1 Guest viewing this page
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Darkraven
Raw
GM
Avatar of Darkraven

Darkraven Nevermore

Member Seen 1 yr ago

I like it, Lennon :).

There's nothing wrong with your CS as far as I could see, but I've recently thought of something that is wrong with the template you are using. It lacks a section for skills and abilities. I'm just going to put that into the template. I'll make it a new one. Version 2 or something.

You guys don't have to use version 2 if it doesn't define your character any better, but I can imagine though that a skills and abilities section would be useful.

Anyway, consider your character approved, Lennon. You could keep refining it until the RP starts, though, if you want.

Approved characters will be put in a special section. I'll give you a few days to add in your skills and abilities section if you need to, Lennon. Do tell me if you're done though so that I could do it faster. Unofficially though, it's approved :).
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Derpestein
Raw
Avatar of Derpestein

Derpestein The Neckbeard Stroker

Member Seen 8 yrs ago

I have the basic idea of my character in mind. Russian armed forces and run & gun tactics(hehehe) :P

Expect a CS today.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Pete
Raw
Avatar of Pete

Pete

Member Seen 8 yrs ago

Very interested and looking forward to this thread. Will be editing CS into this post shortly.

Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Derpestein
Raw
Avatar of Derpestein

Derpestein The Neckbeard Stroker

Member Seen 8 yrs ago

Anyways, from the int checks n SOP, this is a casual-advanced RP that draws people from both. Looks like I'll be the first one from the whole casual side of the group, therefore simplified CS, woah!
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by RPCWhite
Raw
Avatar of RPCWhite

RPCWhite

Member Seen 7 yrs ago

Lol brother, Your too late I was first from Casual. Sorry to be a buzz kill :P
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Derpestein
Raw
Avatar of Derpestein

Derpestein The Neckbeard Stroker

Member Seen 8 yrs ago

RPCWhite said
Lol brother, Your too late I was first from Casual. Sorry to be a buzz kill :P


Well, I'll be the first casual person to make a CS! Hah!
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by RPCWhite
Raw
Avatar of RPCWhite

RPCWhite

Member Seen 7 yrs ago

Figured you'd say that. And i am going to do an advanced one, btw Darkraven. can I make more than one char or no?
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Darkraven
Raw
GM
Avatar of Darkraven

Darkraven Nevermore

Member Seen 1 yr ago

You could make more than one character if you could handle it. I sure hope you could though because if you're biting more than you can chew, you might not enjoy your meal. :)
I can't wait for your CS, Derpestein :) Although everyone take note... I've mentioned this several times before, but gameplay mechanics have no place here. I don't mind a 'run & gun' soldier, but it'd have to be portrayed in a realistic light.
Anyway Pete, after looking through your CS, I find a few problems. A very minor detail is the race bit. White refers to skin colour. I believe the term you're looking for is 'caucasian'. Plus, there's no point putting non-hispanic in if your character isn't hispanic. Unless of course, you're actually following some standard set by the American military, I might reconsider this opinion of mine.

Another thing would be the 'previous vocations' bit. It's not referring to previous jobs outside of military/paramilitary/police/security organisations. All those fields under service records refer to details within said organisations. However, I kinda like that bit. It's funny and shines some light in your character. You could leave it in if you want.

Also, I sure hope you know what your character's getting into, Pete. In being a member of the United States military, she's going to be looked down upon as the US sphere of influence is quickly deteriorating and so is their reputation. The US military has recently been downsized and is becoming more involved in domestic terrorism and disorder/instability problems than it ever was, troops being deployed all over the country to watch the borders, patrol disaster zones and disorderly places.

In fact, it's going to be worse for Carrie because there's going to be alot of Chinese and Asian influence in UNXIPU. Well, at least in the beginning, though I can't say what's going to happen to that later on.

But so far, I like the character. She's very realistically written. I know about the problems faced by women in the military. Sucks, but that's humanity for you. Consider her informally accepted. However, I'll give you time to respond to my feedback and edit your character. A few days max. Do tell me once she's ready and I'll add it into the accepted characters list.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Lennon79
Raw
Avatar of Lennon79

Lennon79 Senpai

Member Seen 7 yrs ago

Derpestein said
Well, I'll be the first casual person to make a CS! Hah!


