Achronum

Avatar: The White Jade Gambit

@Andreyich I guess my concern about the age is the heart of the story -

At the end of the day, ATLA is a coming of age story where characters who have experienced things one way are thrown into situations that force them to look themselves in the mirror and make hard choices, growing as they do into the people they are at the end. It feels like this older character has already gone on this journey and come out, unfortunately, the worst for wear as a result.

Talk to me more about how he'll grow and what your end goal is for his character arc as he embarks on this new chair in his life.

Avatar: The White Jade Gambit

@Crimson Flame

I'm concerned that you either skipped over the OOC or didn't fully engage with it. Your sheet has no mention of the current war, that officially started last year, or his thoughts on the issue of being cut off from the Northern Water tribe and having resources stretched thin in an unstainable effort to protect an ally that can't do anything in return. I highly recommend you review the OOC for other details like the world leaders, as there isn't a chief Nukka of the Southern Water tribe.

Your personality section is aggressively excessive. Your character is all over the place and while that may well be the energy he has, pull him back and build a better foundation for his personality. I don't see a natural direction for him to grow off the bat and I think cutting down on the over explaining and tightening his sense of self will help give that direction. He is full if little paradoxes that leave him feeling like he isn't finished, like we didn't make choices just said he'll be everything.

Overall, the character needs more focus and you need a better understanding of the world to really connect it to the rp. I'm happy to answer any questions you have after you review the OOC!

Avatar: The White Jade Gambit

@Obscene Symphony You next!

To be honest, I don't really have anything that needs to be changed or added to here. The character flows with the events naturally and the focus on the major event in your backstory offers enough complexity to the character without over-explaining him and his motivations are personal enough to avoid being the standard end the war.

Your character sheet makes me confident that we'll get to learn more about the character in game so please move over Zai over when you have the chance!

Avatar: The White Jade Gambit

@Andreyich And now you!!

On the surface, there isn't anything wrong with his character. Good options to connect to the plot and the story, motivation for joining teh rebellion, and a reason to stay with the team through hard times. I actually like all of that and think it's a good bit of content to work with to engage with you!

Still, reading it felt like we were reading an NPC rather than a player. This feels like someone who would send the team on their way, carrying their hopes and dreams, because their story is over. They're static, someone you use to make a scene more believable as the main cast returns to place frequently and he can welcome them back and listen to their stories, reminiscing on his own adventures as they do. This is a character I would make be a tavern owner, and surprise the party with a higher level character if shit hits the fan while they are resting.

I have three recommendations:

One, give him activities other than charity that he likes with some specific details. Does he like to read and what? Does he like art and what about it does he like? Does he play an instrument and does he still have one or did he lose it somehow?

Two, this man needs a vice other than depression. He seems to be the perfect person with some broken pieces inside, but little beyond that. Does he have a weakness for sweets, a penchant for drink, a temper or is apathetic about issues?

Three, this'll be wierd but I'd actually dial back his age a bit. My concern is that the age difference between him and the potential other characters will make some of the situations awkward? Not in the sense of the actual age difference, but rather the maturity and sense of priorities l. It could be good, but I just want to make sure we're on the same page!

Avatar: The White Jade Gambit

@JewelSerket okie dokie, your turn!

1 - This is sadly unplayable unless you could justify this character going with the team right out the bat. We aren't planning on running opposing player factions in this so you won't have the opportunity to develop that realization IC.

2 - This is more possible but unfortunately, the players need to join The Rebellion - a group dedicated to bringing down King Wei and putting the Earth Kongdom back in their place. This is very at odds with the character's motivations.

3 - This is the most realistic idea but the Rebellion is small right now. War, fighting, and other aspects of this conflict are this character's primary source of income and joining the Rebellion would be a full time job, taking away their time and freedom to do so in favor of hunting the Avatar. Why would mercenaries, Bounty Hunters, and other for hire warriors are thriving in this, why give that up? Why is the pointless loss of life so important to a character who gets paid to hunt people and sometimes kill them?

Avatar: The White Jade Gambit

@Kronshi Okay, so after reading this is definitely a solid base but a few questions on this:

1 - Your sheet states that he makes friends with Fire Nation citizens easily. I wanted to touch base to make sure you understood that the Fire Nation citizenship does not like the air benders as a whole right now. Their decision not to take any action in the war has painted them in a nasty light, and the regular citizen knows this. Having individuals friends that are understanding makes sense, but overall public perception of this character as a person in the Fire Nation is very, very poor.

2 - Most of your character's details only mention him in relation to his training and his relationship with the air temple. Who is he, what does he like, what does he do in his free time, and what sort of travels has he gone on that have impacted him in his time as a messenger. The world is in the state of unrest, and has been even before the formal declaration of war, and despite his worldliness, he feels relatively 2D.

3 - Finding the Avatar is a great point in this, but what were his motivations before this? What are his plans once the he reaches his goal? As someone who chafes against the chains of tradition, why is he comfortable accepting what they say instead of changing?

Like I said, it's a solid foundation but it feels a little incomplete and not fully attached to the world. I want to learn more about him as a person, not just his attitude!

Avatar: The White Jade Gambit

@JewelSerket Yeah, the OOC has most of the relevant info and as long as you're cool with a little coaching, we don't see it being an issue!

