GAME: Crush A Wish

[Shorticus]

Granted... but it only vanishes because Steven Universe no longer exists in any place or time.

I wish I weren't a muggle!

[Mardox]

Granted you are a werewolf of the Harry Potter series variety. You commit atrocities every month on the full moon and guilt constantly hounds you.

I wish for an end to ISIS without the death or harm of any other human that is not a terrorist and that no other group rose in ISIS's place.

[Shorticus]

Granted. ISIS is gone and it isn't coming back. Non-terrorist folks don't get killed! Everybody's happy! ...Well, except that ISIS suddenly started moving into the jungles of South America to prepare to attack different countries on that side of the globe. This forced the U.N. to carpet bomb lots of important ecosystems (like the jungles) with fiery stuff that burned them down. No humans were killed, but we're going to slowly die because we don't have enough trees now. The mushroom war ain't even gonna be necessary now.

I wish I had all the survival know-how, equipment, and interpersonal communication skills necessary to survive the zombie apocalypse.

[NotAMouse]

Granted, but there isn't a zombie apocalypse. There's a rabid platypus apocalypse and you're totally ill-prepared.

I wish my friends lived closer to me.

[Dinh AaronMk]

All your friends share your present living accommodations without negotiation.

I wish the weather would normalize.

[Shorticus]

Granted. The weather becomes perfectly average and never changes. Climates around the world become boring and homogeneous. Tourists across the world curse you for ruining their chances of ever visiting awesome places that no longer exist and whole cultures have a bounty on your head because your wish forced them to change their ways of life irrevocably. Also, the universe apparently think the most normal climate and weather is that of Louisiana, so now the only thing anyone ever gets to eat is shrimp. Thanks a lot.

I wish I had my dream home.

[NotAMouse]

Your wish is muddled in translation. You receive your nightmare home.

I wish snack foods had less (or no) calories.

[Mardox]

Granted but there are far more drawbacks harmful to your health.

I wish I could fall asleep at will and a set a time to wake up.

[Shorticus]

Granted, but the way you wake up is by rolling off your bed and onto a bed of sharp needles that stab you all over. And then you slip into a vat of lemon juice. And then you fall out onto your front porch on your naked rump.

I wish I had some lemonade!

[Mardox]

Granted but it's made with the lemon juice that has my blood in it .

I wish I was invulnerable and invincible.

[null123]

Granted, but as the Earth dies you loose everyone you love, and are trapped in the vacuum of space forever slowly slipping into mental insanity.

I wish I had a army of ducks at my disposal.

[Shorticus]

Granted, but now you're forced to watch your ever-breeding army of ducks mate all day every day. And they never stop quacking. And they poop everywhere. And you can't really direct them. And they're generally just awful to have around.

I wish only for the genie to make the right decision.

[Ryuzaki]

(Ninja'd lol) Granted but the right decision is to wipe humanity from existence, saving planet earth.

I wish that essays and such didn't exist.

[Mardox]

Granted. You have to do difficult manual field work instead that's filthy and uncomfortable in every way.

I wish I could change my eye color at will to mess with people.

[Ryuzaki]

Granted but your personality changes with your eye color, and the other personalities don't know how to change your eye color.

I wish I had more wishes.

[MyCatGinger]

Granted. You are put into an institution and spend the rest of your life studied by mad scientists.
Oh, and Josef Mengele's ghost wants to have sex with your eye sockets to achieve enl-eye-tenement (the puns) or something. :)

I wish I had more wishes.

@Ryuzaki

Granted. Each time you make a wish, a helpless baby animal spontaneously combusts before your eyes!

I wish you didn't have to watch goatbro be dead forever in Undertale and didn't have to feel all the feels.

[Ryuzaki]

Granted, but this already exists in the Pacifist run.

I wish I was a skeleton.

[Mardox]

Granted but skeletons are the result of decomposition breaking down dead things so you get the idea.

I wish I had complete control of my emotions.

[Kurai Assassin]

Granted but you become emotionless forever

i wish the girl i like doesnt hate me

[Shorticus]

Granted. She's just dead, that's all.

I wish I could do anything!