didn’t dog him to look in his eyes. He turned, paced, and she stepped after him. An urge arose to reach out, touch him, but she quelled it for now.

Seele let his words simmer in her mind. It was a familiar heat, even if she didn’t agree with it—perhaps especially because she didn’t agree with it. This, she guessed, was much deeper and longer-reaching than the events of the Glitch. Though she didn’t know how far, and had no inkling as to the cause, he had said something she could empathize with. These people were the best thing to happen to her, too.

“You’re wrong,” she said, not harshly, but surely. “And what you’re doing—what you’re feeling—is proof of that, you know. You want to protect people, you want to help. Good people don’t think that way. If you were half the man you put on to be, you would have gladly stayed, and used us, and thrown us away when you were done. But you’re not that man. You’re hurting yourself because you think it’s the right thing to do. For everyone.”

She still stayed put, but—dang her impulsiveness—she reached out and laid a hand on his shoulder. She didn’t know how old Graves was in the waking world, but to her he seemed young. That wasn’t to say he was naïve, in fact, she thought the opposite; life had saddled him with many more years of experience than he had lived, and for the first time Seele considered how much of a curse it might be to have lived too much.

“It isn’t, though. That voice you hear, telling you that you don’t deserve happiness, that you’re a storm wrecking everything around you—it’s wrong. Everyone deserves happiness, you're allowed to find it in your friends,” she stepped slowly around him, to the front again. She took her hand off his shoulder, and took him gently by his wrists. “There’s so much more to you than your mistakes. I know it’s hard to see, but that’s okay. Sometimes it takes other people to show you.”

[Supermaxx]

Location: City Streets -- The City-State of Thorinn, Aetheria

---

Graves stared down at his hands- at the ghosts of scars he'd given himself. His healing never quite reached the incisions he made to draw his power from. He flinched away from Seele's touch at first, gentle as it was. Though he knew she meant him no harm he reacted on instinct long in the making. He stood stock still, listening. Trying to hear instead of rejecting her words out of hand. He had known men like the ones Seele spoke of: men who used up those around them and threw them away like garbage. Part of him had always wondered if he destined for the same. 'I don't want to be that person anymore.'

He didn't believe he was good, as she said. Not really. But he had it in him to try to be better than he was. Graves kept his eyes on his hands even as Seele let go of his shoulder and moved in front of him. His heart rate spiked when he felt her fingers wrap around his wrists, hiding what lay beneath. It was odd. Her hands looked too small to be as strong as they felt.

'You're allowed to be happy. You're allowed to have friends.'

Graves started to move his arms up slowly, deliberately. He hesitated for only a moment before wrapping Seele in them and dragging her up onto her toes. He squeezed and buried his face in the crook of her neck. "I'm sorry." He croaked. "I'm so sorry."

[Mcmolly]

Location:The City of Thorinn, Aetheria

---

Seele was surprised. Not in a bad way, mind, in fact quite the opposite. She understood the value of a good hug, and frankly, she was probably more liberal with physical contact than most. But she also knew some people didn’t respond to touch, or even outright loathed it. She might have figured Graves for the latter, but then again, he was a melee class.

Oop, right. And a strong one at that. He squeezed and she adjusted herself to keep her arms from being pinned to her sides, enough so she could hug him back. She leaned against his head, squeezed him back. Reflexively she wanted to tell him there was nothing to forgive, since really that was how she felt. But she guessed it was different for him. Perhaps Graves didn’t want someone to tell him he’d done nothing wrong, because perhaps that wasn’t true. Exoneration did nothing for guilt.

“It’s okay, sweetheart,” she whispered instead. “Whatever you’ve done, whoever you are, we go forward. Together. No one left behind, that includes you.”

[Lemons]

---

The seconds ticked by like hours as Alja stood in front of Leaves' door.

She'd been here so many times now. Couldn't count the times she'd thrown open the door of the chapterhouse, rampaged by Aag and Luci and Pris sitting by the table planning a raid or something, and pulled Leaves out to go paint the town. But now that oh-so-flimsy piece of wood that she could probably shatter with a single punch might as well have been a mountain range, for all she felt she could cross through it. She lifted her hand to knock again, and for a moment it hung trembling in the air.

