Avatar of AndyC

Status

User has no status, yet

Bio

Opinionated nerd for hire.

Most Recent Posts



Everything is black and cold, body and mind numb.

Slowly, though, I start to feel patches of sensation again. Half-remembered bursts of pain. An angry, agonizing buzzing all around. A desperate dive into the water to drown the lightning in my head. A descent into darkness, consciousness slipping away.

I feel an icy wave slap across my face, and I realize I'm not dead.



I'm floating on my back in the Hob's River, drifting out towards the ocean. Memory's still hazy, but I remember bits and pieces. Livewire attacked the city, trying to pick a fight with me. She tried to fry my brain from inside, and I countered by shorting her out in the river. She must have....dissipated after that. Given that her physical body is made of non-solid electrical plasma, I doubt she's actually dead, but it's going to be a while before her consciousness has gathered enough charge for her to be a real threat again. Something I'll have to deal with in time.

For now, I'll settle for just getting back to shore.

Normally I'd just pop up and fly my way back, but warping my gravitational field enough to fly requires a level of mental concentration I just can't seem to work up at the moment. I keep getting flashes of scrambled memories, flares of remembered pain, my attention drifting every time I try to focus on lifting myself out of the water. More than anything, though, there's a dull, heavy anger that sits like a thousand-ton weight on my mind, poisoning my thoughts. The more I try to concentrate, the more I feel my teeth clench, my hands ball into fists so hard they start to tremble. When I let it go, it persists, all of my thoughts cast in a thick red haze.

Unable to fly, I start to swim towards the shore instead. It's not as fast, but I can displace a hell of a lot of water with each stroke of my arms, so even as far out from land as I am, I'm able to cover the distance in maybe a minute. It feels like an eternity, though, and by the time I reach land, washing up near the Queensland Boardwalk, my arms and legs are screaming, my muscles cramping and my pulse pounding. I sit in the sand for a while, breathing in ragged gasps, trying to shake off the low rumble of an anger I can't place.

...bzzzzz--....zzzzzz.....ZZZZZZZZZZ--

My eyes snap open, a heat that can cut through steel building up as the same damned buzzing I'd felt in my head returns. Livewire.....is she still--?

No.

A small flying object, a little smaller than a dinner plate, whizzes above my head, and I realize the buzzing isn't in my head at all. It's a remote-control drone, and going by the Daily Planet sticker on its underside, it belongs to--

"Superman! Holy crap, you're okay!"

Jimmy Olsen. Running up the beach, my roommate and co-worker follows after his trusty camera drone, nearly tripping over himself as he hits the sand.

"Jimmy, right?" I greet him, trying not to let slip that I've been splitting rent with the guy for about seven months now. "How'd you find me?"

"This guy right here," he points to his drone as it circles around him. "I was able to pick you up on camera when you started swimming-- you kicked up enough of a wake that it was pretty hard to miss. Are you....are you all right?"

He glances down at my hands, and I realize they're clenched into fists again. It takes some concentration to let them loosen.

"I'll be all right," I say, avoiding eye contact. "I guess Livewire really did a number on me."

"You're not kidding, Big Guy," Jimmy laughs uneasily. "When you went down into the river, people were starting to think you'd died. Not me, though. I know it's gonna take more than a living joy-buzzer to keep you down, heh."

"Thanks," I nod. "How's the city? Is everyone okay?"

Jimmy winces.

"It's pretty rough in Hob's Bay," he says. "They're saying at least twenty dead, another hundred or so injured. But it's not just Metropolis, Superman. Something major's going down. Perry's saying there have been other attacks happening all at once! There's an attack in New York, in Central City, in Gotham--"

"Gotham," I interrupt, and I start seeing red again.

Gotham. I was just in Gotham, what was it......I was looking for someone......

.....there was another emergency......

.....I left Lois in the city.......

.....the Batman, that was it.....I was hunting the Batman......

I start to feel my fingernails digging into my palms. All of my thoughts start to blur.

Lois.

Gotham.

Danger.

Batman.

"Ummm, Superman?" Jimmy says, his voice starting to fade. "I'm starting to think you should take it easy. I mean, I've heard electricity does all kinds of bad things to the mind. You don't look like yourself...."

Rather than squash out my focus, that dull and heavy anger is now a conductor, channeling all the focus I need.

I rip through the air, only vaguely aware that I sent poor Jimmy and his drone tumbling into the sand in my wake.