Close, but no cigar XD I'm casual too, I just prefer to use the more detailed CS as I find it easier to fill out.

Fair play Dark, I'll add those bits asap.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Pete
Raw
Avatar of Pete

Pete

Member Seen 8 yrs ago

Darkraven said A very minor detail is the race bit. White refers to skin colour.


The term "Non-Hispanic White" is one that is fairly common in the United States, particularly on official government or military paperwork. Anybody who's done standardized testing at school has likely seen the term, which has come into use because of the large percentage of "White Hispanic" American citizens who do not identify themselves as Caucasian.

Darkraven said Another thing would be the 'previous vocations' bit. It's not referring to previous jobs outside of military/paramilitary/police/security organisations.


Honestly, I kind of figured that this section was for previous military specialties, and I used the civilian job because my character's only military profession has been the one she has. I imagined it was just a job she had as a teenager, and it's not going to have any real weight on the story or her as a character, but I hate to see a blank spot on a character application, and it's slightly unrealistic to say that a character has NEVER had a job before.

Darkraven said Also, I sure hope you know what your character's getting into, Pete. In being a member of the United States military, she's going to be looked down upon as the US sphere of influence is quickly deteriorating and so is their reputation.


Yeah, I can see that that's going to be a problem that arises pretty early on in the roleplay. It's also an important foundation underneath the character's very existence. The only reason she was sent to UNXIPU over any other service member, was to make a statement. It's something that the American military loves to do, and as one of the first successful female infantrymen in a country that had lagged behind in the integration of women into combat roles, she's something that the Pentagon sent as more of a "look at us", than anything else. I understand from the description of the world as it is that the United States is going to hell in a handbasket real quick, but I can't see the American military industry falling completely apart within six years, so although the United States is being surpassed by competing superpowers, the American military is probably still a fairly competent fighting force, and sending a message like LCPL Campbell to represent the country is something that brass would do.

Correct me if I'm wrong on any of that.

Darkraven said Well, at least in the beginning, though I can't say what's going to happen to that later on.


Once the bullets start flying, I imagine a lot of the animosity will be lost.

said But so far, I like the character. [...] A few days max. Do tell me once she's ready and I'll add it into the accepted characters list.


I believe I've addressed your concerns. If you want me to, I can still edit the issues you had, though. Thanks much.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Darkraven
Raw
GM
Avatar of Darkraven

Darkraven Nevermore

Member Seen 1 yr ago

The term "Non-Hispanic White" is one that is fairly common in the United States, particularly on official government or military paperwork. Anybody who's done standardized testing at school has likely seen the term, which has come into use because of the large percentage of "White Hispanic" American citizens who do not identify themselves as Caucasian.


Now that's something new I learnt. I'll keep that in mind.

Honestly, I kind of figured that this section was for previous military specialties, and I used the civilian job because my character's only military profession has been the one she has. I imagined it was just a job she had as a teenager, and it's not going to have any real weight on the story or her as a character, but I hate to see a blank spot on a character application, and it's slightly unrealistic to say that a character has NEVER had a job before.


Yep, although for some reason I found it comical...

"So ah... What did you do before you were kicking alien ass?"

"Delivering pizzas."

Yeah... :D

Yeah, I can see that that's going to be a problem that arises pretty early on in the roleplay. It's also an important foundation underneath the character's very existence. The only reason she was sent to UNXIPU over any other service member, was to make a statement. It's something that the American military loves to do, and as one of the first successful female infantrymen in a country that had lagged behind in the integration of women into combat roles, she's something that the Pentagon sent as more of a "look at us", than anything else. I understand from the description of the world as it is that the United States is going to hell in a handbasket real quick, but I can't see the American military industry falling completely apart within six years, so although the United States is being surpassed by competing superpowers, the American military is probably still a fairly competent fighting force, and sending a message like LCPL Campbell to represent the country is something that brass would do.

Correct me if I'm wrong on any of that.


Makes complete sense. It all works for me, and now that I've seen this, I think it's working even better. Things are going to be interesting.

Once the bullets start flying, I imagine a lot of the animosity will be lost.


