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7 yrs ago
Current Off Hiatus?
8 yrs ago
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8 yrs ago
"Mecha Cowboys" has less than a thousand hits on Google. I've never been more upset.
8 yrs ago
RP Concept: "Screw just the plans, we're stealing the Death Star and taking that baby for a joyride!"
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9 yrs ago
The VeggieTales theme song has been stuck in my head for at least three days now. Can't decide if it a good or bad thing yet.
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Bio

Writer of schlock dressed up in some decent clothes.

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Vashti didn’t know if she was more surprised to see Herik or to see him bring the pizza from their interrupted dinner. Part of her was worried that the whole “Hey I’m the embodiment of chaos made physical” thing would end up being a dealbreaker. It still might be. It didn’t seem like he’d informed the others yet, and judging by how he quietly insisted to her that they talk about last night she was beginning to worry more than she already had been. However, nerves did nothing to cage her hunger as she reached into the box and grabbed a slice of lobster pizza. The look of disappointment on her face was heartbreaking.

“Okay, sure. After this,” said Vashti, masking her lips by flicking open the lid of the pizza box. Maybe the second slice would be better.

It wasn’t. In fact, it was much worse, quite like how as Lyss explained the Outsider to the group it sounded much worse than Vashti had imagined. The whole dying in battle part was a rather concerning detail. Perhaps if she was a viking berserker searching for a quick way into Valhalla she might find herself thrilled at the idea of a glorious death in a fight against an “extremely powerful and ancient apparition” but as a girl who wasn’t even old enough to drink yet the whole ordeal sounded a bit much. She’d only been with the Coven for a day, and her experiences so far had been...well, they had yet to make a really compelling case to get herself killed for them.

“You know, Lyss, when you said we had to be willing to help I kind of pictured it less as being a meat shield against an angry ghost and more as the sorcerer’s apprentice style of helping where I fetch buckets of water and carry spellbooks,” said Vashti as she hopped off the bumper car. “I don’t think I’d be much help in a fi—”

Vashti froze as she felt the Leviathan stir inside of her. How? She wasn’t happy with the Coven, and there was a lot happening, but none of this should’ve been able to trigger her. Her eyes dilated as her heartbeat quickened and she caught herself against the frame of the bumper car. She shot Herik an alarmed glance as she attempted to slow her breathing. Vashti tried to block out the world as she strived to achieve gnosis. If she figured out what was stirring the Leviathan awake then she could control it, or at the very least get away from the others before it unleashed.

"... She's here!"

“Fuck!” was the final thing Vashti shouted as she broke concentration as the Outsider glided down to a table in the middle of the Coven. At that moment, Vashti knew she should’ve been terrified as Madison enshrouded by a cloud of bones coldcocked the Outsider. The only problem was that she wasn’t terrified. A wide, toothy smile stretched across Vashti’s face. She was excited. Meetings, dinners, flirtations, how trivial, how boring. It’d been too long since she’d a proper fight; her trophy collection was beginning to look stale. The smile kept growing until it split her skin and was a smile no more. Instead, it was the look of a rabid animal baring its teeth.

And it was going in for the kill.







After the Leviathan crushed this shit right here, these dumb primate bitches would grovel at the feet of the Lizard Queen. Then they wouldn’t dare try and seal away their Queen, no, fuck that, their Goddess. If they did then she would tear them apart like she was going to tear apart this Outsider, real savage like, nothing but teeth, nails, and an orchestra of shrieks. The Leviathan lumbered forward from the bumper car, muscles and tail expanding as she crouched low and began to charge on all fours. She would kill this dumbass Outsider and then these idiots would throw a feast for her. Perhaps the summoner’s plus one would be offered up as a sacrifice. Maybe the summoner could call forth a few more tasty morsels.

Thunder clapped and rain began to tin on the awning above them as the Leviathan moved towards the Outsider as it recovered from a punch from the Jaws. A weak hit from a weak, stupid being. Bones were so fucking easy to break. Scales, on the other hand, were impenetrable. The perfect defense. Never would there be anything superior to it. Her tail flicked to and fro as she charged, haphazardly knocking aside tables without any concern for collateral. It was just a bit more chaos to add to the shitstorm that was already unleashing around them. The sound of rain pinging on the roof started to sound more like a machine gun. Now that was a primate invention the Leviathan could appreciate: an instrument of quick death. Just like the Leviathan.

