Judge: Prince of Seraphs Type: Writing Challenge Deadline: August 28th
Your task is to take the provided prompt and craft a 3rd-person, non-canon short story involving your Heroes of Beacon character based around it. The minimum length for this challenge is 1200 words. You are going to use the HOB characters and settings to craft an original fairy tale. As this is meant to be a bit fanciful you are free to alter things like the time period, geography and stuff like that in the process of telling the story. Most fairy tales have certain rules to them that are traditionally followed.
Most fairy tales have a moral, a message or point to the story. Red Riding Hood it was "don't trust strangers", some others have been "love conquers all" "beauty isn't everything" that sort of thing. I'm not asking you to choose one of my examples (though you're welcome to) but the idea behind a fairy tale was to teach children a lessen about life that they might not understand if it was simply explained to them.
It ends Happily Ever After and begins with the main character either in trouble or about to get themselves into it.
The stories themselves do not get overly complicated. They were designed to be understood by children.
Nowadays their are a number of cliches that surround fairy tales. Rags to riches stories, evil queens or powerful sorcerers, a story of true love. I don't mind if you incorporate any of these into your fairy tale but try to be original about it. I don't want to feel like I'm reading Snow White with all the character's names changed.
Past that just have fun with it and create something interesting to read. Above all else I'm looking at how much I enjoy the stories themselves.
@Crimmy - An interesting story, a little off the beaten path but well conceived non the less. It carried I think most of the qualities a good story should have even if it was a little really weird.
@NarayanK - I did like your story, it was well thought out and nicely written however I did stipulate that I didn't want a classic fairy tale rewritten and though I am not personally well acquainted with the Japanese fairy tale your entree was based off you admitted yourself that it was.
@MULTI_MEDIA_MAN - An enjoyable read, that being said it wasn't really a fairy tale. It was well written but it didn't follow the criteria of the prompt.
@KabenSaal - That does not even dignify a response however I feel I should impart to you two pieces of advice. Firstly I do not appreciate being mocked. Secondly and this doesn't just apply to the contests but it applies heavily too them, try to write something of substance. If you simply put in an entree because no one else has hoping to win on the off chance that no one else enters you are never going to get any credits. I guarantee that someone will always submit an entree that has at least a small amount of effort which will beat out no effort every time. This doesn't just apply to the contests but to RPing and in fact writing in general. People will respect you more as an RPer and as a writer if you make it clear that your writings means something too you rather than something to be tossed away at the first opportunity.
I'm sorry about that everyone, I guess I'm better at giving advice and criticism than I am compliments. For those of you that tried I really did enjoy your entrees even if I'm not altogether very good at nailing down exactly why. You all did a good and thorough job on them regardless of who gets the credits. On that note it's time to announce the winners. In second place winning a grand total of exactly One Credit is @NarayanK. And in first place for a spectacular prize of Two Credits is.... drum role please *sound of drums* *Thump thump thump thump* the Winner is @Crimmy. Congratulations everyone, whether you won or not you all did excellent jobs. I leave the Contests of Champions in the capable hands of Lugubrious.
Judge: The main man Kaithas Type: Crossover Combination Deadline: Friday, September 11
Your character has moved beyond the realm of mere words, beyond even the ascendancy of medium that is the official RWBY TV show; your character, in all its badassery, is now a playable character in a fighting game. It is your task to reimagine your character's specialty, skillset, abilities, and persona to fit into the uniquely formulaic, yet infinitely potential world of the fighting game a la Skullgirls, Injustice or Street FIghter. You will be evaluated based on how well you adapt your character and their various abilities and how kickass your concept is overall. Show me your moves!
no extra credits is given for unique formatting of a response to this prompt
Intro: Your character arrives, stands up, or prepares their weapons, and probably says something, and afterward he or she is ready to fight. It need not be assertive or aggressive, but many are. Check out variousexamples
Playstyle: Yeah, this again. If you competed in the first contest, go ahead and copy-paste.
What is your character's modus operandi? Are they Rushdown, the in-your-face bruisers with a focus on damage and/or mobility? Is he or she a Zoner, relying on projectiles to keep away foes at all costs or using clever spacing to make the most out of range? Or is he or she a Grappler, a typically slow but heavy-hitting ultra-close-range powerhouse that can control the opponent with grabs, counters, or traps? Pick one of the three archetypes but feel free to go into more detail. There are, naturally, infinite playstyles. For instance, Kan-Ra of Killer Instinct is a 'Trap Grappler', Hisako of the same game is a 'counterattacker', Rosalina of Smash Bros is a 'Puppeteer', and so forth. These aren't strict definitions.
3-7 Special Moves: Normal attacks are great, but what really makes a character unique is his or her special moves. These typically require more complicated control inputs, are flashier, have extra effects, and have more of an impact on the game. They can be projectiles, counters, command throws, mobility options like teleports, enhanced attacks, and much more. The most well-known example is the classic Shoto special moveset: fireball, hurricane kick, and uppercut. Remember, these are what primarily define your character's playstyle. Don't ruin the playstyle you've created for yourself by giving a certain character the wrong moves.
Instant Kill: Hailing from Guilty Gear is the 'instant kill' move. If this hard-to-hit attack lands, the round ends after a short cutscene that depicts the attacker destroying the opponent in one way or another. To be sure, not all kill the opponent; many even do something silly, like Faust's 'This is Me?' and May's cannon thing. Take a look, then think of something that only your character can ever do. Rule of Cool is much in effect for this move. Oh, and if you like, you can specify certain reactions that are specific to other characters if your Instant Kill is used on them.
V-Trigger: A powered-up state that lasts a short time. This should not be a general, overall increase in power. It should be something that has a specific bonus. In Street Fighter V, Birdie's increases his damage and his the ability of his special moves to put his foe into a stun state. Cammy gets faster recovery time on her attacks and one of her specials is improved greatly. Ryu's attacks are electrified, giving his specials new properties, including the ability to charge and inflict massive blockstun on landing a charged Hadoken. Rainbow Mika, a wrestler, is able to call upon her tag-team partner for assists.
Taunt: A pose and a quip, most often. Though Dudly tosses a rose, Q gains increased defense, and Deadpool can actually hit people with a text box with the word 'taunt' in it.
Win Animation: What does your character do after a victory? Polish his glasses? Eat some donuts? Bury the opponent? Demand to see a marriage certificate?
Win Quotes: Choose four or more characters and create a specific quote to give to each when yours beats them.
Oh
and there's a new system being put in place. If less than six people enter a contest, the rewards will stay the same. If seven enter, a third place will be added, and all reward values go up one. If fourteen or more people enter the same contest, a fourth place will become available, and #1 will receive 4 c, #2 3, and so on. This is to encourage massive participation in contests and I will not be reasoned out of it for at least two weeks.
HereComestheSnow Very well characterized. A little brief otherwise, but from his intro to his taunt it's easy to see who Luke is and how he reacts to other chars around him. Especially good with Taunts.
Plank Sinatra Same as Snow. Very well done, and owns the brevity. Don't think I didn't notice all the links to Youtube videos along the way XD Instakill made me laugh.
Guess Who Name your stuff, bruuuuuuh. Other than that, from what I know of Robert from teaching his practice class... This looks good. Brief, but funny.
Sho Dear GOD you put a lot of thought into this. I can't give you extra points for formatting changes (according to Lug's original rules), but I like that you thought to list his normal moves and a strategy for playing him. Button inputs were a little confusing to read, but a nice touch.
Nara WATCH AS I REVIEW ALL OF YOUR APOPHIS CONTENT AHAHAHAHAHA In seriousness, this is another very thoughtful profile. Same dealio with the formatting changes, but I really liked that you included a win quote for nigh on everyone. The entry was a good mix of brutality and comedy.
Eklispe Very interesting fighting style and special moves, as well as move names. Great personality to the profile.
Lugubrious And a pretty deadly serious profile for the first time. Good special moves and balance, bossman. Nice theme too. But bro I'm pitying opponents... No levity, nor mercy ;_;
Invisible Man Great V-Trigger, man. Well along the lines of what they're intended to be, from the rest of the profile it fits his char. Some taunts could be a little bit in better taste, but they're good.
Crimmy Dear GOD that was terrifying. Same deal as Abel, to an even higher extent. Gratia's freaking scary, bro. would hate to be Napoli. Oh, and the historical refs are cool too.
Triple A Good profile, pretty scary with an ongoing theme throughout it. None of your win quotes aren't personalized... But evidently they used to be. *shudder*. I've seen a few of them.
Krayzikk Great job overall, despite your accursed Soul Eater references in your move names. I will murder you Anyway, great taunts, win quotes, and V-Trigger. Effort shows.
Onarax OH GOD WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME In seriousness, dang man you put effort into this and I have to give you points for a unique style of gameplay. The interactions with Gratia especially were funny.