"Gotham," I hear myself snarl through gritted teeth. "Lois. Batman. I'm coming for you."
<Snipped quote by some news website>

Read- a bunch of DC folks wanna write an erotic fan fiction and put it into actual publication.


I mean, really the only logical next step is to just go full-on Rule34. Hope you're ready to see all of your favorite characters engaging in some bizarre and disturbingly specific fetishes, kids!
So apparently DC's new 'Black Label' imprint is kicking off with a story where you see Batman's wang.

I assume we won't be seeing MB all that much for the next couple of days.
<Snipped quote by AndyC>

He didn't finish it though, Live wire did.


Well, I mean, Supes was the one who decided to dunk-tank both of them. Though admittedly that might not have come off as clearly as I'd like-- it's hard to write first-person narration when the narrator is supposed to be getting electrocuted through the brain.
All y'all finishing your fights like "Yeah, I'm Pumped. It's Surfer time!"

Iris be all like "PlzNoImHurt"


Technically Superman finished his fight like "Gurgle gurgle glub glub" as he sank into the river.
I personally am of the opinion that the most important addition to the Season 2 banner should be the characters who speak only in hidden text. #MxyForBanner
<Snipped quote by Retired>

... shit. I better Google "how to snap a pool cue over your knee three ways."


I heard three-way. I am here to apply.


SOMETIMES I THINK IT'S PRETTY APPROPRIATE THAT OUR BOY CURRENTLY SINKING TO THE BOTTOM OF THE RIVER WAS RAISED BY A FARMER. AND I DON'T MEAN BECAUSE IT GIVES HIM THAT PLUCKY, NORMAN ROCKWELL, SALT-OF-THE-EARTH, CAN-DO AMERICAN SPIRIT. I MEAN BECAUSE IT'S PRETTY INDICATIVE OF WHAT HE DOES TO YOU.

SEE, THE EXTERNAL INTELLIGENCES, THE THOUGHT-FORMS AND ANIMATE CONCEPTS YOU CALL 'GODS' AND 'DEMONS' AND WHATNOT, THEY ONLY HAVE A COUPLE OF REASONS TO LOWER THEMSELVES BY COMING TO THESE MOTES OF DUST POPULATED BY SHAMBLING MEAT-THINGS. THERE ARE THINGS THAT PREY DIRECTLY ON THE PSYCHIC ECHOES GENERATED BY SUFFICIENTLY SENTIENT BIO-MASS-- THAT'D BE YOUR 'SOUL' IF YOU'RE THE RELIGIOUS TYPE-- AND THEY FIND WAYS TO WRENCH THEM OUT OF YOU. TYPICALLY PAIN OR VICE ARE THE MOST EFFECTIVE METHODS, BUT YEAH, IF YOUR SOUL IS A RICH GOLDEN STALK OF WHEAT, THEN YOUR AVERAGE GOAT-HORNED IMP OR NAMELESS HORROR WITH MORE TENTACLES THAN BRAINS ARE THE MURDER OF CROWS CIRCLING AROUND TO PECK AT IT.

ON THE OTHER HAND, YOU'VE GOT YOUR GUARDIAN ANGELS, YOUR DEVAS AND SPIRIT GUIDES, THE BENEVOLENT POWERS-ON-HIGH THAT KEEP THE THINGS THAT GO BUMP IN THE NIGHT AT BAY. THEY PROTECT YOU, AND ANSWER YOUR PRAYERS, AND ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IN RETURN IS FOLLOW THE RULES THEY HAND YOU IN A LITTLE BLACK BOOK. WHY DO YOU THINK THEY DO THIS? DOES THE FARMER SCARE AWAY THE CROWS AND GAS THE INSECTS AND SHOOT AT RABBITS WITH A SHOTGUN BECAUSE HE LOVES HIS WHEAT FIELDS? YOU THINK HE WANTS TO HAVE A DEEP, PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS CORN AND HIS CARROTS? YOU THINK HE HAS A SPECIAL PLAN FOR HIS POTATOES BEYOND 'GROW AND EAT THEM?'

GOD DOESN'T LOVE YOU, YOU CHUMPS. GOD FARMS YOU.