A roar escaped from the Leviathan’s throat as the Outsider dared, had the fucking audacity even, to raise a finger to one of her minions. Only the goddamn Queen had the royal right to kick the ever living shit out of her stupid, worthless servants that got her weakass vessel stuck in elevators and chain restaurants. The darkening sky was lit up by lightning as the Leviathan vaulted over a table and spun, swinging her powerful tail at the Outsider to knock it away from her royal subjects. Grovellers couldn’t grovel if they were dead.
Here we go.



@Opposition.




Penny chuckled with the shade of her friend, the tender yet forlorn smile on her lips slowly dying as Lynette vanished into thin air. Yet somehow she felt better, the cold sorrow in her chest replaced by the warmth and excitement that came whenever Penny set her mind to something. She cracked her knuckles. She didn’t have a goddamn clue where to actually start looking for Caelea’s killer other than away from the bank, but she didn’t need one. Penny would turn over the entirety of the city if she needed. She was pretty certain she could, too, given the proper amount of art supplies and pocket rockets.

She had barely lifted her foot from the ground when Odessa called out to her. The words made her stop as Penny weighed the options. It would be nice to have Odessa along, solely because the strange girl could sense Extra Normals. However, that very ability was the reason why Odessa should stay with the others. She could warn them, give them a chance to prepare themselves against whatever other horrible things there were lurking out in this city. Penny could handle herself, but the others? They needed all the help they could get. She turned to reject the girl’s offer.

“They’re gone,” said Odessa from the top of the stairs.

Well, that solved the problem of Penny needing Odessa to stay behind to watch the others. Perhaps she’d take the girl with her after—wait. “They’re what!? Penny took the steps up to the bank two at a time before rushing past Odessa. Echoes of feet pounding on marble tiles, doors slamming against walls, and names being shouted at the top of her lungs bounced around the empty lobby as Penny searched for the strangers. Bathrooms, offices, and open vaults were blitzed through, but there was no sign of anyone else being inside of the bank. When Penny returned to Odessa inside of the lobby her head was shaking and her eyes looked frantic.

“Seriously, what the fuck man why did they—how did they—where did they—” Penny gestured wildly and broke out laughing, mostly from the shock of it all. She spoke between chuckles, sounding so baffled that it almost seemed like she was a little amused by her own bewilderment “Like this is just great! How does everyone just keep disappearing? Searching for one person would be hard enough, but trying to find half a dozen? Shit!”

Penny threw back her head and groaned, effectively ending her own giggle fit. She turned to Odessa with a shrug, “Any guesses as to what we do? I mean obviously we got to find them, but like how? Can you do your weird thing and sense them?”




Nervous was becoming the new norm for Vashti. She had managed to give Herik the hard truth, but when Emily asked her the other night about what it was that she could do the girl had only smiled dumbly and said, “Morale support!” Truthfully, Vashti didn’t know either of them that well, but she felt like Herik would be able to gently bring up the issue of the Leviathan to the people who needed to know it. As for Emily, it wasn’t the girl that Vashti was worried about so much as her invasive ghost friend. She’d nearly fallen off of the bike after that first boop.

Vashti had almost fallen off again as Emily and her almost immediately fled the scene with the rest of the Coven. She’d only been one of the girls for a day, but she was quickly realizing that they had a horrible habit of ruining things: a business meeting, a strip club, a fine date at the Red Lobster. Perhaps something as destructive as the Leviathan wouldn’t be as ostracized as she had first anticipated. Chaos seemed to be the only thing the Coven was regularly capable of creating. The Leviathan would fit right in.

Vashti wasn’t so certain about herself, or if that fit was something she even wanted. She’d figure that out once she lifted her curse. Assuming if they could lift her curse. Herik had said something about Adepts and finding a blue one for Emily’s sister, but it wasn’t like they couldn’t take a look at Vashti too. However, until they managed to do that she had to keep herself in check. No picking fights in elevators. She had to be zen. She had to be cooler than a cucumber. She had to be the Dilly Bar that fell behind the shelf inside of the DQ walk-in. Easy peasy. All she had to do was avoid situations that could be high-tension.

