[OOC] Naruto: Path to Enlightment. Looking for fresh meat!

[knighthawk]

@Savato I understand. Just trying to hedge my ideas to make something that fits.

[Akashi Mayhiro]

A look at the personality of Katsu Hyuuga and I can already tell he is going to be playing a vital role for Chi-chans growth later down the track. A glance once again shows that the dude had his fair share of growing up and wants to help the younger generation anyways he can. But what I do not like about him is the ‘make a friend out of anyone’, sure he is a nice guy and what not. But there is simply no what he can do that. You might want to reword the section so that it’s a little more believable for the others to read. The second section of his personality just needs a few touch up here and there in general. I don’t practically mind the history of Katsu. In fact I like him. Just make his personality a bit more ‘fleshed out’.

The canon jutsu that Katsu has, i have no quarrels, how i am a little concern about your custom Jutsu though.

Could you come up with a better name than "Brutal Gentle Fist Style"? That really irks me just saying it. I'm sorry Vi, it's like saying Hot cold rain, how does that work?

Chakra Control: Impact Sponge, kinda like Steel Release, Impervious armour. Though the concepts of of boht of them are totally different. But that is not the point here, i would like to know how many physical contacts he and endure before he finally let's up, it can't be forever, but not that it matters to the Chunin. But it will matter to other Jounins, Enlightenment and missing nins.

Chakra Control: Sonar Checks out alright, remind me to call him dolphin XD

Nothing wrong with his history as well, aside from what i pointed out in general. THe other Gm's will have the opinion on Katsu later on.

[CrystalApple]

If you guys don't mind, can you review my Ninja's Genjutsu? So i can change it when I come back in the morning. Until then ^.^ and thanks!!!

[Edit: I also messed up on the coding, the mass wall of text makes it difficult to navigate @.@]

[Savato]

@CrystalApple I'm about to sleep so I'll leave that to Partisan probably. However we don't really like reviewing incomplete sheets. So ... Yeah.

[Flood]

@Savato

I'm doing all this on my phone because my laptop broke a couple of months ago. I don't think I can get Skype on my Android.

How do you guys think I should join the RP? Is there any specific way I can enter.

[Savato]

@floodtalon I have it on my android haha. Just don't keep it on when not needed. It's easily downloaded don't worry.

About that, well we'll find a way to integrate you. I'm about to go but you can PM us with an idea maybe? If you haven't read the IC yet, maybe you'll get an idea!

[Raijinslayer]

@floodtalonWell, your guy can join in the mass rush towards the assailant right now and try to take him out, or he can try and keep order in the plaza. The first one is more exciting and prone to interaction, however.

[Akashi Mayhiro]

@FallenTrinity

Honestly i cannot find anything major wrong with your new OC, unfortunately i have to go to work, so i will get back to you soon man with a proper review.

[knighthawk]

Doku Tsunami

“Be like water...”

5'0 and 100lbs, his white hair could reach his shoulder-blades if he let it down.

Personnel files.
Access only by security personnel with a C3 clearance.

【Full Name】
Doku Tsunami

【Alias】
"Bubbles"

【Age】
17

【Sex】
Male

【Sexuality】
Hetero

【Birthplace】
"Shinju"

【Bloodline】
Tsunami

【Rank】
Chūnin

Psych. report.
Medical secrecy applies.

【Personality】
He is surprisingly kind for a Mist ninja that borders on psychotic. He is nonplussed by all the murders around him as well as the many attempts on his own life to really give a damn. He is cheerful that he isn't dead yet and takes every moment for the gift of life that it is. As a side note, he has a severe hero worship for the former Mizukage.

【History】

Illegitimate son of the former Mizukage, born to the tsunami family in the town of Shinju while hiding from hunter-nin, the 3 month old infant was suddenly abandoned by the missing-nin exactly 1 year after the swordsman's arival and raised as a bastard child for several years on the port town. A dozen years later, far away from the brutality of the village hidden in the mists and all their treachery do we revisit the Boy Doku. He had grown into an apt swimmer, able to hold his breath for over four minutes of hard swimming for earning his keep in the local village when he received an odd package in the market while selling seashells; a mizukage straw hat with a letter from his father and a novel of his exploits.