WHICH BRINGS ME TO OUR LITTLE BOY BLUE, AND ALL OF THE JOHNNY-COME-LATELYS THAT SPRUNG UP IN HIS WAKE. EVERY SO OFTEN I SEE YOU NERDS GO ON ABOUT HOW THEY'RE THE NEW 'PANTHEON,' THE GODS AND MONSTERS OF MYTH FOR THE MODERN TIMES, SYMBOLS OF TRUTH AND JUSTICE AND HOPE AND FREEDOM AND YADDA-YADDA-YADDA. IT'S SUCH EASY RELIGION, TOO. NO COMMANDMENTS, NO DOGMA, NOBODY GETTING NAILED TO ANYTHING OR BLOWING EACH OTHER UP OVER A THEOLOGICAL DETAIL, THE ONLY SECTS BEING DERIVED FROM BRAND LOYALTY. AND THE ONLY PRAYER THEY HAVE TO ANSWER IS THAT THEIR STORIES ENTERTAIN YOU AND GIVE YOU ALL-THE-FEELS.

EVEN THEN, THE SUPER-FOLKS ARE FARMING YOU. THEY TAKE FROM YOU YOUR TIME AND THOUGHT, FUNNEL YOUR CREATIVITY INTO A STAGNANT AND FORMULAIC GENRE. THEY TAKE YOUR MONEY AS TITHES, WHETHER IT'S FIVE BUCKS FOR A FEW SHEETS OF PAPER--HALF OF WHICH END UP BEING ADS-- OR A FEW MORE FOR A TICKET TO WATCH A SOULLESS BILLION-DOLLAR CORPORATION TELL THE SAME STORY FOR THE TWENTIETH TIME IN A ROW. AND THAT'S NOT GOING INTO THE ACTORS AND DIRECTORS WHOSE CAREERS ARE SACRIFICED ON THE ALTAR OF SPANDEX, TO BE KNOWN FOREVER FOR THEIR TIME RUNNING AROUND IN THEIR PAJAMAS. IT MAY LOOK LIKE THEIR MOUNTAINS OF TECHNICOLOR MERCHANDISE FORM A MONUMENT TO THE GREATER GOD OF COMMERCE, BUT THAT DOESN'T ACCOUNT FOR THE LOSERS AND FREAKS WHO TOIL AWAY MAKING THIS STUFF FOR FREE. JUST BY READING THESE WORDS, YOU'RE EKING OUT A FEW DROPS OF THAT SWEET IDEA-JUICE INTO THEIR BUCKETS. AND LIKE ANY THOUGHT-FORM ADOPTED BY THE MASSES, THEY WILL LIVE ON FOR GENERATIONS, HARVESTING THE CROPS THEY'VE SOWN IN THE MINDS OF CHILDREN.....AND OF FAT PATHETIC MAN-CHILDREN WHO THINK THEY'RE BEING MORE CLEVER THAN THEY REALLY ARE.

ANYWAY, POINT BEING: SUPERMAN IS A FARMER. AND YOUR BRAINS ARE HIS CROPS.

SPEAKING OF BRAINS, DID YOU KNOW THAT NEW STUDIES CLAIM THAT ELECTROSHOCK THERAPY CAN CAUSE SEVERE CASES OF MEMORY LOSS, CONFUSION, AND HEIGHTENED STATES OF AGGRESSION? AND THE BOY SCOUT JUST TOOK A FEW MILLION VOLTS RIGHT ACROSS THE FRONTAL LOBE. LEMME TELL YA, HE IS GONNA BE PIIIIIIISSSED WHEN HE WAKES UP, AND HE'S NOT GONNA KNOW WHY.

OH HEY, LOOKS LIKE HE'S COMING UP TO THE SURFACE. I'D BETTER DUCK OUT BEFORE HE SPOTS ME-- YOU NEVER KNOW JUST HOW MUCH OF THE SPECTRUM THAT X-RAY VISION OF HIS CAN ACTUALLY SEE, AFTER ALL.
<Snipped quote by Morden Man>

That man does love Dick.

Dear god it's started again.


I just hope MB doesn't delay Grayson's arrival for too long. It's always frustrating when Dick takes too long to come.
<Snipped quote by AndyC>

You know what’s even worse? They retconned literally all the Spider-Man stuff in ONE MORE DAY and left “Actually Gwen fucked Norman Osborn and had his babies” canon.


Oh, I know. That's why I honestly just pretend they stopped making Spider-Man comics about twenty years ago. Nothing good has come from that book in a long, long time.
© 2007-2025
BBCode Cheatsheet