But a moment later, it fell back to her side. She laughed then: a bitter, mirthless laugh. Amadan. Cowardly, childish, idiot. This is what you deserve.

She should've come here so long ago now. She should've come here literally the day after what happened. She knew Leaves would take it hard, damn it all. She knew full well. But she was too scared. Too afraid to face her, after she'd failed her so utterly and completely. She didn't know what she would say. She didn't know if there was anything she could say. What would it even be? I'm sorry I let everyone die? Just thinking about it nearly set her laughing again. It was just so...grossly inadequate. No, there was nothing she could say that wouldn't just make it worse.

God, but she should've tried anyway.

So, standing there dead silent in front of her best friend and first real love's door--and feeling a metaphorical but equally as painful door slamming closed in her heart--all Alja could do was let her huge form sag, and drop her head in shame. Her voice came out in a soft, mournful whisper:

"Tha mi duilich, mo ghràdh."

She stood there for a few more seconds. Just staring at the ground, drowning in her self-pity. Then she sucked in a sharp, harsh breath. None of that, Alja Frostguard. There are other people that need you. So don't you fail them too. With steps still leaden but carrying on nonetheless, she fought her way back up the stairs, scraping her way back through the entrance to where Luci still stood. it hadn't been very long, after all. At a questioning look, she shook her head, then smiled sadly. "If I were her, I wouldn't talk to me either."

She lapsed into silence. She knew she said that she'd talk to Luci after she visited Leaves, but...all the wind had gone from her sails now, and it was hard for her to bring herself to talk much at the moment. And Luci, gorgeous saint that she was, must've noticed it, by the way she tilted her head towards the door. She didn't exactly look the happiest, and Alja gave her a rueful look. "Later. I promise."

Then she shoved through the chapterhouse doors again, determined that it wouldn't be the last time.

Thorinn was hot and humid as ever. She started sweating almost immediately. Her jaw was clenched as she walked, first slowly, then faster, back the way she'd come. Don't you fail them too. And when she finally arrived back at the Laughing Worg, she was met with...

...With Captain Everrandis looking none-too-pleased. With Sieg looking like he'd just been hit with a mental freight train, and Sif looking like she'd just seen her brother be run over by said mental freight train. With Artemis nowhere to be found. And with Seele hugging an absolutely shattered Graves.

She slowed to a halt, staring at the scene almost dumbly. What in the blue FECK just happened here? Then she shook her head quickly to chase the cobwebs out before she walked slowly over towards the ones she was closest to. There was nothing wrong with Sif or Sieg, obviously. She wanted to talk to Captain Everrandis to figure out what the hell happened here. She wanted to know where Artemis was.

But they simply weren't her top priority.

She approached slowly, hesitant to disrupt them. But in the end, her worry won out, and she came in from the side, laying a gentle hand on Seele's shoulder. "Hey. Sorry I'm late." A pause. "Would you, uh...care to fill me in on what happened here, Seele?" She let her eyes play over the scene again before returning to Graves, with a look of deep concern on her face. "Seems like I missed a lot."

[Mcmolly]

Location:The City of Thorinn, Aetheria

---

Despite the caution and care with which Alja touched her, Seele still jumped like a startled cat, and could only be thankful that she’d already let go of Graves by then, or she might have accidentally headbutted him. It seemed her nerves were still a tad high from the ordeal, but she still found the energy to be embarrassed about it.

“Oh! Alja, sweetie,” she said, clearing her throat, smoothing out her robe, and generally just trying to avoid looking at her until she’d gotten her composure back. “No no, you’re not late at all! In fact, it’s probably for the best that you’re here when you are—things might have gotten…difficult. I’ll fill you in, just one moment.”

She turned back to Graves, taking him gently by the shoulders. “Why don’t you head inside for now, hun? We’ll join you in a bit. Unless you want some time to yourself.”

She left out that if he was gone too long she’d come hunting after him, figuring that was implied.

That done, she led Alja away from the scene. With a girl her size, it was impossible to be inconspicuous, but they were at least out of the way, and with the guards’ business handled, things would hopefully be dying down soon.

“You might hear some excitable chatter around the Worg for a bit, but it’s really not as bad as all that. Graves and Siegfried had a disagreement over our plan to find the missing wayfarers. Things got a little heated, a little emotional, but we managed to get everything under control before it became a huge problem.”

