[IC] I am the fire - Constantine RP

[FuriePhoenix]

Kay had to admit there was something incredibly soothing about the way John hugged her, and she felt like she couldn't get enough of him doing it. There was a sense of comfort, belonging and contentment when he kissed the top of her head, something she never got from anyone doing such actions toward her. Hells, she usually hated it when people held her in such a manner as it brought back far too many horrendous memories of when she was made to go to hospital as a minor, and how her therapist abused his power and job title with her and other children. Yet with John it was so different, it was welcomed. SHe gave it some thought on his options, feeling like she couldn't bare the idea of sleeping again, and looked up at him again as he looked down at her once more. She was about to reply when he mentioned about the shadows keeping watch from a distance, making her check for herself if he was right, which he was. "She's a good person...better than me that's for sure" She replied, before deciding to actually give him an answer on his previous question. "As for your question, I don't wanna sleep yet. I'm not ready to risk more nightmares. As for what you can do? Just...be here with me?" She continued saying, before using the back of her sleep to wipe her face.

She found herself not wanting to peel away from John, and she wished she knew why. She also found herself fighting off the urge to just kiss him, as she was trying to convince herself it was just because he was being nice to her, being protective and got her out of her usual nightmare. Though there was fibres in her being trying to tell her otherwise.

[MegaraFoxfire]

John smiled and nodded, pulling her closer to him and said “I am not going anywhere...it going to be okay Kay...you are both good people...just in different ways...”

He looked down at her again and said the look in her eyes. She was scared. And alone. He wanted to help and said “Kay...your not telling me something...what’s on your mind?”

[FuriePhoenix]

At the pull closer to him, Kay didn't complain once at it, just let herself remain comfortable and feel safe. She just simply nodded at his words of calling both her and Serena good people, finding that to hear such a thing was like being reminded she too was good. For so long she never felt like she was from what she's had to do to survive. But maybe it was true what he was saying, maybe she was still a good person. She just couldn't always see it when he looked down at her again and pointed out she was keeping something to herself, she didn't know how to reply to him.

"it's nothing.." she replied to begin with, really unsure if she should tell him what was on her mind. The last thing she wanted to do was scare him away or make him think she was crazy. "just trying to forget my nightmare" she lied with a sigh. She looked down, looking away from his eyes hoping it help her keep to her lie, but it didn't. With another sigh, she glanced back up at him. "I'm just not used to having people being around me.. I guess. Its been so long" she told him, "and then there's this other thing on my mind that I'm trying to work out" she continued. "being here? It makes me feel not so alone, and I guess it's hard to truly compute" she continued her ramblings, before she couldn't take it anymore. "fuck it." she muttered to herself and just let herself kiss him. Something that she wouldn't ever normally do unless she was utterly hammered.

[MegaraFoxfire]

John was trying to understand what she was talking about before she suddenly kissed him. He was stunned at first then he moved his hands around her and moved her into a more comfortable spot. He didn’t push it, knowing she needed time. But he would be there for her. He pulled back a little and said “Kay...are you okay? Really okay?”

[FuriePhoenix]

Kay knew deep down that she was making very little sense probably, she was rambling so many thoughts at once and to others it wouldn't seem like they fit together when in a way, they really did. So she couldn't blame John for not understanding what she was going on about, especially the vague bit she threw in there. When he pulled away and asked if she was okay, she was concinced she blew it, so she sat upright and refused to look at him. "I.. I'm sorry" she mumbled, wishing there was a way she could just run away. "just.. Just forget about it. I shouldn't have done that" she continued to say. Inside her mind she was cursing herself for thinking she could just kiss him, thinking that figuring out why she was drawn to him would bring answers through kissing him.

She sighed and ran her hands through her hair, feeling all the more the screw-up, but before she could stop herself from talking anymore she spoke up again, "I just, I feel drawn to you John and I can't put my finger on it. It's like this damn pull I can't ignore. I've never been the type to be like this with people. I was usually the one night stand type of chick with no care in the world. But the longer I'm around you, it feels different. Like this is where I'm meant to be" as she finished talking, she closed her eyes in annoyance at how damn cheesy it sounded, but she couldn't think of any other way to explain it. If she believed in such things like soul mates or the like, she would have thought it was the damn universe trying to tell her she was destined to be beside this guy, but she didn't believe. Or even think it was possible for her. In her eyes, who could ever love someone as screwed up as herself? Especially when it turns out she's not even fully human.

"maybe I should just leave you alone..." she mumbled.

[MegaraFoxfire]

John grabbed her hand and pulled her back to him, resting a hand on her cheek. “Easy love...I just wanted to make sure you were knowing what you were doing. Your not a screw up...” he pulled her back to him and kissed her again, moving his hand into her hair.

