Avatar of Bork Lazer

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Recent Statuses

2 yrs ago
Current Auld Lang Syne, everybody. roleplayerguild.com/topics/…
3 yrs ago
Vote in my new quest, Mirage, a RP quest set in the far, far future roleplayerguild.com/topics/…
3 yrs ago
Kink-Shaming. Kink-Shaming Never Changes.
3 likes
3 yrs ago
roleplayerguild.com/posts/5… Vote for Dead in Depression. The mechanics of the quest have now been posted!
3 yrs ago
Voting is open until the end of the week! Please come and vote! - roleplayerguild.com/topics/…
1 like

Bio





ROLEPLAY BUCKET LIST
- Walmart Apocalypse Roleplay
- Nightmare Gas Station
- Underrail/Fallout/Post Apocalyptic Roleplay. Codename: Clausterclysm
- Anthromorphic Grimdark Animal Fantasy Roleplay. Codename: Fallowbrook.
- Eldritch Abomination Garfield Roleplay. Codename: Lasagna.
- Infinite IKEA Roleplay. Codename: God Morgon
- Roleplayerguild High School RP. Codename: Highschool Roleplay
- Cyberpunk South East Asia RP. Codename: Straits of Malacca. [CURRENTLY HAPPENING]


CURRENT PROJECTS

- FRAYED TAPESTRY - AN EPIC FANTASY RP (WIP)
- THE LAST DEPRESSION - A RED MARKETS QUEST/PLAY BY POST RP (UNDECIDED)

Most Recent Posts

[X] - Can it even be called armor anymore? The inch-thick pauldrons have been shaved down to a thin wisp. The plating around your gorget has been crumpled. The only thing that’s usable is the cuirass and even then, the holes peppered throughout are big enough to fit your pinky through.




“ Sorry,” The boy trembles as he notices the frown on your face, aghast with shame. “ If I could, I - “

“ No need for apologies.” You wave your hand nonchalantly, even trying to put up a smile to reassure the boy, though it shakes. “ You saved my life. What could be more important than that?”

Your confident expression then falls dour as your eyes stare at the tattered, shredded remains of paper in your hands. You barely hear the door opening and closing, your eyes blurry and wet as your heart pounds. Centuries of history and craftsmanship undone by your own actions. The success of your journey to the Bargain Bin is now tarnished by the loss of your paper mantle.

Did bringing the package back to your clan really matter?

Your head jolts up in realisation. You were an idiot, how could you forget about the package?

As if answering your question, the door opened and the same man who you woke to, half-blind and injured, strides in. His cheeks grow a dull red as frustration scrunches up his white brow.

“ You shouldn’t be up.” Now at your side, he tries to gently ease you back into your bed. “ It takes more than a few days to heal your broken ribs, and we don’t even known whether or not there’s any complications- “

You slap his hand away and speak curtly. “ I feel well. Thank you.” Your ribs swell in pain with each word you say. Your next words come out a little more drily. “ Who are you and why did you help me?”

“ I go by many names but for now, I would prefer to just be known as a simple Pharmacist.“ He rubs his right hand as though it aches, staring “ As for why I sheltered your broken corpse away from the Smilers, would you believe me if I said it was out of the goodness of my heart?”

You don’t reply back and just merely glare at him. The Pharmacist takes a good long look at you, leaning close enough that you can see the flecks of white in his black eye. He then shakes his head sadly.

“ No, you’re far too cynical for that. Your eyes look as though you’ve been forced to sleep your entire life. I wonder what happened to you at such a young age...”

You hate the pity. Fists tightened, you sigh at this noble charade he was putting on.

“ What do I owe you?”

He looks at you as though you’ve claimed to have found the Gates of Sliding. His chest heaves in silent laughter before he replies.

“ Nothing. Everything’s over the counter.”

“ You must be a fool to think that I’m that naive.”

“ And you must be a pessimist to see the worse in what I say.”

Your eyebrows arches in disbelief. “ What? Am I just supposed to believe that I walk out of here with no debts?” The notion of charity in a locale such as this is enough to make you sputter. “ I- I - is this some Dorfen joke I’m not getting?”

“ Like I said before, everything’s over the counter.”

