GAME: Crush A Wish

[Darth Squidius]

Granted. You are now the master of your own sleep patterns. Able now to bypass your body's warning signs, you die of exhaustion after avoiding sleep for one too many days.

I wish for a world in which wish giving is punishable by death.

[CollectorOfMyst]

Granted. A world several light years and possibly one or two dimensions away has come into being. Its life is short, given that it orbits a Red Giant.

Also, I think you assumed a little too much of me... I'm fully aware that after seven days with no sleep, a completely healthy person will be in a zombie-like state. After that the danger increases exponentially. I would only use it to avoid insomnia in the evenings and as my alarm clock in the mornings.

I reiterate; I wish for the ability to wake up and go to sleep at will.

[Sanctus Spooki]

Granted now you must achieve a lucid dream every time you sleep to consciously be able to will yourself awake.

Speaking of which, I wish I could lucid dream whenever I want.

[CollectorOfMyst]

Granted... but every time you do, you will be woken by your lawfully wedded wife, @luna558 after she catches you once again with a stranger in your bed.

I wish that Spooki's and Luna's marriage never ends.

[Sanctus Spooki]

(so what your saying is we have an endless supply of new pets?)

Granted, but the happy union leads to a power couple on the scale of Jay-Z/Beyonce. The spam forum collapses under the sheer adulation afforded the royal duo.

I wish for an end to these wishes forcing me into this marriage. ITS ALREADY HAPPENED WHY MUST YOU PERSIST IN THIS TORMENT!

[CollectorOfMyst]

BECAUSE IT'S TRUE LOVE! YOU HEAR ME?!?! TRUUUUUUU LUUUUUUURV!

[Sanctus Spooki]

SILENCE KNAVE! LEST I TOSS YOU IN MY DUNGEON WITH JERRY!

[CollectorOfMyst]

GOOD THING JERRY AND I ALREADY DUG AN ESCAPE TUNNEL SO THAT WE CAN RUN AWAY TOGETHER!

[Sanctus Spooki]

You dug through solid stone? With your bare hands? While chained to the wall?

[CollectorOfMyst]

I mean, yeah... Jerry's very good at drilling, as you ought to know.

Think we should put the wishes back in this Crush a Wish thread?

[Sanctus Spooki]

That depends, do I get my wish first?

[CollectorOfMyst]

I mean, given recent history it would appear that our relationship is somehow similar to yours with Luna... no more wishes about that... but now you're cheating on Luna with Jerry and with me.

I wish I could actually think of a wish.

[Sanctus Spooki]

Awww! You wanna join our happy family! I hope your feeling submissive cause we really don't have room for another Dom.

Granted. You wished for my unending reign over the land of spam. Which was also granted. Now you are stuck with me as supreme god emperor.

Bring Jerry back or I'll kill you.

I wish I didn't have to kill murder and enslave the impotent scum attempting to resist me.

[CollectorOfMyst]

Granted. You don't have to kill us... but we'll keep resisting you. Oh, and the war does not stop our fiery passion.

I wish for poetry.

[Sanctus Spooki]

Granted:
Roses are red
Soon you'll be dead.
Get this ridiculous notion of résistance,
Out of your pointy-eared head.
I won't say it twice, I won't say it thrice.
I'll say it but once,
And that will suffice.

I wish for a new coffee maker.

[Light]

@Sanctus Spooki
Granted, but it only makes decaf coffee, and you're really tired.

I wish Pentakill was a real, on-tour, band.

[Sanctus Spooki]

Granted, but the band breaks apart before releasing their first studio album. Something about Karthus thinking they should be Karthus & the Pentakills.

I wish that I had a platypus

[Leaves]

Wish granted, but it's stolen from a prodigal kid who tries to kill you for the next 104 days of summer vacation.

I wish I could write my essays in under 10 minutes.

[Tyler Night]

Granted but it is a jumbled mess and you get a failing grade.

I wish for a gold nugget

[Leaves]

Granted, but it's just alien poop that makes you kill all your loved ones.

I wish for a new video game.