John didn’t want her to feel like she messed up. He just didn’t want to push her, especially not knowing the whole history with her father. He couldn’t risk upsetting her by bringing back the memories back again. But kissing her...he was very happy to do that.

[FuriePhoenix]

Kay was ready to leave, and even began to push herself off the couch when John grabbed her and stopped her from leaving. She listened to what he was saying, nodding. She did honestly think for a split second she messed up by kissing him but now she felt like she didn't and now understood why he stopped her. She still for some reason wasn't expecting him to kiss her again, and got surprised but gladly returned the kiss, her eyes closing once again and placing her hands once again on him. She didn't want the moment to end, but she knew if she didn't stop, she wouldn't be able to catch a breath, making her reluctantly and only partially pull away. "that give you your answer for if I know what I'm doing?" she asked, managing a small smirk. "my choice of moment could have been better though. I do admit that" she added.

"and if there's...anything you wanna know, you just have to ask" she said, knowing that after he saw how haunted by her nightmares were, she couldn't exactly keep her history properly hidden anymore.

[MegaraFoxfire]

John sighed and rested a hand on her cheek after she pulled back. “You don’t have to tell me...but if you can...can you tell me the history with your father? I normally wouldn’t but if he is a nightmare for you...demons could use that against you. It’s happened a lot to me...”

[FuriePhoenix]

She tilted her head into his touch again as he held her cheek, briefly closing her eyes to take in the feel of someone touching her in such a manner, and opened her eyes again as he asked his question. She knew if he was going to ask anything, it would be that, especially as it was now clear to her that she was crying out loud about her father in her nightmares. It wasn't unusual for her to do so, so it came as no surprised John would have heard it as well. "He wasn't always a bastard, when my mum was around he was a great dad. But when she died, he changed. Grief took over him and he became violent toward me. Told me constantly that he wished I wasn't around, that I wasn't his. That it was my fault his grief wouldn't let go of him because I looked so much like her. He'd lose his temper regularly and hit me, would leave me alone for days on end to fend for myself, then one day he just got up and walked out. His last words to me were "I can't live in a house where the kid looks like the only woman and person I could ever love" and that was it. Never saw him again. I was in the house alone for a week until my best mate Sam found out and told her parents, who as I mentioned before, adopted me" she explained.

She then leaned down to her new bag and pulled out the photograph of when she was only seven years old with her mother to show just how much she looked like her. The likeness from her hair to her face shape and skin tone was uncanny. The only difference between them was the fact her mother's eyes were more bright turquoise compared Kay's grey blue eyes. She handed him the photo, before going on, "it's said I got my eyes from him more as his were grey than blue, but otherwise, he wasn't wrong about me looking like her." she said. "But that wasn't anywhere near the worst of what I endured growing up" she added, "When I had to do therapy because my adoptive parents were worried for my mental state, my therapist...well...let's just say he abused his power of being the adult and seeing children one on one...if ya catch my drift" She trailed off, still finding even now that she couldn't just say easily 'he abused me and other children'.

[MegaraFoxfire]

John frowned and she could feel his aura building in anger at the words she spoke. He took the photo and muttered “it is...very uncanny...” he looked at her and said “the doc? He still working?”

He had a theory of why they looked a lot alike but he wanted to checked a few things before saying anything. He rubbed his face again, then looked back at her. “Why did he think you weren’t his?”

[FuriePhoenix]

Kay did indeed feel his anger growing at her words, and she honestly didn't expect any other reaction from him. For some reason, to her he didn't come across as the type to just throw around words of sympathy like anyone else would and she was actually thankful for that as most of the time they were empty platitudes. "Not got a clue, he was when I got out of there but if he is now? Not got a clue" she replied to his first question, as she let him look at the photo, seeing just uncanny the likeness of mother and daughter were. At his next question, she shook her head, "no, he knew I was his. He was just reminded of mum every time he looked at me. He couldn't handle it or I guess the thought of bringing up a kid on his own" she told him.

"mum and dad were so close and probably one of the most loyal couples you'd ever meet. Or would have met should I say. Their love was so intense and strong, to the point that I'd say if I believed in soul mates, I'd say they were it. I'd never met any couple that were so in love with each other, as they were. There's no way mum would have cheated on him" she replied.

[MegaraFoxfire]

John nodded and got up a moment. “I need to check in with Chas...make sure his home okay. Give me a sec” he slipped out of the room and dialed Chas’s number. When he answered he said “Chas...I need your help finding a doctor...a child therapist...one that was accused of raping his patients...”