So maybe she should’ve skipped the meeting.

"Can someone tell me what even happened last night?" asked Taylor.

“The gist I got was that trailer park vampires stole a bunch of strippers for a billionaire’s evil scheme to awaken some magical genie thing. Wait, weren’t you there?” asked Vashti, perched upon the hood of the number eight bumper car. The wayward bumper car was quickly becoming her seat. Her fingers picked at the peeling paint as Babylon blamed Lyss for what spooky nonsense it was that’d necessitated this meeting in the first place.

“Hey, don’t blame Lyss for this,” said Vashti defensively. “We could just as easily point the finger at Emily for setting up the meeting in the first place, but that would be stupid. Nobody in the Coven is to blame for...” She nearly said for once. “For whatever it is you’re all freaking out about. The only person to blame for Blake Schmidt’s actions is Blake Schmidt.” She wagged a finger between herself and Taylor. “But anyway, us newbies would really appreciate being caught up on this whole Outsider thing.”
@Firecracker_ i read that as "Gay Sue"


Stop stealing my character ideas...




Vashti fumbled with the straw in her water glass and almost poked herself in the eye as Emily asked her to share how she knew Kimberly. She let out a long um as all three of their phones buzzed right as the food arrived. She moved to shove a handful of mozzarella sticks in her mouth, wincing in agony as she was scalded by the burning hot low-moisture cheese. Vashti grabbed another one. She figured as long as she was eating food, she was expected to answer Emily’s question. A look of worry crossed Herik’s face while one of annoyance appeared on Emily, and for a moment Vashti thought they were judging her unladylike table manners. Only then did she put down the fried cheese tubes and look at the message that they all received.

Girls come to veni vedi veni we need help


How? Did they get caught with a fake ID trying to purchase a twenty dollar PBR? Did that one girl try to sleep with one of the strippers? Vashti frowned, remembering what Emily had said about the Coven. Did all of them try to sleep with one of the strippers? If it was something stupid like them getting in trouble with the club security there was nothing she could do, and if it was something serious like them discovering the strip club was run by a skinwalker there was nothing she could do. Still, she felt her neophyte status tug on her sleeves. She had to make up for her unimpressive display at the meeting.

“Just in case it’s serious I’m going to go with Emily,” said Vashti. She pulled out a stack of twenties from her jacket and, without thinking about it, passed more than was necessary to pay for the food and leave an unforgettable tip thrice over. “Since you’re getting our next one, this one’s on me.”

Vashti moved to follow after Emily, but paused after taking a few steps away from the table. If things kept on spiraling out of control like this she’d never have an opportunity to tell Herik about the Leviathan, and this way she wouldn’t have to deal with the awkward car ride once she did. Quickly she whipped back around and bolted over to the table where Herik was still sitting.

“Also I kinda sorta omitted the fact earlier that I am also cursed to transform into a weird mutant alligator that might be the physical embodiment of chaos and wanton destruction and I’m pretty sure I punched out a federal police truck that was snooping around your guys old hideout last week and I know it sounds bad but trust me it’s actually probably worse and anyway if you could somehow bring this up to Lyss or Kayla for me that’d be great because I really don’t want to screw this up and I’m already in hot water okay anyway byeeee!” she said in just one breath, snatching a mozzarella stick and chasing after Emily before Herik could even raise a single question.

“Hey wait up! I’m coming too,” said Vashti, reaching Emily just as she was about to get on the moped and cruise off. She hopped on behind Emily. “Is there like a seatbelt or a helmet or…”




Penny shook her head as Lynette listed off half of the periodic table. A pained expression formed on her face as her denial swole until it began to leak from her mouth in soft, nearly incoherent refusals. The muted orchestra of nos, stops, and shut-ups played the harmony against her friend’s tune and ended abruptly when Lynette barked with laughter. Penny winced at the sound. The laugh was the perfect imitation. She twisted her head further down and bit her lip in a pitiful attempt to stop her body from trembling. No matter what this Lynette said, no matter if it was actually composed of all of the chemical compounds that constructed a human being, it couldn’t possibly be Lynette. She had seen the girl die. She had seen it almost every goddamn night.