Alright, enough’s enough. In a blink of an eye, you pull out Ivory Crane from its scabbard and stop a hair’s length away from turning the pharmacist’s beard into a carpet.

“ Say that phrase again and I will gut you like a sea monkey from head to toe.” You punctuate each word with growing impatience. “ What does it even mean?”

“ An old saying from my Department.” The pharmacist looked at the sword as if it was an errant cockroach and pressed it down with a finger. “ It means no prescriptions on part of the patient, no questions asked and privacy observed. Well, until some members reinterpreted that as having the liberty to experiment on any aisler desperate enough to come to them. I didn’t agree with them and they didn’t agree with me. At least, they allowed me to leave with my dignity. ”

A sliver of regret flashed over his face, mouth curling downwards like a creased corner before smiling yet again, this time with less levity. He clears his throat and continues on.

“ Anyway, if I need to make it more clear to you, you’re free to go now. My assistants made sure to return everything that belonged to you. ”

“ Not everything!,” you blurt out hurriedly “ There was a-”

“ Ah, right.” He pinches his nose in embarassment. “ That box you were found with. Just wait here for me to bring it back.”

He snaps his fingers nad hollers something intelligible to several of the assistants in the hallway. Scurrying back through the doors, it takes only a few seconds before they come rushing back through,the same square package you nearly sacrificed your life for carried by several of them. The pharmacist takes it from their hands, nodding his head in thanks, and then, looks at it with admiration that makes your stomach turn.

“ Here we go. Strange little thing. Haven’t seen Wal-Tech like that since my 42nd Christmas Sale.”

“ Wal-Tech?”

“ Mhm.” He turns the box around and taps a side where strange blocks of white and black assembled into a square have been stamped on. “ Those hieroglyphs for one. I’ve only seen these on rare artifacts and the like. I can’t make head or tails of them but if you find…….Well, I’ve intruded enough in your affairs as I have already.”

He then places the package onto the bed, frame creaking under its weight, before looking at you.

“ So, where will you go now, Samurai?”

Your mind wanders briefly about your plan.

[X] - Stick with your original plan. Go back to the Stationary Shogunate and give the package to your clan elders.

[X] - Seek help from another more technologically advanced Department more familiar with the intricacies of Wal-Tech to learn about the package.

[X] - Get rid of the damn thing and find a way to destroy it. It’s caused more than enough trouble as it has.

As you decide on your plan, you turn your eyes to the Pharmacist and decide what to tell him.

[X] - Let him in on your plan.

[X] - Ask him if he can help identify the package. (Optional)

[X] - Lie.

[X] - Kill him. No one can know about this package except you.


Yeah, I dunno, just made this collage to summarise my thoughts on what I would do if I had the time. Blame me for listening me to boxing motivational music whilst reading your interest check.

/\/ Whimsical Ventures of Fantastical Retrofuturism /\/




18th of Uulu Ut, 3 A.R (After Reseph)

Dreams are the poems of the mute, the paintings of the blind and the music of the deaf. It is a master of your body but a prisoner to your unconscious whims. This time, though, you are falling. Endlessly towards a dodecahedron in the void. It whispers to you in seductive equations, to subsume into code and become one with it. Like the crowing of a dawnwing, Qud’s discordant melodies rouse you from your peaceful chrysalis of slumber.

You awake in one of the sandstone abodes of Hasgahem, a village situated on the canyon springs. Fishing lines dip inside scillintating mineral pools, eddies of azure gas swirling in their depths. Thatches of gnarled dogthorns provide plentiful shade from the sweltering sun.

As you recollect your memories like the fragmented remains of a jigsaw, you piece together the present. A trio of dromads, members of the expedition you were hired for, debate over the intricacies of wine trading in the wake of a cooling fireplace. Around you are meandering slopes of salt-encrusted rust, red rims etched down into bands of baked sediment. Further out, you take note of the distant surroundings.

To the west lies the eternal expanse of Moghra’Yi, the Great Salt Desert. The alien Spindle erupts in the northeast and cuts through the heavenly firmaments of Qud’s dappled sky. Qud’s jungles swarm the southeastern landscape over fossilized silver ruins of yore. The Chrome Ruins preside over the east and beyond that, violet clouds thunder ominously over the radioactive Deathlands.