[FuriePhoenix]

If Kay had known what he really wanted to call Chas about, she probably would have stopped him, but she just accepted his comment even though it did seem a bit strange to her for some reason. She just let him get up and leave the room, staring at her photograph once more before putting it back into her bag where she decided it would remain.

Chas was about to get some sleep but when John's name came up on his phone as the caller I'd, he thought something bad had happened, quickly picking up. "what's wrong?" he asked before John went into a spiel about a doctor who was an accused child rapist. "woah woah woah.. What now? Why have we got to find this person and without a name of said therapist or hospital, there isn't much we can do. Didn't think that sort of thing was your area anyway" he replied, genuinely confused about why his mate was asking him of such things. Even if the topic did make him sick to his stomach that there was someone out there abusing their rank.

[MegaraFoxfire]

John sighed and said into the phone “because that’s caused nightmares for Kay...it’s cause a lot of this. And it makes my skin crawl so I want to
Make sure this guy doesn’t hurt anyone else...” he hit the wall with his fist, his eyes glowing in his anger. “What can we do...”

[FuriePhoenix]

Chas was not expecting the answer he got. Was he seriously insinuating that Kay was a victim of this doctor when she was a kid?! He actually found himself pausing what he was doing at his own home before managing to collect his thoughts and feel he could actually reply to his mate on the other end of his phone. "I'll see what I can do, see if I can pull some strings to get access to Kay's old records or something. But I can't guarantee anything" he replied, as he turned round to give his wife the signal for 'one minute, won't be long'.

"for now John, just try and remain calm and if Kay gets more nightmares just get her out of them. She's a survivor, remind her of that." he added, "look, I gotta go but I'll see which of our contacts can help in the morning. It's seriously late and I do still have a cab driving job as well" he told him. "I'll see you tomorrow" he finished, letting John say his but if there was anything before hanging up on the phone.

Kay, still in the house couldn't help but wonder what was taking John so long, and she could have sworn she heard him thud something but decided it wasn't her place to say anything when he gets back. So instead she pulled up her legs so her knees were righ lt under her chin, arms tightly holding her legs in place, just as she was when they first found her in the alleyway and waited for him to come back into the room.

[MegaraFoxfire]

John sighed and said “thanks mate...kiss the wife for me and hug the little one for me as well...I won’t keep ya from them...but if this guy is still doing this...he needs to be taught a lesson” he let Chas hang up and John leaned against the wall for moment, getting his calm back.

He walked back in and sat down, still looking angry but not nearly as bad. “Sorry love, just wanted to make sure Chas and his family was safe...I put seals at his place but I wasn’t sure they were still holding...” he rubbed his face and leaned his head back. “Question....do we need to learn more about Serena’s past to help her? I think you’d be the best one to know the answer”

[FuriePhoenix]

Kay looked up when John returned looking like whatever went on or was spoken about made him angry. She got the feeling he was lying to her about what was actually said on the phone, but she wasn't going to push it. Though she couldn't help but ponder if what she told him had something to do with his mood. At the question about Serena, she didn't know the best straight answer. She had known her for a mere twenty minutes longer than she knew John and Chas, but it was something she wondered herself. "I guess it would help in some way if we knew more. But I don't want to push her too much to tell us anything. I may be open to you about my past but that doesn't mean she could be as well." she replied to him.

"and..if this clear anger has anything to do with what I told you, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to inflict anger by being open about things. I just knew it'd be pointless keeping it from you after you got a taster of what my nightmares do to me." she told him.

[MegaraFoxfire]

John waved his hand and said “it’s not anger at you...or what you said. I don’t handle monsters in the human form well...” he glanced at her and nodded. “Okay...then we wait and see what she wants to do in the morning...are you wanting to head to bed? Or stay here and try sleeping again...”

[FuriePhoenix]

Kay could understand where he was coming from, she didn't handle that kind of monster well either and as she grew up to move on from what she went through as a kid, she had less patience for people remotely an asshole and worse. She spent years from the moment she was old enough reclaiming herself and her body, which consisted of many one night stands, mostly drunken ones in bars during her studying years. Not her proudest moments but for her it was the only rational option. It also made her a lot more defensive over those who were incredibly homophobic toward her best friend/sister Sam.

"I guess I should head to bed" she replied after giving his next question some thought. "dunno if I'll get any sleep but I'll try" she added with a small smile. "and John? I really did know what I was doing when I kissed you and no I don't regret it" she felt she had to say.

[MegaraFoxfire]

John smiled and moved up to kiss her again softly. “And I don’t regret anything either. I’m going to get some more work done then I’ll head to bed as well...good night love”

He got up and went back to the desk, moving books and getting back to work on researching.