Mental Illness

[Vortex]

Its a pain in the ass aye? Alot of us just try to ignore it and get on with our lives only making it harder for ourselves in the long run. Meanwhile most of us dont even realise we have some sort of problem, we think "Im strong. Mental Illness is for the weak. Im better than that" while in reality we are deluding our selves with the illusion that everything is fine, when in reality we are crying on the inside. So I made this thread about mental illness, so come, have a a seat and talk about it. We wont judge I promise. Let me start. Recently I found out that I have Depression. Which is funny I suppose because only last year we were learning that depression can affect anyone and I laughed, agreeing with my classmaes that "Depression is for the weak". On the other hand my friends have always, for as long as I can remember, have called me "Depressing" due to my pessimistic outlook on life. The reason why I never realised I had depression is because of a few reasons. Firstly Depression isnt what you think it is. Most of you will probably think depression is always feeling sad, and while im sure this may be true for some people, for me it isnt. For me it means unable to feel emotion. Dont get me wrong I can still laugh, cry, sympathise amd empathise but none of which produce any feeling. Secondly it comes on slowly, so slowly in fact you dont notice until you can no longer what it is like to feel emotion. At first I thought "Wait... I think Ive travelled to a higher plane of thought, where I need not worry about the petty emotions of mortals". Then It was revealed to me that no, I had not become a god just someone with a mental health problem. Cant really think of anything else to say so thats all I will say for now, although I will probably remeber something later. In the mean time come take a seat with me and tell me about your mental health issues.

[Shienvien]

It goes both ways. Just because someone is "different" or "strange" it doesn't necessarily mean they are "broken" or need to be "fixed". Things only become problematic when people start to become a danger to themselves or others, or when the situation is creeping closer to (or reaches) a point where they can no longer get by in their daily life.

[Sharyxe]

I think I have a similar problem to yours Vortex, though I don't call it depression. In fact I don't think I call it anything. I do think of the possibilities of some things, and deduce the worst and best that could happen, but I guess I'm not optimistic or pessimistic, I just remain neutral and wait for it to really happen. Also, I too, can laugh or cry and such, but then sometimes I'll feel empty. Nothing. Like all sense of emotion I have is gone. Then after some time it comes back again when something happens that lead me to feel something. But the emptiness is still there, still lingering. Just that I feel it the most when I realize I have it and when emotions start to go away. I wouldn't call it a mental illness though. Or is it?

[Vortex]

It goes both ways. Just because someone is "different" or "strange" it doesn't necessarily mean they are "broken" or need to be "fixed". Things only become problematic when people start to become a danger to themselves or others, or when the situation is creeping closer to (or reaches) a point where they can no longer get by in their daily life.

@Shienvien

I never said otherwise

I think I have a similar problem to yours Vortex, though I don't call it depression. In fact I don't think I call it anything. I do think of the possibilities of some things, and deduce the worst and best that could happen, but I guess I'm not optimistic or pessimistic, I just remain neutral and wait for it to really happen. Also, I too, can laugh or cry and such, but then sometimes I'll feel empty. Nothing. Like all sense of emotion I have is gone. Then after some time it comes back again when something happens that lead me to feel something. But the emptiness is still there, still lingering. Just that I feel it the most when I realize I have it and when emotions start to go away. I wouldn't call it a mental illness though. Or is it?

@Sharyxe

Technically speaking, depression is a mental illness. And Im just repeating what the doctors say. Maybe they dont know jack and I dont have this depression and I have indeed "transcended to a higher plane". Also I wouldnt call it a problem, I actually kind of like being numb. Although I would feel alot better if I knew for certain what this actually was, and I could at least REMEMBER what emotions are supposed to be like.