Oh boy... I want to give more awards than I can so so badly. You all did great, and your profiles were really fun to read. I got a great contest to judge, and thanks to all y'all for entering it. I have you guys placed all the way to sixth and it was such a struggle deciding who was in the top three that it kept changing even to the third readthrough... Anyway. I'm almost tempted to give honorable mentions.
In third place, with exactly one credit, is @Crimmy with the Bestial Berserker, Gratia Mindaro! In second, being granted two credits, we have @Lugubrious with the Deadpan Defender, Abel Fulgurate! Finally, in first, with a grand total of three credits, @Krayzikk's Snarky Slacker, Ben Lloyd!
Honorable mentions: Sangue Naga, Lauren Negasi, Lucas Schwarz.
And the person doomed by the deadline, Hari's Shiro.
Thanks, guys. Signing off! All of you did great, even if you didn't place. I didn't read a single bad profile.
Also
Intro: Amy steps into the arena, wearing a random outfit selected from the following: A black, sleeveless and strapless dress, jean cutoffs and a low cut tank top, a t shirt and athletic shorts, or a male uniform with the top few buttons undone.
If the latter happens, Amy looks down, sighs and curses, then the battle starts. Otherwise, she fastens a collar held in her hands around her neck and looks up, taking a deep breath.
Playstyle: Amy is a midrange fighter. While equipped, her shield gives her excellent melee defensive capabilities-but her spear requires some range to be used effectively. That being said, when used as a cannon her shield arm compensates for her lack of other long range weaponry, and her spear can extend outward like a spring if the attack button is held.
3-7 Special Moves: 1. Disarming Smile: Amy smirks, launching Unchained Fury in grapple form at her opponent. If it hits, she rips her opponent's weapon out of his or her hands, throwing it across the stage. Her opponent cannot use any attacks that depend on that weapon until they retrieve it. 2. Shield Up: If it isn't out already, her shield spins out. If hit while in the process of spinning, it will deflect the strike back at the opponent. 3. Pole Dance: Amy runs at her opponent, stabbing the Fury into the ground and swinging around it, damaging anyone hit by the attack.
Instant Kill: Amy launches the Fury as a grapple at her opponent, ripping their defenses away before launching herself at them, retracting the Fury into its spear form. Normally, she only kicks the opponent in the face with all of her weight behind it, hitting them so hard in the forehead that they are KO'd instantly.
However, if the MERCILIESS (TM) DLC is installed, Amy uses the Fury to staple her opponent to the ground, landing gracefully as her opponent struggles, then turns around, saunters to the spear's shaft, hops on it, spins with her legs wrapped around it, leaning back off of it until she's horizontal off of it. She comes to a stop in line with their body, then leans a little farther back, aims her cannon at the opponent's face, and opens fire.
V-Trigger: Amy's semblance ramps up to maximum power, letting her react in time to block all incoming melee strikes so long as she's not attacking or running, just standing still or walking. These counters occur automatically with no button inputs.
Taunt: Amy smooths her feathers down and shakes her head. "I've had better exercise in bed."
Win Animation: The Fury and Amy's current offhand weapon retreat back into her sleeves as her feathers go down on their own. She musses her spiky red hair, then undoes her collar. "Guess that's that."
Win Quotes: vs. Ben: "Looks like Stripper beats Slacker, cap." vs. Sangue: "Venom eater or no, you sure bit the dust this time." vs. Lauren: "You still paying for dinner or do I need to?" vs. Diamond: "It's not personal. Want to go again?" vs. Shiro: "Need me to fetch your game from home, like your backpack?" vs. Sarina Tala Dei: "Can't imagine Good##### is too proud right now."
Judge: Lugubrious Type: Writing Challenge Deadline: November 1st
Your task is to take the provided prompt and craft a 3rd-person, non-canon short story involving your Heroes of Beacon character based around it. The minimum length for this challenge is 1000 words. With the coming holiday soon upon us, you are going to craft a scary Halloween story involving your character from Heroes of Beacon and any others you deem fit. As for how to accomplish this: your choice. Any kind of story you want, from haunting investigation to found footage to zombie apocalypse to the Blob. The only main theme you need to work with aside from the idea of Halloween is this: something is not what it seems to be. How that works is up to you.
We'll be doing the reward system implemented in the previous contest--that is, the more entrants we get, the better and more numerous the credit awards.
Some good stuff here, but alas, we could only pick three winners. Let's see who'll rise up on top eh?
Two major themes that I noticed among the writings were isolation (Gratia Mindaro is Alone/Pop Quiz/Exposed Faces/Halloween Special) and a looming, not quite known threat, suggestive of Grimm but more, of course, than simple monsters (Drip-drip-drip/My Hider). Each deals with a different kind of fear, be it the mounting fear of impending horror, or that instinctive, awful loneliness. I know the entries carried different themes as well, but I feel that they fit well into this categorization.
In third place, though it was ultimately hard to decide, Write cashes in on his return to the RP with a single credito bandito. Noice.
In second place, for a tantalizing buildup, some lusciously thick suspense, and tasty use of detail, comes Krayzikk, to whom two credits are owed.
In first place, for a saga written with great effort, substantial plot, the terror of all that is familiar vanishing from beneath you, and a distinct use of 'there' instead of 'their', is PrinceOfSeraphs who'll take three credits back to the IC.
Wondering why your tale didn't quite make it? I'll do my best to give consolation and rationalization. Guess Who, I always enjoy your submissions, but when incorporating emotional drama your writing simply does not make the connection in your case. It told a story equal parts silly and sad, not really grounded in either real, and compared to the other entries you did not communicate spookiness or fear as much. That's not to say you did poorly; I am simply trying to provide critique. My advice would be to make sure you're approaching the task at hand, then pick an overall tone and stick with it. Eklipse, you gave an intense account of your character's dream, in which her feelings of anxiety and inadequacy expressed themselves, but again, compared to the ranking entries, it fell just short. What's spooky/fearful for Krysanthe is not necessarily spooky/fearful for the reader, at least in my case. Plank Sinatra, yours was a great narrative, but the amount of time focused on setting the scene or invoking the scare/fear was rather low. It took me a little while to get into the spooky aspect of the story, and just when I was settling in for a gripping account of Lorena's wild stampede through a scary nighttime forest, it ended and turned out to be nothing more than a prank. Crimmy, as usual you created well the feeling of intensity that lends itself well to unsettling reads, but while subtlety is the mark of a master spooksman I think you went a little too subtle. Call it my fault if you want, but I ended up not understanding the deeper meaning to your entry, and the mood built up didn't really seem to go anywhere.
Remember, with non-canon stories, anything is possible, particularly non-happy endings. None of you permanently killed off characters. The ones that weren't awarded were the ones that I felt lacked a punch: the spook being a false alarm, the spook being...being alone?, the spook being a dream, and the spook being a prank.
But don't unbuckle your suspenders, loosen your lederhosen, or drop your blouses yet, because we're thrusting right into...
#21 - Challontest - It's Good to be Bad
Judge: Lugubrious Type: Character Recreation Deadline: November 11
Remember your character sheet? Well, it's time to waltz on over to the characters tab and start rifling, because your dossier be needin' adjustment. Your task is to take your character and make your character into a bad guy. The fashion of bad guy is inconsequential, you could have a serial killer, a mustachio'd villain, a street thug, a mafioso, a lunatic, a terrorist, a monster in human form, anything as long as it's done thoughtfully, just adhere to these guidelines: the resulting character must be clearly linked to the original, a sort of 'dark world' version of them. As long as that link is maintained, a couple of key changes could be made to nearly any characteristic, be it appearance, personality, weapon, semblance, history, or even fundamentals like race, species and sex. Keep in mind, however, that sometimes the most subtle changes can be the most effective. Sure, Gren could be made into a bloodthirsty cyborg butcher called the Bloody Boar, or something like that, but what if instead his cybernetics were of low-quality? He could have become weak and resentful after losing most of his body rather than resilient and powerful, and allied himself with the wrong people in the past to compensate for being unable to realize his goals on his own. You have the freedom to overhaul your character, via changing their traits or past events, or if your character isn't exactly goody two-shoes to start with, you can just let them keep going on their path, and give us a glimpse of your character twenty years from now.
For example, if I made Abel just a bit more fatalistic, and an adopted faunus in the Fulgurate family to boot, perhaps he'd be a member of the White Fang. Given his power and seriousness, however, he'd be no ordinary, card-carrying member of the organization: he could be 'the dragon', which is to say the number-one subordinate of the big boss. Could you then picture Abel in a mask and dark armor, taking on all four good guys at once with an electrified poleax and a glum, indomitable attitude? I could.