In His last will he had sent for his child to attend the academy hidden in the mists as well as the delivery of the journal of his life. Doku read the book from cover to cover on the trip to the academy, he was almost too old to attend but his legacy assured his entrance regardless. Every month while at the school he read the book from cover to cover, the journal of his father provided several high level tips and hints from his lifetime experience to help Doku compensate for the lack of training most other ninja students would have unofficially received from their siblings or other family members.

It was hard going for him to Keep his child-like zeal while at the school, such ruthless tactics other students steeped in moral poison already should have spelled his end a dozen times over, it was in these moments that he found life to be a gift and every missed attempt of his life made him feel more alive. If he gave into the poison that consumed all the other students, then he would become another faceless mass, not the stuff of his fathers legacy. He graduated with flying colors much to the ire of his fellow students in the 7 way fight with a poison fueled hidden mist jutsu that he was immune to due to the entire year spent building up tolerance to his own poison blend.

【Family ties】
Describe shortly what type of family your character grew up in, how the ties were and how this influenced him. After that fill in He had a loving mom and dad

Paru | Dad | 45, Shinju, seafood cook
Tama | Mom | 40, Shinju, Pearl diver
Same | Father | 65, Kirigakure, Missing-nin
Kaki | baby sister | 7, Shinju, oyster shucker

【Dreams and fears】
He wants to be a mitzukage, like his father, ushering in a new era of peace. His severe hero worship of what he imagines his father to have been like clouds his judgement, always wondering what 'he' would do in this situation.

Combat reports.
Gathered from evaluation reports after missions.

【Fighting style】
An 'aquatic Gara' would be the easiest way to explain his style of heavy water techniques. Energy conservative whenever possible.

【Kekkei genkai, or bloodline limit】
Bloodline limit name:
Mizu no naka no mizu (water within water)
Description:
His skin turns a shade of blue similar to Kisame as he aligns with the water chakra.
Strengths:
] ] He can convert water into chakra Similar to the Akimichi calorie conversion specifically for water Jutsu. Thus allowing him a swift recharge when needed by absorming his technique back into himself or to quickly convert one water technique to another on the fly (converting water prison to mist by making the sphere 'explode' or even reverse by tightening the fog around someone into a water prison.)
Weaknesses:
He can not use earth or fire jutsu nor any that would require its use (boil, mud, or combination), he can not combine techniques with earth or fire users either as a back door to the same effect.

【Ninja techniques】

B rank techniques:
Summoning Shukoku!

C rank techniques:
Water prison
Water clone

D-E rank techniques:
Hidden mist Jutsu
Temporary paralysis
One thousand years of drowning

【Weaponry, tools and objects.】
Weapon, tool or object name:
Water gourd
Weapon, tool or object type:
Weapon
Description:
Ten gallons of water, 80 lbs, infused with his chakra on a constant basis worn on his back and he uses his water manipilation to make it levitate a little against his back to take the weight off of him on long treks. The sheer infusion makes his techniques with his water just a little stronger, a little faster, that edge he needs when fighting another water opponent.

Weapon, tool or object name:
Purple gourd
Weapon, tool or object type:
Weapon
Description:
One gallon of liquid poison worn his hip. Just like the one on his back, he infuses it with chakra in order to manipulate the water of the poison as a weapon or blend the poison into his water gourd at a 1:1-10:1 ratio. The poison itself is a paralytic agent absorbed through the skin. At minimum it numbs the skin and effects the abilities of opponents with a full body sensation of 'pins and needles'. At worst case, a direct hit in the mouth or the like, the chest locks up and the enemy suffocates to death as the lungs refuse to oxygenate.