Your stomach rumbles. A shrill series of barks alerts you to atention. Alu, the raccoon leader of the expeidtion, invites you over to join the caravan in morning repast. Your appetite cannot deny his request as you walk over to them and listen in on the discussion. Whilst they argue, you peruse the texts that lay on the thatched brinewood table to refresh your memory of the land.

Whilst you have successfully arrived at Qud, your journey in this fabled land hasn’t ended. It has merely begun.

Live and drink, wayfarer.





Karsts is a linear science fantasy roleplay with elements of open-world sandboxing based on the fictional setting portrayed in the indie roguelike, Caves of Qud. Set in a distant post-apocalyptic future where the epoch of humanity has passed into mere myth; mutants, sentient fauna and flora along with extra-planetary beings pick over what remains of godlike civilizations shrouded by millenia of refuse. Multiple disasters, minor and world-shattering, over the aeons have driven the world into a quasi-medieval state where forgotten technology is slowly being rediscovered and repurposed.Those unblemished and genetically pure are known as True Kin and have survived in self-sustaining Eco-Domes, independent arcologies built from forgotten technology. Right now, society is in a precarious state of teetering between extinction and renaissance and no one knows which way the balance will tip.

One of the most prominent regions in this world is called Qud. Every wayfarer has their own words for how to describe Qud. Dangerous. Alluring. Bountiful. Beautiful. Horrifying. Captivating. It’s majesty knows no bounds yet chance is a cruel mistress here as one second of carelessness could lead to your death. It's ruins are the stuff of legend, attracting adventurers like a glowmoth towards a candle. You find yourself in this mythical land after becoming a member of a dromad funded archeological excursion, whether on purpose or by mistake. The reward was one part of your reason for joining but moreover was the mystery of Qud itself.

Don't fool yourself. You're no savior. You're no hero. You are not a legend. Well, not yet. Perhaps, you could become one.

In summary, think of this setting as the crazed lovechild of Gamma World and Dune who simultaneously had an affair with Adventure Time. It is a land of a thousand tales, stories of transhumanist philosophy, sentient agriculture, extraterrestrial archeology, political diplomacy, cuisine escapades, sapphic romance and cave spelunking. It’s experimental. It’s idiosyncratic. It draws from many places but creates its own path.

In terms of the genre, as implied in the subtitle as well as in the prior paragraphs above, this will be science fiction with a twist of pulp fantasy and a dash of classic action-adventure Indiana Jones thriller sensibilities.

If you’re still interested in joining this RP, please read on down below.

Map




Player Guidelines and Rules


- Have fun.

- Treat others with respect as how you would want to be treated yourself, unless you have a massive inferiority complex, which in that case, don’t. This is a RP where outside of IC, we provide a friendly environment where players are free to engage and discuss with one another without fear of being drawn into toxicity. If anyone is acting in a manner that is disrupting the RP and causing other players to be uncomfortable, you will be ex-communicated to another dimension.

- Be fun and be open to worldbuilding. Forging your own headcanon, creating your own factions or suggesting ideas is wholeheartedly encouraged. A key part of Qud is that it is a land of mystery where not even its most distinguished scholars have documented all of the world’s enigmas. Qud is vast and mysterious enough that reasonably any suggestion or theory could fit inside its vast smorgasbord of deliciousness. However, consult with the GM before suggesting or integrating lore within IC that provides systemic changes to the world itself.

- Standard conventions of roleplaying apply which means no metagaming, godmodding, munchkining, 4th wall breaking or inclusion of 18+ content that would violate RPG’s TOS in your IC posts. Note that mature themes do not mean writing graphic erotica.

- Think fun. When creating your character, your character shouldn’t be your standard fantasy hero or adventurer who is seemingly an expert in every field possible with some arbitrary weakness. I want real, fleshed out characters that have lived a life in this world and treat what would be strange to us as mundane. I want dynamicity. I want depth. I want so much depth that I could dig through your character’s backstory and find myself in China.

- Cooperation and communication are essential in this roleplay. Collaborative posting, although not essential, is allowed and encouraged if you are willing to do so. I will not force players to engage in collabs at any time during this RP.