It wasn’t a lie per se, but Seele still felt a little guilty sugaring things so much. What choice did she have, really? It wasn’t her place to lay Graves’ struggles out to others, even to his friends; besides, it seemed clear to her that Alja meant to speak with him later anyway.

“And that’s about it! What about you? How did your errands go? I can’t help but notice you’re alone—is everything alright?”

[Lemons]

---

Alja heaved a long sigh upon hearing Seele's explanation. Graves and Sieg made a little bit more sense now. There was only one way Graves knew how to have a disagreement, and things getting heated and emotional sounded like code for it snowballing violently out of control either during their fight or immediately afterwards. Her jaw clenched, though she did her best not to show her frustration. As much as she wanted to deck Graves for starting a fight now of all times, he was clearly broken up, and being yelled at never helped anything. At least it seemed like it was resolved now. So she took a long, long calming breath and let it out slooowly, and by the time it was gone the violent impulse had abated and worry had taken its place. She'd never seen Graves like that.

But that was neither here nor there. Pressing either him or Seele right now would make it worse more than anything else. She'd grill someone later on what the hell happened, but this was not the time. So she elected to ignore it, steamroll right past it for the moment, and consider Seele's second question. As soon as it was asked, she sagged a bit. Nowhere near as much as she had in front of the door, of course, but she was obviously bothered by something.

"The others went to another guild--Children of Letria--to see about pullin' together. Safety in numbers, you know? I didn't go with them, I wanted to...talk to Leaves." Her voice slowed as she spoke, until she finished and it ended up ground to a halt. She took a sharp breath and stared up at the sky for a moment, trying to squeeze the evident emotion out of her voice some and meeting with minimal success. "Didn't end up answerin' me when I knocked on her door." A part of her knew that it was possible, if not downright likely, that Leaves had just been asleep. But that more reasonable voice was shouted down by the choking feeling of guilt. By the time she dropped her head, though, she'd managed to wrestle it back down, and she looked down at the girl next to her with a wide, genuine smile.

"Ha, listen to me divin' into self pity. I'm alive, hey? I'm sure things'll get better from here, right? Graves is good at pullin' himself together, he'll be just...fine..."

She trailed off as the recollection of the conversation she'd had with him in the sewers resurfaced, and she sobered up almost immediately.

"Listen, um, Seele," she started, "you remember how I wanted to have that convo with you at some point? Could we...uh...do that sometime soon?"

[Supermaxx]

Location: City Streets -- The City-State of Thorinn, Aetheria

---

Graves was reluctant to release Seele at first. He had almost forgotten the comfort of another person's embrace. It was like falling into bed on a cold winter's night. There was a warmth and a strength to his friend's touch that surprised him. For all her bodily frailty, Graves was certain there was nothing in this world or any other that could truly harm her. Graves held Seele far too tight and hid his face from her, as if he might conceal the utter shame he felt burrowing into him.

Until Alja came jogging up, of course, and he broke away near immediately. One look at her sent another wave of red-hot shame burning his cheeks. He hadn't the slightest clue how she of all people would react to the mess he'd made. She was as likely to put him on the ground again as she was to hug him too. Graves knew he deserved the latter. Some of his friends were too quick to forgive and forget; others were stubborn enough to talk a mountain into moving out of their way.

Graves wiped his face with the back of his sleeve. "I, uhh..." He started weakly, unable to conjure words enough to explain himself.

Thankfully Seele took the initiative and gave him an excuse to slip away. He nodded a few too many times to her before slinking back to the Laughing Worg, careful to avoid eye contact with Alja or anyone else that still lingered. His eyes stuck on the street as he went, his gaze passed over the knife he'd attacked Siegfried and Seele with- the knife Alja had given him not so long ago. For a moment he considered returning it to her. It was her property, after all, and he certainly wouldn't be using it anymore. But even the thought of picking the steel up twisted his stomach into knots. Graves shook his head softly and walked inside.

He slid Dariel a handful of coins as apology for the trouble he caused. This was the second time he nearly got them thrown out of the Laughing Worg. He really needed to get a handle on that if he didn't want to lose his favorite- only- drinking hole. Maybe a few drinks would help him clear his head. Yeah.

Just a few.