Weapon, tool or object name:
Can be a term, i.e 'kunai' or it can be a self given name, i.e 'Revered Razor'.
Weapon, tool or object type:
What type of weapon, tool or object is this? Sword, axe, kunai, knife, blade, tanto. Omit if the weapon, tool or object name already designates this.
Description:
Describe the weapon, tool or objects appearance, and describe it's potentials and weaknesses. tl;dr how powerful is it and what does it look like. Be reasonable.

Weapon, tool or object name:
Scuba
Weapon, tool or object type:
Tool
Description:
A small device about the size of a gas mask, it simply contains a few minutes more of oxygen for aquatic missions and supplements his ability to hold his breath for so long.

SHOKUSHU
Description:
The pervy octopus is from the contract hidden within his father's book only revealed after proper study. In combat she capable of firing ink shots to blind opponents for Doku's aid as well as an attack of unspeakable horror against kunoichi simply called "one thousand years of love". She also knows healing measures to help him recover and can generate water for his use in jutsu's if he is without any water of his own.

[Partisan]

@CrystalApple 'seeing emotions' are iffy. I don't mind the part where they can see emotions, but the part where they can directly influence them seems irky to me. I'll explain why;

as a writer I make my character be mad. Suddenly a character with the power to change emotions on others walks in, sees that my character is mad and decided 'fuck that shit' and makes him happy instead. That completely messes up the flow of things, and probably also messes up plot-related stuff. So therefore I'm gonna keep that in mind whilst grading. If it's like your KG description (only uses it to use better genjutsu fitted to an emotion) it should be OK.

【Sexuality】
Asexual

Congratulations your character just became a major romance target for Gin and Shin.

Jutsu name:
Peace Be the Journey
Rank:
A-Ranked
Range:
30 Meter Radius
Description:
A powerful jutsu, the clan member channels chakra through the Yokuatsugan and into a thirty meter radius around them. Any conscious organisms within that range have the regions of the brain that control anger and aggression shut down. Animals will approach the ninja and do no harm, and opponents who are affected by the genjutsu will walk away from the Kussunagi Clan member. This jutsu is ineffective against characters who are more clever and smart than the clan member, and violent actions taken on the part of the clan member will dispel the technique immediately for anyone directly observing these actions. This technique lasts for up to seven posts.

Okay this is basically the kind of influencing emotions thing I was talking about. The foundation is good and technically in the naruverse it should be possible. But in illustration, if you are fighting a major bad guy all it really takes is for you to use this technique. It'd be a one shot and since it's an AOE attack there's no dodging it.

Fighting a bad guy, he's really angry and aggressive, everyone is all riled up. In walks your character, *poof*, suddenly the bad guy turns into a nice little sheep.

Unless the effect only carries over to your character, in which case the bad guy would attack all the others and this jutsu would be pretty useless, because as soon as you go to help them the genjutsu dispels itself.

So this one needs _heavy_ reworks.

Jutsu name:
Shadow of Death
Rank:
B-Ranked
Range:
15 Meter Radius
Description:
After activating the Yokuatsugan, the clan member makes a set of handseals and channels chakra into the Yokuatsugan in an area of fifteen meters around the clan member. Anyone in the area of effect is caught in the genjutsu. Those caught in the genjutsu will feel the air around the clan member suddenly stir up in a whistling whirlwind, as if displaced by a might ki. They will also feel like they are in the presence of a truly mighty warrior and that they should listen to the clan member. This qualifies as a compulsory change in reasoning for those caught in the genjutsu, assuming that the victim doesn't figure out it's a genjutsu and dispel it. This technique lasts for up to five posts.

Okay, so this one is pretty decent. Except I have one question. As an enemy of this clan member, what would make my mind suddenly go 'he's my enemy but I should listen to him'? I think anyone that is fighting this clan guy will figure out real quick that you shouldn't listen to enemies. In fact that should be their 1st second conclusion. Once again this jutsu has a great foundation but if you put it into the bad guys' perspective it just wouldn't work.

