Alrighty then! Thank all five of you very much for your contributions. I'll go ahead and give you all a quick critique before I announce the winners.
Forsythe – well done. You fulfilled all the necessary parts of the prompt, adding in a bit from the past and a substantial hint of what's to come in the future. Atlas 'moving against ' the other kingdoms would certainly qualify as an event that destroyed the world as our characters know it. On the flipside, Diamond's child practically kidnapping her was -while interesting in that sort of action-movie way- a perhaps unnecessary twist for the sake of mystique, the nonexistent transition between the place where Diamond was brought and Ozpin's sleeping quarters was a little bit jarring, and this might just be my foolishness, but I never understood the other half of Lily's lineage.
Prince of Seraphs – sincere kudos to you for writing almost a novella, but on an analytical level it won't earn you any special favors. Rather than faulting you for prominence excess on word count, I'll try to focus on the events requested by the prompt. You decided to go the subtle route with the introduction of Demetri, spanning over a lot of IC-time, which was a creative way to do it that nevertheless contrasted with the prompt's specification. Ideally, the child's express intent was to warn their parent, and Demetri behaved almost as a double agent, and only did it as a last resort, and after much time. Your portrayal of Abel as a hero was endearing, hinting that while still defeatist he had developed to the level of
determined defeatist, and I liked it but can naturally grant you no favors on that account due to bias. Also, I got the Doctor Who reference. Overall, I'd have to say while you did a splendid and thorough job writing, you perhaps missed the mark on exactly what I asked.
Multi_Media_Man – an impressive response to my prompt. You addressed the desired parts by the book, but also took the time to craft consequences of the Incident and carry a little into the future to act upon the information given by the time-traveler and change fate. The changing-semblance bit I found pretty intriguing, which made me wonder more about exactly how the time travel occurred, which you excused yourself from detailing with 'the how isn't important right now'. Still, your infrequent irregularities aren't enough to tarnish the quality of the whole.
Guess Who – I must admit that I enjoy reading your writing every time. Your sense of humor keeps getting to me, and though the union in question that led to Robert's children (nice idea to use twins, by the way) was fairly predictable, the manner in which it occurred aroused some points from me. I also enjoyed the interaction with the children, displaying a certain degree of personality that while perhaps not suiting the dire circumstances in which they came, nevertheless gave insight into their character. Unfortunately, those circumstances are the lowest point of your entry. The entire deal with the Reaper, which counts as a self-insert however good it might be, and how Robert's tiny bracers are the only thing that can kill a single monster responsible for the annihilation of civilization...it all just seemed a bit contrived.
HereComesTheSnow – you did pretty well for a first entry! Your humor, character interaction, and general style of writing were energetic and entertaining. That said, their blend made it a bit confusing. I regret to say that you lost a few points by misunderstanding some parts of the prompt; the Incident, where the Order of the Grimm broke into the school and wrecked havoc, already happened—a year ago to be precise. With that in mind, there's effectively no world-threatening event that the girl came back in time to warn of. I was going to fault you for never naming the girl, but since you said 'nameless niece' in a certain part, I decided that it was intentional and let it go. I know I might seem kinda mean to be getting onto you like this, so I hope you don't feel badly, and use this as a learning experience for next time.
The winner...man, it was hard toss-up this round. Took me the better part of this morning to finally decide. In first place is
Multi_Media_Man, who earns
2 credits, and right behind by the slimmest of margins of
Forsythe with
1 credit. If there could have been a tie for second place, there would have been.
Here's your next assignment.
#11 - Contest – And Yet a Hero
Judge: Lugubrious
Type: Character creation
Deadline: May 27th, evening
Your task is to create a character using the provided sheet that satisfies the following information. Categories that do not appear on the character sheet are open to interpretation. Categories that do appear on the character sheet must be followed, but can and should be further expounded upon if able.
Motif: Mantra
Role: Leader
Age: 21
Gender: Female
Species: Human
Additional info: The idea of Mantra is this: the character effectively represents one of the following traits of human behavior: gluttony, indulgence, perfectionism, terror, tenacity, servility, despair, rage, indolence, or cupidity. This facet of human behavior is evident not only in their personality but also in their appearance, specialty, and equipment. The mantras described are not all positive, some decisively negative in fact, but the character is still at least mostly heroic, as evidenced by his or her status as the leader of Beacon's senior ace team.
Keep in mind, the character must represent his or her mantra, but the way that occurs can be variable. A lustful character based on 'cupidity' might be the kind you'd typically expect, one who's willing to pursue anything with a pulse, or be someone with a boundless, intimate desire for a single individual.