Avengers Academy: Junior Year 💥

Danny Kingston

---

Location: Cafeteria
Skills: N/A
Costume: Double Trouble

“Yeesh, chill wit’ t'e monster talk! Ain't nobody in t'is room a monster; we’re all ‘ere ta learn ‘ow ta be ‘eros and monsters don't do t'at. T’ey slither around under beds and spook kids, and stab people for fun, and commit genocide in t'e name of safety and security and ‘onestly, I ‘aven't seen eit'er one of you do any of t'at. You aren't monsters and if you say it again, we're all gettin’ up early.” Danni shuddered as he sniffled through that idea, hating that he even has to get up before noon. “We'll do yoga and t'ose awkward self affirmations t'at shrinks swear ‘elp you remember ‘ow awesome you are, although I'm always ready ta say it about y'all so idk itha'ats even wort’ wakin’ up early. And if it's more about his leat'er face and old farther wrinkles, I'll keep you're skin routine stuff stocked, filled, and ready ta roll so you don't ‘ave to worry about t'at! ‘onestly, if I turned into t'at, I'd also ‘ave a melt down, though there'd be way more property damage ‘cause like ‘ell am I lettin’ some buildin’ tell me t'at Imma be an ugly old person. I'm gunna age gracefully or not at all!” Danni declared, crossing his eyes to follow the trickle of water coming out of his hair and down his nose. Water related accidents were par the course around Princess when she was upset; you just go used to it. They’d dry up and rearrange after she was feeling a little more solid around the edges, once she didn’t need them to squeeze her back together.

“And for t'e record, I t'ink t'e turnin’ into a demon t'in’ is kinda cool. Like, I live wit’ little ‘auntlin’ and ‘e’ll just ‘ide in like, my computer and t'en when I go ta use it, t'e bastard like pops out and spooks me! I don't even like horror movies and ‘e still jump scares me! Do you know ‘ow many times I've ‘ad ta beg my ‘rents ta replace my stuff ‘cause my fight or flight is fuckin’ fireball centered on myself?!” Danni whined. “So t'ere, at least you can't jump scare me and t'at is def a positive! Well, I guess you still could like, ‘ide under a bed and grab ankles, or like grab someone's foot or ‘and like in t'ose really old memes Pops sometimes talk about. Wait, you wouldn't do t'at right? Please don't do t'at, I might set us bot’ on fire.”

Avengers Academy: Junior Year 💥

Danny Kingston

---

Location: Cafeteria
Skills: N/A
Costume: Double Trouble

Danni wanted to cry too; the whole series of events an absolute nightmare after such a promising start. His eyes stung at the edges and he knew he was on timer before he started sobbing. He stayed behind for a second as Mads worked on getting Princess the rest of the way there, instead focusing on their second damsel in distress. “Look at you Spicy! Makin’ it all the way ‘ere in one piece and still breathin’! Gotta love it. But seriously, thanks.” Danni bopped him on the nose with a lopsided smile. “It's time for the cuddle pile, so we're nearly done! We’ll ‘ave ‘ot chocolate, popcorn, chocolate bars, probably some wierd t'in’ Dee smuggled into t'e snack stash when I wasn't lookin’, beef jerky, and more physical affection t'an you can ‘andle but uts good for you so no skippin’! Unless y’all are gunna be love sick, and t’en you can stay in your room.” He ruffled Spicy’s hair, pressed a quick kiss to Dee’s cheek, and then scrambled back up the stairs.

He snatched up the stuff he had dropped when he got the call, and jogged to April and Maddie’s door clutching pillows under one arm, three blankets piled over his shoulder, snacks and movies shoved in the Bad Day Box, and mugs dangling off his fingers, which he carefully set down before shrugging off the blankets and pillows. There would be time to get comfy and cozy later, when everyone was here and they had the hands to build a fort where they could all hide in for a while.

And that was that. His own tears dripped out as he saw Princess on the bed crying, and he all but flung himself at her. He took Princess's other side, wrapping an arm around her back, a leg across her lap, and rested his head on her shoulder so he had as much physical contact as possible. He didn’t know what she’d gone through, what she’d seen or heard, but he cried because she did, because one of his favorite people was hurting and that hurt him too.

Avengers Academy: Junior Year 💥

Danny Kingston

---

Location: Cafeteria
Skills: N/A
Costume: Double Trouble

“Who t'e fuck is callin’ me right now? Does now look like t'e time ta chat?” Danni groaned, looking at the movies in one hand and the chocolate powder in the other, mugs dangling off each finger. He dropped the movies, deciding the mugs more important, and fished his phone out his pocket. He frowned at the picture of him and Dee flashing at him. “Dee, darlin’, sweetheart, baby we’re in t'e same…” Danni trailed off as he looked up and around, the open dorm door the only thing greeting him. “Well, shit.”

“‘eeeeeeeeey, so tots t'ought you were in t'e dorm, just sayin’. Lettin’ me talk ta t'e air… Yeah, I'm ‘eadin’ down now. Kay, love you, use protection, all dat jazz.” Danni giggled, borderline hysterical. Princess and Spicy flitting through floors and now one of them genuinely unconscious made him a little antsy so he unceremoniously dropped everything on his he'd and bolted from the room, scrambling down the stairs, jumping two, three at a time, and bursting out the stairwell door. He heaved in great gulps of air.

“Dis is t’e second time in like five minutes I’ve ran t’ese stairs. I ‘ave learned I do not do enough cardio. Dee, make a mental note for me. Gym, mornings. But like, not tomorrow. Def not tomorrow.” Danni panted as he headed to Princess and Mads. “Hi Princess, hi Mads. We'll get the good stuff in a bit. Dee said he'll get Spicy and then we'll all cuddle pile.” Danni took the other side of April, helping Mads support her and heading for the stairs.