"I'm just wondering why you were giving Hagan and Zoey so much shit for something you too are guilty of," said Lynette, the accusation heavy in her voice.

“I never said I—” The exasperated words that poured out of her mouth were cut short as Penny shut her eyes and covered her face. Her fingers squeezed her head so hard that she felt like her skull was cracking. How did Lynette even know that? Stacey had interrupted her before she could confess those feelings to Odessa. It didn’t matter. Lynette was right. Even the part that was aware enough to blame herself still piled most of the guilt upon Hagan and Zoey, making Penny think that she was only at fault for believing in them. Penny sat down on the steps with her hand on the back of her neck. She felt completely gutted.

“I just want to make sure you don't hurt yourself out here, Penny."

Penny dropped her hand and lifted her head. This sounded more like the person she knew. Her eyes watered as Lynette took a few careful steps towards her and then stopped. Lynette had always been so smart about not crowding Penny when she was clearly upset. Penny scrapped her thumb against her lip as she listened to the girl’s warning, her nail cutting a thin scratch on her cheek as the final thing Lynette said completely caught her off guard. Ever since falling asleep in an airport and waking up in Paradise she had been so distracted by everything going on that she had nearly forgotten what had made her leave home in the first place.

“Lynette, I am getting out of here alive,” said Penny, her voice strained. “I am going to avenge Caelea, find a way out of this shithole, and tell Jaden and Cierra about what happened to you. I don’t fear the loneliness getting to me, because I have the best goddamn secret weapon I could ever hope to have.” Penny tapped the sigil that had once belonged to Lynette. “You’re always with me. Your dreams, your memories, every shitty thought you had about me that was, I’ll admit, totally deserved? They’re always there when I need it.”

“So,”
Penny kicked her feet out in front of her and jumped up with a shit-eating grin, “I’m never alone, but I appreciate the concern.” Penny tucked her elbow under the other and stretched, fixing Lynette with a glare. “But if you really think that some stupid city full of jerkass ghosts is going to get the better of me and make me break my promise then you can go fuck right off. I know Lynette. I know she’d never have doubted me.”
You might not, but I for sure do. Zozo swore to give me magical powers.
I thought the Land of the Dead was a bar.

I'd prefer art as was mentioned. Stylistic choices beyond that are up to you.


Finally, a GM that allows for my preferred medium of Play-Doh. Now I gotta make a sheet.




Penny stopped as Odessa spoke up against her going off alone to avenge Caelea. She was right. Penny knew she was right. Penny wouldn’t willingly admit it outloud, but she knew she wasn’t the smartest person around and even then she could tell that her idea was a stupid one. Only, it didn’t matter. It didn’t matter if it was dumb. It didn’t matter if it was suicidal. Penny had to go after that thing, and she had to kill it. She wasn’t worried that the others wouldn’t come along with her if she asked; she was worried that they would come along.

“Odessa, handling weird is kind of what I do,” said Penny, turning to catch Odessa’s look of horror as her hand weaponized into an array of barbs. At first Penny thought Odess was threatening her, but then she heard the footsteps too. She turned with her heart in her throat as she heard the eerily familiar voice. A smile of recognition appeared on her face. It couldn’t be! A warmth flowed through her body as she swelled with happiness and relief. How was this possible?

“Lynette!” shouted Penny as she jumped down a step to give the girl a hug.

"... Why’d you let her kill me?"

Penny flinched and froze a few steps above her friend. This had to be a trick, and it was a goddamn mean one. She placed her hand over her second sigil, the one that had once been Lynette’s, and cast the phantom of her friend a suspicious look. This place wasn’t just weird. It was hell, and it was torturing her. Penny drew in a ragged breath as she dropped a hand down to her bag. Odessa had said that all Awakened became Apparitions, but this felt wrong.

“She wouldn’t say that,” hissed Penny, as much to herself as it was to Lynette. Her hand shook. Even if Penny still blamed herself for her friend’s death, she knew Lynette had forgiven her. Lynette had even forgiven her killer, which was something even Penny couldn’t bring herself to do. Still, she hesitated, glaring at this Lynette through narrow eyes.

“What the fuck are you?”
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