I'm looking forward to seeing your creativity in action. You've got a lot of freedom, but it's up to you to decide how much to use. What I want is not necessarily huge changes or slight changes with great ramifications: I'm looking for something intriguing, sensational, and diabolical. HOB is now a cafe, you're the waiter, and I'm ordering the best villain you've got on the menu. Impress me!
Name: (include alias if applicable)
Age: (your character's age or higher)
Gender:
Race:
Affiliation: (organization, clan, profession, what have you)
Weapon:
Semblance:
Personality:
Appearance:
History: (significant events pertaining to the villain character, ideally not more than three paragraphs)
Popular contest, huh? Might have to revisit this idea in the future. As always, if you disagree with my opinions, that's fine and you can let me know, but if you dislike my subjective judging style, you're welcome to make and judge your own contests. Admittedly, while huge contests are great, they're also awful. There's so much quality, but with 17 entrants, it goes without saying that even good stuff will have to be truncated by downright fine stuff. That means that I have to be a little more cutting with my criticisms as well (see any similarities between dissect and discern? Socrates did). Let's jump right in:
First place, and a reward of 4 credits, goes to @Lugubrious, for a character I legitimately consider flawless and fascinating. Well done!
Second place, and a reward of 3 credits, goes to @Crimmy. Yeah, everyone expected you to score big. What can I say? You've got a sick, twisted mind. Congratulations. Unfortunately for evil!Gratia, there's a certain someone I liked more.
Third place, and a reward of 2 credits, goes to @Abillioncats. Nice serial killer. Maybe it's just because of how horrifying Lilith was when I watched Supernatural, but psychopathic and incredibly powerful little girls who act all nice and murder the poor, poor people who step even a toe out of line are something that really spooks me. You made a good villain, and while perhaps not to the level of writing, explanation, or inspiration that some of the others did, managed to get lucky in picking something that wowed me. Frightening! That said, you did do something I'm going to term 'White Fang Ex Machina' that almost compromised you. More on that in the later reviews...
In fourth place, with a single, grief-choked credit, is...well, I'll be darned if it wasn't super-tough to pick between @Forsythe and @Nytem4re. You both did very well, coming up with concepts I enjoyed and were unique among this cast, both villains more in terms of occupation, environment, and bad choice than flat-out psychopathy, bloodlust, and two-sentence inclusions of the dastardly White Fang to kill off a character or four related to yours that serves as the Start of Darkness. One of you made White Fang the theme, developing it and the character's relationship with it, and the other neglected it entirely in favor of going full-out mobster. I found it interesting that Grane, though a good man with desires for peace, still fulfills my request of a bad guy because of his inactivity in the face of evil. I also found it interesting to take a glimpse into Diamond's future, seemingly the road she's already on that is up to the events of the RP to change. So who did I pick, the snake soldier (Metal Gear...? You're that ninja...) or the unsettling creepy-smiling bag? Nytem4re's Grane, for being just a shade deeper and a little more tragic. Please don't hurt me, Forsythe.
@Guess Who Nice serial killer. Your entry was planned and assembled well, but the overall came to something I found rather uninspiring. Her personality doesn't really evidence a mass murderer, which I feel (best embodied in the phrase 'she proceeded to assassinate every top dog in the organization') isn't exactly handled well. Sure, she's paranoid and self-conscious, and she suffered a tragedy, but in her situation people with merely those issues wouldn't go on a bloody vendetta against one of the most powerful terrorist organizations in Remnant, especially one meant to wipe out every single White Fang member in there is. Plus, going after the White Fang exclusively struck me as less fascinating than other villains' goals.
@Floodtalon, tying your villain's backstory in with Roman Torchwick was a fine and unique idea in terms of this contest. However, I feel that taking a story element from the main show is an ambitious step and requires very competent use to be effective. As it is, your use of Neo seemed like (sorry to put it bluntly) reaching out for a waifu, though to be honest I'd be liable to fall into a similar trap. As for Roman, Cobalt and he just...met, disagreed a little, and then committed crime. There's a trope called They Fight Crime which entails two people of little association or connection coming together for a somewhat contrived reason to fight crime together, usually for the sake of coolness. Don't get me wrong, your entry was indeed pretty darn cool, but coolness is a part of the villain, not the entirety. If you disagree, allow me to point out a fallacy: you said Cobalt was of average intelligence, after saying “He wanted money, he wanted power, he wanted respect. The only way he was going to get those things was if he stole them, so he did.” That seems contrived; after all, normal people get money, power, and respect by a variety of means. The only people who need to steal to get things that aren't sustenance are psychotic, stupid, or both.
@Write Nice serial killer. Wings must have been really, really important to the Nuits' society to make poor young Estelle such a permanent and horrific dead husk inside after losing them. I like the use of Bianca in the story, though her mother wanting to kill her to “raise her remaining daughter to be a true Heiress to the Nuit name” came as something of a shock. Also, Mrs. Nuit would try and get her happy little winged daughter killed instead of her broken, malformed older one? Well, there's something to be said for inverting expectations. I've accepted that Mrs. Nuit, based on her behavior toward her own sweet little daughter is a complete psychopath, and that therefore Estelle probably inherited it. Er, but if asploding her mommy was the “second time Estellise found herself tainted by the bloodlust that now envelops her very soul”, what was the first time? And then, the Little Conquerer goes a-killing, slaughtering the inhabitants of the world upon which her anger turned so well that a bunch of faunus became her cult (cults leaders typically have some aspect of charisma, persuasion, or similar phenomena that attracts followers, by the way), whom Estelle doesn't in her bloodthirsty anger instantly asplode. What injustices are the faunus fighting for? If it's the situation with Bianca, the only perpetrator of said injustice would be the dead Mrs. Nuit, and if it was the bullying Estelle received, well, that's a pretty common reason for a cult to be established. Barring the fact that this lunatic murderer is conducting fully-fledged battles with her cult army, who is she battling against? Don't get me wrong, you wrote very well, but overall I hope you can't blame me for needling the faults in your entry's logic..
@Prince of Seraphs, the most major reason why you're not ranking this time is inconsistency. So your character's a villain—that implies that they do bad things enough to be opposed by the heroes. Your character was neglected and abused as a child by her father, because her father hates faunus. In fact, he hated them enough to...marry one? And go mad with grief after her death? On the subject of her mother, it appears as if she was a Huntress or something similar given the nightmare blades and the 'secrets' that a little girl (read: ingenuity and disconnect with emotions and wants to normal children) learned before she was twelve, both before and after Melanie's death at age seven. In the personality section it says she's not angry, just dispassionate, but people who aren't angry continue to be abused indefinitely, not attack an abuser twice their height and likely triple their weight with enough force to pierce their ribcage and internal organs, or to get mad at a scumbag holding girls in his basement. On that subject as well, and the fate meted out to him: 'disassembled him, piece, by piece, by piece'. That sounds sociopathic to me. Sociopathy isn't lack of consciousness, but lack of an ability to form emotions like shame, guilt, sadness, or disgust. Also, being 'dead to the world' would imply that she's lost her principles, and yet she's principled enough to target bad people and not good ones in a sense of justice. How can a character be gorefest levels of insane sometimes and a honorable thief other times without being crazy? Additionally, on the subject of thieving: why did she turn to it? To survive? Then why'd she leave a calling card at each spot? For some purpose? What purpose? It's not clear.
I didn't choose you this time because you seemed to carve your character's personality and history out of conflicting traits, prioritizing drama over sense/continuity. To be fair, you wrote very well, and painted a vivid picture, and I liked the character. I'm being hard on you because you've requested my best critique in the past, and maybe a little because if I didn't go at you so hard, you'd win like every one of these contests.
@Herecomesthesnow, a good theme well executed, but one that didn't strike me as much as it did other characters. You've made a very convincing resentful loser, and you've cast him as a bad guy is that he wants to make the people with talent, skill, luck, and so forth into losers too, and that's interesting but not as interesting as some of the others to me. His power even reminded me of a Stand power in its eccentricity. I am sorry to tantalize you by saying you came so close to ranking.
@Multi_Media_Man, I assume that in this villain universe you altered the Schnee Dust Corporation to be evil? Because while it's disreputable in the main canon, it's not nearly as bad as you portray it. Anyway, does Oswald's ability to slay hundreds of people, some of them for their evildoing but some merely for the patch on their uniforms, stem merely from his grizzled veteraniness? Going into war changes people, but war alone doesn't turn an essentially good-hearted communist into a machiavellian, bloodthirsty anarchist, even if his method of mass murder is the bullet rather than the cleaver. I'm not sure at which point his grizzlines comes into play anyway, though I've concluded it to be during his career as a Hunter, which is why he is able to abandon whatever principles and morality he has to slay a man out of resignation rather than any kind of greater than usual provocation. Regardless, I get that he's good, but at the start of his anarchist career before any Valean Coalition begins, he's able to take out triple-guard stations belonging to the biggest and evilest corporation on Remnant? Yikes. Bottom line is, good and powerful villain, and kudos for the effort, but I did not like it as much as some others.