[Shienvien]

It also must be noted that some mental illnesses are ridiculously overdiagnosed (frequently resulting in wrongly prescribed medication, and then dependence and/or other side-effects from that, and so forth), whereas other disorders go undiagnosed. - Several psychologists I've talked to have noted that all kinds of malpractices in the mental health department are running rampant - medication prescribed just because it is easier than solving the problem other ways or even weighing whether the problem is actually severe enough to necessitate medication and taking the (occasionally very severe) risks that come with it, misdiagnoses based on just going with whatever seems most likely at the time being, without any further investigation, et cetera, et cetera-, so it's not just my personal opinion.

[Foster]

Foster's case told as a parable. To be fair, I've been deaf on my left side for about as long as I can remember. People say this has made my life harder. Harder than what? To what other life that I have lived can I directly compare it to? I'll admit it creates a dissimilar playing-field, but no different than picking a 1 against 3 fight against some kids with re-bar stuffed inside metal broom-handles. I've done plenty well enough alone. Does this mean I have to try harder than others to get the same results? Maybe, but if I use the effort needed to achieve a given result as my personal baseline for effort expected of me, then how am I to tell if I am having more difficulty than others? BTW, Vortexx, emotionally isolating yourself is a common coping-mechanism for stress. Biologically, it's the equivalent of the words DON'T PANIC in friendly pink letters on the cover of the Hitch-hiker's guide to the galaxy as a survival-mechanism. NOT being able to go emotionally numb in a crisis is the other end of the spectrum, to be emo 24/7. Once whatever stress-trigger is gone long enough (incl. dietary issues), the emotion will probably hit you like a brick wall of dicks.

[Darcs]

It also must be noted that some mental illnesses are ridiculously overdiagnosed (frequently resulting in wrongly prescribed medication, and then dependence and/or other side-effects from that, and so forth), whereas other disorders go undiagnosed. - Several psychologists I've talked to have noted that all kinds of malpractices in the mental health department are running rampant - medication prescribed just because it is easier than solving the problem other ways or even weighing whether the problem is actually severe enough to necessitate medication and taking the (occasionally very severe) risks that come with it, misdiagnoses based on just going with whatever seems most likely at the time being, without any further investigation, et cetera, et cetera-, so it's not just my personal opinion.

@Shienvien

Can confirm. I don't like medicine. Oftentimes I get side effects so ridiculous that I end up feeling worse just due to the unbearable numbness of whatever Prozac or SSRI chemically does to my mind. I prefer addressing my depression and emotional instabilities through the therapy side of things, and this works, for the most part. However from personal experience in inpatient I find it's almost as if they COMPLETELY ignore the therapy, as the doctors are often overworked or simply too lazy to give patients one on one time, and group therapy is a shotgun approach for a group of extremely specific problems. Literally, the last time I was in an inpatient place against my will (I think it's called a 1034?), I made it known in group that I didn't want any medicine until I started getting more one on one treatment. An older guy who had been in and out of the place pulled me aside and literally told me they wouldn't let me go until I started taking my medicine. I had been there 4 days at that point, the day I started taking my medicine they let me out 2 days later, and they really wanted me to leave with a renewed prescription. I don't think it's a problem present uniformly everywhere, but it is one that exists, and it's disgusting.

[deadlyfairy13]

All this talk about mental illness is interesting. My mother has depression, my brother has it as well along with schizophrenia. I took a class for family members with mental illness and I found myself fighting back tears during times that most did not cry. I learned allot in that class and at the same time I felt like I had some sort of mental illness.

[Dead Girl]

