Skyrim: The Life of an Ordinary Person

[StarWight]

ALRIGHT time to get to my mundane life of CRIME >:D
Gotta case this bitch out. Yeaaaah. Some nice lookin' dives just sittin up on this hill yo. So let's go, sticky finga's are ze WINNA'S YAH!



Hmm. Filin' this store in my head for later use. Maybe seduce the shopkeeper, huehuehueh



Now these places look like some rich mofo be livin' here. Gonna case these beoches out, know wha-aimean yo? Yeah that's right. Gonna sneak in, thief in the night. Ninja Succubus. NINJABUS!!!!



Well this is what I'm talkin' about!!! A CHEST! What lies in this chest?! SURELY a small fortune. Jewels. Priceless artifacts. Books containing the most powerful secret spells with POWER ENOUGH TO DESTROY THE WORLD A THOUSAND TIMES OVER!!!!! Oh, the possibilites. OH WHAT THIS BEAUTIFUL PIECE OF WOOD AND IRON MUST HOLD WITHIN!!!!



Or...Or it could hold a creepy as fucking doll that needs to be shoved up Alduin's flaming asshole a doll and...9 gold. Well then. I mean. It COULD have held that other stuff. *cough*



Heey, looks like my luck has slightly shifted. Something of actual *value.* In a clearly rich persons house. It's about time something made sense >>



Now to just make my way o--oh. O my. Um. Hi there big guy. What um. What ya doin' there buuuuuudy. Just gonna. Inch my way out that door now. You'll forget I was in here right? Yeah you will cause you have a brain the size of a pea because of all the steroids you must have been taking to get muscles like that such big muscles that look like they could crush a small dragon into powder. But you're nice. Cuz. Yeah. You are. Bye.



Well, considering I had less than 100 gold coming in, not a bad haul. I mean, I almost got vaporized by a trapping Nord's icy glare, but hey, was all worth it. In the end. Right?

>> I hope said Nord doesn't come visit me in my room tonight. I think he could even make a demon scream ;-;

[StarWight]

NEXT TIME on our totally mundane (or not) playthrough:

Will Kitra continue to have success (marginal though it may be) as a thief? Will the Succubus within slowly break her down until she becomes a dark hearted Daedra herself? Our hero (who is really not a hero in any sense of the word) will continue to go through her completely fucked ordinary life until she dies. So the real question--will tomorrow bring about her last days?!

[Raxacoricofallapatorius]

@LoneSilverWolf You should get the mod that lets you ride deer and elk, they die really easily if you're attacked but they're faster than horses.

[StarWight]

@LoneSilverWolf You should get the mod that lets you ride deer and elk, they die really easily if you're attacked but they're faster than horses.

@Raxacoricofallapatorius

I did not know about this mod :o :o

[StarWight]

And THUS begins the advenures of KITRA, soon to be thief of Skyrim : D

[StarWight]

Finding a good image hosting site sucks. Steam automatically saves images as BMPs and I am tired of having to convert EVERY image to a JPG. It takes alot of time. BUT I found a better image hosting site so yay <3 New post coming soon :D

[StarWight]

Oh God D**N mother f****king crap.

We are experiencing technical difficulties, please stand by

***annoying elevator music***

[StarWight]

ALrighty! Woke up from a night of sleep and am ready to GO! Incidentally this is day 3, so no matter what I am doing or where I am at, I have to change into a Succubus at midnight!!! The transformation Will last from midnight until 0500, where I must either stay out of the town or get mauled by everyone >>

ANYWAY with that fun ahead, lets eat something. Wait, JOB? Chopping wood? DO I LOOK like a woodcutter to you? Screw you lady, gimme some mead and food and I'll be gone!



Hmmm. It's like 5 in the morning and pouring rain. Looking about, I DON'T think Whiterun is the best place to live a thiefy lifestyle. I need a place with more rich people. More people period. I'm thinking SOLITUDE for my perma-home :D So, off I go. In the rain.



OOH a camp! I wonder what lies within. Methinks I'll check it out. I mean, what could POSSIBLY go wrong here?



Well. I mean. I found *something.* And at least nothing tried to eat me, that's always a plus.



Hey, check out my **sack** huehueh

....of potatoes. POTATOES. WTF did ya'll think I was talking about. dirty minded bastards



Well, ready to move onto Solitude, just gonna walk through these rolling plains and OMFG WTF IS THAT?!!! A friggin mammoth skull? No. Maybe um. Maybe we should tread carefully here >>



And THAT is what you call a NOPE location. Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope and NOPE.



Ah crap, I have crabs. I knew I shouldn't have screwed that dead body a while back



Really? Why the hell does a crab have a ring? There can be only ONE explanation. It must be married. I wonder...did I kill the husband or wife? And where is its life partner?? I feel kinda sad now. Well, not really but. Respect C to the Rab, much respect. I will probably eat your legs tonight. Just sayin.'



Well, I think I found the spouse crab. Better kill it too, or it might secretly follow me and slit out my throat for killing it's loved one. Mmmm. Grilled crab cakes tonight!



What's better than a wolf with one arrow to the face? A wolf with TWO arrows to the face!!!



OH GOD. OH MY GOD IS THAT MY BLOOD?!?!!



OOH level up time :D I suppose it was worth bleeding for. For some reason my SS didn't work in my leveling screen so let me tell you what I did. I picked health, and I took the first pickpocket perk, which increases my chances of successfully pick-pocketing by 20%. A successful thief must know how to pick someones pocket, after all.



I'm just gonna take a shortcut to Solitude and NOPE. Giant arches looking all epic and shit. I have a bad feeling about this. Better be cautious.



I KNEW IT! Not just no, but hellll to the NO. At my level I would get totally rekt by a troll. So, I'm gonna take the LONG way around. Eff this, I'm out.



Just gonna slide down the mountain here and hope I don't slip and fall to my doom



Such a nice view! And also a nice reminder that one wrong move and I snap every bone in my body. *In Consuela voice* Noooooo noo.



I ran into a Kahjiit! I may as well start my life of crime now. YOUR GP OR YOUR HP!!!!
.....what? It's a line. it doesn't suck *at all*



Yay, I got 3 vials of Skooma from the lil kitty. And, because of one of my mods, I can sell Skooma to people for some GOOD money. Oh yeah. Such a PURRfect deal. Heh. See what I did there? Huehueh



This scantily clad lass looks like she might be into Skooma. Hmmm. Outskirts of Solitude. Selling Skooma. I vote YES.



What the actual f**k?! I can attempt to sell Skooma to a DOG?! What's more, is the dog actually talks! (Screenshot didn't take, what the F**K steam?! STOP NEGATING MY SCREENSHOTS!!!!! >:(

I don't know whether to be more concerned that my character can actually attempt to sell Skooma to a dog (he didn't buy it), OR that the dog can actually talk to decline the offer. There's something awfully fishy about all this.



Well, I arrived in Solitude just in time to watch an execution. Hmmm. Look at this crowd. *starts to sing* One of these things is not like the other, one of these things just DOESN'T belong.....



Poor Roggvir. All he wanted was to get aHEAD in life. Ah well. We all knew he was HEADed for trouble anyway. Okay okay, sorry for the crappy puns. I guess this post has finally come to a HEAD. okay I'll stop really we all know I won't.