We'll see, although chances are it's going to take a lot of bullets, and not just bullets if you know what I mean :)

I believe I've addressed your concerns. If you want me to, I can still edit the issues you had, though. Thanks much.


Well, like I said, it's all looking good. Now that everything's been cleared up, I don't think anything needs change. I'm just going to put Carrie in the accepted characters list. I'll copy-paste if you decide to update her CS. Remember, you got time until the first post is put up.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Darkraven
Raw
GM
Avatar of Darkraven

Darkraven Nevermore

Member Seen 1 yr ago

Added another NPC. This guy should be a little more familiar :)
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Derpestein
Raw
Avatar of Derpestein

Derpestein The Neckbeard Stroker

Member Seen 8 yrs ago

Darkraven said
Added another NPC. This guy should be a little more familiar :)


Bradford :D

Sorry for not posting, my birthday today. Had to go out with my friends :P
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by RPCWhite
Raw
Avatar of RPCWhite

RPCWhite

Member Seen 7 yrs ago

UNXIPU Enlistment Form Section 1 - Personal Particulars A

First Name/Given Name: David

Surname/Family Name/Last Name: Korus

Age: 27

Birthdate: 04-23-07

Gender: Male

Sexual Orientation(Optional): Hetero

Blood-Type: B

Race: Caucasian

Height: 6'2

Weight: 210

Appearance/Description: http://www.deviantart.com/art/Sniper-Check-303072352 (Taken from second tour)
He has deep green eyes with small stubble on his face from not shaving. He has a hgih and tight hair cut on his dark brown hair.

UNXIPU Enlistment Form Section 2 - Personal Particulars B

Nationality: U.S

City/Town/Village of Origin: Illinois

Educational Background: High School Graduate

Political Background:N/A

Interests/Hobbies: Repairing broken weapons or vehicles. Target practice. Hunting.

Personality: Calm under pressure, and professional when on a mission. Distant at times while on the base. Takes a few tries to get him to actually talk.

Biography: He was Born in Illinois at 11:27 PM. He went to public school like any other kid and had problems with bullies early on. He managed to solve the problem after 6th grade by beating up the three kids who tried to beat him up. He ended serving detention for a week and no one messed with him ever again.

By the time he was in High School he was already a man who looked like he belonged in the service. He had muscular arms, neatly cut hair, shaven, and his clothes were worn as if they were a uniform. His father had been a Marine so he was to be squared away at all times. He was one of the top athletes in his class for all four years of high school. He played Football a little basketball and even ran some track.

Once he graduated from High School, he immediately signed papers to join the Army. His dad wanted him to be a marine but he had other plans. David soon was able to make himself a name in Boot Camp and qualified for Ranger Training. after several months of hard training he was deployed overseas. He served in several combat Operations in the middle east before returning home and was assigned to one of the bases. He managed to get handpicked by a General for a team of highly trained soldiers only known as ADTR. He served wth them for several years before finally being sent to UNXIPU to help with the Alien problem.

UNXIPU Enlistment Form Section 3 - Service Record

Previous Service Affiliation/s: U.S Army, ADTR.

Previous Unit/s: 3rd battalion 2nd company Alpha Platoon. ADTR

Current Vocation/Specialisation: Weapons Specialist.

Previous Vocation/s/Specialisation/s: Grenadier.

Formal Training & Skills Attained: Hand to Hand Combat, limited Sniper Training. Field Repairs, Tactical Driving,

Informally Recognised Skills Attained: Weapons Specialist, Field Linguistics (Learned on the job, it is rough but he can get a point across with most languages)

Current Native Rank: Sergeant

Previous Native Rank/s: Private, PFC, Corporal,

Years of Security/Police/Military Service: 10

History of Active Combat Deployments: Deployed to Afghanistan. Iraq for embassy evacuation. and Africa for peace keeping purposes. after joining the ADTR nothing is known about his deployments.

Awards/Medals/Certificates/Citations Achieved: Distinguished Service Medal, Bronze Star, Purple Heart.

Others: N/A

UNXIPU Enlistment Form Section 4 - Packing List

Uniforms/Clothing Manifest: 1 Full Army Combat BDU Uniform, Digital Desert pattern, 1 pair of Boots, tan. Operator Gloves, Uniform blouse, Trousers.