Did know this man, well new him after the police shot him in the head. He was a run of the mill male schizophrenic with one of his voiced that was a female voice. Schizophrenics are in general not into suicide unless one of the voiced is from the opposite gender. See, as he told me, this female voice was suicidal because the voice felt trapped in a male body. So one day, he was going to take his own life. He left home so there would not be any blood at his parents place but they called the police about his actions. There was a police chase before he could kill himself. He was trapped and the police were behind him. He got out of the car and pointed the firearm to his head. The police disarmed him by shooting him three times. Once in the wrist, once in the shoulder, and the last one right between the two haves of his brain. He did die three times on the operation table, but they left the bullet in his brain and just patched him up for surgery to take care of the lose of bone in his forehead. But, the police had to make a rational reason for shooting him in the head by charging him with a crime. Since he was under arrest, the police department did not want to spend the added cost to place a mental plate for the huge whole in his skull. If you look at it, you can see the broken bone under his skin. In fact, only skin cover the whole and it is laying right on top of his brain. it is such a large whole, you can see the two haves of his brain. From time to time he will place his finger and press down on his brain. They punish him for this action, as it could damage his brain. The size of the whole is around two inches. True, he was charged and they understood if he went to trial he would be declared mentally ill and released. So they just sent him to a mental hospital, and there he lives. After being there for 18 months, he will be released and the charges will be dropped. The feeling is, if they try him he would be released as mentally ill. If they just keep him in a state mental hospital for 18 months, then released he got some for of punishment.

[TheDookieNut]

The above is a lie... I almost lost a close friend due to paranoid schizophrenia, she couldn't take anything her brain was telling her. Mental illness is a struggle but it's not without help. There are thousands if not millions of people who are always will to help. You won't struggle on your own I've struggled with a GAD (generalised anxiety disorder) for years as well as ocd but I found the right people and Im slowly getting better. It's an uphill struggle but once you're at the top, remember it's a sprint back down and across the finish line I've found therapy works better than medication. I was on just a boost medication for low mood during therapy and found I was afraid of needing it. CBT and talking therapies are much more helpful than medication

[Darcs]

@TheDookieNut Knows what's up.

[TheDookieNut]

@Darcs I do try haha

[Hank]

My girlfriend suffers from bipolar type II. With medication it's manageable, though she can be difficult to control when she's manic and hard to be around when she's depressed. She tries not to let it get in the way of our relationship. So, all in all, not too bad. On the other hand, my mother has an exhaustion and maladaptation disorder after severe stress that resulted in a total burnout of her nervous system. She has no energy reserves, suffers from heavy hyperacusis and is unable to handle a heavy emotional load. Her life is basically ruined. She was diagnosed 11 years ago and is not expected to ever recover. That's my experience with mental illness, though my mother's disorder might be more neurological than anything.

[NuttsnBolts]

So I guess while people are talking about this I might share a little about myself. I will say that I have suffered from Depression and Anxiety in the past. The feeling I have these days is better than what it has been and most of that I owe to the current friends that I have. I know it sounds cliché but all my problems started at school with the bullying and torments. I was never really popular and more of a nerdy high achiever, which left me vulnerable to the crap that other people would dish out to me. It left me with both mental and physical scarring, often hating my life and left me feeling alone so many times. I've actually got a self inflicted burn on my left arm that has been there since I was about 15 or so, and it so happens to co-insides with the same week that I snapped from all the crap I was given and ended up sending one of my bullies to the medical centre after a single punch to the mouth. After leaving school it took me ages to gain the confidence in myself to at least like the person who I was. Online friends helped heaps since on the internet you start off as your Alias name and you can display to people the traits that you want to display. I also came to learn that there are heaps of people out there that go through similar scenarios and some do have it worse than you. My most recent issue, at 27, was last year when I came out of a relationship where my ex pretty much used me as a rebound for her previous relationship. What made it all the worse was the way she broke up, basically making it out that it was all my fault that it didn't work out. Not gonna go into details but it actually put me into a pretty heavy state where I just thought, "Fuck this, sick of being used by people" (Previous years I had some friends back stabbed me in pretty bad ways) and I didn't really care much about myself. Ended up going to the doctors after some advice from people and was prescribed 150mg tablets of Effexor XR. Well I had some weird adverse reaction to the point where I was actually as high as a kite and I immediately stop the medication because it was concerning several people. Probably the worse thing I could have done as the sudden high and immediate drop put me even further down the rabbit hole with me spending 2 days not moving from my bed, or sleeping because I had nightmares of slicing my neck open with a circular saw and when I was awake I felt like ODing with the remainder of the pills. I actually owe it to a friend of mine who happened to call me and talked me through the entire situation. I don't wanna make my post any longer as I think people will get the idea of what I'm saying. Not all mental illness is caused by genetics and some are often the result of what we experience, but there is always a way out. People do go through some pretty terrible times and I do believe that no matter how down you feel, it does not mean that the next events that happen in your life will be terrible. Sometimes you need to see the darkness to understand how precious and rewarding the light can be.

