Sexton P.S. Love
It was a miracle that Sexton Love made it to the arena.
It wasn't so much the hangover that was the problem, it was the pills he took in the morning to deal with it. Despite his veteran status, he seemed to have "over-medicated," which was plainly evident by the way in which he parked his car. It was crooked, but at least he had only knocked over one sign. It could've been a lot worse, he could've knocked over two.
The truth was that Sexton had no business driving to the building at all, and he had no intention to. On the road, he rarely rented his own vehicle or drove himself anywhere, instead relying on a netowrk of "dedicated" ring rats across the country. How was he supposed to know that this particular woman in Chicago just had her car repossessed?
At least he didn't have to pay for a hotel.
Sexton staggered out of his rental car, and promptly puked his guts out all over the pavement. He caught the eye of a couple of fans still making their way into the arena, hoping they wouldn't choose this exact moment to ask for an autograph.
They didn't.
Sexton entered the building and made his way to the backstage area. He was relieved when he saw that he hadn't been booked for TV that week. The last thing he needed was to repeat what had just happened in the parking lot out in the middle of the ring on national television. Never again.
After grabbing a quick bite to eat at catering and bullshitting with some of the boys, Sexton received word that he had been scheduled to do a couple of spot promos for the upcoming loop of house shows. In addition to Shock N Awe, American Wrestling Entertainment's weekly television show, the company also ran numerous live events (or "house shows") throughout the week, often in smaller towns. Wrestlers typically worked 300 plus days a year, and not all of them were as good at coping with their workload as Sexton Love.
Spot promos were usually pretty short, and aired on local radion and TV stations in order to advertise upcoming AWE live events in the area. They were an important part of the wrestling business. Luckily, the bathroom was right across the hall from where the promos were being shot, so Sexton had a chance to clean himself up a bit before getting to work.
After hastily splashing some cold water on his face, Sexton looked up at himself in the bathroom mirror. His beard and mullet were disheveled, and his eyes were blood shot. He wet his hair a bit to get things under control, and then reached into his fanny pack and pulled out a bottle of eye drops. He soon discovered that the bottle was completely empty. It had been a rough month.
Hopefully they were mainly radio spots.
Sexton crossed the hall and entered the production room where a young writer handed him a piece of paper with some verbiage on it. He promptly crumpled it up and threw it in the garbage. That wasn't how he did business.
"It's gotta come from the heart daddeh," said Sexton as the producer counted him down, trying to stifle a laugh.
"...and ACTION!"
"You know darlin', Sexton P.S. Love has been all around the world. I've been to Tokyo and Idaho, Birmingham and Amsterdam, Pennsylvania and Transylavnia. I've sold out the Garden, the Cow Palace, the Spectrum in Philly. Step in the ring with me, I'll knock you silly. From east to west, I'm the best, daddeh. I am the real deal, man of steel, SEX APPEAL!
I've been ALLLLL around the world, and I have never, EVER, seen a bigger dump than St. Paul, Minnesota...
...than Grand Rapids, Michigan...
...than Green Bay, Wisconsin...
...than Des Moines, Iowa..."
That last one was actually true.
"And when I come through town this Saturday night darlin' all my SEX ADDICTS will see why I am the Sexiest There Is, Sexiest There Was, and Sexiest There Ever will be! I am the SEXECELLENCE OF SEXECUTION, the absolute BEST in the business today, and the NEXT World's Heavyweight Champion! SEX SELLS darlin', and this Saturday night you'll find out why..."
"...aaaaand CUT," came the producer's voice, "Nice work Sexton."
"That's how you talk 'em into the building daddeh," said Sexton, "It doesn't get any better than that."
Without looking back, he walked straight out of the room...and puked his guts out again.