@Plank Sinatra, misinterpreted 'Affiliation' qualifier. While reading the Personality section entertained me, I got more story than actual information about your character's personality. About the only thing I can glean from between the time she was a “extroverted girl, charismatic, easy to hold a conversation with” and the time “flew off the handle, throwing augmented reality sunglasses at wall and screaming obscenities” was that she had an 'attitude change' which trended toward 'growing extremism'. Extremism isn't a state of mind, it's a qualifier for ideals and behavior. Was she extremely depressed? Forlorn? Wrathful? If so, why? Reading it, I thought Chatsworth, who documented this change, might be able to shed some light for me with an interview quote or something, but it never really came. How did this correlate with her wanting to destroy all Dust? I get that her missions and similar things pushed her that direction...is that where the extremism comes in? How does hating dust, then, translate to her condemning the potential of Beacon students and teachers? In the end, I liked the character you've made, but getting there, in combination with the dual involvement of White Fang and Schnee Dust Company that is becoming trite quickly, I did not like it as much as some of the others. I came in wanting to learn about a new bad guy, and I did, but only through the lens of a case file. It's important to note that since you tied off the story, it might be difficult for anyone to include you in their villain stories next round.
@Sho Minazuki, good stuff, pretty simple, nothing outstanding. Believe it or not, I think you might have gone a little too subtle with your changes. I didn't know how to feel about the fact that he simultaneously destroyed (implying loss of property, life, etc.) and took over (implying charisma, intimidation, persuasion) an organization of people who specialize in killing people who, I assume, make them lose property and life, and attempt to intimidate or persuade them after doing so. It brought up the image of an assassin organization that is honor-bound and strictly hierarchical, something like, 'you kill the leader, you become the leader', thereby ignoring all the normal ramifications something like that would entail. In short, I was not as interested in your tale as with those I ranked. Sorry!
@Awesomoman64, it goes without saying that anyone who prefers murder and mutilation to talking to anything even resembling reason or socialization would have a pretty screwed up notion of justice. That comes to play in the backstory alright, though I must admit I find 'White Fang kills someone important to character' to be rather overused. You did a good job deconstructing the idea of the hero who becomes the opposite of everything he once stood for; nevertheless, I couldn't help but feel that your entry felt a touch simplistic—barebones. Making a bad guy isn't hard, but making an intriguing bad guy is, and those who ranked just managed to do it a little better. Thank you for entering so soon after your return; better luck next time.
@Suku Nice serial killer. You took the idea of inconsistency in your character's personality and rolled with it, purposefully blending vestiges of a fundamentally good character with a surging and overpower hatred to get the crazed and purposeless mishmash that is Cian. Unfortunately this hodgepodge continued with the structure of her history. You might consider checking for spelling and grammatical errors sometimes. It's nothing serious, but among a group of people that very rarely make mistakes, it sticks out a little. In some situations however it did change meaning, for instance, “Might it seemed controlled everything and without it you can protect anyone yourself included “. I figured out pretty quickly what you meant but all the same it could be confusing. In terms of story elements, a bit of it came from bad luck, which is less interesting (not to mention less difficult) than other ways of achieving tragedy. In the end, despite liking your entry, you barely lost out to Nytem4re's Grane.
@Shadowkiller912, you took a direction I completely did not expect, which is good. Overall, I'd say you performed quite well, but in a few of your design decisions the total acceptability of your submission trended downward. First, you made her ludicrously overpowered, which needs a lot of tact to work. I know it fits given her divine power, but then again, the semblance is a manifestation of the user's personality. Second, the basis for your character, while unique and fascinating, proves to be a detriment. From the imagery you've invoked with your words, I imagine you've taken a lot of inspiration from Judeo-Christian lore, and Lucina invokes the dual-temperament God of the Hebrews (in that He is capable of both terrifying wrath and wondrous goodness) by being capable of incredible destruction while also possessing a “heart of gold”. Also, I spotted the use of 'Lucina', which is a derivative of Lucia, the angelic being (as seen in Dante's Divine Comedy) who represents the Light of God. You used your characters within Lucina's backstory to make her oppose evil. Though this led to her to be viewed badly by others taking it at face value, the fact that Lucina is an anti-hero at worst brings me to the most condemning point: you did not make a villain that I liked as much as the others. For that, despite your superb concept, you are disqualified. Please don't take that to mean that your submission is worthless, though; it just doesn't fit the theme, and couldn't without greatly lessening its impact or switching subjects altogether. Oh, except that you used 'White Fang ex machina' to deal with family, like many others did.
@Kaithas Nice serial killer. This version of Amy I can definitely see as a psycho opposed by a hero time, and has a good flow and composition to it. There are, however, some points with which I found myself unconvinced. Because of a purposeful but very much regretted murder and the event that eventually resulted from it (which, incidentally, I would have been happier knowing how she survived the shock/blood loss) your character lost all mental inhibitions preventing her from getting what she wants, which is primarily not being alone. Not being alone, of course, involves people. However, she sees no value in the human life...are you with me? I'm also not sure where the blood paintings come in (I assume she leaves no trace after her gory murders by carefully wiping all of the blood paint she used off on her target), though that may just be me not remembering that her character proper has an affinity for art. To me, it seemed like adding a calling card for vague reasons. All the time, I liked it. Scary to think of what tiny, tiny chance outcomes could have such an effect on the future.
Wait, did you really think I'd award myself the victory? Hah hah hah, no. It's Onarax. He took an origin story that made sense (without White Fang Ex Machina), a single overriding drive for revenge, a full admission and incorporation of hypocrisies into the goal, a very thorough style that I legitimately enjoyed reading despite its length. You explained things well, left no loose ends or glaring/unaddressed contradictions as far as I can see, and overall made a very good bad guy. What else can I say? Take my credits—all four of them.
Judge: Write Type: Writing Assignment Deadline: November 27
Okay, well folks I’ve had a great time reading over the IC, the CS’ but it’s time to spice it up. You’ve got two thousand words to sell me on your character’s death. I don’t care how you do it, but do know that cheesiness will be marked hard. I want to be shocked, thrilled, I wanna cry guys. So whether Bianca Nuit is going out in one last fight against the Grimm front or Estelle Nuit is sitting in a hospital room slowly dying while her friends do the former, make it good.
To be clear, I don’t want to laugh, barring a melancholic chuckle through some tears. Hit me up with your sad muscles, flex your drama guns. Above all else, I won’t consider entries that defy the word limit, you’ve been warned. Originality is what will win you first prize these next couple days, plan it out, use your words effectively and don’t give me any weird filler content. I’d rather get 300 awesome words than 1000 words that are misguided and off topic. So give me your best and I’ll do my best to grade it well. Looking forward to reading all of your entries.
Thusly consider the following points while crafting your entry:
Quality over Quantity (Though, hopefully both). This piece should not be played for laughs. Aim to make it impactful. This is the character you play as in the RP, not the evil version or what have you. However, should you put your character further into their history by taking a glimpse to the future, they could have changed. Originality in your death scene is key. I'll give you a small bonus mark if you throw in some accompanying music.
I will be grading each entry using the letter grade system, the lowest mark you can get while still following all of the guidelines above would be a D-. I look forward to reading all of the entries!
Jesus these were good. I mean like they were all really good guys. If you want to talk to me more about your entry feel free to, but unless I made some completely incorrect statement about your piece, I don't believe these marks or positions will be changing. Thanks for letting me run a contest I'd love to do it again!
Krayzikk – Steam, Smoke, Bullets
- Favourite quotation “The words were quieter. He felt something wet on his face, tried to pretend that it was blood. Would have been better than the truth. The fury was back, fervent and hot. It burned within him, made him want to lash out. Break something, scream at someone, anything to prove he was still alive. That he’d stay that way.” Great way to show how someone desperately hangs on.
- No music.
- Painted a nice scene once they were inside the ship. You actually did a great job throughout the story giving me just enough information but not too much so well done in that aspect.
- The frenzied nature of the battle was captured nicely through shorter sentences. I found that you expertly took your time introducing new tiring elements to their battle whether it was their low aura or what have you. Really though, that was well done.
- We see a lot of the other characters in this mission, however their thoughts and opinions are somewhat vague due to the over the shoulder framework you’re working with. Made me somewhat wanting for something a little more form those characters.
- Segments just before Ben was injured started to feel somewhat clunky ‘or the fact that the others weren’t in much better shape. Or every bruise he was starting to feel. Or how much further to the ship.’Somehwat awkwardly worded, though I do enjoy the use of repetition.