Unless you make it a buff for your allies. In which case that'd make fighting enemy genjutsu experts really hard because every time they cast a genjutsu, you'd need to dispel both your own genjutsu and theirs to free them.

Jutsu name:
Awakening of Love
Rank:
B-Ranked
Range:
20 Meter Radius
Description:
The clan member channels chakra through the Yokuatsugan and into a twenty meter radius around them. Anyone within the area will be even less inclined to fight and do harm and more inclined to show signs of affection and compassion. The exact effect this technique will have on the opponent is mostly variable on who is in front of them and their own personalities. This technique lasts for up to four posts, though the effects of the jutsu may last longer.

Same as your A rank.

You have double Shadow of Death by the way.

Jutsu name:
Path of the Monk
Rank:
C-Ranked
Range:
20 Meter Radius
Description:
After activating the Yokuatsugan, the clan member makes a set of hand seals, giving it an additional effect. Anyone within the area of effect of the Yokuatsugan will feel less panicked and their muscles will relax, making them calmer and more approachable. This relaxation can make wounds more bearable, as usually tensing damaged muscles and body parts causes more pain. This technique normally lasts for up to three posts, but if the clan member repeats the seals during the jutsu's duration, they can refresh its post duration.

How big is the area of effect? You have to keep in mind that as a genjutsu and an AOE genjutsu at that, enemies caught within the genjutsu will also benefit from this.

Jutsu name:
Diplomat's Demeanor
Rank:
C-Ranked
Range:
15 Meter Radius
Description:
The clan member channels chakra through the Yokuatsugan and into a fifteen meter radius around them. For the duration of the technique, the Yokuatsugan makes all within the radius more open to discussion and negotiation, allowing them to move past pride and personal opinion to a larger extent. This will not make those in the radius able to move past particularly heinous grievances or commit impossible orders. This technique lasts for up to four posts.

So I don't see that they automatically have to agree with you. So if you are argueing with someone who's like, really sure of their point, or realises that there's no personal gain from what your clan member says.. they'd not accept. They'd just argue longer.

Jutsu name:
Peace of Devout
Rank:
C-Ranked
Range:
10 Meter Radius
Description:
After activating the Yokuatsugan, the clan member makes a set of handseals and channels chakra into the Yokuatsugan in an area of ten meters around the clan member. Anyone in the area of effect is caught in the genjutsu. Those caught in the genjutsu will see the air around the clan member calm, and they will feel that they are in the presence of a respectable pacifist, even more so if the clan member is actually a respectable diplomat. While this does not impose a compulsory change in reasoning for the opponent, it may definitely coerce those caught in the jutsu to act or think differently. This technique lasts for up to four posts.

This one's OK.

Scholarly poise is a double of the above.

In short, lots of work to do. You're not the first one to try empathy, so I kinda already had a checklist prepared for things that I don't want to see in it. I do like the picture you used for your character and the jutsu are written out nicely so you have that going for you, it's just the content that irks me at this point.

[Partisan]

@knighthawk Your appearance description is much too short as well as the personality section. Take a look at other CS's and compare it to yours.

Weapon, tool or object name:
Purple gourd
Weapon, tool or object type:
Weapon
Description:
One gallon of liquid poison worn his hip. Just like the one on his back, he infuses it with chakra in order to manipulate the water of the poison as a weapon or blend the poison into his water gourd at a 1:1-10:1 ratio. The poison itself is a paralytic agent absorbed through the skin. At minimum it numbs the skin and effects the abilities of opponents with a full body sensation of 'pins and needles'. At worst case, a direct hit in the mouth or the like, the chest locks up and the enemy suffocates to death as the lungs refuse to oxygenate.

Oh okay, it's a one hit kill if you put it in someones mouth. That's a no, there's no 1 hit kills on jutsu or weaponry.

