GAME: Crush A Wish

[Ragrar]

Granted. You COULD make a perfect wish, but you are too worried about whether or not you SHOULD make it to ever actually do so.

I wish I had a small bowl of pork fried rice.

[IntPenDespSword]

Granted. In front of you lies like five porcelain molecules, with a single protein found in rice on top. Enjoy your meal.

I wish for a safe genie who will only grant me a positive, integer amount of wishes.

[Feyblue]

Granted! The Genie will gladly grant up to 999 wishes, all of them in exactly the way you want them! And, of course, he is very safe - he's protected by an impenetrable magical barrier. Unfortunately, the barrier can't be crossed, seen through, spoken through, or permeated by any means whatsoever, making it impossible to interact with the genie in any way that will let you actually make a wish in the first place.

I wish that the next time somebody tried to make a wish in this thread, they'd be slapped by a giant fish!

[TheUnknowable]

Granted! The Genie will gladly grant up to 999 wishes, all of them in exactly the way you want them! And, of course, he is very safe - he's protected by an impenetrable magical barrier. Unfortunately, the barrier can't be crossed, seen through, spoken through, or permeated by any means whatsoever, making it impossible to interact with the genie in any way that will let you actually make a wish in the first place.

I wish that the next time somebody tried to make a wish in this thread, they'd be slapped by a giant fish!

@Feyblue

Granted.

I wish...ouch. stupid 100 lb halibut came out of nowhere and now I've got to clean it up. Whoever comes next can have my wish, then.

[RinOkumara]

thanks

I wish I was a genie

[CollectorOfMyst]

Do you not realise that your wish has already come true?

I wish for someone to break this cycle of wishing.

[ChickenTeriyaki]

Granted

[ChickenTeriyaki]

I broke it for one post. That should be fine.

I wish that my IQ would increase by at least 100 points.

[IntPenDespSword]

Granted, whenever you take any IQ test, the shown result is a hundred higher than your current score, and your intel- ahem, pattern recognition is greatly increased, but no one believes you, and you are quickly featured on r/iamverysmart.

I wish for genies to have and follow an identical set of values as the person whose wish they're granting.

[Feyblue]

You are immediately distracted by and swiftly follow after a shiny set of numbers floating past you, and all the genies are distracted by and follow after similar sets. The value of these sets is mathematically equal, and both you and all the genies now have one, so your wish has been granted!

I wish that Cleveland would explode!

[CollectorOfMyst]

Granted. Cleveland explodes into a massive, city-wide song-and-dance.

[Feyblue]

...That's actually BETTER. YOU FOOL, YOU HAVEN'T CRUSHED MY WISH - YOU'VE IMPROVED IT!

[CollectorOfMyst]

You didn't make a wish... so I will assume you wanted a coup de grace and end your pitiful existence.

I wish downloads took only a second and never had the risk of viruses or overloading my computer/games consoles.

[Ryuzaki]

Granted, however, you may only download 16-bit porn.
I wish to end my suffering.

[Lord Orgasmo]

Granted. You lose the mental capacity to feel suffering. You're basically a Vegetable now.

I wish I was a Super Saiyan.

[ChickenTeriyaki]

Granted. It takes you five episodes to realize that you are actually the protagonist of a smutty harem anime, only with superpowers added in. Say goodbye to your virginity!

I wish that I knew how to play the piano.

[CollectorOfMyst]

Granted. You now know how to play the piano. However, the only piano you are able to play has spikes instead of keys. To play would be incredibly painful.

I wish I didn't need to sleep.

[BingTheWing]

Granted. You can remain conscious at night instead of falling asleep, but your body will still have a nightly need to not move and you will spend your nights in frozen, paralyzed, conscious agony.

I wish I could become a star without any burning sensations.

[IntPenDespSword]

Granted, you instantly transform into a star, losing all senses and overall consciousness. Also, you engulf and roast the earth.

I wish for fewer songs to be written about love.

[Feyblue]

Granted. All songs that otherwise would have been written about love are now increasingly elaborate remixes of We Are Number One.

Speaking of which, I wish I had one of those toy saxophone things that Robbie plays in that song. That'd be fun.