- All in all a solid A-. You showed me Ben dying, his last struggle, one that refused to just end but I found myself yearning for something a little bit more. All in all though, a solid entry. Well done!
Guess Who – Almost Made Myself Cry Writing This One
- Favourite quotation: “I don’t think I could keep their names straight even before I was diagnosed.”
- Music is involved, Dust in the Wind by Kansas, classic examples of some older sad music.
- ‘You probably would if you were still here.’ A very casual way to mention a dead love.
- The ideas here are fantastic, there’s a sort of melancholic comedy to it.
- However, I will say that this entry I found myself reading it and thinking that it lacked a subtlety that I thought it should have. There’s a saying that I’ve heard and sometimes found myself struggling with as a writer, show don’t tell. I found that you were telling me too much here instead of showing it to me. “I wish I could.” Is the only preempt we get to the reveal that Robert is now suffering from Alzheimer’s, which could’ve been a devastating and powerful blow to the reader.
- This trend unfortunately continues as we see him say things like “There goes my lung, the other lung.” This is twice first partway through the story and second at the end. It seems odd that he’s so casual, and I found myself more focused on that then any kind of feeling of empathy for Robert that I wanted to have.
- All in all, the ideas in this piece are top tier, there’s nothing sadder than the hunter to out lived his loved ones. But the execution suffered from telling instead of showing, and for that reason and the lack of tact with the injuries I felt a little lost. I still believe this entry could’ve garnered an easy B+ - A-
Forsythe – Untitled
- Favorite quotation: ‘“You never told me how mom died.” It was not a question, but there was a burning need of an answer in the child’s tone.’ When I read this line I was 1:02 in the song and it synced perfectly with the scene. I was honestly impressed by that, so well done.
- The musical accompaniment was really good, never heard the song before, which helped and it just so happened to sync up with my reading speed pretty much perfectly so spot on for that.
- I thought you did a really good job taking the approach of a sacrifice. Though I actually found myself somewhat confused, I couldn’t tell if “Diamond Frost, I was hoping for a pyramid…” was Diamond’s actual headstone inscription or if it was her speaking beyond the grave. Either way it wasn’t a big part of the story so it wasn’t all that big of a deal.
- I thought the idea of telling this story through the eyes of someone else was a daring move, we wouldn’t be able to have the urgency of a present tense story, and instead you’d have to focus on the melancholia of the past.
- I thought your story started off very strong, but I found it started to lose it’s sadness as you attempted to play both sides of the death coin. First it was a sad look at the past, but then it shifted into the memory. I found this part of the story to suffer sometimes from clunkyness. At first you did an excellent job at describing the scene, I knew where the story had shifted to. However, we were brought back to the grave for her lover’s asides and then back to the story and I found that somewhat jarring as a reader.
- The ending also felt somewhat rushed. I see what you were going for with the daughter not being able to remember Diamond’s face, we needed something sad towards the end as Diamond started the story off dead. But it didn’t really have the same effect to me.
- Overall though, I thought this was a very well made entry. The music was really well chosen and fit the theme of this entry very well, and while the ending felt somewhat rushed and the storytelling could be clunky overall these are small complaints.
Eklipse – Mission Rating F
- Favourite quote: "Maybe if she was lucky, she could join them... right? The slightest hint of a smile kissed her lips at the thought as the heart monitor uncaringly blared out its story."
- Music was included, I felt that it was somewhat distracting though overall tonally a good choice.
- This entry suffered from one thing specifically and that was that you had a certain train of thought, but you didn’t make sure the reader shared that train of thought with you. Somewhere along the trail some details were lost and I couldn’t tell if Krysthane blamed herself, had killed them herselves or what had really transpired. Perhaps that was what you were going for, but I found it entirely distracting and completely stopped me from sympathizing with Krysthane’s struggle in that moment of truly desperation.
- If you read some of the other reviews you'll notice I go on about showing and not telling a lot. I found that while you did a good job of not telling me too much opting instead to show me, I couldn't see what you were trying to show me. It was this small detail that made me lose focus while reading this piece and even after rereading I couldn't quite decipher it.
- I like the idea of your entry a lot, however. This is the second entry I’ve read now (reading them in chronological order) that featured the hunter who survived. This was handled very differently from that other entry, but I like how you handled it. That being said without knowing the events that transpired on that last mission, it is hard to say much more.
- All in all this entry was good, but you ended up losing me.
Prince of Seraphs – Paid in Blood
- Favorite quote: "Sapphire usual cloths were also gone along with the bracelets that used to hold her most treasured weapons. Now she wore a rather unflattering burgundy jumpsuit with the number 24601 stitched over her left breast. She had a brown studded collar wrapped around her neck. Its purpose was simple, to deliver an electric shock if her aura activated." A phenomenal reveal, seriously masterfully done.
- Music included was touching, and it worked well, though I didn't love that it was a collection of pieces, small complaint though.
- I would say that this pieces greatest strength right up until time freezes is its pace. The way you handled each piece of new information you threw at me was well thought out and skillful so I commend you on that.
- You actually made me forget, for about thirty seconds, that Sapphire was going to die. So well done on that.
- Now one small nitpicking kind of issue I had with it, knowing how drowning works, I’m pretty sure the body couldn’t suffocate itself to death even if it thought it was drowning. I say this because typically speaking humans don’t die of suffocation when they dry drown or wet drown. So there’s that, but I didn’t really have a problem with this. It’s RWBY not science.
- The idea of an execution is original, and the idea that she wants to end the cycle of violence and be a martyr was somewhat less so. I liked the idea all the same, but as soon as time froze I knew and there was a suggestion of escape, I felt like I knew exactly what was going to happen.
- I like the way you handled the side characters in this story, be it Sapphire’s team, her family, or Nathaniel Rakim. You gave each one the amount of attention they warranted and that felt really good. Most issues I have with this story are nitpicky to say the least.
- “‘This will never end and it has to. I don't want die,’ her breathe came in uneven gasps as she spoke those last words ‘but I don't want you to die because of me. This will keep you safe.’” This segment as important as it was felt confusing and awkwardly worded. I didn’t really understand why Sapphire thought Rakim would just stop killing hunters after her. But alas, the word count is ever present and whatnot.
- All in all, I know you struggled with the word count and I think you rose to the challenge rather well. Congratulations on another great entry.
Kaithas – Broken Bird
- Favorite quote: One last rattling breath, then a silence broken only by a chick crying for its mother.”
- I have conflicting feelings about this entry. By your request, I only played the song until the battle started, then continued the song after it had ended. That was definitely a good call, as I would’ve most likely deducted points on an ill-fitting song.
- Firstly, I have to say that my favorite part of this contest thus far has been the variety of entries. The majority of yours is under the assumption that this is another day in the field. I liked that tactic as you actually managed to make the hospital scene feel frantic, like she was running out of time.
- Now that being said, I found myself confused as to why Amy was on the mission in the first place. She seemed incapable of fighting properly against an adversary and thusly it seemed like a mission that shouldn’t have happened in the first place. I maywasbe missing something, I’ll admit as I read every entry they are starting to become jumbled, that’s why I write these reviews immediately after I read the piece. This was incorrect on my part, as Thomas was an unexpected occurrence and Amy's role was to be a scout. My deepest apologies, seriously this was my bad.
- I think that Thomas and Amaranth’s shared scene was just confusing to me. It seemed forced, as the dialogue between the two and the fight that occurred felt clunky in an otherwise expertly written entry. So well done on this entry, and I can’t wait to read what you write next.
Pyrodash888 – Touch the Sky
- Favorite quote: "'It is done, Zina!', she breathlessly stated with a big smile on her face, then she sunk to the ground, her face tormented by a sudden inability to keep herself up."
- A concept of writing that I hold dear is the idea that you must show your reader what is happening not tell them. I try to keep this in mind whenever I write, though I know I don’t succeed all the time. I think you could benefit a lot from keeping this in mind as there are certain elements of this story that could be masterful in its execution.
- An example of this would be when Skyra is poisoned and she drops to her knees. She could’ve struggled against her body, not knowing why she couldn’t rise, attempt to step back up and falter. She has no reason to know she’s been poisoned, so make her struggle with it until she realizes it.
- A much grander scale than most entries, Skyra is fighting a revolution and it’s the kind of story I have a soft spot for, everyone loves a good revolution.
- I thought the decision to have three different songs was a double edged sword for you.
- My reading speed allowed me to reach about a minute and a half into the first song, 34 seconds into the second song and only 20 seconds into the final song. Thusly with the tonal shifts of this work I found it overall pretty jarring.
- Hopefully you can take some of this feedback to heart and work to improve as a writer, as I hope everyone else in this contest does with my feedback. Congratulations on your first entry back in the RP!