[Dead Girl]

Mental illness is a struggle but it's not without help. There are thousands if not millions of people who are always will to help. You won't struggle on your own

@TheDookieNut

I'm sorry, I cannot get emotionally involved - Mental Health proverb.

I've struggled with a GAD (generalised anxiety disorder) for years as well as ocd but I found the right people and Im slowly getting better. It's an uphill struggle but once you're at the top, remember it's a sprint back down and across the finish line

@TheDookieNut

I have been in the system so long (bipolar I), I am not looking at the system, I am the wrench that changes the bolts and nuts. With me, I have talked with a number of people over my life. Starting from the age of six, and did not get the title of bipolar till much latter in my life. Being bipolar I, it is not something that the mental health care really does not want to talk, or, even have a trained doctor looking into your case. The reason why is, I can see a doctor week after week, talk about my life, and if I live to be 90 years old: the day they fold my hands over my chest and place me in the ground -- I am still what I was the first day I was confirmed as being bipolar. Therefore, whatever a doctor can do, a nurse can do, and the medications I talk: the right will say I lived from cradle to grave in a nanny state. Since you have generalized anxiety disorder, the offspring of a bipolar person has a 50 percent risk of passing on the illness to their child. Even if the child does not developed a bipolar disorder, the grandchildren can be effected. In fact, bipolar disorder in general skips a generation. Then the other fact is this, if you are bipolar, you have a 25 percent change of killing yourself: with medication, the percentage drops down to 15 percent. Now tell me, if you were with child with someone being the father that is bipolar, you have a 7.5 percent chance your child in your womb will end up killing itself. Now you understand why so many people that are bipolar are single, as who wants to take the risk that their spouse and your child killing themselves in the souses life-time.

[TheDookieNut]

Aside from the bad grammar and hard to understand way you wrote, I suspect it's your local health care is the reason you've struggled. In the town I live is a big bipolar community, I found this out about an hour ago actually as I have a close friend who suffers; I met her at the clinic I was at for my anxiety. Yes, I can understand it's hard but there are ways to get help. CBT is one. Medication is another. Coping strategies is one more. I know what it's like to not be able to get by some times. I have OCD, it's not bad but Ive been offered medication. I don't have to keep turning lights off and on again. But I do have to check locks, make sure my cats are inside the house. I have to make sure all the doors are shut tight. There are times when I bother my friends simply because their house needs cleaning. Living with a mental illness is hard. It's harder when you don't accept help. As soon as real help is found, the burden is lifted, not completely but enough. It's easy to think no one wants to help when in fact this isn't true. Millions of people want to help. One of the first things I would suggest is finding a local support group or group of people who meet and help each other through. You have type 1, from what I remember during a strange part of the ten different trips to doctors I had to take (they were certain I had psychosis and a few of them still are despite the fact I haven't hallucinated for nearly a year, not completely anyway) this means you're more balanced than type II which I believe is less manic and more depressive, I'd suggest getting to know others with bipolar and allowing them to support you.

[Dead Girl]

One of the first things I would suggest is finding a local support group or group of people who meet and help each other through. You have type 1, from what I remember during a strange part of the ten different trips to doctors I had to take ... this means you're more balanced than type II which I believe is less manic and more depressive, I'd suggest getting to know others with bipolar and allowing them to support you.