- Know how to have fun with your post lengths. The writing I expect from players is quality over quantity with adherence to efficiency. I do not care how many words you write, although, this does not mean you can write one sentence and expect to get away with it. The minimum is one paragraph but I expect any player who joins this RP will know what expectations to set for themselves.

- There is no such thing as a posting schedule. That being said, players are expected to communicate frequently to the GM and other players if they are unavailable or have lost interest in this RP. Failure to do so after two weeks will result in the player being exiled to a chromatic plane of existence.

- Worship fun and feel free to sacrifice your character to maintain your personal autonomy of free time whenever you feel like it. You have no obligation to remain a member of this RP and you can freely request for your character to be shelved at any time. Do note that you can only make one character for this RP.

- You must accept the fact that I will be unfair to you whenever possible and that durian is the superior fruit to all other fruits in existence.









Currently looking for 4-5 players to respond or more. If there are enough responses, I will create the IC.
[1] - Take your clan’s insignia and mould it into an eyepatch.




They’re not as well stocked as Dorfen merchants but you’re lucky you didn’t lose any of your fingers in the fall. With some leftover pipe cleaner and silly string, you manage to make a rudimentary eyepatch. You wipe a smear of glue on the bottom of the paper flower and stick it in front of the patch. It’s not a work worthy of a papersmith, by far, but nevertheless, a quiet sort of pride swells in your chest. You gently wrap it around your head, slotting it gently into the bony crevasse where your left eye used to be.

After that, You keep asking when you can leave and it’s always the same response combined with the constant prodding and testing that makes you feel like one of those caged monstrosities from Pets N Animals.

It’s after the fifth day that you decided enough was enough. The taste of pre-packaged lunchables crusted your tongue and in spite of your politeness, there was only so much prodding and medical examinations you could handle. As you step off the bed, rest rust cakes your joints as your muscles . You stretch out your arm, rotating it experimentally. The stings of pain erupt periodically every time you pull your arm too fast or in a certain direction. At least you can finally stop lying in this damn bed.

The door at the end of the hallway bangs open as one of the child helpers you see scurrying and busying other patients comes towards your bed. Instead of holding a tray full of syringes and bottles of pills, he held something that was wrapped in a thick orange Sham-Wow. He stopped at the front of your bed, looking reverently towards you in a way that made your skin crawl.

“ Sa-samurai!” The boy gave a slight bow before gently offering you the bundle.“ The Pharmacist asked us to give you back your items. I do have to warn you, though. Some of your items didn’t make it through your...fall unscathed.”

How bad can it be? You unfurl the blanket. Most of your wargear is undamaged, with the minor scratch or dent.

Well, save for one.

[X] - Can it even be called armor anymore? The inch-thick pauldrons have been shaved down to a thin wisp. The plating around your gorget has been crumpled. The only thing that’s usable is the cuirass and even then, the holes peppered throughout are big enough to fit your pinky through.

[X] - Ivory Crane’s seen better days. The sword passed down from your father has been completely demolished, leaving little more than a torn handle with a bent chaffed blade. You doubt that it could even withstand one blow without breaking apart in twain.
I throw darts on a wall of sticky notes and perform whatever plans the dark deity watching over my life has for me.

/\/ Whimsical Ventures of Fantastical Retrofuturism /\/




18th of Uulu Ut, 3 A.R (After Reseph)

Dreams are the poems of the mute, the paintings of the blind and the music of the deaf. It is a master of your body but a prisoner to your unconscious whims. This time, though, you are falling. Endlessly towards a dodecahedron in the void. It whispers to you in seductive equations, to subsume into code and become one with it. Like the crowing of a dawnwing, Qud’s discordant melodies rouse you from your peaceful chrysalis of slumber.

You awake in one of the sandstone abodes of Hasgahem, a village situated on the canyon springs. Fishing lines dip inside scillintating mineral pools, eddies of azure gas swirling in their depths. Thatches of gnarled dogthorns provide plentiful shade from the sweltering sun.

As you recollect your memories like the fragmented remains of a jigsaw, you piece together the present. A trio of dromads, members of the expedition you were hired for, debate over the intricacies of wine trading in the wake of a cooling fireplace. Around you are meandering slopes of salt-encrusted rust, red rims etched down into bands of baked sediment. Further out, you take note of the distant surroundings.

