Hidden 11 yrs ago Post by Joos
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Another thing you must know about the Gors, Halvtand. They are polygamists/polyandrists and they have no concept of marriage or ownership. To them, life is all about existing like a cactus. It is about surviving. They raid because they expect to be raided. It is a way of life. If someone gave them a kingdom to rule, they will walk away from it. They don't understand houses. To them, world is the house and your tribe is your family. Of course, they make sure that people from the same tribe don't sleep together to avoid chances of inbreeding. They also have organic contraceptives.

The women of Gor are probably the most liberated of all the cultures. In contrast, the women of Gurg are the most oppressed
Hidden 11 yrs ago Post by Cath
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Introducing feature and garb in a dream is hard without disrupting the flow because i realized you don't exactly visualize yourself. You're more of a viewpoint into this ethereal land. Added the hair but only because it applied to the wind etc.
Hidden 11 yrs ago Post by Halvtand
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Joos:
Thank you, I was just thinking of a way to make the whole exile-thing seem even worse by having her lose her husband as well. Guess I'll have to think of something else. I've got tons of depressing stuff... Lucky I didn't have time to make a fool of myself :)
Hidden 11 yrs ago Post by Joos
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C'mon! How mean are you to make her suffer worse?! To a Gor warrior, being tribeless is worse than being childless or spouseless. You are dead, for your tribe. They don't see you, they don't speak to you, they don't hear you. Your own sisters will walk past with you without looking at you. Nothing can be worse than that!
Hidden 11 yrs ago Post by Halvtand
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Haha, and on top of that she can't get laid.

Thing is, I really want to have her down on the absolute bottom of her existence, so low that she'll even consider bonding with an outsider just to get some sort of human interaction that doesn't involve sharp metal objects. That way it can only get better and this game will be her success-story.
Hidden 11 yrs ago Post by Joos
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Good thinking. That will give enough room for character development, but you will have to be careful not to slip into emo-porn. I don't suppose I should warn you about that, judging by the way you have been thinking, but still

And Cathy, you are accepted. You are now our rebel. If you have ideas for an original character, you can leisurely flesh it out now.
Hidden 11 yrs ago Post by Halvtand
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There might be some emo-porn in the beginning, but as soon as she meets someone else it should end pretty quickly. I'm not all that into writing miserable stuff and I might end up giving her some ray of sunshine just to get something new to do. After all, writing depressing stuff all the time is pretty depressing. Hopefully I'll be able to weave her strong will to fight through the pain and determination to make something of herself into the posts so that it won't become too emo.

Hidden 11 yrs ago Post by Joos
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Halvtand - You have a gift for writing. I liked it. I like the building tension, I like the way you describe action.

Of course, I have nits. If you can alter your post to make those nits go away, you are good to go.

Nit 1: Rain and her reaction to it. The Gors live in a land where water is the most precious item. They cannot stand to see water wasted. They will fight over a tiny stream. Can you imagine what it would be like for her to stand in the rain? She would at least think about all that free water. It is not a grave error, but I feel you need to know the Gor's reaction to water. To them, one who offers water is a friend for life.

Nit 2: Her name. I am assuming it is Caz dan Ro. I have posted a set of naming conventions for the different cultures and I would prefer it if you followed that. If you absolutely insist, I will let it stay.

Nit 3: The "woe is me" bit. Sounds more like a Balenian noble talking. The Gors are a simple people. That's not to say they are not capable of deep thoughts. What I mean is, their language is like their attire - purely functional. If you can tone down the posh a bit, you will be there!

Edit to Nit 2: It is partly my bad. I said one name. It is actually one-word name.
Hidden 11 yrs ago Post by CraftWork
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Well here's my intro post... reading the others makes me feel significantly less confidant about it. It's for the Miner's Apprentice.

Hidden 11 yrs ago Post by Joos
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Craft - Love it, love it, love it! I like how you have portrayed the father. And how the Gors bandage your wounds. That's exactly what they would do even in the heat of battle.

But, of course, technically speaking his mother wasn't murdered and he knows that. She was caught in the crossfire, an innocent civilian who was not supposed to be there. But that's a minor nit.

You are accepted.
Hidden 11 yrs ago Post by Cath
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Joos said
And Cathy, you are accepted. You are now our rebel. If you have ideas for an original character, you can leisurely flesh it out now.


Yay!
I do have a couple of ideas for other supporting characters.
Hidden 11 yrs ago Post by Potato
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Aye, I'm gonna type up a few paragraphs for the thief, I'll probably post later today.
Hidden 11 yrs ago Post by Joos
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Potato - wonderful.
Cathy - Keep em coming

Meanwhile, some more info to help you guys:

A note on technology and fashion

Since the Sendai are forbidden to reshape nature with their powers, the technology is largely pre-medieval to medieval. I would say around the First Crusades era. Much of the land is largely feudal or, as in the case of the Pearl Islands, Merchant republics. Peasants use wooden or iron ploughs and have domesticated the horse, ox, sheep, goat, dog, cat, buffalos (in the case of the southern kingdoms). There are no beasts of burden in the Gor Desert though recently there have been rumours of a humped animal in the western edge. The Gors raise goats, however.