Protective Gear Manifest: Ballistic Vest, Kevlar Helmet

Field Equipment Manifest: Ice Pick, Shovel, Water, MRI's. Binoculars.

Weapons/Ammunitions Manifest: MK14 Assault Rifle, with ammo for it (7.62)
M9 9mm pistol, ammo included.
Tactical Knife.
Tomahawk.

Other: N/A

(If there are any changes that need to be made lemme know)
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by RPCWhite
Raw
Avatar of RPCWhite

RPCWhite

Member Seen 7 yrs ago

Derpestein said
Bradford :DSorry for not posting, my birthday today. Had to go out with my friends :P


Btw i beat you too posting a CS as well :P
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by dereken
Raw
Avatar of dereken

dereken Nobody important

Member Seen 6 yrs ago

I think I'm gonna drop out. Sorry guys.
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Sovi3t
Raw

Sovi3t Obamacare

Member Seen 2 yrs ago

Before I post my IC up (Probably Friday) , is there a pilot role in this rp?
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by RPCWhite
Raw
Avatar of RPCWhite

RPCWhite

Member Seen 7 yrs ago

Sovi3t said
Before I post my IC up (Probably Friday) , is there a pilot role in this rp?


You will need to wait for Darkraven to post the IC post, and that may not be till later while we wait on everyones CS'
Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Lotta Pumpkins
Raw
Avatar of Lotta Pumpkins

Lotta Pumpkins I'm not a rapper

Member Seen 9 yrs ago

Yeah so, I know I haven't posted on here yet, but this piqued my interest. Is this good? He's a combat medic.

Hidden 10 yrs ago Post by Darkraven
Raw
GM
Avatar of Darkraven

Darkraven Nevermore

Member Seen 1 yr ago

Dereken: Well, at least you had the decency to inform us about your sudden disinterest and drop out before the RP actually starts. Thanks, and thanks for the interest you showed us at the beginning. I would caution you not to do this kind of thing though - it's not good for your fellow RPers and not good for yourself. Only join an RP when you could commit to it, only when it will sustain your interest for the duration of it.

Sovi3t: Nope, unfortunately I can't allow pilot characters to be made. They'd be too estranged from the ground forces to be roleplayed properly. You guys could make engineer/scientist/security characters though. They'll likely be roped in very often into missions. Eventually, UNXIPU/XCOM would have additional departments such as intelligence, espionage and whatnot, so those might be viable too.

RPCWhite: Thanks :) Onto to your CS. I noticed that it's a bit rough around the edges. Would you care to explain more about what is meant by 'Weapons Specialist' as a vocation? The fields could be filled up with descriptions too to further define your character. Also, I noticed that 'Weapons Specialist' is also listed as a skill/formal training. Care to elaborate on this? Anyway, the formal training and skills section seems a bit incomplete. I mean, I could take it that he knows the basics such as basic marksmanship and survival skills, but I want to be sure.

The personality field seems to be a bit underdeveloped. I'd like to know more about your character.

Stefan0620: Thanks for joining! I noticed that your CS has quite a few missing bits though. Is it a WIP? Furthermore, like RPCWhite, your character's personality seems to be a bit underdeveloped, but looks nearly acceptable. But so far, I like what I'm seeing. Not accepted yet.

Everyone: There's something I noticed in many CS though... While UNXIPU is recruiting some of the best or some of those claimed to be the best, that does not mean that those guys are going to be flawless in any way, such as in their character, history and experiences. There's bound to be some dark spots here and there. I mean, many of them were supposed to have seen some really dark stuff in their career, if they're not directly involved in it. So far, all the CSes I'm getting are good though. Just thought you guys need the reminder.

Furthermore, I think there's enough Americans haha. We're getting a ton of them, and I'd like to avoid the America-Saves-The-World cliche. Bangladesh and India contributes the most peacekeepers and yet there's none here. I might have to make quite a few of them as NPCs. Furthermore, as there's like 3 American characters, I'd like you guys to coordinate and be consistent with the US' intentions. Pete seems to have a good idea what that would be in the current scenario. Also, give each other space to develop.
↑ Top
1 Guest viewing this page
© 2007-2024
BBCode Cheatsheet