GAME: Crush A Wish

[Shorticus]

Granted! You're transported into the colonial era and kidnapped by Tupi tribesmen along the coast of what will eventually become Brazil. You valiantly kill one of your kidnappers, and before you know it you're... living happily among the Tupi? And you have a wife and shit, and everything seems pretty chill. But you don't know the customs of the tribe, and it turns out you killed your lady's husband, so now you're just filling in for the husband until you've gotten nice and fat and plump and happy. And then the murdering time comes: you're cannibalized by the people you thought had become a surrogate family for you, as that is the tradition of this particular Tupi tribe. Apparently, your legs are delicious.

But you learned how to fish before you died, so there's that.

I wish I had the cure for indigestion!

[Shiny Keldeo]

Granted, you will never eat again. No food means you're not getting indigestion, but you die within a few weeks from starvation.

I wish Cartoon Network could go back to the old days, where the shows were good and not shitty reboots.

[Teoinsanity]

Granted ,but they start putting so many commericials during breaks that the breaks are longer then the shows.

I wish for eternal youth

[Rusalka]

Granted, but at the cost of eternal youth you are forced to endure the pain and suffering of your dearest friends and family withering away into old age and eventually dying. The realization that you will live forever while those you cherish must succumb to the persistence of time slowly drives you insane until you recede into the dark recesses of a cave and become a filthy hermit babbling incoherences and scrawling morbid messages about the frailty of life on the walls in your own blood and feces.

...oh and you don't get to draw social security either.

I wish I could be the most boring and uninteresting person in the world. Ya know, just to see what it feels like.

[Arawak]

Granted, but should note that makes you quite unique actually and people catch on to your existence. Everyone is fascinated by how boring you are, how can such boring person even exist?! But than they get too close and start harassing you every day trying to find something interesting about you, even if it means getting you naked, dissecting you and otherwise trying to find something interesting about you by force whether you want them to or not.

I wish to be a space man.

[Shiny Keldeo]

Granted, your head explodes from the lack of atmosphere and air pressure in the endless vacuum of space, leaving the remains of your body to float endlessly throughout the universe until it returns to earth in an explosion of fire and destruction, obliterating the planet you once called home. All this because you didn't wish for a space suit to go along with being a space man.

I wish the U.S. Congress could pull its damn act together, stop arguing and political mudslinging, and work together to solve the problems here at home (National debt, poverty, radicalism, law enforcement, etc...)

[Arawak]

Wish granted. Enjoy your new one party state where freedom and prosperity exist for all the american peoples. Our great leader will build the most glorious wall to keep the american people safe from mexican imperialist aggression. (There's still a congress, but it's now more like the PRC's congress) Also we must inform you that you are in the way of our latest project. You will be sent to new prosperous lands in Utah with $5000s as compensation for the home we need to demolish to make way for our latest trans-american super highway.

Anyways, I wish to be a space man inside of a space suit placed in the space suit in a way that won't kill me. I also wish to have infinite supply of air similar to that you get in Washington at a altitude of 10 meters. I also want to be sure that I can teleport to other star systems and be able to survive re-entry into planets and be able to leave the planets as I like.

[Vesuvius00]

Granted. You are killed in an unexpected meteor shower, crushed between two asteroids the size of Texas. That little suit didn't offer much protection, did it?

I wish for the power to control the weather within a 10 mile radius of myself.

[ClocktowerEchos]

Granted but you keep hitting yourself with lightening and end up killing yourself by mistake.

I wish I was smart.

[Arawak]

You get too smart for your own good and are sent to the gulags for it in the America Keideo wished for. You committed the thoughtcrime of realizing your true purpose in life after some analytical thinking on your part.

Anyways, I wish to be a space man inside of a space suit placed in the space suit in a way that won't kill me. I also wish to have infinite supply of air similar to that you get in Washington at a altitude of 10 meters. I also want to be sure that I can teleport to other star systems and be able to survive re-entry into planets and be able to leave the planets as I like. I also now wish to have protection from asteroids and any environmental hazards in my spacesuit so that I don't get killed by giant asteroids again. (never mind that asteroids dont work like that! But this is unreality anyways)

[ClocktowerEchos]

Granted but your space ship spontaneously combusted on take off because it was made in China.

I wish for nothing.

[Shorticus]

Granted. You become surrounded by nothingness. It consumes you. Kfthpllpt mrrklttpyurt!

I wish for everything!

[Arawak]

You ended up making a black hole consisting of everything that exists in your living room and now are spaghetti.

Anyways, I wish to be a space man inside of a space suit placed in the space suit in a way that won't kill me. I also wish to have infinite supply of air similar to that you get in Washington at a altitude of 10 meters. I also want to be sure that I can teleport to other star systems and be able to survive re-entry into planets and be able to leave the planets as I like. I also now wish to have protection from asteroids and any environmental hazards in my spacesuit so that I don't get killed by giant asteroids again. I also want you to make sure that this is a spacesuit that wasn't made in china and made in a coutnry with competant engineers who know how to make a proper spacesuit that won't kill me.

[Shorticus]

Granted. However, you didn't prepare yourself for first contact with an alien species. You get zappified into space man dust before you can relay any information about space or return home.

I wish I was an overachiever!

[Rusalka]

Granted



Huh.....well sucks for you, but you did wanna go to space. Just saying.

I wish I had some ill contrived reason no to go to work today!

EDIT FUCKING NINJA'D!!!!

Granted now everyone hates your overachieving status and burns you at the stake!

NOW GIMME MY WISH HOBBIT!!!

[Shiny Keldeo]

I got damn double ninja'd damn it, I gotta figure out what's going on now.

Granted, you're not going to work today. There is no work, there is no anything. The world got sucked into a black hole that was once our sun because a mad scientist failed to realize that blowing up our sun would not only kill everyone else on the planet but himself as well. At least there's no work in the afterlife, is there?

I wish Order 66 never happened, Palpatine was "Removed" from office, and all the Jedi Lived.

[Shorticus]

G-g-granted! You no longer have a genie! You have a wishing hobbit, but your wishing hobbit s-stutters all th-the time and screws up your wishes. I'm so... um... I'm sorry, s-sir.

I wish to no longer be a w-wishing hobbit!

EDIT: Ninja'd by the second person I ninja'd!

[Rusalka]

[Arawak]

Wish granted. There is now no good star wars movies thanks to you.

Granted. However, you didn't prepare yourself for first contact with an alien species. You get zappified into space man dust before you can relay any information about space or return home.

@Shorticus

Damn it.

Anyways, I wish to be a space man inside of a space suit placed in the space suit in a way that won't kill me. I also wish to have infinite supply of air similar to that you get in Washington at a altitude of 10 meters. I also want to be sure that I can teleport to other star systems and be able to survive re-entry into planets and be able to leave the planets as I like. I also now wish to have protection from asteroids and any environmental hazards in my spacesuit so that I don't get killed by giant asteroids again. I also want you to make sure that this is a spacesuit that wasn't made in china and made in a coutnry with competant engineers who know how to make a proper spacesuit that won't kill me. Also for all the aliens I meet to be nice aliens that don't just kill people for no reason.

[Vesuvius00]

Granted, but... you committed a crime by landing on their planet without proper permission and are killed by their judicial system because they can't understand what you say.

I wish I could teleport wherever I wanted by just picturing the place in my head.