Abillioncats – Graduation
- Favorite quote: “She could not let that happen, should would not let that happen. No one would die on her watch, not again. She’d failed to save her friends, she’d watched helplessly as the Grimm tore them to pieces. Never again…”
- I didn’t think that this specific style of hunter death would be so popular, die in a battle and have one last sad monologue. I actually found myself getting emotional at your conclusion, you did a great job with saying what you wanted Emerald to say, and yet having her not know what to say. It felt pretty natural which is hard to do!
- I love reading your entries because you’re improving noticeably with each one.
- Now onto the music, I didn’t feel it fit with your entry personally. I’ll tell you why I found this. It’s a slow harmonic orchestral and operatic piece that is supposed to be supporting scenes in which Emerald is blasting away at Grimm with gattling guns and what have you. Nothing wrong with this in particular, but I found it could’ve used a bit finer tuning.
- That being said, I really enjoyed this entry, you fully embraced the idea and motifs of a blood knight style ending and ran with them. That being said I would’ve loved a mention about the graduation once more towards the end, just a bit of playful irony but alas that’s just me.
- Seriously, I’m really impressed at your continuing improvement so congrats you did well on this one!
Crimmy – Untitled
- The music is just the desert wind, I was actually immediately impressed by this choice.
- Fully realized and accomplished the melancholia that you set out to instill.
- This entry is very original in the sense that, it is painfully ironic for the reader, but only a slightly surprising find for the scavenger.
- We only vaguely know how Gratia died, her name is never spoken nor heard, and the letter containing Napoli’s name. This vagueness of detail, whetting the appetite of the reader every couple words. Really, I’m impressed well done.
- I found that character of the scavenger was well done, if not slightly dull. The musical accompaniment set the tone of the piece and you delivered fully on it, so congratulations on that.
- I found myself wanting to know more, which I imagine is exactly what you were aiming for, what had happened to make her end up in Vacuo, obviously she is still young so this is close to the present, but is it in a year? Two?
- Anyway, enough of my rambling congratulations on another successful entry, I was very impressed.
Without further ado, our third place entries are thusly... Two people! A tie between the lovely @Abillioncats and @Krayzikk, both of you did extremely well with somewhat similar entries. Both Ben and Emerald fighting back hordes of Grimm, with the key differences being a noble sacrifice on Emerald's part and an unlucky blow on Ben's. Both of you did extremely well, so congrats to you both!
In second place, we've got... @Prince of Seraphs! I found nearly nothing wrong with your entry, and I was happily surprised at how well you rose to the challenge of the word limit. However, that being said I found the song you picked to be somewhat unoriginal and the ending somewhat predictable, in only the closest of measures would either of these two miniscule gripes really matter. However, the first place entry was just ahead by a small amount. Perfect choice for tonal accompaniment and a truly melancholic feeling that refused to leave it was... @Crimmy!
I'll let Lug sort out any and all credit transactions, once again I hope you had fun entering this contest congratulations to all the winners and sub-winners! Hopefully I don't get slaughtered for my decision making though.
Why don't you all f-fade away (Talkin' 'bout my generation) And don't try to dig what we all s-s-say (Talkin' 'bout my generation) I'm not trying to cause a big s-s-sensation (Talkin' 'bout my generation) I'm just talkin' 'bout my g-g-g-generation (Talkin' 'bout my generation) -The Who, My Generation
Judge: Kaithas Type: Writing Assignment/Profile Creation Deadline: 12 December, at 23:59 EST. 19 December, at 23:59 EST.
Forget the current characters, we're talking about the next generation! Whether your submission is the high flying daughter of your avian Faunus or the ever stoic son of your wannabe guardian, the stage is set for the child of your character to get their own time in the spotlight. This assignment's going to be a bit different, in that I'm expecting you to do two things.
First, you need to create a short profile establishing the parts of your character that you may not reveal in the second section. This section is mostly to keep you from having to use stiff, expositive dialogue to bring the details you need to your character, if it wouldn't fit in your scene.
A short note: This is what I want to see from your character. If you can easily work in a section, you don't have to fill out that profile blank. However, I expect to see all of these details. I expect the first four sections won't be too difficult to work in, but some (like weapons, semblance, and a lot of the details of appearance) might be more difficult to fit in. Personality should be the shortest, as I should be able to see it from your story.
Biography is for the set up for the second section of this contest.
Secondly, I want you to write a short story, showing your kid interacting with his or her parents, or the most significant adult in their lives. Work in every detail you can about them, their relationship with this adult, etc, but don't do so at the cost of flow and style--that's what the profile part is for.
A few rules and guidelines 1. Emphasis for your profile and story should be focused on how the kid relates to the parent. Resemblance often goes more than skin deep, and I want to see that likeness. You aren't creating a standalone character. 2. I'd like your story section to be no longer than 1500 words, but I won't enforce that as a hard limit. However, if I think you're fluffing or including unnecessary stuff, I won't be the happiest Kaithas. 3. Profile length should not be super long. I'm looking at you, Onarax. 4. I want this to be the child of your canon character, not an evil dimension version. But they can have changed after after a child. 5. You're free to set this whenever you want, but I'd suggest when the kid comes of age or is in their teenage years. Babies aren't so motivating. 6. If you want your kid to have another PC as their other parent, please ask the player ahead of time. See the list below for those who have granted their permission for anyone. 7. Music isn't necessary, but a theme or soundtrack might increase my enjoyment of it XD
Universal Permission: Note: It's generally a good idea to PM someone even if they've granted universal permission, just to see what they've planned for their character and to get their advice. Women: Amaranth Desire@Kaithas : Me! PM me to talk about characterization! Estelle Nuit@Write
First off, all of these entries were great. I cannae believe so many people entered this, though it sure as heck made judging this harder. As per Lug's guidelines, since I received 12 entries I'll be awarding down to third place. If you want to question my judgments or make any snide insinuations, feel free to put it in the waste bin marked complaints send me a PM. We can talk, but I'm not likely to change my decision.
All of these entries were judged using my prompt's guidelines, the quality of your work, and how well you reflected your characters. I read all parent profiles, listened to all the music, and poured over your entries. It's been tough. The entries I enjoyed the most aren't necessarily the ones that won the contest, or placed the highest because I was grading on other scales. But all of you have an excellent base for any future contests I run, because... Believe me, this was only the beginning. Again, if you want specific feedback, request it via PM or in the discussion topic. Seraphs, yours is coming when I can think again.
In third, with one credit: Connor Lloyd @Krayzikk In second, with TWO CREDITS: Slate Negasi @Plank Sinatra And in first, with a whopping THREE CREDITS: Fleur Nuit @Write
I leave the contest thread in Shadowkiller's hands.
On 12/19/2015, at 11:02 PM, KAITHAS.exe wrote: > My goal
On 12/19/2015, at 11:02 PM, KAITHAS.exe wrote: > With this contest
On 12/19/2015, at 11:02 PM, KAITHAS.exe wrote: > A large section of the reason I did it
On 12/19/2015, at 11:02 PM, KAITHAS.exe wrote: > Was for Amy to have had sex with as many people as possible
On 12/19/2015, at 11:02 PM, KAITHAS.exe wrote: > Because when I make a joke
On 12/19/2015, at 11:03 PM, KAITHAS.exe wrote: > I COMMIT
On 12/19/2015, at 11:03 PM, Tyler St. Francis wrote: > jesus
Crossovers is the idea of imagining characters from a different universe coming into another universe, the possibilities are endless…
This writing assignment requires you to take your character you RP as and have them transported to a different anime universe (by any means) and see how they interact with that world, as they try to find a way back to Remnant as they navigate through a foreign world. I want to see their powers in action in a different universe, I want to see their interaction with different characters, etcetera. Perhaps your character could me teleported to Ikebukuro or Soul Society, Leaf Village, Inaba, etcetera. You have full control on what anime universe you want your character to crossover. Persona, Fate, Bleach, Naruto, One Piece, One Punch Man, Monotagari, Ghost in the Shell, Dragon Ball Z, Robotech, Macross, etcetera.
Participants will write a 2,000 to 20,000 worded crossover story. Nothing above 20,000 as you will be required to include a number of letters for your story. Your story can include every character from the RP but so long your characters remain as the main characters of the crossover story.
This contest is the perfect time to highlight your skills as a writer but also to test yourself as a writer. You have many weeks ahead so sit down, pour that coffee and show yourself what you can do as a writer! (or whatever you do help you write)
No, it's not what you're thinking. This time, this contest has a special purpose. Now, we may never get to the Vytal Festival in this RP, and that's fine. But on the off-chance we do, I want us to be prepared. Naturally, Vale can bring only four full teams to represent it in the tournament, and there are a ton of students attending Beacon. So what's an academy to do? Why, a mock tournament that acts as the qualifier for the teams that are going to attend the Festival! And all seven of our teams will be attempting to qualify. If we get there, of course. If not, this contest is just for credits.