With regards to military technology, outside the Gor Desert it is largely uniform. The Menarians have a strategic advantage in most battles due to their longbows. Armour is usually lamellar though the Balenians love to plate themselves heavily. The Turmen kingdoms wear a light armour and rely on horse archers and massed infantry. The Gurgs rely largely on their light cavalry and helberdiers while the Balenians focus on heavy cavalry and mounted knights. The three big kingdoms of the north use catapults during sieges, but the southern kingdoms don't have access to working models yet. It is only a matter of months, though, before they too catch up. Some very skilled craftsmen in Menaria are working on ways to make the bow fire faster but they are quite far from any breakthrough. There are rumours of ways to make fire breathing powder but the secrets are probably hidden away in the White Island library.

The Gors wear very little armour and that too made of leather. They are usually armed with a short bow or a spear or a dagger and carry a round shield of wood and leather.

And as for fashion,

Balenia - The Balenian nobles set the standard for fashion, dressing up in extravagant clothes and hairdos. On the other hand, the Balenian peasants often dress in loud colours and are considered uncouth when it comes to matters of fashion. They are considered even otherwise, but that's another matter.

Menaria - The average Menarian peasant is usually dressed in wool and cotton, the men often bearded, while the nobility wears silk in subdued tones.

Gurgan - They are usually dressed in the finest Gurg wool, mostly with a button shirt and a vest. Some Gurg men wear colored bandannas on their heads. The Gurg noble men usually sport beards without mustaches

Turmens - They wear flowing, loose-fitting clothes made of cotton or silk and the nobility also wears elaborate turbans. The latest fashion among the women is the thin transparent and scandalous shimina. The noble men usually have carefully trimmed pointy beards that they keep oiled and shiny.

Gors - The Gors outfit is usually purely functional, and it is made of a tough fiber called alsade found in the humid southern parts of the desert. It has the property of conserving moisture secreted by the body and keeping the skin cool. The Gors also wear a black head scarf when going into battle.
Hidden 11 yrs ago Post by Halvtand
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Joos:
Nit 1: Rain and her reaction to it. The Gors live in a land where water is the most precious item. They cannot stand to see water wasted. They will fight over a tiny stream. Can you imagine what it would be like for her to stand in the rain? She would at least think about all that free water. It is not a grave error, but I feel you need to know the Gor's reaction to water. To them, one who offers water is a friend for life.

That is a great point, and one I missed completely. I'll try to work something like that into my post.

Nit 2: Her name. I am assuming it is Caz dan Ro. I have posted a set of naming conventions for the different cultures and I would prefer it if you followed that. If you absolutely insist, I will let it stay.

I could've been more clear on this. I just made up a part of the Gor language on the spot. Her name is actually Caz. "Dan" would be their equivalent of our "von" (meaning of/from) and "Ro" is the name of her tribe. Caz dan Ro would be her "full" name, but she'll mostly be known as just Caz because she is an outcast.

Nit 3: The "woe is me" bit. Sounds more like a Balenian noble talking. The Gors are a simple people. That's not to say they are not capable of deep thoughts. What I mean is, their language is like their attire - purely functional.

I see what you mean. My intention was that "woe is me" would be a sort of joke on her part, going into drama queen-mode after being almost assaulted by a fox. But I see that it wouldn't suit her very well. I'll fix a few things in my post and repost it for your (hopefully) enjoyment.
Hidden 11 yrs ago Post by Joos
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New map is up, folks. Should give you a better idea of the lay of the land

Halvtand - I look forward to the edited post though, for all practical purposes, you are accepted.
Hidden 11 yrs ago Post by CraftWork
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Joos said
Craft - Love it, love it, love it! I like how you have portrayed the father. And how the Gors bandage your wounds. That's exactly what they would do even in the heat of battle.But, of course, technically speaking his mother wasn't murdered and he knows that. She was caught in the crossfire, an innocent civilian who was not supposed to be there. But that's a minor nit.You are accepted.


Awesome, I'll make sure to keep hat in mind!
Hidden 11 yrs ago Post by Cath
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Joos said
New map is up, folks. Should give you a better idea of the lay of the land


It's gorgeous.
Hidden 11 yrs ago Post by Joos
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I am glad you approve, Cathy :)
Hidden 11 yrs ago Post by Cath
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Can i add a picture to my first post now?
Hidden 11 yrs ago Post by Joos
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Down girl!! All in good time... If you really insist, I will see a link

EDIT: Actually, you know what? Why not? Go on. But remember. If you post anime, your character application will be rejected immediately and you will be barred forever from this world
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