Also I am not sure on the KG. It seems okay, but then as a water shinobi you can always just make water come out of the ground and convert that to chakra. That basically gives you infinite chakra.. so.. you need to clarify a bit.

[knighthawk]

Your appearance description is much too short as well as the personality section. Take a look at other CS's and compare it to yours.

@Partisan

No problem

Oh okay, it's a one hit kill if you put it in someones mouth. That's a no, there's no 1 hit kills on jutsu or weaponry.

@Partisan

Understandable, working with poisons is a process of fairness between useless and OP. 'In someones mouth', tends to mean down into the lungs and the like but then again that really bangs on forcing someone to drown/waterboarding in the middle of combat. So how about 'impairs speech' which can be just as dangerous when it inhibits calling out attacks or issuing orders? Treating it like a powerful on-contact Novocaine.

Originally the venom is based off of the blue ringed octopus en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blue-ringed_octo.. and shukoku is such a beast to milk the venom from, but that is intent and information, not fighting a ruling.

Also I am not sure on the KG. It seems okay, but then as a water shinobi you can always just make water come out of the ground and convert that to chakra. That basically gives you infinite chakra.. so.. you need to clarify a bit.

@Partisan

While that was a bit of the point was to be like an aquatic gara who had infinite sand/dirt to work with, how about all water jutsu uses half the chakra to cost and maintain if sacrificing one water technique to fuel the next technique. Such as the example of converting the mist technique to water prison only costs half as much jutsu because he is already had the chakra manipulated water to draw from. But the first time he 'cold casts' a technique, it costs the same starting chakra as any others.

[Partisan]

Well yeah but I am very much so against elemental control like Gaara had. In the anime he was cool but it quickly becomes rather cliché when everyone can do it. You're about the fourth that has requested it.

technique to water prison only costs half as much jutsu

I'm sure you meant chakra, in which case that sounds okay.

[CrystalApple]

@Partisan

Hider

All of my character's genjutsu are highly situational. And while they can change emotions subconsciously, people under them will in a sense be more prone to have a bigger view on the topic. It doesn't directly make them prone to saying 'Yes' to my every suggestion but it makes them think about the topic less biasly if they are agaisnt it or even more positively if they like the idea.

For intimidation jutsu, it is best used for battles as a bluff agaisnt opponents to make her seem stronger that she is. Or as a sudden change in Orihime's personality and presence that people listen.

But besides that, yeah I'll change my character's abilities later!

[EDIT: Sorry I'm on my phone x3 ]

[Partisan]

@CrystalApple Alright. Let me know when you're done.

[Savato]

I'd like to remind people of something that, even though it isn't directly mentioned in the OP or the title, this RP is High-Casual. Our standards aren't that high, but we'd like to keep a certain amount of quality in comparison to other posts. Inb4 "Quantity doesn't make quality", if I'm manifesting this fact of the RP it's because this isn't entirely true. @floodtalon I know you're on the phone and it can't be mega easy, however for an intro post it was rather weak and as a post in general it's still a bit lacking. We'd like to have a certain amount of content to read here in this RP. This applies to everyone however.

I hope this made sense?

[knighthawk]

Well yeah but I am very much so against elemental control like Gaara had. In the anime he was cool but it quickly becomes rather cliché when everyone can do it. You're about the fourth that has requested it.

@Partisan

Am I going to face inordinate difficulties or flak for being an elementalist?

[Partisan]

@knighthawk If you're looking for full blown control over an element then you're not gonna face resistance, you're gonna face outright denial.

[knighthawk]

@knighthawk If you're looking for full blown control over an element then you're not gonna face resistance, you're gonna face outright denial.

@Partisan

And that I can understand, just as I understand the need for balance. I just don't want to be punished for playing a focused character who uses water by suddenly facing every possible reason that focus is not as strong or as useful. Challenged is not the same as targeted.

[Partisan]

@knighthawk Well first see about lengthening and describing the aforementioned things better. We'll see about the rest later, okay?