How does this relate to you? Well, it's our characters' jobs to thin the herd, and you guys are making the herd. Your task is to work with the other three people in your team to make an enemy team of Beacon students. These foes are hunters in training just like you, and can be from anywhere on Remnant as long as they're in Beacon now and will represent it. Now, the only requirements of this team: 1. It needs to be made by your team, not the specific players. Each person can do one, one hero can do all four, or anything in between. But remember: teamwork makes the dreamwork. 2. It needs to have a theme that binds the team. This theme can be basically anything, but it has to be wide enough to inspire four different interpretations of this. Examples provided by the show include: fairy tale characters, deserts, birds, legendary heroes who journied, legendary heroes who crossdressed, and characters from the Wizard of Oz. 3. Each character must have one element of their name, either last or first, that is a color (whether in English or not), sounds like a color, means a color, or is evocative of a color 4. Don't go ham with those keys. The purpose of this game is not to create incredibly deep, well-written characters; we're making people to fight. Interesting and weapons, semblances, personalities, and visuals are the aim of the game. Not even the most complicated sections require more than a short paragraph
The way credits will be awarded is simple. A single credit will be awarded for each completed character to the team that spawned it, giving each team four credits that can be distributed freely amongst its members. However, once the deadline hits, there will be a couple of days in which everyone will be able to vote on a strawpoll between the brand-new teams, based on how much each of you like the completed teams. The team that gets the most votes will receive an additional four credits to be distributed freely.
Do none of the people in your team want to participate, or is there only one or two who would be burgeoned by the work? Don't worry about it; participation is not mandatory.
Have fun, and be creative! And use this template!
Team ---- (full name here)
Members: Theme:
Member 1
Name: (Refer to naming rule) Sex: Color: (the color that the name is, means, sounds like, or is evocative of) Personality: Armament: (include weapon, extra equipment (excluding armor), and fighting style. Given these characters' purpose, don't worry about making something extremely powerful) Semblance: (explain what it is and how it derives from the personality) Appearance: (A picture works, but a few lines explaining things the picture inevitably doesn't cover would be great)
Member 2
Name: (Refer to naming rule) Sex: Color: (the color that the name is, means, sounds like, or is evocative of) Personality: Armament: (include weapon, extra equipment (excluding armor), and fighting style. Given these characters' purpose, don't worry about making something extremely powerful) Semblance: (explain what it is and how it derives from the personality) Appearance: (A picture works, but a few lines explaining things the picture inevitably doesn't cover would be great)
Member 3
Name: (Refer to naming rule) Sex: Color: (the color that the name is, means, sounds like, or is evocative of) Personality: Armament: (include weapon, extra equipment (excluding armor), and fighting style. Given these characters' purpose, don't worry about making something extremely powerful) Semblance: (explain what it is and how it derives from the personality) Appearance: (A picture works, but a few lines explaining things the picture inevitably doesn't cover would be great.)
Member 4
Name: (Refer to naming rule) Sex: Color: (the color that the name is, means, sounds like, or is evocative of) Personality: Armament: (include weapon, extra equipment (excluding armor), and fighting style. Given these characters' purpose, don't worry about making something extremely powerful) Semblance: (explain what it is and how it derives from the personality) Appearance: (A picture works, but a few lines explaining things the picture inevitably doesn't cover would be great)
IT feels a bit weird to judge a contest before a previous one is judged, but this one isn't really much of a judging-type affair, and if anyone's doing the judging, it's not me. All I have to say is who earned credits. Remember, the credits earned by a team can be distributed in whatever way among its players. If an agreement can't be made, either all of them go to whoever did the most work if not everyone contributed, or everyone gets one if everyone contributed.
Team VIVE has earned team BAST four credits. Team DETY has earned team KESS four credits. Team HERO has earned team STSL four credits. Team MJSC has earned team SASG four credits.
Should we eventually get to the Vytal Festival, team JPCL will fight team CODE, team VGNB will fight team PHGM, and I will finish team JAHA for RGTS to fight.
Now, onto the bonus round. Every one of the sixteen people who are part of the four submitting teams will get to vote on which team they like the most. As stated before, the team with the most votes will get an extra four credits. Only if you're the one person on your team who put in work may you vote for yourself. The voting will be concluded on Friday night. Here you are: who will come out on top?
This is partially – exactly what it sounds like. Valentines Day is just around the corner and what better way to channel your inner romantic then to write about your OC’s having a blast on this romantic occasion. Okay subtly sad premise behind us I did say this is only partially what it seems like. This entry will be a maximum of 3000 words and a minimum of 1000 – small confines I know, but I like to make people really consider their content. All I want from you this time, is the making (or breaking) point in your character’s relationship with another character.
1) Before you start brainstorming – there are a few important things to note before you start. Relationship does not have to mean romantic anything. You could be starting a new friendship or what have you – anything goes as long as it only involves your character and one other. (Though other characters can be featured – they shouldn’t be the focal point).
2) Some points my grading will be based on: your ability to capture the humanity of a relationship, how much you can sell me on said relationship, do I fell emotions while reading this, and yes as usual – was there a suitable soundtrack provided to this entry?
3) If reading the end of that last point made you feel negative (often times violent) things about myself; talk to me, we’ll see if we can’t work something out for those who hate adding music to their entries.
4) Finally, yet most importantly – really, and I mean really, think about dialogue. In a scene quite like this – about relationships, communication is key. I will be above all considering how natural the dialogue is both in flow and under the realm of believability.
Best of luck you kids!
- Love your Valentine, Write
P.S. Any questions hit me up fam.
List of characters whom you may use (just let the creator know beforehand): 1. Bianca Nuit 2. Estelle Nuit
“We’re going to a game of eight-ball and a toast to the fallen. I thought… that maybe you would like to join us.” she offered with a small smile.
Esther’s grip on the door knob tightened.
As you may be able to tell from the quote I selected, one of my favorite parts of this entry was the tension. It was palpable during Esther and Diamond’s conversation, which was nice to see.
Soundtrack was relatively suitable, though it was a real tearjerker. This worked very well for the parts of the entry that were – as I mentioned above, tense and definitely hostile for both parties. BUT, it wasn’t too suitable towards the end of the entry, that being said it would be difficult without submitting two songs to do it at all, thusly I’m only deducting a half point.
Okay so let’s get to the dialogue as I mentioned it was the main focus of this contest. At times, especially early on I felt like it was great. No grand soliloquys, rather to the point and effective uses of dialogue. However, towards the end it got a little cliche, but that might not be the right word. Perhaps things just got wrapped up a little too nicely for me. It seemed liked Esther was truly bitter about this idea that someone wanted to spread the word of her friends without having known them. This is a very personal wound. But one night of drinks and talking about them and any and all resentment seemed to fade away. I would’ve loved a lingering sentiment of some kind here, it would’ve felt just that little bit more human to me. However, that is a matter of opinion – not something you did necessarily wrong with the story so you’re not being marked down too harshly for it.
All in all I believe you did a good job molding your entry to what I set before you, well done. 8/10
Krayzikk: Brochures, Dad – First Place
And alone in the living room, Ben wasn’t sure it could ever be-
***
“-repaired.”
“What do you mean?”
“This thing would take forever to get repaired. Look at it.” Daniel adjusted the overhead light illuminating the workbench, and indicated closely with the tip of a screwdriver.
Pardon the length of that Favourite Quote, but hot damn effective transitions are the best area they not? So, let’s get down to it – first things first: soundtrack.
Yeah, it was good – volume was pretty solid and pacing was good – never overtook the story or anything like that. Little fun part of that was it finished as I finished reading the entry which was cool. (I read slow get over it). No reason in my mind to deduct any points at this juncture, suitable song that was of good length, tone, volume and pacing – well done.
So dialogue, dialogue, dialogue then. Basically, I loved it. It was really well done – you could tell these were people who knew enough about each other to hurt one another by mentioning things, but not enough about each other to predict what the other was saying. This is important due to the concept of this entry. It was stated that this had to be either the beginning or the ending of a relationship – that was known.
Your characters managed to show depth through their voice, instead of voice of god over the shoulder thought narration and the sort and that was part of what I truly loved about this entry. Take the crafting scene, we immediately get the sense that Ben is frustrated and Daniel is passionate about his work. These are two contrasting things revealed about the characters one may think that is a bad thing, but I was not aiming for how poetically you could teach me the depth around your characters. I wanted realistic dialogue. Grimy, bumpy, doesn’t-quite-fit dialogue. And you gave me it. Be proud.
10/10
MULTI_MEDIA_MAN: If It’s Love – Third Place
“I did a lot of soul-searching, and I decided that I need to do this.” Taking a deep breath, Oswald smiled as he let go of his worries and dropped to a knee, pulling a long, slender box from his tuxedo pocket.