To the west lies the eternal expanse of Moghra’Yi, the Great Salt Desert. The alien Spindle erupts in the northeast and cuts through the heavenly firmaments of Qud’s dappled sky. Qud’s jungles swarm the southeastern landscape over fossilized silver ruins of yore. The Chrome Ruins preside over the east and beyond that, violet clouds thunder ominously over the radioactive Deathlands.

Your stomach rumbles. A shrill series of barks alerts you to atention. Alu, the raccoon leader of the expeidtion, invites you over to join the caravan in morning repast. Your appetite cannot deny his request as you walk over to them and listen in on the discussion. Whilst they argue, you peruse the texts that lay on the thatched brinewood table to refresh your memory of the land.

Whilst you have successfully arrived at Qud, your journey in this fabled land hasn’t ended. It has merely begun.

Live and drink, wayfarer.





Karsts is a linear science fantasy roleplay with elements of open-world sandboxing based on the fictional setting portrayed in the indie roguelike, Caves of Qud. Set in a distant post-apocalyptic future where the epoch of humanity has passed into mere myth; mutants, genetic deviants and extra-planetary beings pick over what remains of godlike civilizations shrouded by millenia of refuse. Multiple disasters, minor and world-shattering, over the aeons have driven the world into a quasi-medieval state where forgotten technology is slowly being rediscovered and repurposed.Those unmutated survive in self-sustaining Eco-Domes, independent arcologies built from forgotten technology. Right now, society is in a precarious state of teetering between extinction and renaissance and no one knows which way the balance will tip.

One of the most prominent regions in this world is called Qud. Every wayfarer has their own words for how to describe Qud. Dangerous. Alluring. Bountiful. Beautiful. Horrifying. Captivating. It’s majesty knows no bounds yet chance is a cruel mistress here as one second of carelessness could lead to your death. It's ruins are the stuff of legend, attracting adventurers like a glowmoth towards a candle. You find yourself here after becoming a member of a dromad funded archeological excursion, whether on purpose or by mistake. The reward was one part of your reason for joining but moreover was the mystery of Qud itself.

Don't fool yourself. You're no savior. You're no hero. You are not a legend. Well, not yet. Perhaps, you could become one.

In summary, think of this setting as the crazed lovechild of Gamma World and Dune who simultaneously had an affair with Adventure Time. It is a land of a thousand tales, stories of transhumanist philosophy, sentient agriculture, extraterrestrial archeology, political diplomacy, cuisine escapades, sapphic romance and cave spelunking. It’s experimental. It’s idiosyncratic. It draws from many places but creates its own path.

In terms of the genre, as implied in the subtitle as well as in the prior paragraphs above, this will be science fiction with a twist of pulp fantasy and a dash of classic action-adventure Indiana Jones thriller sensibilities.

If you’re still interested in joining this RP, please read on down below.

Player Guidelines and Rules


- Have fun.

- Treat others with respect as how you would want to be treated yourself, unless you have a massive inferiority complex, which in that case, don’t. This is a RP where outside of IC, we provide a friendly environment where players are free to engage and discuss with one another without fear of being drawn into toxicity. If anyone is acting in a manner that is disrupting the RP and causing other players to be uncomfortable, you will be ex-communicated to another dimension.

- Be fun and be open to worldbuilding. Forging your own headcanon, creating your own factions or suggesting ideas is wholeheartedly encouraged. A key part of Qud is that it is a land of mystery where not even its most distinguished scholars have documented all of the world’s enigmas. Qud is vast and mysterious enough that reasonably any suggestion or theory could fit inside its vast smorgasbord of deliciousness. However, consult with the GM before suggesting or integrating lore within IC that provides systemic changes to the world itself.

- Standard conventions of roleplaying apply which means no metagaming, godmodding, munchkining, 4th wall breaking or inclusion of 18+ content that would violate RPG’s TOS in your IC posts. Note that mature themes do not mean writing graphic erotica.

- Think fun. When creating your character, your character shouldn’t be your standard fantasy hero or adventurer who is seemingly an expert in every field possible with some arbitrary weakness. I want real, fleshed out characters that have lived a life in this world and treat what would be strange to us as mundane. I want dynamicity. I want depth. I want so much depth that I could dig through your character’s backstory and find myself in China.