@TheDookieNut

First off, bipolar I is worse then bipolar II, as I had major manic times: like waking up on a Wednesday and toing to bed on a Saturday. Or, have times I only had less then 30 hours a sleep in a week. With depression, have drank a whole pot of coffee, and instead of sleeping 12 hours I may only had 11.5 hours. Getting to know others, when I just started out I did as you said for years: how many times I had to see them die. Sure we can support each other, but sometimes you have to put the cell phone away. Here is the problem with being friends of a batch of bipolar friends. True, there first time they will call a friend of the police for help. The second time they may do the same again. The intelligent ones that do take their life, they do not call anyone, they do not ask for help, and you would never think their mood was so bad they would take their life. And, they do not leave a note. Here is the problem with attempted suicide, in a number of times they get arrested and spend weeks or months in jail. Here is the most classic example. A male with a handgun that plans to shot himself. Since he has never fired the weapon, or never fired a firearm before: they shot the weapon into the wall or the floor. Then they changed their mind, and call for help or someone in the building calls the police. Now you cannot get arrested for attempted suicide, you can get arrested for reckless endangerment and be charged as a felon. You will not get much help in jail, as you will be declared as having a factitious disorder. In time, you make a deal and become a convicted felon. You ask why law enforcement does this. Because their is not a very well designed system with involuntary commitment into a mental hospital, second, if you are involuntary committed, you are more likely to get SSI and SSD. So what happens, in jail you have a factitious disorder, and end up as a felon. You get out, and poof you get mental health treatment or may not. If you do get help from community mental health, now you have a problem of being mentally ill and also a convicted felon. With those types of people, and more so being a male: you are a felon and now mentally ill. Now if you are a military war veteran and tried to use a firearm in a attempted suicide: you will be charged. Now your a military war veteran, and as a convicted veteran you lose a great deal of your veteran benefits. Now do you understand why America has on average 88 suicides per-day with veterans from Iraqi or Afghanistan. If you tried to take your life once, your not going to make the error of asking for help. I am not upset with you, just telling you, society does not want to help you if you have a mental illness. You want to know what is the new mental illness fear for the general public "I am a war veteran with PTSD". Because what better way to save billions of tax-payers money then making a veteran a felon.

[TheDookieNut]

No.. Society does want to help you.

[HeySeuss]

I can't even pretend to really understand what people with bipolar disorder go through, except I sort of shudder at what's being described here in terms of how the law essentially traps people with mental illnesses. I did have to, briefly, deal with anxiety issues, though they were fairly situational and went away once the situation was dealt with. Most of what I deal with are physical health issues and I am the first to acknowledge that mental health issues are far thornier and are an uphill battle within the system. For one thing, there's the inevitable number of jerkoffs going off the assumption that if it's intangible, it's not as bad as it's made out to be and some of those jerkoffs are regrettably allowed to do more than sharpen pencils. Ironically, one of the medical conditions I have gets that treatment, though that's largely because people are scared to disclose what the symptoms are. Anyway, that's a digression -- I'm glad people are discussing their mental health issues in here and what's more, I think it's an incredibly brave and wonderful thing to come forward and make disclosures about it. There are definitely others on here and one of the things I always hoped the Guild would do is help members of the community get through things together -- if it's possible -- as roleplaying geeks among fellow roleplaying geeks.

[Dead Girl]

I can't even pretend to really understand what people with bipolar disorder go through, except I sort of shudder at what's being described here in terms of how the law essentially traps people with mental illnesses.

@HeySeuss

Think of two facts in history, fact one, in America homosexuality was classified up to 1972 as a mental illness. Second fact, sodomy laws have been used during the time homosexuality was classified as a mental illness. True, sodomy typically includes anal sex, oral sex and bestiality: in practice sodomy laws were used on the homosexual community when practicing adults of the opposite sex we more or less left alone. So, if you and your partner were the same sex, more so if they were male: discovered practice of male homosexuality proved their mental illness and their criminal behavior at the same time.