Alright you bastard. Wanna know why that’s my favourite quote? Well let me tell you. I opened this entry and said the following things:
“Man it’d be funny if ‘If it’s Love” was in reference to that Train song *sips wine and hums the song* “Aw man it’s about a couple in their senior year, they’re so happy – shit!” *Sips wine thinking their definitely gonna break up.
Well Congratulations for proving me both right and wrong in the best ways. At first it seemed obvious to me – the title was ironic as it sounds like something happy but clearly this was going to be a story about a break up.
But then I read my favorite quote for the entry. ’They’re starting their relationship as husband and wife.’ I said, as I opened up mother fucking Train’s If It’s love. You glorious, glorious bastard you.
Soundtrack was awesome – as I never mentioned that it had to be playing for the whole song you will not be deducted for that, and the song itself actually really suits this story that is reminiscent of a (good) romcom.
The dialogue. While there were some very slightly awkwardly worded portions (people’s emotions going flying, Oz specifically being told to calm down when I hadn’t realized he had clamed up, etc) I thought you did a really great job capturing the overall vibe of this happy go lucky entry. I had a blast reading it and even now writing this review I can’t think of what I want to criticize – but I’d feel as if I was short-changing you if I didn’t. Maybe a bit more detail on the actual process of Oz freaking out about ‘how the fuck am I supposed to sleep when I’m proposing tomorrow.’ Kinda deal wouldn’t have harmed the story – but wasn’t required either.
Well, I got to say, this entry made me chuckle more than any of the other entries. It was a great mix of character development, humanity, pacing and overall personality. Let me tell you, this thing was just dripping with personality. I’m glad you decided to stick with a first person lens as well as that was definitely much more suitable than anything else for this story.
The soundtrack was sweet sounding – almost like a visual novel maybe? I assume it’s from the show that you’re referencing or something (I think it’s called monogatari?). Either way, it suited your quite well and although it was quite clearly much too short that’s the reason the YouTube looper exists so not much of an issue. I searched for myself to find a longer version of the song you chose and couldn’t find it. As such I will not deduct points. To the dialogue!
So this entry was different in that it is written in first person – as such we are presented with the focal character’s train of thought much more than any other entry. So I am marking both that and the dialogue as they are written in a similar fashion. Firstly, the spoken dialogue. It was very well done, especially for Dawn. As we hear much, much less from her, there is an added sense of importance to every word she speaks. You handled that challenge very well – I felt like I knew exactly who she was by the end of the entry.
To me though, the much more interesting part of this entry was the train of thought, as you may be able to tell from my favourite quote. The reason for this is that you managed to encapsulate a fully believable person through their train of thought. He contradicts himself, repeats things, questions things – it all felt completely and overwhelmingly human – which is exactly what was asked of you for this entry so congratulations, you did that in spades. All of your reveals felt natural and either suitable or humorous – so well done indeed.
I didn’t see much wrong with this entry at all, though what I did was incredibly minor – so much so that I feel it isn’t worth bringing up. This was a very well written entry. My single, and completely solitary point of contention with the writing itself comes from the fact that this feels like a major moment in both characters’ relationship. However it didn’t come across to me as entirely the beginning or end of that relationship. That being said, there is certainly an argument to be made about this part of their relationship being the beginning of a new found level of communication and trust and as such I am only going to deduct a single mark. 9/10
Plank Sinatra: Take Care – Second Place
“Is Goodwitch still teaching?”
“Don’t hit on Goodwitch, Lauren.”
“I’m just sayin’—“
“Better men than us tried.”
“I’m not a good man,” the younger Negasi purred playfully.
I mentioned in Snow’s review that his entry did a great job of balancing the cheeky, cheesy humour with some playful lines here and there. But you really went all out on making me laugh my ass off. This entry was really funny and at the heart of that was truly the fact that it felt truly grounded in reality. Lauren and Sloan truly felt like they had a connection to the point that they need only half communicate. That is not a fault either, because I could tell you were doing it. Whether it was just Lauren groaning and Sloan knowing why, or Sloan subtly suggesting something and Lauren picking up on what it was and then naturally catching the reader up – it was natural.
Soundtrack, first time to my knowledge that the soundtrack was part of the diegesis. That was a cool touch and as you described I played it low, worked with the story well enough but it did somewhat feel like it didn’t Have to be there. Not a large irk in my mind, but one that overall did cost you a half mark.
So dialogue. Dialogue, as I mentioned before was obviously the strongest part of this entry in my mind. I think you did a fabulous job of mixing comedy with real emotions, when Lauren says she’s at a loss for words and immediately begins to ramble it flows. When Sloan comes across as a goddam sentient boulder, and speaks in short sentences that are impactful to the story, it flow. Really, I have no complaints about the dialogue so I’m just going to leave it there.
9.5/10
Onarax: Farewells
Yet no matter how gentle a harmony, it was incomplete without the melody.
With the combination of all of the elements of this story working in tandem so well – I find it hard to believe you referred it as half-finished junk. Truly, this entry made me feel some shit man, it was really good.
The song and ambience working together, perfectly well done. The song being non-diegetic and the ambience obviously being diegetic made for a nice scene in your head while you were reading. I was really impressed with this one. If I were to have any complaint about it, it would be the song’s length but again much like Snow’s entry I’m not docking marks for that at all so no worries there.
The dialogue in this one was really, quite good. You came right out of the gates showing people new depths to everyone’s least favourite pun-smith just by giving him a nickname. While I was reading I knew this entry was going to be the end of a relationship, which only served the melancholy that you were fostering through this entry. I think the only thing I would’ve liked a bit more, was it felt as though you had wanted to go more in depth in some places but due to time constraints couldn’t/didn’t. This isn’t a big deal by any stretch of the imagination, the entry was still incredibly well done. But I did feel that it impacted the entry in some ways. I say some ways mainly because I also felt like this was one of this pieces strength’s.
I’ve said it before but I’ll say it again, I didn’t ask for the best possible story you could write, I specifically wanted realism. In real life, people don’t know what to say, hold things back, etc. This was present in this entry. However, while I do think it positively impacted the story I do not know how intentional this was due to your calling it ‘half-finished.’ So I ended up deciding to take off a half point, nothing much but not perfect.
Alright well at least according to the Canadian education system - I am on summer vacation. As far as the vacation part of that package goes, however - I am working full time. So let me live through your lovely writing and give me something great for our cast. First year is up and completed, your character has had their summer past and is hear once more for year two. This contest is really open-ended the one and only constraint is an important one however. This contest is for your character to partake in a mission in second year, now what the word mission means is up to you. They could be going on a personal quest, or it could be an assigned mission from the school itself. They are going to nail it. Whatever that means to you, I’m talking some S-Rank, mission impossible, Bourne trilogy awesomeness right now. You may of course include as many characters (as long as you have the permission of that character's writer) and this mission can be anything you want it to be. Whether it's a part-time job or a daring vacation turned spy movie, that's your call.
This contest is as open-ended as I can make it. As long as you have fun with this one you're almost sure to do well. Word count doesn't matter either so don't fret that too much.
If you would like further information please PM me or message me somewhere else. I didn’t want to write it all up for lack of time and whatnot. Thank you everyone for participating and sorry this is as brief as it is. I will give you more feedback if you’d like it.
Happy days are here again The skies above are clear again So let's sing a song of cheer again Happy days are here again -Barbara Streisand in her remake of “Happy Days Are Here Again”
Judge: Kaithas Type: Writing Assignment Deadline: July 18th, 2016 at 11:59 EST
Life’s full of struggles, perils, and bad times, but among those are moments of complete and utter bliss. That’s what I want you to write about. What would be your character’s happiest moment? There’s a lot of answers that immediately come to mind, like marriage, a first child, becoming the greatest Hunter or Huntress the world has ever known, but I’m interested in why this is the happiest moment, what leads up to it, and how your character reacts. Dig deep, think about at your char’s feelings, and come up with a great answer and story.
A few rules and guidelines: 1. No word limit. I have some boundaries in mind if you’re totally at a loss as to length, but otherwise write as much as you like, though it’ll likely take a decent amount of words to convey everything adequately. 2. This does need to be your canon character, but you’re free to use the canon established in True Contest 23 (my previous contest) if you so desire, and any changes that came through time are, of course, acceptable. 3. Any other PCs you want to include are fine, if you have the permission of the creator and your character remains the focus of the entry. 4. Music isn't necessary, but a theme or soundtrack might increase my enjoyment of your story. 5. I love me some irony (and heck, the song above was done at the beginning of the Great Depression) so go ahead and put a twist on it if you want… But try to fit into the spirit of the contest. Other than that, have fun!