- Cooperation and communication are essential in this roleplay. Collaborative posting, although not essential, is allowed and encouraged if you are willing to do so. I will not force players to engage in collabs at any time during this RP.

- Know how to have fun with your post lengths. The writing I expect from players is quality over quantity with adherence to efficiency. I do not care how many words you write, although, this does not mean you can write one sentence and expect to get away with it. The minimum is one paragraph but I expect any player who joins this RP will know what expectations to set for themselves.

- There is no such thing as a posting schedule. That being said, players are expected to communicate frequently to the GM and other players if they are unavailable or have lost interest in this RP. Failure to do so after two weeks will result in the player being exiled to a chromatic plane of existence.

- Worship fun and feel free to sacrifice your character to maintain your personal autonomy of free time whenever you feel like it. You have no obligation to remain a member of this RP and you can freely request for your character to be shelved at any time. Do note that you can only make one character for this RP.

- You must accept the fact that I will be unfair to you whenever possible and that durian is the superior fruit to all other fruits in existence.









Gauging interest at the moment for this RP. Probably not going to make the IC anytime soon but just seeing if this attracts anyone.
“ Again” - [1]




He criticizes every blow you make, every step, even how fast your breathing. The memory of his blows, even with blunted cardboard edges, still stung your skin. Even though he wasn’t born in the Shogunate, he is the epitome of your ideals. Unyielding like stainless steel. Pliable as folded origami. Most of all, he is stationary incarnate, organisation and order embodied in his form and teachings.

Yet, through all the pain, you feel a small sense of nostalgia at simpler times when you were concerned about practicing your footwork and not about practicing sport. Where the worse you had to deal with was a grueling day of hacking at cardboard dummies instead of Smilers.

Younger days. Unfolded days. You crack a smile as you twirl down into an overhead slash onto his shoulder, only for him to block it at the moment with the flat of his cardboard blade. You press downwards, gritting your teeth, biceps shaking in stress whilst he is still as a statue. He then opens his mouth.

" Samurai."

He repeats it again.

" Samurai. Wake up."

The dream crumbles like soggy paper as you com to. You wipe a strand of drool from your cheek, only to realise that an impish hand is currently jostling your shoulder. A bald head, like that of an egg, accompanied by brilliant green eyes stared back at you with curiosity. He was dressed in the same doctor's coat as your savior, only more oversized to the point where his sleeves drooped limply down his wrists. You blinked as he waved a flashlight in your eyes before nodding in approval and jotting down notes on a Etch-A-Sketch that hung from his neck. You frown, though not in disapproval. Children were expected to fight and train from birth, from the lowest of glue farmers to the highest of paper nobles, in the Shogunate. It was odd to see that this tradition was also present in other departments.

“ I apologise, samurai. Doctor Panadol asked me to bring these to you.” The child lifts an oversized aluminium dinner tray towards you. “ He is the man who saw to you earlier today.”

What lies in it is not food but eyes. Dozens of them with different colored pupils. You grasp at them carefully, expecting it to be flesh and blood, only for them to be unnaturally smooth and cold to the touch.

“ They’re fakes. All over the counter, of course. ” He bows again. “ I’ll leave you to your own privacy.”

The child leaves to yourself. The fake eyes dance in between your fingers as you look at them staring back at you with a plastic glint.

[X] - Leave your missing eye bare as a reminder of who you are.

[X] - Take your clan’s insignia and mould it into an eyepatch.

[X] - Accept the fake eye from the pharmamancer.
Pebbles tries to headbutts his way through the window without causing injury to himself and then, walks through, pointing towards the Taco Bell staff.

" Don't give him his meal or else, I'll break your faces." His eyes then look towards Kirby. " Now, it's time for you to suffer the wrath of my knuckles."
To be frank, I find the distribution of tags more interesting than the amount of posts or activity over time. There's perhaps minute differences you could find in the latter between each subforum whilst the former speaks to the overall enviroment of each subforum, trends and so forth.
"You monster!" Pebbles takes the blood of the apothecary and wipes it on his face in a tribal pattern meant to intimidate and cause fear. He then attempts to follow the pink blob and give it a ferocious uppercut for its crimes of sarcophagy.
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